Work Text:
i know what you're going to say, even though you stop yourself before you do.
we say goodnight, and i hear the way your mouth forms the syllables.
i know what you're about to say,
that beautiful name you're about to call me.
i also hear when you falter; when you stop in the middle of the beginning and switch to my name.
formal. safe.
it's strange even now to hear my name from your lips like this.
you never really used to.
and in the split second before, before the endearment slips out like it always did before, before you stop and switch, i still hear it.
i feel it deeply still
i hold back the one i gave you; every day since we've spoken, i've nearly said it instead of your name.
written it in every text before realizing what i'd done and fixed my mistake.
it's a little sad, a little strange, how such a habit becomes taboo when we are where we are.
i know that one day, we'll return to that ease; those little affections.
but for now, we toe the line of what may be too much, unwilling to draw back and give less.
in order for us to love, we must first love ourselves and pick up our pieces.
i am; i have, almost entirely - but for you, i know it will take longer.
i told you once that if forever was how long it was going to take, i would wait that long and more.
i trust that one day, we'll look back at this and be glad for the way it brought us together.