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Yuuji found it all too cruel.
It wasn’t like his circumstances weren’t terrible already: he had lost his grandpa, the fucking King of Curses had taken up space inside his body like a parasitic worm, and he had been going through horrors beyond imagination for several months now. But no, turns out, all of that just wasn’t enough. Because the universe had decided to give him a problem he couldn’t punch his way through: a massive, disgustingly confusing crush on Fushiguro Megumi.
It wasn’t Yuuji’s fault, okay? Then again, most of the things he had been going through never really were his fault (except the time he accidentally ate Sukuna’s finger). But this one — this one truly wasn’t.
Fushiguro Megumi was cool. Everyone kind of thought so, and Yuuji had a sneaking suspicion that Megumi thought so himself. Megumi would go above and beyond to appear stoic, cold, and nonchalant, but Yuuji knew that that really wasn’t what made him cool. In fact, Yuuji had thought him to be kind of boring when they first met, but as he watched how methodically Megumi would approach fights, and actually think through his problems before using his fists, Yuuji couldn’t help but feel he was a little cool too.
"Why does he get to be pretty and nonchalant at the same time?" Yuuji found himself wondering.
And that was probably the first mistake.
Because you couldn’t really get away with calling the guy with a stick up his ass pretty in your thoughts without it becoming a major problem. But what was Yuuji supposed to do? Even if Megumi was looking at him like he was a roach, Yuuji’s eyes would focus a little too long on his dark, long lashes. His soft lips pursed into a frown. His large shoulders — and soon Yuuji’s mind would trail into thoughts of how they’d look without the uniform Megumi always had on.
But it was normal to be curious about your bro’s workout routine. Right?
And then Yuuji really got to know him.
The first time Yuuji got hurt, he saw a side of Megumi he hadn’t seen before. No longer indifferent, every feature pooled with worry: Megumi’s facade broke so easily that it made Yuuji want to laugh. He cares about me, Yuuji realized, feeling his chest tighten with happiness and guilt at the same time.
Yuuji cared for everyone by nature, but to see Megumi so openly concerned about something — not just anything, but for him — Yuuji couldn’t stop thinking about it.
And then, Yuuji saw Megumi in a way he could never forget. He saw Megumi laugh.
And Yuuji had been the one to cause it.
As part of a series of boring tasks that Gojo made up to bother Megumi, he'd been asked to carry a bunch of “important” papers up to Gojo’s room. Yuuji, as eagerly as always, had asked to help. Megumi quickly took him up on the offer, dumping the stacks of paper into Yuuji’s arms (Yuuji had assumed he’d be taking half). But he couldn’t complain. Megumi was at least walking with him, and Yuuji now had a reason to walk with Megumi. A win-win, kind of, if you think about it.
As they walked through the corridors up to Gojo’s room, and Yuuji went on and on about a new movie he had watched (“The main character kind of looks like you, Fushiguro!”), he randomly looked outside and noticed the stormy, grey sky.
“I think it’s gonna ra—” Yuuji began, just as a strong breeze blew everything out of Yuuji’s hands. As if directed by God himself, Megumi and Yuuji watched in slow motion as the papers flew across the garden and landed neatly on a pond nearby.
They stared at the dissolving sheets, dumbfounded.
“Well,” Yuuji said after a while, “I guess that task doesn’t exist anymore.”
And for the first time since they had met, Megumi had burst out laughing.
Yuuji stared and wondered why this hadn’t happened more often. He tried to memorize the crinkle of Megumi's eyes and the pace of his laughter. But as quickly as it happened, it stopped.
Megumi gathered himself.
“I’m heading back to my room,” he said, in the same monotone voice.
At the back of his head, Sukuna groaned. But Yuuji didn’t seem to hear. His eyes lay fixed on Megumi’s retreating back; the sound of Megumi's laughter ringing in his ears.
It was cruel how his thoughts were no longer private.
Sukuna had always been a pain in the ass, watching Yuuji's life through his own eyes and commentating on every little thing; but the first time Yuuji realized how big of a problem this could be was when he watched Megumi eat.
He and Megumi both had a long, curse-filled day and had crawled into a small ramen shop to get something to eat before heading back to the academy.
Yuuji had finished his own bowl in two mouthfuls. And now, with an ample amount of time to waste, he focused on the one other thing that mattered besides food: Megumi.
His eyes trailed over the way Megumi's spine curved as he hunched over his bowl. He took smaller bites, Yuuji noted, but didn’t stop for any breath. His eyes were closed, his long eyelashes on full display, focusing intently on their first meal of the whole day.
The streets were dark, except for the warm yellow light of the ramen shop that flooded over them. It made Megumi’s pitch-black hair look brown.
He’s so cute, Yuuji thought before he could catch himself.
“You’ve got to be fucking with me,” Sukuna’s angry voice echoed through his head.
Yuuji snapped out of his trance, too scared to think anything else. He hoped that if he stopped breathing, Sukuna would go back to sleep.
“Itadori.”
Megumi's sudden voice caused Yuuji to jump, and he managed to choke out a “Mmm?”
“I’m not sharing,” Megumi said, his eyes finally opening. “Please just order another bowl.”
Sukuna’s laughter felt more scathing than anything else he could've said.
It was cruel how everyone seemed to notice, but he didn’t.
Nobara was the first one to give Yuuji a reality check. She pulled him aside one day and forced him to sit down. At first, she didn’t say anything; only stared directly into Yuuji’s eyes. Yuuji began to fidget.
“Did I do something—”
“You know he’s never going to know unless you tell him, right?”
It was abrupt. Straight to the point, and Yuuji felt like his heart was about to leap out of his chest (“I could help with that,” Sukuna murmured).
And then — Yuuji felt himself deflate.
“I don’t want him to know.”
It was bitter. He hadn’t admitted anything to himself until now, and the guilt and fear came out all at once.
Nobara’s eyes softened. She plopped down beside Yuuji and sighed.
“Are you sure?”
Yuuji swallowed hard. His mouth felt dry.
“Yeah. I already know he doesn’t see me that way.”
Nobara’s eyes widened, but she quickly shook her head.
“Look, it’s up to you, dude. You get to make these decisions. There’s already been so much you haven’t been able to control,” Nobara said, her voice sad. “But! You have control over this, Itadori. Whenever you’re ready, or even if you never are; you decide at your own pace. I just want you to know that I’m on your side. And to be honest, I think you've got Fushiguro wrong.”
Yuuji leaned his head on Nobara’s shoulder. He knew she was just being nice; Megumi had not once shown an ounce of interest in him, or anyone for that matter. And Yuuji was fine: it was good enough to be his best friend. It had to be.
“Thanks,” he said, closing his eyes.
Nobara caught a glimpse of spiky black hair quickly moving past the window.
If Fushiguro Megumi had been cold earlier, now he had turned straight-up cruel.
They had been returning from another uncharacteristically silent mission when another storm began, like the one there had been on the day Yuuji had made Megumi laugh.
But the atmosphere surrounding them had completely shifted.
Megumi had not spoken to Yuuji in two weeks.
It didn’t bother Yuuji much at first. Megumi hadn’t been one to engage in a lot of conversation to begin with anyway, but now it seemed like he had been straight-up ignoring him. He didn’t even act annoyed anymore; he just pretended to be blind. It was a new kind of Megumi that Yuuji wasn’t used to.
It had slowly begun gnawing away at him.
As the rain poured down, both of them ran for shelter into a nearby shed. Yuuji slumped down against the wall, cold but already healed. Megumi was visibly worse, with multiple cuts all over his body, bleeding. His arms were the worst, and Yuuji felt like he was going to throw up. He had asked Megumi if he was okay, but as it had become the dynamic between them now, Megumi didn’t reply.
Yuuji hated feeling this way. He knew the wounds came with the job, but still, he wished he were stronger so that Megumi could sit back and he could take care of things (Yuuji knew that even if he were, Megumi wouldn’t let him handle anything alone).
As he watched Megumi tear off one of his sleeves with his teeth and wrap it around his forearm, Yuuji couldn’t help but instinctively reach out to help.
Megumi immediately jolted away.
Days of built-up sadness suddenly turned into anger inside Yuuji. “What’s your problem?” he burst out. Megumi responded with a look that immediately shrank his anger back into shame. “I’m — I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
The rain seemed to rise to a crescendo outside the shed. Megumi didn’t move. He kept staring at Yuuji with a look Yuuji couldn’t read. Yuuji swallowed.
“It’s just that — I don’t know what’s wrong. You could at least give me a hint. You’ve just — you’ve shut me out, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do—”
Megumi sighed, looking annoyed. It made Yuuji fall silent.
“I’m fine. You’re overreacting.”
It was deadpan. And Megumi looked away, no longer meeting Yuuji’s eyes.
Yuuji felt like his heart was about to burst. His throat seemed to close up as he fought to get words out against the thumping of his chest, a horrifying thought suddenly overwhelming him:
Maybe Megumi had noticed.
“Fushiguro. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I don’t know why I fell for you, but… I — I couldn’t help seeing you that way. But I’ll stop. I'll stop, I promise. I’ll change how I feel about you. I just want you to be my friend again.”
There was silence, and Yuuji felt the full blow of humiliation course through him. Sukuna was quiet. Megumi’s eyes were wide, studying him. The rain was unforgiving.
“What?” Megumi said after a while.
“Please just—” Yuuji felt like he was losing strength. He still needed to get this out, just in case it resulted in Megumi talking to him again, “Could we please just go back to how we were? I’ll — I’ll work hard to get over you, I —”
“Shut up.”
Megumi’s voice was the same — cold, calm, uncaring. It made Yuuji flinch.
But as he used his last bit of bravery to meet Megumi’s eyes, he stopped.
Megumi’s eyes were nothing but kind.
They were soft, and Yuuji wondered if it was pity — before Megumi slowly approached him and pulled him into a one-armed hug. He rested his chin against Yuuji’s neck, and Yuuji really couldn’t process what was happening.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible against the pouring rain, “Don’t be stupid. I don’t want you to get over anything, Itadori.”
Yuuji stayed as still as possible, afraid that one wrong move would make him wake up from whatever this was. Sukuna’s mouth appeared on his cheek.
“Do you hear him, boy? He likes you! Please just get it over with alreadddyyyy—”
Yuuji smacked his mouth shut, slapping himself out of the trance in the process.
And then he managed to get a look at Megumi, his face bearing a look Yuuji had only imagined before. His cheeks had turned a delicate shade of pink.
Too embarrassed to say anything else, Yuuji solved the problem the way he solved everything else: head-on.
This time, with his lips against Megumi’s.