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When he felt her shoulder run into his chest, his first instinct was to protect her. That’s what Luciel had come to do and he knew he would die trying. He grabbed her shoulders and tucked her into his chest as he fell backwards, landing flat on his back. As soon as he felt the shock, his arms released her and she sat up on top of him.
“God…”
“Why aren’t you pushing me away?”
“I don’t know. The floor is comfortable.” He laughed humorlessly. He refused to meet her eyes, to see the fierce compassion in them. Her hands were on his chest and through their pressure he can feel the dull thud of his heart. “I don’t even know myself now. I feel like I’ve reached my limit. Everything I thought I was has crumbled down, from the moment I saw Saeran.”
His eyes were tearing up thinking about his brother. He shouldn’t say his name; he didn’t deserve to say his brother’s name after what he’d let happen.
“I couldn’t even stand still… I wanted to fall down but I couldn’t. People are involved now because of what I did. I can’t stand it anymore… The burden on my shoulders and my path, they’re so heavy.”
He wanted to move, to wipe away the tears running down his face but his body was too heavy. The body on top of his doesn’t feel like anything in comparison to the weight of himself weighing on his mind.
“What do I do?” He sobbed, “What the hell can I do?”
“I want to start all over again... so I can make Saeran smile again… so you won’t be in danger… start all over again. If I can’t do that, then I just want to disappear from this world. As if I never existed in the first place… I want to live without hurting anyone.” He couldn’t stand the hurt in her eyes. He could barely see it through the tears in his eyes but it was impossible to miss the way her eyes widened and her mouth fell open sadly. “What do I do…?”
She sat in silence and for a moment he convinced himself that she hated him. She realized who he really was and would finally leave him to the dark depths of his own mind.
“Let’s forget everything and run away… Let’s just be happy together.” She finally said. His eyes went wide unbelievably.
“Do I deserve that?” He asked to the air, “Ever since I was born… I didn’t deserve freedom. But to just freely run away now? If Saeran finds out, how much of a coward will he think I am?” His mind floated back to his brother yet again.
“I think your brother is past the point of no return… You should be happy. At least.” She insisted.
“The point of no return…” He repeated in a trance. “Did he get that far while I didn’t know a thing? Will he ever be able to come back?”
He shook his head sadly, “Maybe I just imagined a future that’s too good to be true for Saeran. I thought Rika and V will help him live a happy and peaceful life…But I couldn’t even rescue him. Yeah… Saeran and I couldn’t be happy in the first place. Maybe… the Saeran I saw was the best he could be. That… that makes me feel better.”
He laughed sadly again.
“Whatever he believes… I hope he’s comfortable in his convictions. No more searching, no more waiting. If it’s best for him to think of me as the bad guy… then I should stop now. I,” he finally found it within himself to meet her eyes, finding hers as tear lined as his own. His shirt was wet from the tears dripping off of her face, making him feel even worse. He made her cry. “I want to stop. Please, please…”
“You are the first person to be so nice to me. I remember the church I used to go to… There were a couple good people like you. Maybe you’re the angel God sent for me…?” His eyes cleared and for a moment he swore he could see a halo surrounding her head. “If that’s the case… then lead me to a happy world. Please end the pain.”
She leaned down, and for a moment he was convinced she would kiss him and try to convince him that life was worth living. He prepped himself, tensing up nervously, only to be surprised as he was lifted up by his shoulder into a hug.
They don’t speak. She just hugged him, letting his tears soak her shoulder.
She was typing on her phone. It’s hard to tell whether she’s talking to the RFA or sending emails to potential invitees. He doesn’t care. He had a job to do, and that was finishing off he algorithm. So no one could get through when he was gone. His glances over just keep showing him her regrets.
He knew that he could get on and check what she’s saying, who she’s talking to, but he doesn’t want to. It won’t matter.
“They put you in my hands, Seven.” She said, tucking her phone away, “You’re free.”
He smiled and took her hand, knowing exactly where they were going. They would go find his baby and he’d go doing what he loved: driving his children with someone he loved.
He doesn’t care anymore. The agency couldn’t track down what doesn’t exist and he had an angel that was due back.
“I don’t know how long its been since I came out so far. Our trunk is full of cash and Honey Buddah Chips; we’re invincible! If we end up seeing a tractor abandoned on the streets, I’m going to abandon the car and just take that.” He cheers. He feels free for the first time, nothing will be able to hurt him after this.
“I feel like this car can be tracked down pretty easily. Let’s go to the pier and take a boat to a different country. It’ll be fun” He suggests, the smile on his face reflexive. It made her feel comfortable and that was all that was important to him.
He’s in the car he drove to the apartment in. They’re tracing him right now; he can feel it.
“We could go on a boat. I’m really good at fishing; I could show you.” He pauses for a moment, “Although I don’t like raw fish so we’d have to let it go.” She smiles up at him, adoration filling her face as she puts her hand gently over his on the shift. He could bask in that smile forever as he moves his car into the next gear.
He can’t let them find her; he won’t let them destroy his angel.
“The 707 in the chat, that’s how I’ll be from now on. So I won’t regret it if I die tomorrow. Thanks for letting me see this… Let’s be happy every second while we’re still alive.”
“Thanks for being with me. Then, shall we go a bit faster?” He asks and she nods. He can almost detect a hint of sadness in her smile as he risks another glance. She knows. He knows that now, as the next turn comes into their field of vision and he throws the shift into the next gear. Her grip on his hand tightens and he finds himself turning his hand over to intertwine his fingers with hers.
Her lips start to part, like she’s going to tell him something. The last thing he hears is her voice start to tell him—
“I lov—”