Work Text:
Norma's drawing demons when the text comes through.
They encountered a new one today, and in the rush, she didn't have time to record it in her notebook. Is catching up now, sketching careful lines, trying to match as accurately as possible to the blurred photo on her phone, the one she took in a panic whilst dodging its proboscis. Proboscis? That seems like the right word.
Anyway, she's drawing demons, noting down their attributes, when the notification pops up, obscuring the blurred horns of the creature in the photo.
Badyah: norma!!!
Badyah: wanna hang out tomorrow? 😊💞
Norma freezes. Stares at the notification like it's a trap, because it feels like one.
They're friends now, she thinks, and she likes Badyah. She really does.
She likes Badyah's smile and the way her eyes sparkle big and round behind her glasses.
She likes how sunny she is, bright and quick and friendly.
She likes how Badyah doesn't mind Norma rambling about demons, how she talks about demons too.
She likes how Badyah doesn't make her feel weird and wrong for not liking touch, or not remembering names, or not wanting to stare directly at her eyeballs the way neurotypicals love to do.
But the fact remains that she and Badyah don't know each other that well. It's only been a few weeks, half of that spent running from some kind of danger. They're not regular hangout outside of work friends yet, or at least, she didn't think they were.
And even if they were, a question this ambiguous is designed to make anxiety coil in her chest, quicken her breath. It's designed to make her twist her fingers together and gnaw the skin off her lip and stare down at her phone, trying to figure out how she's supposed to reply.
Yes, sure! probably. Assuming Badyah's serious, and Badyah's probably serious, because Badyah's too kind to prank her.
But Norma can't just agree like that, at this short notice, with this little information. The single question sends a thousand more spiralling through her brain: Where does Badyah want to hang out? When? How long for? What will they be doing together? Will anyone else be there? Has Badyah arranged something, or are they supposed to come up with an activity on the spot? Will there even be an activity, or does Badyah just want to 'hang out', ambiguously, sit around and talk about– the weather or something?
And the thing is, if Norma went to her mom about this, she knows what Swati would say: just ask her, sweetie. She's your friend, right?
And Badyah is her friend. She thinks. She feels warm when they talk, when she sees Badyah smile, warm enough that she'd definitely consider her a friend if it was a one-sided classification, but she's found out the hard way that it isn't, so: does Badyah consider her a friend?
Probably. She'd said my friend would like strawberry when they'd gotten ice cream the other week, but people do say my friend as short-hand around strangers, just to mean person who's here with me, person I know.
But okay. Say they are friends, because she thinks they are. That doesn't mean Badyah's safe, not necessarily.
Because eight-year-old Norma was friends with Jackson, till he laughed at her for crying when the music at his birthday was too loud.
And twelve-year-old Norma wore half a best friends necklace with Katie, till Katie told her she didn't want to hang out with someone who only cared about Pauline Phoenix, even though Norma had tried so hard to always listen to Katie talk about what interested her, too.
And fifteen-year-old Norma was asked to her friend Michaela's party, till she wanted to know who else would be there and how loud it might be and when she could leave and what food was available, and Michaela rolled her eyes and said, you could've just said you didn't want to go, and when Norma said, I don't know if I want to go until you answer those questions, Michaela had scoffed and said, fine, don't come, then.
So friends doesn't mean it's okay, for Norma to be herself. And Badyah might not mind the lack of touching or eye contact, might not mind Norma rambling about demons, might smile when Norma calls her Death Slide, but– there are always limits, aren't there?
It's still terrifying, to think about being completely herself, responding the way she wants to and not the way she thinks someone else wants from her.
And now Norma's stared at that text for ten minutes, and Badyah probably thinks Norma hates her, when she's just spiralling around it: wanna hang out? And Norma doesn't know how to explain that she doesn't know if she wants to yet, that she doesn't have enough information to decide.
She wants to see Badyah, yes. Always wants to see her, always feels warm and fuzzy inside at the sight of her smile. But that doesn't mean she wants to do whatever Badyah has planned, not necessarily, and what if other people are there, and what if, what if, what if–
Ping.
Badyah: i do have a plan!!
Badyah: if that helps you decide 😊
Badyah: but also if you don't like the plan we can do something else
Badyah: i don't mind either way! ❤️
Badyah: but i was thinking: my family are out in the evening, so from 6pm on the house is free! wanna do a demon movie marathon? we could buy popcorn! 🍿
Badyah: just the two of us
Badyah: unless you want barney or anyone to come
Badyah: that's fine too!
The texts flood in, one after another, till Norma mutes the notification sound she only keeps on at all so she doesn't miss her mom's messages whilst she's at work.
It occurs to Norma that maybe Badyah's nervous, too.
It occurs to her that maybe Badyah understands her better than she thought.
She opens the chat. Types. Re-types. Takes a deep breath and presses send.
Norma: I'd like to do that! Barney and the others don't need to come. Let me know if there's anything I should bring. Apologies for the delay responding. Thank you for sending more details.
Badyah: of course! 🥰
Badyah: i know you like to know the details of things
Badyah: and i like planning ideas for our hangouts!!
Badyah: text me if you have more questions 🤗
Norma exhales. Finds herself grinning down at her phone screen, joy bubbling down her arms till she has to shake out her fingers.
Badyah understands her, and she hasn't run away.
Badyah likes her how she is.
It's still terrifying, to think about being completely herself. But maybe, with Badyah, she could start trying.
Maybe when she's with Badyah, Norma can be Norma. And maybe Badyah won't turn and run away.