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Jonathan and Steve had a routine of calling every Sunday. They had held it up for a few months now, catching up on their jobs and anything happening in their lives. For Jonathan, it was one of his favourite times of the week, where he could sit down, rest and talk with Steve for hours. He didn't know if Steve felt the same way or if it felt like more of a chore. He hoped Steve enjoyed it as much as he did.
It was Sunday again. Jonathan had just woken up and quickly went to the shop before his scheduled call with Steve. He was running a bit late, finally sitting down with the phone twenty minutes after he was supposed to. He really hoped Steve wouldn't mind.
He called. No answer. He waited a couple of minutes, maybe Steve was somewhere else in the house or outside so he couldn't hear. But when he tried again, there was no answer.
He began pacing around, head spinning and thinking of every possible scenario. Maybe he was just out? Maybe he was asleep? Or maybe he was finally sick and bored of Jonathan?
He tended to overthink a lot and right now, so many different possibilities were running through his head. Mostly negative or extreme ones. Like, what if Steve was hurt?
He couldn't stop thinking about it. Another hour passed, he called again but it was just silence. He was definitely panicked now. This had never happened before since they began calling.
Screw it. He was going to go see Steve himself. What if he really was hurt and Jonathan was the only one who could've figured it out because of these phone calls. He really hoped that wasn't the reason but he had gotten way too overprotective over everybody he cared about after Will went missing. Even if it had been years since that day, he still couldn't stop worrying over the smallest of things.
He got in his car and drove to where Steve lived. It wasn't too far since he was already in Hawkins due to a College break. He was originally going to ask if they could hang out in person this Sunday since it would be easier. He was too nervous to ask and this was a routine they had kept going for ages. If they break it once, maybe that would be all it takes for their routine to begin falling apart and they'd end up never calling again.
And Steve was one of the people still keeping him whole week after week.
Breaking this routine would be his nightmare. Calling Steve was one of the only parts of the week he still liked because every other day he felt like he was trying to drag his body along everywhere and his mind was going to collapse anytime from the loneliness and boredom. He hadn't met any new people at college which he would actually get along with. He still kept talking to everyone in Hawkins, he felt like meeting new people was a bit of a betrayal to them. He knew new people wouldn't understand his feelings and his worries, he couldn't just tell people his brother went missing and got taken by a monster which they had to fight in a different world and he still had nightmares about it. He would seem insane. But his family and friends that he knew in Hawkins would understand.
Even though Steve met new people all the time. They were different in so many ways.
On the ride to Steve's, his worry shifted. What if the reason the other man wasn't answering was because he was with another girl? Again? What if he forgot all about Jonathan? If he accidentally walked In on Steve and a girl, he wasn't sure if the other guy would laugh it off or get angry at him. He didn't want to know.
He turned on some music to stop himself from thinking about it otherwise he would go insane and probably crash his car into something.
Jonathan finally arrived. Nothing seemed weird. Except for the fact all the lights were off. Maybe Steve was still asleep or out shopping or whatever else he may be doing. Maybe he was perfectly fine and Jon would be called a creep for showing up unannounced like this.
He still had to check, especially when Steve's car was parked out front, so he most likely was inside.
He knocked a couple of times, getting more irritated and worried by the second when no answer came. The door was unlocked. Steve always forgot to lock it and everyone always told him that it was a horrible idea leaving it open. Jonathan was the opposite, he always had his door locked. There were no extra shoes or coats, only Steve's. Which gave him hope that it definitely wasn't because of another girl.
"Steve?" He called out into the hallway and was met with complete silence for a couple of moments.
Eventually, he heard a door open from the livingroom and footsteps. Steve appeared in the corridor, looking confused and tired; eyebags, red eyes and everything.
"Jonathan? Why are you here?" The other man asked, his voice was small and sad even when he tried to make it sound normal. Jonathan had only seen him like this a couple of times, it was weird and made him extremely concerned.
"You weren't answering your phone...so I was worried." He took his shoes off and came closer. Steve seemed even more tired up close. "You okay?"
Steve ignored the question, it wasn't subtle at all. "Shit, is it Sunday already?"
Jonathan nodded, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah. You okay?"
Steve looked away, turning away and into the kitchen. "Want a drink?"
"Steve, I'm serious. Are you okay? You can't just ignore me asking that every time."
"I'm fine. You want a drink? You also ignored a question."
Jonathan rolled his eyes behind Steve, finally following him. He saw the man reach for the cupboard and Jon put his hand over his, stopping him.
"I asked the question first. So you answer mine first." It was a childish answer, he knew that.
"I did. Said I was fine." Jonathan hated how smoothly Steve thought he was dismissing the question. Especially when he looked like that.
"Not to be rude, Steve, but you look like shit. Have you not been sleeping? Or have you been crying? Or I don't know, both?" He was really worried and Steve's avoidance was making his concern boil.
That seemed to have affected Steve, because he dropped his hand to his side, away from the cupboard handle and away from Jonathan's own hand. He didn't need an answer back, he knew something was wrong from the way tears began falling down Steve's cheeks and he immediately wiped them off, taking a step back.
"Sorry. I don't know why I'm getting emotional. I'm fine, really. I promise- well...maybe not. But...I'm fine now. Should be. I-i don't know." He was rambling and stumbling over his words, contradicting himself with every tear that he immediately wiped off as quickly as it fell.
"Steve...it's okay. You can tell me." Jonathan awkwardly stood there, hands out slightly like he wanted to hug the other man but hesitant to. Finally the desire to hug him took over and he pulled Steve closer to him, arms on his upper back.
He felt Steve hug back a few moments after, rubbing the fabric of Jonathan's sweater against his fingers and then clutching it harder as he buried his face in the smaller boy's shoulder.
"Sorry...i-i don't know what I'm doing." He sobbed softly, trying so hard not to make too much noise as if he was embarrassed for crying.
"It's okay. Nothing to apologize for. I'm here for you, you can talk to me." He held Steve for a couple of minutes, in almost complete silence except for the quiet sobs and shaky breaths every few seconds.
Eventually, Steve was the first to pull back, wiping his face on the bottom of his shirt and then glanced into Jonathan's eyes. He expected to see annoyance in there, maybe even a bit of disgust, but Jonathan looked at him with patience and warmth, giving him a small smile when he realized Steve was looking at him.
"Yeah okay, maybe I don't look or feel the best."
"That was kinda obvious." Jonathan's expression turned into concern again. "Want to go sit down and talk?"
Steve nodded, following behind and blinking the ache out of his eyes as they sat side by side on the couch. Neither spoke at first, just stared ahead of them. The house was quite empty, completely contrasted with Jonathan's family home. Steve still lived in his parent's home, well, technically it was his since his parents barely ever visited, maybe a couple of times a year for a few days at a time. There were no family photos around, just a couple of Steve and his friends or the kids that he collected over the years. Most of them taken by Jon. Music usually played loudly since Steve despised the absolute silence, especially when he was alone, but today there was none.
"Abby broke up with me." Steve suddenly said after a couple of silent moments.
"Hmm? Oh." Jonathan glanced at him, finding the other already staring back. He didn't even seem that sad anymore, just...disappointed. Maybe at himself?
"Yeah, oh." He took a deep breath, looking away momentarily. "She wasn't the best
but we were together for longer than I usually am with girls. I thought it could work out. But I guess I should've seen that coming, none of my relationships ever work out. I don't know what Im doing wrong."
"I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong." He lay a hand on the boy's shoulder, rubbing his thumb against the material of his shirt.
"I must be. They're always the ones breaking up with me. I mean, I did end a couple of relationships but it's mostly me who's always getting broken up with. First week or so usually goes great but then I don't know what happens."
Silence followed for a couple of seconds.
"Jon, is there something wrong with me?"
The words were so quiet and even though Steve wasn't crying or anything, Jonathan could hear just how much hurt and regret was in his voice. It made him want to hug his friend and never let go until Steve was okay. He would've definitely done that if he could.
"Nothing is wrong with you. Relationships are hard, especially when you're an adult with your own lives and stuff." He didn't know what else to say. He wanted to say a thousand things to comfort Steve but he knew most of them would sound way too strange, especially since they were friends. Just friends. No matter how much Jonathan secretly craved Steve. This was about comforting Steve though, not anything else.
"You're sounding like Robin now. She says stuff like that but she's in a happy relationship with Vickie for ages now so she doesn't know how it is. Then again you and Nancy aren't looking for anyone, so I don't know what to do anymore."
Jonathan listened to Steve and was almost going to tell Steve that he was in fact looking for someone, or at least did like someone, but he knew if he ever told that person how he truly felt then everything they had could get ruined and he really didn't want to risk that.
"It's okay Steve, you're okay. There's nothing wrong with you." He saw Steve give the smallest nod and he felt a bit relieved that he got him to understand that part. "Want me to stay? Until you get better at least. I'm free next few days anyways. If you want me to of course."
"Stay, please."
"Okay, I will."
Jonathan hugged Steve again, not for too long even though. He wanted to stay like that for the rest of the day, bathing in the warmth. He got up and went into the kitchen, making them both a coffee. He knew the other must be tired, he looked like he would fall asleep at any moment. He could just imagine Steve pacing around in the middle of the night, or even just laying in bed staring up at the ceiling overthinking every interaction to figure out what he did wrong. It killed Jonathan to even think about it so he tried to erase the thought and instead join the other on the couch again.
"Jon, can I say something?" Steve's voice shook as he took a couple of sips then swirled the coffee around with his spoon to focus on anything but Jonathan.
"Of course. You can tell me anything."
"I don't know why but when I'm with you...it feels different. Different from when I'm with Robin or any of my exes."
Jonathan froze for a split second, then regained composure. "How so?"
"You make me feel so much better. I feel like I'm acting around all those girls. And usually I don't want to worry Robin too much since she already does that enough when I'm the slightest bit off. But I genuinely feel good with you."
Even Steve didn't know what he was implying himself, or maybe he just didn't look it, so Jonathan just nodded, showing that he was listening when he was an absolute mess of feelings inside.
"I...i think I need a break from dating girls for a while."
"Hmm?" He zoned out for a sec then remembered what they were originally talking about. "Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know. You do you. Maybe that'll help? Yeah, good idea. Focus on yourself for a bit."
Steve smiled for the first time that evening, almost laughed but stopped himself.
"I think you helped me realize my problem. Thanks Jonnie."
"What problem? There is nothing wrong with you, that's what I said, remember?" He took a sip from his scolding hot coffee, burning his lips and tongue.
"Coffee is hot?" Steve was already half way through his drink, watching Jonathan closely.
"Perhaps."
"Let me help you with that." Steve put his mug down on the coffee table and Jonathan subconsciously did the same, leaning in slightly. He then touched their lips together, somewhere in between them.
Their bodies felt like they were on fire and it definitely wasn't from their drinks. Jonathan reached up a hand into Steve's hair, feeling the other guy's hand on the side of his face after he finally got comfortable. Their tongues then met each other's and Jonathan swore he was going to just explode right that second. He completely forgot about his tongue burning, the saliva from Steve soothed it. They pulled away after a minute, just staring at each other as if they couldn't believe what just happened. Their hands were still on each other and neither realized that they were closer together on the couch.
"Oh fuck." Steve looked scared for a second. "Sorry- i have no clue what I just did."
"It's fine. Steve it's fine, don't panic. I actually sorta...liked it."
Steve sighed in relief, looking away to hide the dumb smile on his face.
"Feeling better?" Jonathan asked, shuffling on the couch so they were now side by side with their shoulders and knees touching.
"Yeah actually. Thanks for coming over and sorry for forgetting about the call."
Jonathan laughed. "It's alright, I'm kinda glad you did otherwise I probably wouldn't be here right now."
He felt Steve rest the side of his head on his shoulder, snuggling a tiny bit closer. It made Jonathan smile to himself, still not able to comprehend this was happening.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Then you'll have to get up and I like sitting like this." Steve groaned, closing his eyes as if to say Jonathan is definitely not moving.
"Then...later?"
"Yeah."