Chapter Text
The bar was seedy, there was no way to sugar coat it. It had too-dim lights in some places, to bright in others, and a bad, angsty, and rather nihilistic band playing too loudly. But the drinks were cheap and well made, so Teddy and Kate made a point of gracing the establishment with their patronage after every big exam either of them had. This night was the night after a rather important math test for Teddy.
It was right around midnight and he was alone and on edge, Kate having left earlier with an apology for a date with her older, stranger boyfriend. Something had him on this edge tonight specifically though; he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that something new was about to happen. There was a change on the horizon, close, and Teddy wasn't sure if he liked the possibility.
Then, Teddy saw him. Billy, William Kaplan. (Later, Kate asked if he was sure from that very moment, but he’d know those eyes anywhere). He was wearing a white shirt that made him look less pale, though teddy thought he might have just gotten less pale. He’s changed his hair - instead of being messy, like he remembered, it was styled and a bit spiky. But when their eyes met, all those old memories came crashing back to Teddy-
(-We met in a park, with Nate, who’s gone. We were happy for a while. Not long enough, really, not nearly long enough. Our first time, in my bedroom while my mom was working. Our second time, in my bedroom after she was gone. Her dying, him after she died. Eli, Jonas. Cassie. Those months in between when I thought we could fix this.
Going to his house to find Rebecca packing up and apologizing but Billy needed to leave, to be away from this place [from me, but she wouldn't say it] from these memories I’m sorry Teddy I have to do what’s best for my son, my family he’s already in Arizona-)
-and he could tell that Billy recognized him. Billy took a steadying drink of whatever clear liquid he’s chosen for his poison this evening and twitched an eyebrow. He turned, broke eye contact, to laugh with a man Teddy didn't know (he got a sick pleasure in the fact that the laugh didn't reach Billy’s eyes) and Teddy closed his eyes to take a deep breath for what felt like a moment but was obviously longer because when he opened them again Billy was four feet away from him, clutching his drink so hard his knuckles were white but otherwise perfectly faking nonchalance.
“Teddy,” he said, like a statement. Teddy knew it was a question, meant to clarify whether or not what he was seeing was real.
It took him a moment to snap out of his thoughts. “Billy,” he said slowly; softly, for the same reason Billy’s was a question. It was incredibly awkward.
“How’ve you been?” Billy asked, and that was a loaded question. The look in Billy’s eyes told Teddy that the other was thinking the exact same thing, and of the exact same things.
“Good,” he was actually talking like a normal person, “I’m going to Georgetown University, same as Kate.” Better stay away from any and all discussion of the past, he thought. “What’re you doing here?”
Billy gave a wry half smile. It’s so different from his old smiles Teddy thought. “I’m here specifically because my friend’s girlfriend is in this crappy band - luckily enough everyone except the lead singer knows they suck,” shit when did Billy learn to flirt, “I’m here in general because I’m going to GW for journalism,” This is why I loved you Teddy thought because you’re very good at words, “How about you, what’s your major?” Billy took a drink from his glass, never breaking eye contact.
“Criminal psychology. I got a scholarship from the FBI,” Teddy answered, “I like your hair.”
“Yeah,” his hand went to touch the shorter and styled cut, “I’m not sure if I do.” Teddy noticed that he had a number of bracelets on his wrist, a couple of rings on his (amazingly long and very talented) fingers. He had also gotten an eyebrow piercing, small and nondescript. Billy was amazingly different.
Teddy started, “Do y-”
He was cut off by the shitty band of the day when they launched into a miraculously pour rendition of Blister in the Sun, and Billy shrugged, a bit defeated, and walked back over to the small pod of friends he had left. As he walked, Teddy got a whiff of his same shitty deodorant that he used when they knew each other and it smelled like Billy’s smile. Teddy felt like he was going to cry.
He watched Billy talk briefly to his friends, grab a jacket from a chair, and walk towards the stairs leading to the door, preceded by the same guy Teddy had noticed him laughing with earlier. Before he followed the man out, he looked over to where Teddy still stood, staring, and the locked eyes. They kept it as he pushed the door open again, and then Billy was gone.
In the back of his head, Teddy realized that he was starting to get frantic. He couldn't feel his heart yet, but he started breathing hard.He stood there, frozen with shock, until, without really thinking or consenting to the movement, he started toward the door and before he knew it he was outside and sprinting. He was a quarter of a mile away before he realized that he didn't know where to go or where he was going. (He was also being stared at by a random couple on the street). Teddy didn't feel solid in his skin, could feel it shifting. It wasn't enough for his appearance to truly change, but it was incredibly disconcerting.
Teddy texted his intersection to Kate, along with an apology for interrupting her date and a request to be picked up, and did a wall sit to try to get his heart rate down. He also started crying, out of anger and fear and residual wounds reopened and loneliness and love. I still love you he said to Billy, in his head, I’m still so in love with you. I miss you, so much.
He slid down the wall and put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and there weren't tears left, he just breather and tried to not breath too much, to not break down anymore than he already was before Kate got there. It took about five minutes. Once her purple bug pulled up to the curb, he stood up. She got out of the car and pulled him into a tight embrace on sight that got him crying again. He let out a harsh sob and she rubbed circles on his back. Teddy and Kate stood like that, sobbing and comforting respectively, until Teddy finally said, muffled into her shoulder, “I saw Billy,” though saying it made it worse, made it real.
“Oh honey,” she said, but nothing more, and kept holding on.
“Did you know? That he would be there?” he asked.
“Of course not. I mean, I knew he was in town, going to school here, but I would've come tonight if I’d known.” Teddy sighed, and out his cheek on her shoulder, facing away from her. He felt too big and too small at the same time.
After a few moments more, Teddy said, “I need to see him.”
Kate pulled back, to look in his face, search it for some sort of insecurity. “Are you sure,” she said, another question-statement. Teddy took a deep breath in and nodded. She put a hand on his cheek and smiled sadly. They both, as if prompted by an invisible trigger, walked over to the car and got in.
Teddy had to see Billy needed, he needed it. And he knew it might break him in half.