Chapter Text
Cliff had asked about them once, the scars that trailed up his back, old and permanently etched into his skin.
Ilya had cracked a sheepish smile, “ah, accident when I was a boy, caught in a fence” he had said and Cliff had believed him.
But then, years later, someone else asked one day in the locker room, a rookie, and Ilya’s answer hadn’t been the same, “fell down tree when I was a teenager, blood everywhere, was gross” he had laughed and they all winced, accepting his answer, having no reason not to.
Cliff however, he frowned, giving Ilya an odd look and when the man met his eyes, he raised a questioning brow, Ilya merely furrowed his brows and shrugged him off, turning away.
After that, when Roz dressed with his bare back facing the room, Cliff couldn’t help but stare with a sense of unease.
He knew of Ilya’s inclination to deflect subjects he didn’t want to talk about, it was his specialty, but when it came to this, it gave Cliff a sense of dread.
He wondered that maybe what happened to Ilya wasn’t an accident, maybe it was on purpose.
Of course he hoped he was wrong, hoped that the truth wasn’t scary, only too embarrassing for Ilya to admit. Yet he was left with a sinking feeling that whatever it was that had happened wasn’t a story Ilya could tell with a smile on his face.
***
Post game drinks were always a hoot amongst the Boston Raiders, Ilya often had enough energy to fuel them all, especially after a win.
But with so much energy came a crash and as Cliff stumbled into his hotel room with Rozanov, holding each other up, he had never yearned for his bed so much in his life.
“Fucking hell Roz, I’m getting too old for this” Cliff grumbled, letting himself fall face first onto his bed, immediately regretting it when his head started spinning.
Ilya immediately stripped down to his boxers and jumped onto his own bed, “no such thing Marly” Ilya retorted, lying on his stomach, head nuzzling into his pillow
Cliff went silent, eyes tracing the scars that lined his back, as they often did when he was faced with them.
“I hate when you do that” Ilya noted and Cliff blinked, meeting his eyes before looking away.
He cleared his throat, “sorry…” he mumbled.
Ilya huffed, “is fine, I get it, doesn’t look good, you’re worried about your dear old captain” he cracked a grin.
Cliff didn’t return the gesture, “not worried, concerned maybe” he replied.
“That is same thing” Ilya said, rolling his eyes, Cliff didn’t respond.
“It was my father” Ilya stated, after a beat, he rolled onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling as his confession lingered in the air.
He swallowed, “in Russia, is normal to discipline children like this” he tried to justify.
“Fuck off Roz, there’s nothing normal about that, you know how fucked up that is right? That’s not okay” Cliff scoffed in response.
Ilya sighed, “after my mother died, I blamed him, I never said it to his face, but he knew, he hated me for it, because I was right” he said.
“That’s not an excuse.”
“I know, I know it’s fucked up” Ilya replied, “and he went too far, but he was grieving you know? Not just the fact his wife was dead but the fact he had a part in it, he knew it, he would never admit it but he knew” he said, his hand subconsciously thumbing the cross around his neck.
“Still not a fucking excuse, I think you know that Roz” Cliff said and Ilya hummed.
He shrugged, “maybe, not an excuse but a reason” he said.
“Not a justifiable one.”
Ilya huffed, “yes I know this Marly, my father is fucked up, I know.”
“Why do you go back to Russia every summer?” Cliff asked, it made no sense to him, if his father was like that, he’d leave and never go back.
“He is still my family” Ilya replied hotly, he huffed before continuing, “if I did not make so much money, I think he would have cut me off long time ago, I have the power now, I can cut him off, he knows this, he is not so bad anymore” he said.
“Why don’t you? Cut him off?” Cliff retorted, she’s narrowing in the dim room.
“He is sick Marly, I am not a monster, he acts younger and younger every time I see him, sometimes he does not remember he hates me” Ilya said, turning his head as an unsuspected tear fell down his cheek, he wiped it away.
Cliff was silent for a while, a few minutes at least and neither of them made any attempt to break the silence, until Cliff did.
“I’m sorry Roz” his voice is barely above a whisper but it carried throughout the silent hotel room.
“I miss my мама” Ilya’s voice broke, he didn’t know where that came from, he hadn’t meant to say it and he hadn’t meant for tears to fill his eyes or a sob to get stuck in the back of his throat.
Cliff was quick to slide out of his bed and into Ilya’s, wrapping his arms around his captain which Ilya mindlessly reciprocated.
Ilya cried himself to sleep with Cliff wrapped around him, holding back his own tears, because it hurt, it hurt that this man he considered a brother hurt so much, had lost so much, had a heart so heavy with such an unbearable amount of pain and that he carried it alone.
More than that he was pissed off, Ilya deserved so much better, he deserved a dad that loved him, that was proud of him and he deserved for his mother to be here.
***
Ilya apologised profusely the next morning, eyes wide in terror, terrified at the thought of showing human emotion. Cliff merely grasped his shoulders tightly and forced him to sit down at the foot of his bed.
“Ilya, I love you, you’re my brother, you’re my family, don’t ever apologise for being human” Cliff stated clearly, looking him dead in the eyes and Ilya nodded numbly, ducking his head.
“Seriously, it’s okay, I’m here for you, always, you wouldn’t turn me away if I needed you would you?” Cliff said, his hand rubbing the man’s shoulder as he tried to look him in the eyes.
Ilya looked up, shook his head, “of course not” he mumbled.
“Well there you go, so stop panicking, I’m still mildly scared of you” Cliff replied, cracking a grin.
Ilya smiled, “good” he answered and Cliff clapped his shoulder, his grin widening.
***
It was when they were sat side by side on the plane when the thought crossed his mind, “Am I the first person you’ve told about… you know?” He asked.
Ilya turned to him, he looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head, “no… Jane knows” he said.
“You guys must be pretty serious then huh?” Cliff said with a teasing grin.
Ilya inhaled sharply, “I don’t know, it’s complicated” he said, shaking his head.
“Well all I know is that whenever you’ve been with her you’ve come back smiling and blushing all giddy like a schoolgirl” Cliff retorted and Ilya narrowed his eyes.
“I have told you, Russians do not blush” he said defensively.
“Is it the distance thing?”
Ilya shrugged, “partially, there is more to it” he said and he paused, because he had never told anyone this before, he hadn’t even spoke the words aloud to himself only thought them with a heavy heart, “I think I love her” he confessed, inhaling sharply.
“Have you told her that?” Cliff asked, voice softer than Ilya had ever heard it.
Ilya laughed nervously, “no, no, it would scare her, it isn’t like that for her” he replied, head ducking.
“Dude, you’re Ilya fucking Rozanov, she’d be fucking crazy not to love you back even if she doesn’t realise she does yet” Cliff assured him but it fell on deaf ears because Ilya seemed entirely unconvinced.