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Shen Qingqiu knew it was the best option. Some part of him still found it left a bad taste in his mouth. But it was necessary, of course. There was no other option that would return – at least a drop – of what he owed Binghe, his little lamb, and keep himself safe in the aftermath.
Luo Binghe didn't kill women, after all.
The Sun Moon Dew Flower wasn't easy to find. And after all the effort they went through to procure them, Shang Qinghua bailed on helping him! Useless fool! His fate would soon end miserably as well. Shen Qingqiu was only looking out for a bro.
It was silly, to be so attached to a body anyway.
Strangely, when Shen Qingqiu – he should pick a different name now, shouldn't he? – clawed out of the ground and dragged himself over to a river to wash off, he felt more affected than he thought he'd be.
Well, she. She felt more affected than she had anticipated. She dressed quickly, in the robes she had buried with her seedling. Thankfully, they were only a little bit decomposed, so they would do until she could make it to civilisation.
Before she set off, though, she took a moment to stare at herself in the river's reflection. It wasn't unlike Shen Qingqiu's – still angular in places, and elegant. It was definitely different, though. More feminine. Uncomfortably familiar.
But that was ridiculous! A face was a face! And why should she feel uncomfortable at being reminded of the past– it wasn't like Luo Binghe knew what Peerless Cucumber looked like before, anyway! So why should she care about the way she looked?
Once she was clean, dressed, and had wrestled the mud out of her tangled hair enough to put it up in a bun, the next thing was to figure out a name. She couldn't very well be Peerless Cucumber, after all. It hadn't mattered much before, when it was just her internet persona, that she was maybe telling a bit of a white lie regarding a certain euphemism, but it would be much more obviously incongruous now.
Anyway, it wouldn't do to use an old name. This was a new life. A new start! That wasn't her anymore – there wasn't an internet to waste all her days on webnovels and comment sections. She'd need to get a job, presumably, and learn some new skills befitting her new status as a woman in fantasy ancient China.
She was an NPC! The freedom she had was… still lacking, to be honest. An NPC who had nothing to her name apart from some falling apart robes and a bad hairdo. She still had her cultivation, though! She could earn some money from night hunts once she acquired a sword. Presumably through some sort of barter trade she could haggle a sword off some blacksmith somewhere.
Not to mention, she was now a female NPC, which raised the likelihood of her bumping into the protagonist considerably. With her unspectacular appearance and connections, it was likely that if she ever did, she wouldn't last much longer than a three chapter arc before she faded into obscurity. But there was a chance, albeit a small one, that she'd be able to see her little lamb again.
She was still staring into the river. Little reeds waved in the current. Littler fishes darted between them.
Still nothing. She'd come up with a name later.
Trekking back to civilisation was tiring. What she wouldn't give to have Xiu Ya again… She sighed. The long trip to find this backwater region of the realms, far enough out of the way of the main sects to be an entirely rural, politically unimportant region near the borderlands, where work for a wandering cultivator might be appreciated, had been far easier when flying on a spiritual sword.
But that life wasn't gone in full! Once she had a sword again, she wouldn't cut the same figure as the esteemed Xiu Ya sword, so tall and elegant, but she would still be able to fly.
Eventually, anyway. There was still a lot of walking to go before she reached the nearest town.
Heilin Town was uncertain about the new woman who had wandered out of the forest into their midst. They were close to the borderlands, and odd things came out of the forest fairly often, but they usually weren't so humanoid, or so friendly. The townspeople wondered where she had come from. Rumours whispered the woman was actually a nature spirit awoken from a thousand year sleep, or a half breed demon fleeing her original town in shame, or maybe even a cultivator of much higher spiritual power than she claimed, escaping some scandal or other! They weren't far off on that last one, to be fair.
Her robes were probably too tattered for the last one to be true, so a large majority of the village tended towards the nature spirit theory.
The other group in town countered this with the fact that she had enough money on her to pay Auntie Fang to make her a new set of robes, which seemed implausible for a nature spirit centuries out of the loop with society.
The others countered back: what sort of cultivator didn't have a sword?
Regardless, it wasn't long before the mysterious new woman was working under Auntie Fang as a sort of apprentice seamstress, and then not long after that that she dispatched of a troupe of Gibbering Gibbons from the forest without even a sword on her. It was certainly enough for her to earn enough to travel to a nearby settlement where a blacksmith did exist, and for her to commission them to make her a sword of her own. Soon the town was capable of boasting of their own cultivator protector, who could also sort of mend your robes if you gave her enough time and fabric to work with, and didn't expect much. She was certainly much better at one skill over the other.
There was one thing that struck them all as strange though, even after they all came to like her. Try as they might, they just couldn't find out her name.
Every time she was asked, she clammed up. Solid as a palace wall, reinforced with guards on patrol. It was almost as if she just didn't have one. Little Dou Le believed strongly in the nature spirit theory, and swore up and down it was because she just couldn't remember, after so many years asleep in the earth.
Auntie Fang called her "A-Yuan" after a while, for the walls she kept up strong around her, and the woman blushed enough each time it was said that the townspeople all adopted it just to witness the sight for themselves.
She was very beautiful, their new cultivator.
It made perfect sense when a handsome suitor came to call for her.
Shen Yuan liked her new name. It wasn't especially feminine, which probably didn't suit her character that well, but it had been given to her, not one she'd chosen, so clearly it fit well enough. She liked the mystery it afforded her as well; it was almost a narrative-given excuse to not reveal too much about herself!
Auntie Fang had smiled knowingly at her when she said it for the first time, and from then Shen Yuan knew it would be how she'd be known by the rest of the town as well.
She was just trying to sew a patch into the teahouse chef's work trousers when Auntie knocked on the doorframe of her workroom. She had the knowing smile on her face again.
"There's someone here to see you," she said. Her eyes twinkled with that look that betrayed her excitement. For such an old lady she had such devious energy! Shen Yuan wasn't sure she wanted to know what was happening.
But her heart swooped in her chest and her blood started to pump. Even after these lonesome years, she still reacted the same way whenever she thought of her past life – and the people in it. Was it presumptive of her to assume she might know who would be coming to see her?
It had been six years since she had seen him, after all, and that was even with the uncertain amount of time she had spent underground.
Surely by now he would be well into the harem collecting arc of his story. (Could it be called an arc, when all it became was a never-ending loop of the same narrative forever and ever until the story ended? Shen Yuan cursed Airplane bro again). It wouldn't be too unlikely to assume that he might have made his way into this corner of the human realm.
"Who is it?" Shen Yuan asked, heart pounding.
Auntie's smile widened. "A-Yuan should come out and see for herself."
Shen Yuan made a mock-sigh and rolled her eyes. Fine, she'd come and see. She ignored how Auntie grinned at her cheeks preemptively blushing.
The shopfront was full of scraps of fabric, mostly muted tones since they weren't a rich village, and the townspeople couldn't afford much, but there was the occasional silk or brocade that held the coveted attention of wealthier visiters. Stood by some light green silk, brushing softly over its liquid pools, was the man Shen Yuan had been tentatively anticipating.
She had hoped in her heart it would be him, but seeing him for the first time in so long was more impactful than she had known how to expect. The breath was knocked out of her. Her eyes couldn't scavenge enough from the sight of his face – so grown up. So much more mature, more worldly. Was she imagining the tension in his face? Had she missed some important movements in the empire that would cause him to lose sleep?
"Oh…" she had said, without knowing.
Luo Binghe, the junshang of the three realms, snapped his head up. "Guniang," he greeted, bowing shallowly. "This humble one is Luo Binghe."
"There's no need for all that," Shen Yuan said, blushing deeper. "This one is honoured to greet Junshang."
Luo Binghe looked briefly surprised. "This one wasn't aware that news had travelled of me here."
"Well!" Shen Yuan said. In fairness, it hadn't really. But people would always travel, and they would always gossip. That she had been picking up only outlandish rumours and scraps of information was by the by. "One hears things even here."
Smiling softly, almost sadly, Luo Binghe nodded.
They stood facing each other for a moment in the quiet. Shen Yuan wasn't quite sure what to say. Wasn't it Luo Binghe who was meant to be making all the moves? Doing the seducing?
...Was it far too presumptuous of her that she might be a subject of his attractions, even like this?
Auntie had crept up behind her, and cleared her gravelly throat. Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe both jumped.
"Were you here to buy a set of robes, boy? Or are you just here to goggle at our A-Yuan?"
"Auntie!" Shen Yuan hissed. Surely she could tell she needed to be more polite?
Luo Binghe shook his head, a sad smile pulling one corner of his lips up. "Apologies, but this one isn't here to shop. Rather, I am looking for someone dear to me."
Shen Yuan stifled an 'Eep!' Did that mean her? She was the woman of marriageable age in this scenario! And, being honest, in kind of the whole town. Sorry to some of the spinster jiejies who had been here longer. Luo Binghe hadn't ever really bothered with women over thirty five unless they fit into the milf category, and even then there were only a seldom few examples and Shen Yuan could attest to the fact that they definitely weren't from this town.
Auntie elbowed him, not quite subtly enough to escape Luo Binghe's notice.
"Can this one…" she coughed lightly. "Can this one help you search for who you are looking for?"
This was her moment! The perfect trope! Helping the protagonist find his heart's desire, only to unwittingly help him realise that she was the one he was looking for all along!
She hoped the fact she wasn't unwitting wouldn't detract from the narrative.
"This humble one would be honoured," Luo Binghe smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes.
Luo Binghe's clothes weren't quite as ornate as Shen Yuan had expected they would be, now that she was walking alongside him around the village and allowed herself to have a closer look. They were on a sort of unofficial date, chaperoned by everyone in the village peering out of their paper windows and doorframes.
He wasn't really dressed befitting an emperor, she thought. He'd clearly come hoping to avoid detection, since he hadn't arrived with a retinue, or even with his legendary sword Xin Mo. The sheathed sword at his side was something much more unassuming.
Shen Yuan sensed that both of them were studying each other, and struggling to find things to say.
"The weather in this part of the world is quite mild," Luo Binghe said eventually, after a few moments analysing Shen Yuan's face.
"Oh yes," Shen Yuan replied. "It's not that bad, especially for being rather close to the borderlands."
"Mm." Luo Binghe said. "It doesn't trouble you, being near them?"
"Not at all!"
Luo Binghe turned to Shen Yuan with an eyebrow raised at her vehemence. Oh, right. Shen Yuan swallowed, and tried to remember to be demure. Ladylike.
"Guniang doesn't despise demons, then?"
Shen Yuan immediately broke her freshly calm expression to frown. "Of course not. What is it worth despising demons, or beasts, and holding prejudice against them all? Some humans can be beastly, and worth despising, so can't demons be worth loving? Besides, we're all just beings living in an ecosystem. Some of the creatures that I've met living in this world have been some of the most fascinating… and the most beautiful."
Saying this, she glanced up between her eyelashes at Luo Binghe, and caught his eye.
He was staring at her with such awe that she had to look away.
"Anyway, that's my thinking on it," Shen Yuan said. "What about Binghe?"
Luo Binghe pursed his lips, eyes starting to twinkle. Wow… he really was mesmerising! Airplane was certainly right about the effect the protagonist had on women. "This one isn't sure… he'd like to hear more of guniang's thoughts on demons."
Shen Yuan shrugged. They were walking near to the forest, so she was happy to share her knowledge of all the demonic beasts endemic to the area.
"So," Shen Yuan said, after she had awkwardly wrapped up her lecture on the Lesser Spotted Lantern Hawk-Moth, and its effects as an invasive demonic species on the rest of the forest's ecosystem, not to mention to the townspeoples' crops and livestock, "What was it again that brought Binghe to this little town?"
It was then that she realised she had been calling the emperor of the three realms 'Binghe' and she blushed deeply again.
Oops. Hopefully the blush would be mistaken for a naive maiden hoping for the protagonist to say 'you', or some other such soppy nonsense.
Luo Binghe brought them to a halt, stopping gently in front of Shen Yuan, and turning back to face her. His face was soft, open, and his eyes seemed ever so slightly like there was a film of tears just waiting to brim over. It must have been from a speck of something in the wind, she thought. Even protagonists' eyelashes couldn't do their job perfectly all the time.
"This one was lost beyond all measure," he said quietly. "Before coming here, he visited an… advisor who gave him this."
Reaching in between the V of his robes (which let Shen Yuan glimpse a hint of chest!!), Luo Binghe retrieved an amulet. It glowed faintly white along swirling lines engraved into the marbled stone.
"I'm searching for someone. This amulet is meant to bring me to the true body housing the soul I have been missing. I am… grateful that I am now so close."
Shen Yuan nodded excitedly. "This person must mean a lot to Junshang, for him to use the Amulet of the Surging Tide to find her!"
The amulet was used in a plot line to help Luo Binghe search for his lost lover, who had been kidnapped in some stupid wife plot before he could wed her and feed her his blood. It could help him search through the borders of all the realms, and could even see through powerful disguises. In PIDW, Luo Binghe had had to travel to some remote underwater castle guarded by a rare and fearsome ocean variant of a Giant Frilled Anaconda. It was so cool since the ocean variant had bioluminescent scales that lit up in a pattern that could control the other ocean creatures around it, leading a vertiable army of sealife against Luo Binghe in his attempts to raid the castle's treasures. The storyline had, of course, ended in another insufferable marriage and subplots that were never properly resolved, but the descriptions of the underwater palace and the fight to conquer it had kept Shen Yuan gripped to the edge of her seat when reading.
"…Yes." Luo Binghe said slowly. "I believe I have found… her."
His hand reached up, almost tremoring, to land on Shen Yuan's chin. Oh wow... His hand was slightly calloused, but warmth flushed through the pad of his thumb straight to her cheeks. Shen Yuan blushed bright red.
Wasn't this very soon? On their first date? For a kiss?
Of course Shen Yuan would follow the protagonist's lead… It's just – shouldn't they get to know each other like this a bit better first?
"What does Binghe like to do for fun these days?" Shen Yuan blurted out, a little recklessly.
Luo Binghe blinked. Shen Yuan stared in disbelief as the tears that had been threatening to escape him, did. Luo Binghe wasn't supposed to cry like that! So easily!?
He laughed awkwardly, a little shakily, and scrubbed them roughly away. It took nothing for Shen Yuan's hand to reach up, and softly brush against his cheeks with his sleeve. More tears escaped him. It was enough that Shen Yuan ended up with both hands frantically smoothing away the salt tracks on Luo Binghe's face.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "What's troubling you?"
Luo Binghe's breath hitched. "This one apologises for his shameful display."
"Not shameful," she said. "Shh."
It was then that Luo Binghe sobbed, and gathered Shen Yuan up in his arms for a tearful embrace.
"Shh, Binghe," she soothed, "it's alright."
Well! Shen Yuan thought. Either the protagonists seduction tactics had changed tack, or something must have happened in the however-many years she'd been gone!
"Hey!" Auntie Fang shouted at them from the main street, peering out of her doorway. "Hands off each other! You're not married yet!"
"Oh!" Shen Yuan said. "This one would never –" Auntie!! So presumptuous!
Luo Binghe was blushing. "Please accept my sincerest apologies. I would never normally treat a lady so improperly."
Shen Yuan paused. Oh. Of course. "Forgiven," she said, absently. She was a lady. A lady in a stallion novel, to be sure, but societal rules still applied!
She couldn't just go around patting the protagonist on the head and indulging his clingy cuddles. And due to her new height, she couldn't even reach the top of his head anymore! They would have to court normally. Sensibly.
Had Luo Binghe in the novel ever really cared about propriety? She supposed she'd raised him right in that regard. He'd never really got so close with his female shijies on Qing Jing like he had in the novel.
"Sh–" Luo Binghe's throat worked. "Auntie mentioned you were named A-Yuan?"
"Shen Yuan," she said, unthinkingly. It was how she thought of herself in her head, after all. She gulped a bit, but it wasn't an uncommon surname! There was no immediate attachment to Luo Binghe's scum teacher! Besides, it had belonged to Shen Yuan in her first life as well – she was attached to it.
"Shen Yuan…" Luo Binghe looked down at his feet. For all he was towering over her and the picture of the storybook hero, he seemed so delicately shy. Almost more of a maiden than she was herself. "This one hopes that he might get to know Shen Yuan a little better. As she is now."
As she is now? What did that mean?
Shen Yuan frowned slightly. "This one would of course like to spend more time with Junshang."
"Please – call me Binghe."
Shen Yuan blinked. That was a privilege only the most favoured wives were given, and usually after much longer romantic arcs than this!
"Binghe, then." Her blush bloomed further. "I'd be happy to get to know more about Binghe."
"And to share more about yourself as well?" Luo Binghe looked up, pleadingly. "This one wants to hear more from Shen Yuan. About how she has been."
Um…? Ok?
"Of course…" Shen Yuan replied.
"Then – if it isn't too presumptuous to ask – is Shen Yuan happier like this?"
UM!
"I'm sure I don't know what Binghe is referring to?" Shen Yuan whiffed. Fuck! How did he figure it out so soon?
She shouldn't have assumed she could fool the protagonist so easily! Damnit! Did she have time to run? Just as she began to seriously consider it, Luo Binghe reached out and held on to her. Even with her plant body strength, she felt herself weaken against his grip.
"Please don't go! Shizun!"
Shen Yuan stiffened completely. He really had figured it out in less than an afternoon…
"How did Binghe–?" she stuttered. Scanning his face for the anger that would surely appear, she leaned back as far as she dared in in hold.
None came. Luo Binghe's anger was replaced in totality by fear, desperation, and relief.
"I can't believe I found you," he whispered. Seeming to remember the 'propriety' he had attempted to follow, he dropped her arm, and breathed in deeply. "The amulet worked." He looked down at it in his palm, frowning slightly in confusion. "But he said it would turn blue…"
Shen Yuan couldn't respond. She was frozen in shock still.
"But Shizun – A-Yuan – is this body the one you prefer?" Luo Binghe looked dejected, for some reason. "This disciple is sorry he never noticed."
Forcing her mouth to work, Shen Yuan whispered back. "Noticed what?"
"That Shizun is a woman?" Luo Binghe frowned, looking closely at her for her response. Shen Yuan wasn't able to help the slight wince she reacted with at his words. "Shizun… is not a woman?"
Shen Yuan pursed her lips. Of course she was! Look at her!
"Don't be silly, Binghe," she said. Anyway, they had more important things to talk about. Like why Luo Binghe didn't seem to care about punishing her for how Shen Qingqiu betrayed him! Abandoned him! Ran away to avoid the consequences of his actions! Even if she was a different person now, and a woman, she still deserved some kind of retribution!
"Shizun isn't a woman?" Luo Binghe repeated. One track mind! He straightened, and reached for Shen Yuan's hands again, before remembering it wouldn't be socially acceptable to do so.
Shen Yuan scoffed, and reached out to grab Luo Binghe's hands with her own. What use was propriety now? Between them? Man and woman or not, weren't they just Shen Yuan and Binghe?
"Don't say ridiculous things," she said. "Luo Binghe has found me. Or, he has found Shen Yuan. What will he do now?"
Luo Binghe shook himself. All the breath escaped him at once and he grinned. "This one will shout to the heavens in relief. This one will sing to the whole world that he has found Shen Yuan again. Will Shen Yuan return with him? She has not seen her martial siblings for quite some time. Will she visit Qing Jing Peak with him?"
What was all this? Had Luo Binghe made up with Cang Qiong somehow? Shen Yuan stood, dumbfounded. She supposed she had made sure that Luo Binghe didn't harbour nearly as much resentment for the sect as the original goods did. But how on earth had things turned on their head so much? The scraps of information that had floated through Heilin town had definitely not mentioned this.
"It's been eleven long years without Shizun," Luo Binghe said. "The world has missed her so much."
Shen Yuan frowned again.
Luo Binghe seemed to take this compeltely the wrong way.
"Shizun?" he said. "Shizun, please forgive this one if he is wrong, but this one cannot help but feel that perhaps –"
"Binghe, of course I'm a woman, look at me!" Shen Yuan said, impatiently.
"Shizun, that's not…" Luo Binghe's perfect eyebrows creased. He looked back down at his amulet again. "Shizun, please, tell me: when you were Shen Qingqiu, were you happy? Happier than you are now?"
Shen Yuan huffed. Then shrugged. "So what?"
"So what?" Luo Binghe's jaw dropped open. He somehow made it looked flattering, but really it was still a pretty gormless look. Shen Yuan bit her cheek to stop herself from telling him he'd catch flies. "So what? Shizun, you - if you don't want to be, you don't have to be a woman!"
"What does that mean, ah?" Shen Yuan said. "What 'don't have to be'? I am!"
"But if you don't want to be?" Luo Binghe repeated.
"What use is that?" Shen Yuan asked, rolling her eyes. "I'm fine like this."
As the words came out of her mouth she knew they didn't ring completely true.
She was fine, of course, she had been for six years like this. Did she particularly like being a woman? No, but did women in ancient fantasy china really like being women either? Probably not! There weren't many prospects outside of the jianghu for those who didn't have the capacity for being a cultivator, just marriage to someone you usually didn't have much choice in picking and lots of domestic tasks.
Shen Yuan wasn't even a very good woman, because she kept flying off to hunt monsters all the time. Not that the townspeople disliked her for it, they were grateful, but they certainly didn't consider it the most ladylike hobby. And she wasn't particularly gifted in her role as the seamstress's apprentice either.
But enjoying being a woman wasn't the point! She had been a woman the whole of her first life, after all, and she'd done fine with that until she died choking in anger at a stupid stallion novel!
She just wasn't particularly good at being a woman full-stop! Ancient fantasy woman or modern layabout woman. Not like her little sister, sweet and girlish, who always found her love for stallion novels weird and borderline misogynistic. But what did her sister know? She spent all her time reading about gay men having sex!
Still…
"Shizun…" Luo Binghe beseeched again. "If Shizun prefers being a man, this Luo Binghe will help him."
Shen Yuan shifted uncomfortably. It was true that the happiest she had been in a long time was as Shen Qingqiu. As soon as she had stood up in that body, she had felt freer than she had in… well, ever in her first life. And then as soon as the OOC lock was off, and she could act how she wanted, she had loved being the Xiu Ya sword, being so empowered. The glee she felt in being a man was a novelty. Caring for Binghe, teaching the Qing Jing disciples, going on missions with Liu Qingge and Shang Qinghua. Her male friendships ended up being the most important part of her life then, and doubly so once Luo Binghe had reached the abyss and she certainly couldn't say that she felt 'happier'.
If she went back to Qing Jing now, as a woman, it would all be so different.
It didn't matter being a different person, out here in the arse end of nowhere, where being a woman was just part of the character. But if Shen Yuan was back on Qing Jing, back where Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang would see her, and interact with her, then wouldn't that be so… strange? It's not like it wouldn't be allowed – just look at Qi Qingqi – but it didn't feel like it would be her.
If Shen Yuan could go back to being Shen Qingqiu, however…
"I'm not your shizun anymore," Shen Yuan rebuffed automatically. Instantly, Luo Binghe's face dropped. He sagged, and his eyes teared up again.
"Don't say that," he cried. "Please, you don't have to be Shen Qingqiu, but please still be my shizun."
A queer feeling came over Shen Yuan at those words. There had been a freedom but also a distinct sense of being caged that came with being Shen Qingqiu. A dichotomy that stemmed from being both in a body she enjoyed, having cultivation at her fingertips and living in a dream world with her favourite character, but also of the ever-present fear of the future, living the life of an imposter, and never knowing anyone purely as himself. Herself?
She had never considered that she could have it all combined – the comfort of being in a body she preferred, living the life she enjoyed, and of being known. It all seemed a bit greedy.
"Binghe…" Shen Yuan started. She was starting to think, a lot, about what she was hearing, and what she wanted. "Binghe is being honest? About what this Shen could be?"
Luo Binghe sobbed, and nodded frantically.
"Shizun could be anyone, anything, and Luo Binghe would love him."
Who said anything about love??
Shen Yuan's eyebrows shot up, but Luo Binghe was crying too hard to notice her reaction.
"Then… if Luo Binghe doesn't mind… this Shen Yuan will remain Shen Yuan."
Luo Binghe peered up, waiting curiously for Shen Yuan to say more.
More? Shen Yuan was struggling to say this much as it is! She worked her throat. Now that the options were laid out in front of her, it was far easier to weigh up what felt right in her heart. Still, it was a whole other thing to voice them out loud!
"And… I would like to return to Qing Jing. Eventually."
Shen Yuan hesitated slightly. Going back in this body… she would rather stay in this town than return like this, she thought, but she wasn't sure how to say it.
Luo Binghe pressed the amulet into Shen Yuan's hands. It glowed white, brighter than it had been, but still wasn't the blue it was meant to transform into.
"And does Shizun prefer to be a woman?"
Shen Yuan hesitated, then shook her head. Well, there wasn't any point in lying, when there was an amulet right there letting everyone know she wasn't really in her 'true body'. Unfair!
Luo Binghe's smile was brilliant. "If Shizun wishes, this one has kept his body in stasis on Cang Qiong. You can return to it whenever you wish!"
Oh! Well. That was… convenient?
Shen Yuan pondered it. Eventually, he shook his head.
"Let that body go, Binghe," he said. "It deserves a burial. But if you and I have time to research, then perhaps we can find some way of transforming me as I am now."
"That might take some time," Luo Binghe said, eyes regaining that sparkle. "It would involve a lot of travelling."
Shen Yuan smiled, and finally was able to relax. "This one would like to spend that time with Binghe."
It was a year later when Shen Yuan felt comfortable enough to return to Qing Jing. He had spent the year with Luo Binghe, travelling, learning more about himself, and mending their relationship. Regardless of Luo Binghe's feelings on the matter of forgiveness, Shen Yuan at least felt that there was a lot he ought to make up for.
Not least of all, making it so difficult to find him. The amulet hadn't been easy to find, especially as it turned out that Shang Qinghua forgot about it for three whole years, and even then couldn't remember the details of the castle's location or the beast that defended it. Which was a massive insult to the ocean variant Giant Frilled Anaconda, and Shen Yuan let him know it.
They had visited Auntie Fang and Heilin town a few times on their travels. Auntie Fang was overjoyed for him, but Shen Yuan remained disbelieving of her claim that she 'always knew'. He didn't know! How on earth could she possibly have? Who taught that backwater town old lady about gender nonconformity anyway, huh?
Anyway, it had taken some time, long weeks researching and foraging and experimenting, before he had finally managed to modify his plant body to a version he felt more comfortable in. Shen Yuan's face was still similar to his first life's, but there was a distinct masculinity to it now that meant he found himself smiling at his reflection more often than not.
And the cut of his robes as they fell from his shoulders to his waist to his toes, fluid and striking, injected a sense of pride into his walk. They swished just like they had when he was Shen Qingqiu. He didn't just move from place to place now – he glided. He strutted!
Luo Binghe was clearly enamoured with the new energy his shizun had.
That had taken some getting used to, as well. The idea that Luo Binghe might still care for Shen Yuan as a man (might actually prefer it, even), and want him, regardless of how he looked. Might love him.
The man in question snaked around him and kissed behind his ear. "How is Shizun feeling?" he asked gently.
At the present moment, they were in the foothills of the Cang Qiong mountain range, in a camping tent befitting an emperor. Shen Yuan had been trading messages with some of the Peak Lords, courtesy of Shang Qinghua, for the past six months, but it still felt like a big step to go from 'letting your old friends know you weren't actually dead for all this time and getting to know them again as a person who felt different to the person you had pretended to be for so many years' through ink and paper, to seeing them in person and doing it all over again. Regardless, it was necessary. And more than past time for it.
Shen Yuan caught Luo Binghe's eyes in the mirror, and smiled nervously. He looked good. He felt good. He would be fine.
It was time to return home.