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Screaming, just screaming. A small crevice and winding tunnel.
Pointed sapphire rocks that refused to glow anymore.
knees ache.
knees and hands bloodied.
choke.
Tributes that she felt were following her.
Always following.
nobody was following though.
Instead just screaming.
Screaming that tumbled through this suffocating, winding tunnel of cave.
When all went quiet.
water was loud.
Pouring from the cracks, filling the tunnel.
She begged to nobody except a fake god.
Contorting her body to fit through the gaps of this cave, trying to reach an upwards slot. But the water still flooded the hole.
There was only two tributes left. The capitol was getting bored. Fawn didn't know that. She thought there were more tributes left. She had only killed one. Smashing another girls head with a rock as she sobbed. Taking her out in her sleep. She was 15. Scared and dirty like a pigeon. District 8 must've hated her for her acts. She was a sinner.
Back to the capitol. They were bored, deciding to give one last effect to the arena, flooding. Whoever made it would be the victor. Even if one was a cold blooded killer and career and the other was some meek girl who survived off of bugs. Killing only one. Even if killing was normal in the games, she couldn't ever forgive herself. The sinning creature.
The water raised at an alarming rate, she was stuck between a particularly small gap. It was as if it was intended for the younger tributes, a hiding space. That or the heavily malnourished ones. She was malnourished sure, but not that small. Though no matter how sickening the ideal was, she couldn't care. She was scared.
Water at her waist.
Cold. Cold water. No no no no she can't get out. She can't get up.
Water at her chest.
All the poor girl could do was pray that she would go to heaven.
Water at her mouth. She wasn't ready, mouth still open breathing heavily.
The moment the water entered her mouth, she coughed it back out. It burnt.. not like any water she had ever drunk in her life.
Then the eyes.. clamped shut as she tried to crane her head further up, holding her breath so tightly like she still had hope.
Dear heavenly father, I Fawn Hatcher have sinned and I want to confess. I never wanted to kill and I know that will never make up for it. I don't want to die. Please. God, I miss my mother, I miss my cat, I miss waking up in the mornings.
I miss getting to taste the pastries my father makes for us, the way he loved me so sweetly. I miss him too. Please someone. Jesus, God, The holy spirit I want to live. I'm sorry for being such a wretched sinner, please don't send me to hell. Please I'm so scared, I miss my mommy-
The cannon shot.
----
Fawn woke up and quickly sat up, breath heaving as she scratched at her ribcage. It's over. It's been over. Everything is over. Even so, the stress and guilt of doing what she did was killing her from the inside. She got up from her shared bed and left the room, still breathing heavily. Everything was shaking. It was so dark. She was going through her delusions again, seeing someone standing in the corner. Watching her with those eyes. Holding a shotgun.
Fawn walked past the ginger cat that was lounging on the floor in the middle of the night, leaving the house and walking to the river.
She deserved damnation for what happened. The running water. The rocks. The bugs. What was wrong with her. All alone and stupid. She deserved to be alone.
Her body fell forward, landing on her knees as her breathing heaved out. The figure was standing behind her, she could tell. The running water was so loud, it reminded her vividly of the arena. That cave system.
In a fit of psychosis, she ripped the mud from the ground, stuffing it into her mouth to punish herself. If she didn't the figure would shoot her with that shotgun. She just knew it would.
The rocks in the mud were hurting her mouth. But this would make god happy. The Figure and God happy. No, not happy. Calm.
Looking down into the river, her reflection was distorted. Swallow the dirt you sinner. You had to swallow it.
Then the figure became so much more real, seeing it in the reflection behind her.
Just as Fawn tried to swallow, something grabbed her shoulder- It was real.
"Fawn!-" No.. It was Johanna
Fawn shook, coming back to reality as she looked up to Johanna's face in fear. Noticing the mud around Fawn's mouth and the hole in the floor, Johanna pieced two and two together.
"Spit it out- Oh my god spit that out right now-"
When she struggled to comply, Johanna placed her hand in front of her girlfriend's mouth. Her tone was stern enough to scare her into submitting.
It was disgusting... but Johanna wasn't sure what else she could do. This was the worst episode she had seen in a while.
God, If Fawn hadn't left the front door open then she probably wouldn't have noticed something was wrong.
Johanna dropped the mud into the river, washing her own hand with the water. She scooped some up in her palm and raised it to Fawn's lips.
"Here, clean it all out-" The shake of Fawn's head irritated her. She knew why the girl was so scared to. They both shared that similar fear of water after all. "Fawn. It's fine, fucking clean it out."
The tone worked in her favour again.
Once the girl washed the mud out, she sobbed hysterically. She tried to claw at herself as she protested Johanna, calling herself a dirty sinner. Though her arms were held back, hands clasped together as in a praying motion. "Fawn, you have to listen to me, It's over. There's no more hunger games. You are no sinner"
She knew Fawn wasn't paying attention. These episodes used to be constant, it was worst during the quarter quell.. Having to watch her go into a silent frenzy for the entire time, hiding within the group and praying constantly. Honestly, the religious part scared her. Johanna was never religious herself or knew anyone who was so the whole acts that Fawn forced herself through to please "God" had scared her shitless at first.
This isn't even mentioning the figure. That whole thing was a big can of worms that Johanna could barely comprehend. All she knew how to do was to listen and offer support. Anything further was in the hands of the doctors.
"I can see him- Jo- Jo I can see him-" Fawn shrieked into her arms, hugging Johanna tighter than any grip she usually possessed. "He's not real.. I need you to calm down, Nobody is here but us"
It took a few minutes to get her to calm down, walking back inside. The house had been lived in.. cozy. Something neither of them were expecting to end up in.
Both going through 2 different games from the capitol and one very big rebellion. A blood bath.
One even being tortured by President Snow, the other being pimped off by him for their 'Faun'-like demeanour.
Both sat back on the bed..
"...You good now?" Johanna kept an arm around Fawn, managing to get the ginger cat to stay on Fawn's lap, distracting her.
Fawn just nodded, body tired. "I'm sorry- I.. I had a nightmare and I just.."
"Snapped..?" She cut in
"Kind of...- It's complicated."
"What, am I too stupid to understand?" Johanna scoffed, making Fawn smile. They both knew she wasn't being serious.
"Maybe.. I don't really understand it myself." It was a bother. She gently pet the cat on her lap, trying to ignore the thoughts in the back of her head. "I thought I was getting better.."
"You are. This is just a rough patch." It was probably true. But both weren't even sure if they could believe that.
"Look.. If you're too scared to go back to sleep then I get it. But, I think it would be best for both of us if we went back to bed."
But Fawn just nodded, too tired to try and refuse. "Can we talk about it tomorrow..?" Johanna nodded.
"Come on, just get over here and stop stressing"
And it was over.
To the world, they were an unusual pairing. One seen as a cold blooded bitch. The other just some scared faun. But it worked surprisingly well, both balancing each other out.
It all started when they met in the watch parties after Johanna's game. Both getting to meet for the first time as mentors. Johanna saw the girl as weird, wondering how she even won her game. But even as the years went on, both seemed to enjoy each other's company. Finding more comfort in that that the games itself.
Then the quarter quell came. That was.. too much to explain.
Long story short, most tributes escaped to district 13, Johanna being one of the exceptions. The torture purely made her realise how she took things for granted. How she was so scared of losing Fawn, being the only person who she could consider close. Eventually she was taken back and Told Faun. She had to, before anything else happened.
That 'else' was the war.
It was brutal and way too long to dig into. But it was over. So the two lived out the rest of the time in district 7, resting together and healing. Being normal people. Being happy.
It was over...