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“Mama!”
Ilya smiles wide. The early morning sun shines through the trees, bathing the angel before him in a golden glow, gilding her long blonde hair, her skin lucent like porcelain honey. She stares out over the lake, waves barely lapping at the shore, the placid water a mirror reflecting the pastel pinks and oranges painting the sky.
“Mama!” Ilya cries out again. He takes a step closer. “Mama, I’m so happy to see you.”
At the sound of his voice, she looks over her shoulder, icy blue gaze piercing bright, mouth downturned in a natural pout.
She’s as beautiful as Ilya remembers.
“Mama,” he says, unable to contain his beaming smile. “Mama, there’s someone I want you to meet.”
He rushes the words out, knowing he doesn’t have much time. He never gets to say everything he wants to before she disappears again. This is a dream he’s had many times before, after all.
Ilya waits, and waits, and waits. His smile falls when no one appears beside him.
He turns, frantic. “Shane!” he yells, noticing Shane’s silhouette through the window of the house. “Shane! Over here!”
Shane doesn’t look up, too busy with something inside to hear him.
Ilya is torn, and looks desperately between the two of them. Does he stay here with his mother? Or does he go to Shane?
This is where the dream always ends.
He never seems to make the right decision.
“Shane, please! Come here!” he calls out, a little louder, strained voice cracking. He wants to scream it from the top of his lungs, but it comes out too faint. He clears his throat and tries again. “Shane!”
He looks back at his mother in desperation. She just stands before him and watches, stoic as ever. He knows he doesn’t have much time before she’s gone again. He needs to hurry. He needs Shane to hurry.
“Shane!” he cries out, impatient. He can’t move in either direction. His feet are rooted in place. Heart racing, he begs, “Please, Mama, just wait a little longer—”
Ilya startles at a sudden touch to his shoulder, head whipping up to see—
Shane.
A sigh of relief spills past Ilya’s lips. Shane’s hand trails down his back, his touch a reassuring comfort, before taking his hand in his, intertwining their fingers.
“Shane, this is my mother, Irina.” Ilya smiles at her, unable to hide his happiness. Shane smiles too.
He can’t believe this is finally happening. His mother is so strong, and so beautiful, and so kind, and Shane is finally going to meet her. After so many failed attempts, the three of them are finally here, together. He can barely breathe, he’s so excited.
“Mama, this is Shane,” he says, switching back to Russian, squeezing Shane’s hand. “I love him. He is… my everything.”
His mother smiles.
“Are you proud of me, Mama?”
She nods, eyes softening as she glances down at the golden cross hanging from his neck. Does she know he has never once taken it off in all the years since she’s been gone?
“I love you, Mama. I wish you were here. I wish you could meet him. He makes me so happy. I know you would love him like I love him.”
She takes a step closer, and reaches out, hand gently cupping his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into the warmth of her touch, nuzzling against the soft skin of her palm, letting himself remember the last time she held him like this.
It’s been so long.
“Mama, I miss you,” he whispers, voice cracking. “I miss you so much. I think of you every day.”
She thumbs away his tears, her smile growing sadder. Her touch says what she cannot.
I love you, too. Stay strong. I’m never far. I’m here. I miss you, too.
Ilya cries, not knowing what more to say. The dream has never gone on for this long. He doesn’t want it to end. He wants to stay here in the sunshine with her forever.
“Ilya…?”
Someone calls his name, and he cries harder. He doesn’t want to go. His mother leaves a lingering kiss on his forehead, and pinches his cheek. He doesn’t want her to go.
“Shh, Ilya…”
His breath hitches around a sob as she pulls away. No, don’t go! he wants to scream and cry and beg, like a little child throwing a tantrum. Stay here, please!
“Ilya!”
But they can’t stay here. It would be unfair. To her, and to Shane.
“Goodbye, Mama,” he whispers.
She smiles, and turns away.
As Ilya blinks awake, squinting against the harsh beams of sun filtering in through the curtains, someone is frantically shaking his shoulder.
“Ilya?” he hears Shane whisper, hand stilling.
Ilya merely grunts in response, the edges of his mind still fuzzy from the lingering grip of sleep.
“Are you okay?” Shane asks, propped up on one elbow, running his fingers through Ilya’s curls, scratching lightly at his scalp. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“No, not nightmare,” Ilya mumbles, voice hoarse.
Shane wipes at his wet cheeks with his sleeve, brow etched in confusion. “Do you… want to talk about it?”
Ilya sighs, lightly swatting Shane’s hand away. “No. I am okay.”
“Are you sure?” Shane frowns. “You were—”
“Da, Shane. Is fine. Was nice dream.” Ilya gently tugs on Shane’s arm, urging him back down next to him. Shane goes easily.
Their legs tangle under the sheets as they lie there together, facing each other, no more than a breath apart. Ilya thumbs over Shane’s freckles, mesmerized by how his eyes burn golden in the early morning light. Shane watches him wordlessly, his worry still clear on his face, but he lets Ilya have this moment of silence.
Ilya breaks it first, inching closer until their noses touch. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Shane says automatically. A beat passes, and he quietly adds, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Ilya hums, smiling. “Yes. You are here with me. Of course I am okay.”
Shane nods, and smiles back, brushing their lips together in a tender, delicate kiss. He nestles his head against Ilya’s shoulder, tracing lazy patterns into his skin, and Ilya buries his nose in Shane’s hair, breathing him in.
Thank you, Mama, Ilya thinks, eyelids drooping, each blink heavier than the last as Shane presses gentle, featherlight kisses along his neck. It was nice to see you again.