Work Text:
u awake?
Poe could barely read the text as he squinted at his illuminated phone. He knew exactly who it was from; who else would be messaging him at - he checked the time - three in the morning? The fuck? He blinked groggily and rolled onto his back as he lowered the brightness on his phone and typed a reply:
Yeah.
come outside
Listen, Finn, I know it's summer and "only losers sleep over the summer", but this is your third night in a row.
and?
How do you even have the energy to walk to my house?
i didn't walk
"Fuck," Poe mumbled, sitting up and running a lazy hand through his hair. Trudging (if it could even be called that) to his window, he was able to faintly make out the silhouette of his best friend leaning against his family's car. He waved up at Poe innocently, though Poe could almost see his smug grin .
Fine. I'll be down in 5,
Poe typed into his phone, and turned away when he saw Finn's light up. He crept toward his dresser, careful not to step on the squeaky board running across his room, and grabbed his favorite sweatshirt. Damn the rest of his clothes, it wasn't the first time he'd been out at night in only his pajamas. And, knowing Finn, it wouldn't be the last.
After quickly brushing his teeth, he crept down the stairs and out the back door of his house. The front, as usual, was under intense surveillance from his sleeping, lazy, incredibly rotund corgi. He could wake up everyone within a square mile of the house with his barks, though, so Poe generally tried to avoid him when sneaking out.
The dewy grass made Poe wish he had put on something other than sandals as he neared his friend, hands resting in his pockets. "Took you long enough," Finn teased.
"Shut up." Poe was smirking, so the words held no insult. Finn looked at him, up and down, then started to smile too.
"Love the outfit," he said.
"Yeah, well some of us actually like to sleep comfortably," Poe said. Though he felt blood rushing to his face, it wasn't really visible in the dim light; he hadn't considered when he was getting ready that Finn was fully dressed, and he was in orange pajama pants and a grey NASA sweatshirt from Walmart that he didn't even
remember
the last time he washed. Finn, on the other hand, was ever the fashionista. Wearing a black shirt and jeans to match underneath Poe's old jacket, that neither of them could remember how it ended up in Finn's closet, he looked way too good for someone who was in the process of pulling his third all-nighter.
He sauntered around the car to open the passenger's door for Poe, who flopped onto the cushions inside. He sank into the leather seats, appreciating the way they had been so nicely preserved after thirty five years. The
1989 Millennium Falcon
had belonged to Finn's family since it was a new model, and Poe sometimes thought he was almost as infatuated with it as Han was. He smiled at the long russet hairs on the car floor; their furry St. Bernard must have been sitting in the front.
Finn slid into the driver's seat, and Poe flinched at how loudly he closed the car door. "My parents and dog are asleep, Organa, but I swear to god if you wake them up-"
"Do you remember when we were thirteen?" Finn asked, cutting off Poe's sentence. "And I was sleeping over at your house, and we accidentally dropped your toaster on a bunch of bubble wrap? Your parents were sound asleep the whole time. And BeeBeeAte just farted." Poe tried to keep a straight face, but how could he with that memory being brought to light? Finn continued talking. "So yeah, I think we'll be fine." He turned the keys, igniting the engine, and hit the gas pedal with
much
more force than was necessary. Poe gripped the side of the seats, cursing himself for not being prepared before Finn started driving. He had always liked to go too fast, almost frighteningly so; it was a miracle he'd ever passed his driver's test.
But really, Finn was smiling from ear to ear and he looked so goddamn pretty with the light from street lamps racing across his face, so how bad was it really? Poe bit his lip and kept his mouth shut.
Because no, he definitely was
not
having gay thoughts about his best friend, and had
not
been having them since the sixth grade, and
is not gay
at all. It wasn't a related fact that, while he'd always been a social butterfly at their school and had a fair few girls showing interest, he'd never had a girlfriend nor wanted one. What did it matter that he sometimes daydreamed about the two of them doing cheesy shit, like picnicking at a park? Or that he often stared at Finn's face for much too long when he wasn't looking, or that in those circumstances his eyes would always, inevitably, focus on his best friend's lips.
None of that was important, because he wasn't gay.
"So, buddy," he said, as if he hadn't just been imagining the feeling of Finn's mouth on his, "where are we going?"
"Do we have to go anywhere?" Finn asked. "I mean, we could just drive."
This was the thing about Finn. He was always so happy to do anything with Poe. He didn't let things stop him from enjoying himself. Poe often envied him for being so content and appreciative of every small moment that passed. The quality was one of the things he adored most about his friend. It wasn't as if his life was perfect, either; between being adopted by a state senator, having a half-brother who lived for the sole purpose of being an asshole and had gotten caught by his parents smoking all sort of things, and his half-brother's sociopathic boyfriend being livid because he'd gotten elected off the student council so that Finn could be a part of it, his personal matters were far from easy. Regardless, he simply loved living
life
, the good parts and the bad, and it was evident from their frequent early morning adventures that he wanted to live it with Poe. Or at least, he wanted to now, and that alone was more than enough to make Poe smile giddily whenever he thought about it. Poe felt almost uncomfortable thinking all of this while sitting right next to him, as if he was being invasive or creepy or just plain weird. But it wasn't like these observations were anything new. The truth was, he thought about Finn a lot.
But not in a gay way.
"Poe?" he heard Finn ask, and realized that he had missed the question.
"Huh? Sorry, tired," he lied.
"I asked if you wanted to go somewhere." Oh. Poe pursed his lips, an unconscious habit he did when he was thinking. He did want to stop somewhere, to have a nice calming time with Finn where he didn't have to worry about the guy being so sleep deprived that he accidentally wrapped the car around a tree. Damn Finn's claims that he was "completely awake," Poe wasn't buying it.
"How about Kamino Lake? It's not too far from here." Poe used to love Kamino lake as a kid, he went there all the time with his mom. Then, a few years later, he had taken Finn. That had been the first and last time they'd gone together, but Poe missed it and from the way Finn's face lit up, he guessed the feeling was mutual.
“Yeah, that sounds fun.” Poe should have expected Finn to make that sharp U-turn, flooring the gas pedal, and start speeding down the highway in the direction they'd came. But Poe still hadn’t been prepared, wasn't able to stop the surprised yelp escaping his lungs. "Finn, I swear to Christ-" he had began to shout, but then Finn turned his head to face Poe's, and
holy shit he was really fucking pretty
. Poe found himself at a gaping loss for words, unable to look away from Finn's smiling face, his delighted eyes, and in just that tiny fraction of a second everything around him was so
vivid
.
"Yes?" Finn said back, though it was more of a yell over the car's engine. Poe's mouth went dry, and all he wanted to do at that exact moment was lean forward a few inches and capture Finn's mouth with his own. Yet the only action he could manage was to choke out, "Keep your eyes on the road."
Fuck, maybe he was a little bit gay.
"You know, for someone who wants to be in the Air Force, you aren't a very comfy in fast vehicles."
"I
am
. Just not when the most reckless driver in California is behind the wheel," Poe said, but he knew Finn would understand the sentiment and endearment behind his words.
"Fair enough!" Poe could hear Finn's voice, and process the things he was saying, but everything still felt so...
detached
. Every sound seemed to echo, the lights that were once zooming past now moved in slow motion, the open passenger's window was allowing the air to rush into the car and Poe could feel every movement of it in his hair. Processing all of these new sensory overloads, Poe felt more alive than he had been in years. He didn't understand how such a small moment could be so incredible.
Was this how Finn saw the world all the time?
If it was, then Poe understood everything. He would be content with waking before sunrise every day, sneaking out of the house, taking dangerous car rides going nowhere, so long as this was how he felt while doing it. Poe could finally breathe.
When Finn finally turned the car off in front of the lake, it took Poe what felt like minutes to drift back into reality. Even then, he couldn't shake the dazed feeling, couldn't get the lightheaded feeling out of his head, couldn't stop looking at Finn.
Not gay, though,
some tiny voice in his head screamed at him, but for once he couldn't give less of a shit.
"You okay, man?" His friend asked, concern splayed across his soft features. Poe nodded, though he didn't actually hear the question. And he was too interested in Finn's eyes to care what it was. "Are you sure? Because your pupils are dilated, you look kinda dizzy, do you feel any pain in your head?" Finn kept talking, and Poe knew he should have been listening but holy shit, Finn had leaned even closer to get a better look at him and now they were only a few inches away. Finn's mouth was so close. All Poe wanted to do was connect them.
Would it really kill him if they kissed?
"Poe? Are you-"
Finn didn't get to finish that question.
The kiss had started out awkwardly, planned to consist of Poe leaning forward and pressing his lips against Finn's. But he had overshot, and their foreheads bumped into each other somewhat painfully. Their mouths had only just slightly brushed. Poe pulled away, embarrassed beyond all reasoning with a face flushed enough to notice even in the dim lighting of the outside street lamps. He had no idea what to say; how would he play this off? Beg for forgiveness? Claim that it was actually a concussion? Pull a "no homo" on Finn? Even Poe wasn't stupid enough to try that.
Nice going, Dameron, you've colossally fucked up your friendship of nine years.
Though he was unsure what particular words he wanted to speak, or if he wanted to at all, to Finn, he opened his mouth to say them anyway. Though he only got so far as "Finn, I-" until Finn's plump lips were on his again, and his best friend was kissing him, and he was kissing back, and
fuck if he hadn't wanted this for years
.
Finn had always smelled like peppermint. At times, he reeked of it. He'd once told Poe, when they were younger, that he brushed his teeth four times a day purely because his toothpaste was flavored as such. At school, he seemingly always had a stick of gum in his mouth, driving the teachers mad, and when they told him to spit it out there would be a new piece replacing it within thirty seconds. Eventually the teachers gave up. Poe had gotten used to it, due their inseparability, and for as long as he could remember he'd associated the scent and taste with Finn. He'd never truly appreciated it, though, not until he was relishing hints of it on Finn's tongue. As of that moment, it was Poe's favorite food.
He couldn't stop himself from giving a muffled gasp when Finn took Poe's head in both hands and tilted it for better access. He lifted his arms, too, grasping at Finn's hair. If his nails hurt Finn's head, the small sounds of happiness he was making sure as hell didn't portray any discomfort. And when Finn’s fingers traveled from Poe’s jaw to the bare skin underneath his sweatshirt, well, Poe most certainly did not whimper. He couldn’t get enough of this; the feeling of Finn’s soft fingers brushing over his abdominal muscles, the sounds of Finn’s whines when Poe nipped at his lips playfully, the way Finn’s eyes glittered brightly when they occasionally pulled apart for air, the tension between them when they did and the bliss that ensued when they finally came back together again, somehow even closer than before. Before Poe knew it, he was sitting in Finn’s lap, bringing Finn’s head up to meet his own.
It occurred to Poe how ridiculous it was that not an hour ago he’d been trying to deny his gay thoughts. But now, as he made out with Finn in his family’s fancy car, parked next to a lake with an hour until sunrise, he couldn't conjure one to save his life. What had he been so afraid of? Ruining their friendship? If anything, he’d broadened it, broken what little barriers they had left with each other, and it was an indescribable relief. It was all clear to Poe now that their friendship was, and always had been, something much more.
When they finally slowed to a stop, they were both panting for breath and flushed; both the intensity of their kiss and the hot summer air around them was enough to work up a sweat. They didn't speak for a while, their heavy breathing the only sound in the car. That is, until Finn laughed and said, “About time,” with a ruffle to Poe’s hair. And that was it. There was no awkwardness, no denial, no detailed conversation about what this made them. They already knew what they were, what they somehow had been for years now.
They didn't go home that night. They spent the rest of the morning sitting by the lake, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. They strolled across the side of the water, throwing rocks in and watching them sink, avoiding the mud puddles because Finn liked his shoes, and if at some point, Poe had dropped his hand to weave his fingers through Finn's, that would be entirely between them. If they had kissed again while watching the sunrise, with birds waking up and giving their first trills of the morning, well, who would know but them?