Work Text:
What could be on the moon?
Tsukasa was two years old when Amane made him cry.
Actually, he never cried.
While all the other children his age wailed when it thundered, or when their ice cream fell,
Tsukasa never cried.
He wasn’t mute or anything—quite the opposite. Tsukasa had always been an optimistic child. He laughed a lot, like any normal person, counted sheep in the pasture, or collected stones in the garden.
But Tsukasa didn't cry.
Why did people even cry? What was the point of salty water spilling from your eyes when you were sad? What a weird method. Would it ease the pain (wherever it was)? Probably not. They just cried even louder. So… hm.
Why?
Crying was normal, wasn’t it? It was strange.
Tsukasa didn’t really understand strange things… no, of course he does!
He himself was completely normal! Was it Amane? No. Amane wasn’t normal.
Amane was nothing like Tsukasa. No matter how identical they looked: Tsukasa quickly realized they were not the same. That they were not the same person.
Amane doesn’t like bugs. How can he fear them? Weird.
But even so:
That was exactly what made him the Amane, and not Tsukasa. They weren’t the same- it’s okay!
They would be together forever.
… Forever and ever~
What was beyond the sun?
The stars!
But Amane wanted to go to the moon.
“I want to fly to the moon in a rocket!”
His eyes were the stars in the sky.
Sparkling points of light, golden like the stars themselves. They had the same eyes, but Amane’s had something he would never possess.
Amane wanted to leave him. For the moon. Away. And then… Tsukasa would be alone, wouldn’t he? Without Amane.
“Then I could bring you back a star!!”
Why would Tsukasa need the stars when he already had them??
And on that day, tears flowed from his eyes. They were because of Amane,
with Amane, for Amane.
Tsukasa cried for the stars.
X
He was four when he was alone.
The strange thing was: it wasn’t Amane who had left him. Actually, it should have been the other way around. But it wasn’t.
No one came today. Not yesterday either. Not the day before yesterday…
Tsukasa sat in his house and played with his teddy bear. It was fun.
How boring
The toy he had received for their fourth birthday. When had he turned four again? Tsukasa couldn’t remember. Since Amane had left him. That’s right. Today he was four years old again. Amane must have flown to the moon by now.
I wonder if the stars were there? They could be friends! Absolutely.
But now?
Tsukasa was alone.
Amane wasn’t here.
He wished… Amane were here. How was Amane doing? If only he were here. Maybe they could play together… like before!
It would surely be nice~ oh, how much—
The stuffed animal in his hand watched him. Black button eyes stared at him.
No, Tsukasa didn’t wish for it. If he did, Amane would be here now.
Tsukasa didn’t want it. Right. That’s why Amane couldn’t be with him.
Only he himself was allowed to stay here.
He was a victim: a price,
what he had paid.
He must never leave this place. Even if Amane had reached the moon…
Tsukasa remained. Was it his home?
But Amane wasn’t here.
Tsukasa didn’t feel at home. He wanted to go home. He must not. Would not.
Wished for nothing.
Tsukasa wanted to see the stars.
He wanted Amane.
Amane might have cried…
Why?
Maybe because the silence was too sad.
An emptiness that wanted to devour him.
Is it called loneliness?
Tsukasa did not cry.
…
The flames were cold
Tsukasa was four when he returned.
He still remembered home.
Home was where his brother was.
Home was where the stars shone.
Amane did not cry.
Should he cry?
He hugged him. But Tsukasa couldn’t feel Amane. They were separate planets, never to be united again.
If Amane was the Earth, then Tsukasa was the moon.
What was the sun?
The stars were much too far away.
X
He was seven when he fell from a jungle gym.
Amane hadn’t gripped his wrist tightly enough, so he fell.
Nothing special; many other children fell from jungle gyms and cried.
But Tsukasa did not cry.
It hurt, but he wasn’t sad.
His knee was bleeding, the purple-red flowing from the wound and dripping down his leg.
Fascinating.
The only thing he thought was
how beautiful the color was.
Like… a lake full of red chamomiles.
Tsukasa loved chamomiles.
He loved Amane.
What color was Amane’s blood?
Red, definitely. If Amane bled, it would surely be for Tsukasa.
Tsukasa loved red.
Amane? Amane cried.
Tears flowed from his eyes
as he came running to Tsukasa.
I’m sorry.
Weird.
Next time it won’t happen…
Really strange.
Promise!
What had Amane done wrong?
Tsukasa wondered.
He knew: In the future, Amane would commit a much heavier crime.
Tsukasa would be able to forgive him
So why was he crying now? Tears steadily rolling down his face…. Oh? How sweet it was. His hand cupped his twin’s face. Those eyes… Hehe…
He touched the tear trail with his thumb.
So warm… somehow Tsukasa could hear his own heart beating in his ears.
Ah… Amane was crying because of Tsukasa.
Tsukasa.
Tsukasa wanted to see him cry again.
He wanted Amane to cry for him.
He could hardly wait for when Amane would kill him
X
He was 11 when Amane left him.
What he called “leaving.”
They were still in the same house, the same school, the same room.
But Amane.
He didn’t talk. Avoided him. Didn’t look at him. And when he did… he was always so far away. Or not there at all.
As if he had left Tsukasa.
As if he were afraid… of what? There was nothing to fear, because it was simply impossible~
But the strange thing was:
It had been so long since he had cried. Not that he would ever forget that sight…
ah.
Tsukasa missed it.
He missed Amane…
But that was okay.
Tsukasa loved him. That wouldn’t change.
What was wrong with his brother? Maybe it was because he was working on that broken school clock.
Tsukasa would wait. Until the hands finally stopped. Until the stars set.
For as long as it have to take, until Amane will kill him.
Would Amane cry then?
This year, they were thirteen
Autumn carried the scent of fallen leaves. Like flowers beginning to wilt. This autumn brought cold with it. Swallowed the warm summer wind,
like a huge kitten that hadn’t eaten fish for days. In this season, the leaves begin to change color, from rich green to a vivid red.
Tsukasa loved autumn.
“Hey, Amane?”
The leaves swirled under him as he jumped from the tree trunk.
Here, in a clearing far, far from the city, they could see the stars.
Points of light glowing in the dark…
somewhere no one could ever reach.
Here. Only him. Only Amane. And the silence, a quiet cat sleeping between them.
At the call, Amane looked at him.
Not really looking, but that was enough. His eyes were on him, in those quiet moments. Tsukasa gave a satisfied smile.
Happily, he hopped toward his twin. The ground beneath his feet rustled as the leaves sank under his weight.
“Do you see the rabbit in the moon?”
He raised a finger to point at the round sphere above them. Hmm~ like a goldfish bowl!
A giggle escaped his lips.
“Isn’t it beautiful, Amane~? So bright!”
His arms swung through the air.
His laughter filled the air. This was how Tsukasa liked it best. Loud.
If Amane chose the silence, then Tsukasa would be the vessel to fill it.
“Tonight it’s time for him again,
to be hunted!”
Amane’s eyes shone in the light. So beautiful, hehe~ as always… a gentle breeze brushed over the branches. Leaves sailed down, through the silence between them.
“Maybe.”
He turned away. Away from Tsukasa.
The leaves landed. What remained was the quiet purring of a cat.
“It’s already dark…”
“Hey, Amane~”
Tsukasa cut him off. His voice was… as always. Carefree. Cheerful.
Even the smile wasn’t unusual.
Only his eyes… which Amane couldn’t see. Hm. For some reason, there was dark water spilling over the edges. Actually, it’s always calm. Even now—now it was sleeping.
In the past, Amane always ran away. Always hid.
But today? Today he had to know. Just once… at least sense.
“Do you love me?”
He could hear Amane’s breath hitch for a moment. Maybe his eyes widened, or his heart beat faster.
All things Tsukasa couldn’t see.
But when he spoke… his voice was calm. Composed.
“Why do you ask?”
Amane was a liar. Hiding behind colors he painted on himself. And if Amane can do it… then Tsukasa will be the rain that washes the colors away.
“Hehe~ because I love you, Amane~!”
A night owl screeched, somewhere deep in the forest. The wind was still. Whispered in gentle breaths in time with the forest.
“Hey, Amaneee, I love you, you know~?
More than the moon!”
The trees cast shadows on them. Two figures in the moonlight… somehow cold. Should it have been warm? Amane didn’t move. Silence. Only the wind among the leaves.
“…ah.”
Then he walked on. Without turning around.
Tsukasa was left behind.
“So say it, Amaneee,”
he whined, hurrying to keep pace with him. Now they walked side by side. Amane’s steps were slower. Tsukasa’s more hopping.
“—do you love me?”
In the silence, the owl screeched. Otherwise…
nothing. Only their footsteps echoing in the forest. Amane said nothing.
Tsukasa waited.
“Let’s go home.”
Amane murmured. Gaze fixed straight ahead. Steps purposeful.
Into the abyss
Home… would it be warm? Inviting? No. Amane was running away again. And Tsukasa… he could keep waiting. Just a little more… nothing more.
What was at the other end?
Maybe, just maybe… Amane would stop holding back.
Tick… tock… he closed his eyes. A quiet hum escaped his throat.
Would it fill the silence in the air? Maybe not. But it was okay. Tsukasa could wait until the emptiness swallowed him. As long as Amane was with him… He stretched out his arm. His hand found Amane’s.
Amane allowed it. Didn’t pull away. It was warm.
Unlike the night. Unlike Tsukasa. So warm… maybe it should have been comforting. Loving. Instead, he only felt the warmth. Amane. Why did it feel so empty then?
It must be enough. Not yet. But it must suffice… It must.
Why does it feel like you’re so far away?
Tsukasa wonders how long his hand will stay warm. Unreachably far.
Autumn brought changes with it…
Tsukasa doesn’t want Amane to change.
And so… one day it will remain.
X
Cry for me~
X
Tonight I dreamed of water.
A lot of water! How should I describe it… hmm… can you say it was endless? Definitely!
The waves had no beginning and no end. Beautiful, isn’t it? I’m so jealous, hehe… if only we were like that too!
There was no horizon line
where the sun found its limit:
Water and sky.
Light and darkness. So cool!
Where was the light? There wasn’t any.
Only the water.
And in that darkness, the waves find their break. You know: the Bam! When water hits stone. How much can it shatter? I really want to find out!
Hm~ Hey, Amane?
You said you’re afraid of the darkness.
But you know what? You are like the light. Is that the reason why you fear me?
Do you see the darkness I carry inside me?
Your favorite game is hide-and-seek. As a child, you could always find me. You pulled me from behind the curtain.
And when you did, I laughed.
You did. Will you laugh again when you find the real me? The one I could never show you.
Oops, sorry~ I want to wait a little longer… really! Just a bit more…
You’re afraid of the dark. But I am it.
Will you still love me?
I hope so. Without you, I’ll drown.
I’m drowning in your eyes.
You carry the light of the stars within you. I carry the emptiness between them. We were supposed to be twins, you and I. You promised we’d stay together.
But instead, you’re alone.
Amane, you’re a liar~ It’s okay! Really! It’s just… why does it take so long? Waiting is so boring. It’s fine… I have plenty of time~ nice, isn’t it?
Amane kills his brother before killing himself.
You don’t look at me.
Don’t smile. Keep your distance.
All just stones you throw into a river to make it impassable. To muddy the ground I can stand on. And then they’ll sink to the riverbed, until their existence is forgotten.
I’ll be able to wait.
Together on a plane. Huh? What was a plane again…? Never mind!
There’s this chasm between us.
Will I fall if I try
to cross the distance? How would the impact be~ ah, right! Gravity or something… hm~
I wonder what lies at the bottom of the chasm. But you know what? I don’t think it has a bottom. You know:
like an endless well from a fairy tale! That’s how I’d describe the emptiness between us. No impact, no breaking of bones or bursting like a tomato.
And this emptiness… can I fill it?
Ah, if only it were sooo easy…
Hm.
But I love you, Amane.
…hehe… what should I do? It’s so boring thinking alone… Tell me.
It’s so empty. Somehow already… don’t you think? So quiet. I think it’s looking back at me… strange, isn’t it~? Who will blink first?
But you know what, Amane?
I’m sinking into the emptiness.
It’s the emptiness that will get you first. It will crawl under your skin, emerge when you stay silent.
A part of you… constantly.
I can't allow it.
Because you belong to me, Amane, forgot?
Mine.
Cry for me.
Cry for us.~
X
He is 13 when Amane finally cries.
Finally.
After so many years of waiting,
the dam breaks.
The knife in his chest is cold. Completely different from the red that flows vividly to the ground.
Tsukasa loves red.
So burning, as if the blade were devouring him from the inside.
Every time he breathes, the metal leaves iron flames in his flesh.
Breathing hurts, he realises for the first time. and the last
Tsukasa feels the heat in his blood.
Hears the beating of his heart in his ears. The world had only one sound.
A sound trying to be a symphony. Tick- Tick- Tick-…. Thud.
But above all, more than anything else in this world, he sees.
Amane.
After so long… it is Amane who sees Tsukasa. Amane sees him.
And Tsukasa sees Amane.
I’ve found you again… Amane
His hand is moist and hot with blood,
purple blood slowly dripping down his hand.
It’s Tsukasa’s blood. His, all his own,
seeping from his flesh,
staining the ground beneath them red.
Tsukasa has placed his hand over Amane’s.
It trembled. So alive.
So much blood… Like a massacre in heaven! The angels played a symphony for them…
Cry for me~ copper on his tongue.
They were connected.
In this moment, it is as if Tsukasa
has pulled him out from behind a stone wall,
where one cannot see through.
Just like before, when they played hide-and-seek.
If it was a game…
But now it’s the last time.
Tsukasa’s hand is heavy.
His muscles screamed as he lifts his arm to cup Amane’s face. His. Theirs.
His eyes… The stars in the sky.
And the sky cries.
It cries for the stars.
Amane cries for Tsukasa.
Amane’s skin is soft as he strokes his cheek with his fingertips.
Warm. So alive.
Like the blood flowing in him.
Like the tears running from his eyes.
I love you
Fascinated, he watches
how the tears turn red as he touches them with his thumb.
They mix with his blood—
until they were united.
Gently, he grasped Amane’s chin.
Lifted it slightly.
He had no strength left.
Studied his face.
Theirs. Shared.
But these eyes belonged solely to Tsukasa.
“Do you see me?”
Love me
“..Amane”
do you love me?
Love me until living hurts.
Why live anymore? Tsukasa would die.
Cry for me
These eyes were those of heaven. Of hell.
His.
Tsukasa’s vision was red.
Blood.
Black.
Death.
“You can’t…”
Finally, you’ve stopped.
“hide from me.”
Tsukasa. Amane.
Who were they together?
And on this day,
they were no longer the stars.