Chapter Text
—Later.—
His vision was getting blurred.
—Yup! Drop by the school for another guest appearance! Aizawa-sensei wants me to give a lesson on basic communication skills.—
Katsuki wanted to cry.
—Better not paint me as the bad example.—
He fought back the tears stinging his eyes
“When everyone’s special to you… then no one is, basically.”
He didn’t cry.
At least he turned around before he could watch him running behind her.
The gossip started hard —Right! Did you see how Midoriya and Uraraka were looking at each other during dinner?— Kirishima nudged.
—I totally noticed it! They would look so cute together.— Mina said dreamily. —I bet they will finally get together soon! They have been flirting with each other since high school, right?—
—Exactly. I also think it’s time for them to get together. Like, everyone is waiting for that moment.— He said, amused.
Well. Katsuki wasn’t “amused” at all.
—Talking about him…— Suddenly, Mina had a malicious look in her eyes.–So? How did Blasty’s almost-marriage proposal to Midoriya go?– she teased, waggling her eyebrows from the back seat of the car, where Izuku had been sitting just a couple of hours earlier
No one said anything. A few seconds passed.
–Uh… ¿Are you okay?–
Nothing was “okay”.
Shame and anger twisted inside him, giving rise to that bitter, all-too-familiar frustration that slowly began to devour him from the inside out.
Today was meant to be the day the office beside his at the agency would finally be filled. Today was meant to be the day that, after Half n’ Half’s celebration dinner, they’d return to his apartment and share the katsudon he had prepared to celebrate his “inevitable” integration into the hero Dynamight’s agency. Today was meant to be the day they would finally make their childish dream real — becoming a heroic duo and building an agency together, side by side.
But in the end, none of it happened because Izuku had rejected him coldly.
“Really? Uh. No, sorry, I’m good.” Then everything got fucked the hell up.
Katsuki wanted the ground to swallow him whole right then and there.
What the fuck had just happened…? Katsuki wasn’t sure if, at some point in his life, Izuku had been swapped out for some perfect fucking clone. Maybe his evil double — some version of him still bitter as hell about everything that went down in middle school — had crawled out of a damn portal like in those movies they used to watch together and forced him to switch places just to get revenge on Katsuki and mess with his head.
Okay. Obviously, that wasn’t what had happened.
Still, whatever the hell had happened left him completely thrown off. He knew that, even though they were still good friends — and even though he kept visiting UA as a guest hero — they’d drifted a little. He wasn’t going to bullshit himself about that. But even then, this had been way the fuck out of character. Brainwashing? No damn reason for Shinso to pull something like that. Someone who just looked like Deku? Fuck, he almost wished Toga was still alive so he could land on that explanation and be done with it.
Toga.
Oh.
Pink Cheeks
…
Right, fucking Pink Cheeks. Like they’re so disgustingly in love.
Yeah. No reason to act surprised.
He was ready to keep sinking into his own miserable spiral, replaying Izuku Deku’s voice over and over in his head — flat, indifferent, almost fucking uncomfortable — “What? Uh. That’s not going to happen.” — until he felt the heavy stare of Shitty Hair burning into him.
Kirishima sighed and shot Bakugo a glance, silently asking for approval. Bakugo just clicked his tongue and kept his eyes on the road as he drove.
Clearly, that rock brain took it as a green light.
—Okay, so… look… shit didn’t exactly go how we planned… —he fumbled, trying to find the right words— and I thought Midoriya hadn’t caught on, so I told him… —he took a breath— “He turned down your offe”—
—Okay, enough. Stop making it longer than it really was.— Katsuki interrupted him.
After years of knowing those idiots who trailed after him through UA, Katsuki knew he could count on them. Especially Kirishima — the one he’d ended up trusting more than the rest. The redhead’s exclusive access to everything Bakugo Katsuki didn’t last long once he found out he and Pinky were a thing and told each other everything. And when he said “everything,” he meant everything. Obviously, he didn’t go into that much detail about Katsuki — or at least that’s what he wanted to believe; when he realized the truth, he’d nearly committed fucking first-degree murder — but that damn gossip couldn’t stand not knowing and never gave him a moment of peace.
Now, the two of them were essentially a two-for-one deal. And Raccoon Eyes knew damn well that if anything slipped out of her mouth, Katsuki Kacchan Bakugo was fucking capable of taking matters into his own hands. Anyway, he just tells them what’s necessary.
—Long story short, the shitty nerd said he had zero interest in becoming my sidekick.— he mumbled. —Basically, Shitty Hair made my indirect suggestion five times more direct and…— he took a deep breath —he just said “That’s not gonna happen.”—
His voice cracked a little, but, fortunately, none of them noticed – and if they did, they didn’t say anything.
—Oh.— Mina broke the silence —Um… I honestly didn’t expect that.—
—Save it, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need him.— Katsuki didn’t want her pity.
Silence.
—Now I come to think of it… Did he at least understand what you were talking about?—
—I said save it, Racoon Eyes.—
—I am serious. What if he thought of a sidekick like an assistant instead of a partner to fight alongside?— She kept insisting
—I am serious. Save. It.—
Mina gave him a dirty look while Kirishima was visibly uncomfortable.
—Fine. I was just saying…—
Katsuki glared at her through the mirror —I am not fucking saying it again.—
—God, you’re insufferable.— Deal with it, Katsuki thought —Anyways, this is my stop.— She said before stepping out of the car, her exit eased some of the tension that had been hanging between them
—See ya, babe!— Kirishima waved to his girlfriend as she waved back.
The car rolled forward once more when Shitty Hair decided to talk again.
—So… uh.—
Katsuki cut him off. —Don’t. Say. A word.—
Kirishima was a good friend, and he knew when he shouldn’t push Katsuki. The rest of the trip went by in silence, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
What on earth was that? His head hurts; all he could hear was the relentless buzz of blood hammering at his temples. Were those words the ones Izuku chose to throw at my face after we went through? Together? I’d spent years designing every single corner of this damn agency because we were meant to be together, fighting. I spent years designing his goddam suit, reminding all those idiots from old class 3-A, working for eight years, and eating cheap shit to save money for Izuku’s damn dream – if being a hero still is his dream, because Katsuki feels that he doesn’t know him anymore. I wasted so much time and money, only for everything to turn out like this. But they say heroes do good things without expecting anything in exchange, don’t they? Well, to absolutely no one’s surprise, Katsuki Bakugo was selfish – particularly when it came to Izuku Midoriya – so he was kinda waiting for a reward.
And to Katsuki’s surprise, all Deku said was a brief “thank you”.
Unfortunately for him, the silence didn’t last long as Kirishima started to butt into his business.
—Midoriya is your friend.— It wasn’t even a question; he just said it.
— Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.—
For a few moments, Kirishima was silent, caught up in his own mind.
He better not say anything wei-
—You like him, don’t you?—
The car stopped abruptly (coincidentally, the stoplight just turned red).
—What. The. Actual. Fuck.— Katsuki slowly turned his head. —Did you just say?—
Kirishima’s pressed lips reflected his nervousness, but his eyes screamed determination. He hesitated before speaking, weighing his words. Like he could somehow make Bakugo spill something. Ha! As if he could.
—Maybe Mina was right, you know. Maybe Midoriya got offended because he thought you wanted him as a simple sidekick instead of the sidekick, your partner, your duo.— Katsuki didn’t want to fall for it; he didn’t want to let himself hope again. Still, what Kirshima and Mina were saying sounded like something Deku would do.
—You like him. And not as a friend.—
Before Katsuki could scream at him to mind his own business, someone honked at him, forcing him to move forward. He hadn’t even realized the light had switched to green – his mind was too tangled, too tense from Kirishima’s relentless stare, pressing him like a damn interrogation.
Every second felt heavier, and the world around him blurred into the noise of horns and traffic lights.
—Dude, you know you can count on me for anything… like for anything, right?—
Katsuki went completely quiet. But the damn radio had to switch at the worst possible moment, twisting his anger into something else.
“Vuelves en cada sueño que tengo. Caigo de nuevo en tu red. Sé que tarda un tiempo… curarme de ti de una vez.”
He let out a bitter chuckle and, with a sad voice, said —Eijiro…—
“Tuve tantos momentos felices. Qué olvido lo triste que fue. Darte de mi alma lo que tú echaste a perder.”
The redhead opened his eyes wide because of the use of his name.
“Yo no quería amarte. Tú me enseñaste a odiarte. Todos los besos que me imaginé…”
And suddenly, he cranked the volume up and clenched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles went white.
—I loved him…—
“…vuelven al lugar donde los vi crecer.”
—Wait, wha… OH MY- —
“EN SATUUUUUUURNO”
He slammed his foot on the gas.
— -FUCKING LORD. BAKUBRO.—
“VIVEN LOS HIJOS QUE NUNCA TUVIMOS”
—JESUS CHRIST, KATSUKI, WATCH OUT.—
“EN PLUTÓÓÓÓÓN AÚN SE OYEN GRITOS DE AMORRR.”
*SCREECH–*
At least they didn’t crash. I mean, they almost crashed – they didn’t, though.
As he swerved to avoid a car and jerked the wheel to slam into a spot by the curb, a deafening screech tore through the air – his brand-new car practically protesting his reckless driving.
Kirishima’s ragged breathing filled the silence, and a few seconds later, he whipped his head toward him so fast Katsuki was sure he’d nearly snapped his neck.
Katsuki slowly redirected his head —Why are you lookin’ at me like that?— he innocently asked
Wrong move.
—What the hell was that, Katsuki?—
Kirishima rarely used his given name, so Katsuki could ensure that he was completely thrown off. —Ya are just overdramatic, I just… huh, liked the song?— Katsuki’s gaze flickered everywhere, refusing to meet Kirishima’s.
— You kidding me? Bakubro, no one acts like this when they like a song. You literally almost killed us AND a civilian. —
It wasn’t a lie at all, though.
— So, are you gonna tell m- —
— Yeah, no. Let’s go — Katsuki’s hands tightened around the steering wheel as he forced himself back onto the track.
But how could he go and tell Kirishima? Tell him the truth? Tell him that those pine-green eyes were the reason he couldn’t sleep at night?
How could he admit that the suit hadn’t only been about bringing Izuku back into the field, but also because he wanted him to stay by his side — for good? That the smile Izuku offered to the whole world somehow always felt like it was meant for him too, and that it made his heart race so violently it hurt — made him wonder whether it had ever truly healed. He wanted to share every single thought with that messy-haired idiot who still carried a touch of boyishness. The boy he had once died for at sixteen — and would do it again without hesitation.
How was he supposed to explain to Kirishima that he was in love with Izuku when Izuku was in love with Uraraka? How could he confess that he had given up on having a chance years ago? And even now — when he had gathered just enough fragile hope to ask to work beside him — Izuku had rejected him.
How could Izuku ever accept being anything more than friends… or partners?
—Just to remind you, you literally just said out loud “I loved him”. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?— Oh. So he had managed to say that to Kirishima after all.
Katsuki lowered his head and let out a breath, as if his heart were carrying more weight than his bones and muscles could bear. He glanced sideways at his best friend, who was watching him with obvious concern.
Katsuki hated, hated, hated that look in people’s eyes. Pity. Especially when it was directed at him. But maybe this time… maybe he could allow it. Like his therapist had said:
“What you keep locked inside doesn’t disappear; it just grows heavier. Say it out loud. Let it lose its power.”
—Let’s go grab a drink.—
—So…— Kirishima started —You like Midoriya.—
He felt a little flustered, warmth creeping up to his ears —Maybe…—
—Nuh uh, the “maybe”s don’t exist. Do you like him or not?—
After Katsuki’s near group suicide attempt, he and Kirishima headed to a bar close to his place. The ride was silent, both of them seemingly trying to figure out what to say once they got there. They entered the bar quietly, catching a few glances from people who recognized them, but no one approached or whispered. Everyone was already aware of the close bond between the bombshell hero and the sturdy one. They picked a table in the back, giving themselves the space to talk freely about the blond’s revelation.
—Tsk— Katsuki just clicked his tongue in response and looked down. When he finally lifted his gaze, he met his friend’s eyes, full of both support and sadness. Because they both knew, both knew that Izuku had already started building a life with someone else.
Someone who wasn’t him.
With no remedy, Katsuki took a long swig of his beer – because he was going to need it — and nodded. —So what if I like that stupid nerd? There’s nothing I can do about it now. It’s obvious that the idiot doesn’t want anything to do with me, not even to be my hero partner.—
—Bakubro… Liste- —
—No, you listen. You really wanted me to say it? You really wanted me to get this off my chest? Then fucking listen. I don’t give a damn if I’m in love with that moron. Because you yourself said it, along with Raccoon Eyes, he’s all lovey-dovey with Roundface and they would probably be the cutest couple of the year, right? Fine. Let him be, because I couldn’t care less. What does it matter that the only reason, or at least the most important one, I went independent and built my agency was for him? Because I wanted that to be our agency? What does it matter…—
He paused, taking another long swing of his drink.
—What does it matter that I spent the last eight damn years eating nothing but garbage, living with the bare minimum, working overtime even though I could’ve lived comfortably… All because of my fucking brilliant idea to save up for his shitty hero suit so he could go back and live his dream?—
Kirishima looked startled, but Katsuki couldn’t have cared less. He could feel the alcohol prickling at his skin, probably what had triggered this emotional meltdown in the first place. —But of course, she’s his hero, right? She’s brave, and pretty, and kind… selfless and stupidly optimistic… and saves him from everything, right? Maybe that’s true. But…—
His eyes began to glisten.
—It’s… unfair.—
Mainly because I know it’s all a lie, he wanted to say.
They stayed silent for a few seconds before Kirishima decided to speak again.
—You know? I don’t think you should feel bad about what you feel— he said gently. —Honestly… I kind of suspected it deep down anyway. And I don’t think you’ve completely lost your chance to have Midoriya by your side.—
He hesitated, choosing his words carefully.
—I mean, if he’s truly happy with Uraraka, then yeah… that’s fine. It wouldn’t be very manly of us to get in the way.— He gave him a pointed look. —But you’ve gotta learn to move forward, too. And let yourself have some of Midoriya’s time and attention as a friend, or let yourself be at peace if you don’t have it too.—
Katsuki looked at him with wide, unreadable eyes. Kirishima couldn’t decipher the meaning behind that stare. He doesn’t understand the situation the way Katsuki Bakugo did, either.
Let himself settle for crumbs of Izuku’s attention and be at peace if he didn’t get them? Oh. No.
Katsuki could be many things, but when he set his mind on something, he went after it.
He could’ve easily told Kirishima the whole truth — asked for real advice, real support. But he couldn’t. As much as the whole little act between Izuku and Pink Cheeks pissed him off to no end, he still considered them both his friends. Yes, her too.
He would never admit it, but the war had changed him. It had changed the way he handled relationships. He’d ended up spending more time with her because of it — enough to even consider her one of his closest friends (at least among the women in his life). So he couldn’t go around exposing the private matters of two people who mattered to him. Because no matter how much it burned inside him, Katsuki was a man with firm values and solid ideals.
—Tch— Katsuki sighed in defeat —By the way, what were you saying about what Racoon Eyes said?—
—Do you mean the possibility of all being a misunderstanding?— He said, emphasizing “possibility”.
Katsuki understood that his friend had stressed that word because that was exactly what it was, a possibility. And like they say, hope is the last thing to die.
Besides, what else could Izuku possibly do other than tell him the same thing again? He had already gone through the grieving process of being rejected for a damn mediocre job position — no disrespect to Aizawa-sensei — instead of accepting the chance to fight alongside the one and only Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight.
Seriously. Did that bastard have any idea how many people Katsuki had turned down to be his duo? How many agencies had tried to recruit him before he officially opened their his agency?
Okay. Enough.
—Yeah, yeah. That. Whatchu gotta say ‘bout it?— he asked, leaning forward as though Kirishima were about to spill classified information that could change the world.
His friend hesitated for a moment before giving in. —Well… maybe Midoriya thought you were just talking about some random sidekick. Which we both know isn’t true. And maybe that offended him, so he shut you down like that. What do you think?—
—Mmm… yeah,— the blond muttered, fiddling with the edge of his napkin. —Sounds like something that nerd would probably assume. But let’s not get our hopes up—
—Exactly. But what if you ask him again after his first patrol? This time, be more direct— Yes, Izuku had already tested his suit, but the day after tomorrow would be his first official patrol since… well, since everything. So a few of their old classmates were planning to join in, partly to patrol together, partly to collaborate and boost their popularity rankings.
—Wow. For once, you actually said something with a couple of working brain cells— Katsuki replied, smirking. —’Kay, I’ll do it.—