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“I don’t even see why I have to go to the festival.”
“Because you’re the prince and you have to act like it sometimes.”
“Mm. Remind me again why I keep around such a foul-mouthed manservant.”
“Because I’m witty and clever and you’d be lost without me. Now put your arms up so I can tie this sash properly.”
Arthur did as told, but he did it with a sigh heavy enough to make a lesser man sink through the floor. Even though Merlin rolled his eyes, he was more fond than exasperated. The festival in question was to celebrate spring, but it was historically aimed at couples and new relationships. Everyone went, of course, but the decorations and trinkets sold were far and beyond made for lovers. The sorcerer understood why Arthur didn’t want to go.
The King, Arthur, and Morgana were all expected to attend and preside over the presentation of gifts made from the newly blossoming plants. It was a long procession, and Arthur would be bored out of his mind. Merlin had to be there for it too, being Arthur’s manservant, but the crowd’s attention wouldn’t be on him.
“Are you going to the festival?” Arthur asked, tone mildly curious. He meant after the presentation.
“I plan to. Why? Are you going to give me some ridiculous assignment so I can’t?” Merlin went to retrieve Arthur’s belt, noticed it had not been polished, and quickly used magic to fix it – all where Arthur couldn’t see, of course.
The prince was suspiciously quiet until Merlin came back and started affixing his belt. Merlin wondered what about the festival really bothered the prince that much. Was it the boring presentation? Or was it the romantic nature of it all?
“It’s just –” the prince began and then hesitated. Glancing shyly at Merlin and then away, he continued, “As a man without a lover, isn’t the festival kind of... useless? You’ll be surrounded by couples, all doing cute couple things. And you’ll be... alone. Right?”
“Right...?” Merlin replied, unsure what Arthur was trying to say.
The festival WAS going to be hard for Merlin, but not just because he was unmatched. He suspected that every couple and every item for sale would remind him of the prince, of how close they both were and yet how Arthur had never noticed the way Merlin cared about him. They were friends. More than that, really. They were two souls whose destinies were intertwined, no matter their opinion on the matter. They were probably best friends, confiding in each other even when they pretended nothing was wrong. But they were not lovers. Could never be so.
Merlin would spend the festival undoubtedly wallowing in the heartache of unrequited love. But seeing all the happy couples always made Merlin happy too. The festival was such a joyous event. It was inescapably infectious.
“Good,” Arthur murmured, glancing at Merlin again.
“Good?” Merlin parroted. “That was pretty rude. Even for you, Arthur.”
“Well, since you won’t have anyone else to go with, you can go with me,” Arthur explained, like this was obvious. But it brought Merlin up short.
“You? And me? Together at the festival?” he asked.
Together at a festival meant for couples. Getting food designed for two. Grabbing trinkets made for couples. Walking side by side like all the other pairs. The only thing between them, keeping them apart, would be Merlin’s magic – that secret he could never tell Arthur, at least not until the king had died. But in every other way, they’d be out and about together. It made Merlin’s chest swell with want and hope. Did the prince like him too?
“Why so quiet? No one said friends couldn’t go together. I don’t see what the big deal is,” Arthur said, plucking nervously at the cuffs of his shirt.
Absently, Merlin batted the prince’s hand to stop him from ruining the cloth.
“Oh. Friends.”
Somehow, the truth hurt worse then. That was the terrible thing about hope. The letdown was sometimes too hard to bear. That one word – friends – had brought Merlin crashing back to the truth of their relationship. It wasn’t just his magic that kept them apart. It was that Arthur had no interest in Merlin like that.
“Yes,” Merlin said, clearing his throat and trying to pretend everything was normal. “If that’s what you want, we can go as friends. You know what? We should invite Gwen and Morgana as well.”
“You really see us as equals, don’t you? You never use titles in private like this,” Arthur said with a smile. “That’s Lady Morgana to you, Merlin.”
“Yep. You’re right. Lady Morgana. In fact, I’ll go invite them right now. You’re all prepped, right?” Merlin said, not checking to see if he was right.
He knew Arthur would keep teasing him if he stayed, and at that moment he wanted nothing more than to have a buffer between himself and heartache. It was his destiny to stay at Arthur’s side. He had to find some way to do that without his silly feelings getting in the way like this.
He was in such a hurry to leave that he missed the worry on Arthur’s face, missed the way the prince’s hand reached out as if to grab him and stop him from leaving. He missed how Arthur’s eyes shone with disappointment, making his gaze into a longing stare. And he missed the moment Arthur put his hand on his belt and rubbed his thumb across the newly polished metal, like it was something precious and worth protecting.