Chapter Text
“I could have sworn it was right here,” I muttered to myself. The longer I poked through the disorganized sockets, the more I thought I’d imagined it.
Then it dawned on me. The tiny flash of silver I’d seen her slip into her sleeve, thinking I hadn’t caught it. I’d crawled around the garage for half an hour “looking” for it, just to keep that little smile on her face.
I scrolled through the few numbers I had in my tiny cell phone, fingers hesitating over Blakely’s name. I sighed and kept going. When I finally landed on Embry’s number, I jammed the green button and held it up to my ear.
“What’s up?” he answered around a mouthful of food.
“Any chance you have a ten millimeter socket?”
“Probably.” I heard the chair slide back from the table as he stood. “Let me check.”
“Thanks.”
“What happened to yours?” he asked idly.
“Blake has it,” I replied with a shrug.
“Uh–” He paused, digging through his tools. “Why?”
“I don’t know. She took it.”
“You two are weird,” he snorted. “Yeah, I found mine. Want me to bring it over?”
“Please. I’m trying to clean the intake on this stupid thing,” I muttered.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a few.”
I hung up and slipped the phone back into my pocket. Leaning against the workbench, I scrubbed my hands down my face. Memories of her laugh that day played over and over again in my head, trying desperately to replace the image of her lying in bed lifelessly. Did Charlie seriously have to pick now to force her into prom? She was finally starting to come back to herself after Bella had run out on them. I didn’t spend a week sleeping on the floor by her bed just to watch her regress because we were forced into a school dance. And, to make it worse, we’d be there with the sole purpose of watching over Bella.
Stop thinking about it. I scuffed the toe of my boot against the concrete.
Embry shoved into the garage and tossed the socket my way. I caught it and fit it onto the driver, going straight back to work. Using my hands helped. Only a few more hours, then it’d be time to go pick her up.
“Wanna talk about it?” he offered, settling onto the rolling stool.
I hesitated, bracing myself on the edge of the car. “Same rules as usual,” I grumbled.
“Don’t tell Quil, don’t speak of it outside the garage, I remember.” He waved me off.
I was grateful for Embry. He listened, let me get it off my chest. All of the things I wished I could say to Blakely, I said to him. It had become almost too easy to trust him.
“She’s finally coming back, after everything. I even got her to laugh. Then, out of nowhere, Charlie forces us into going to prom. Prom, dude! I’m afraid she’s going to shut down again.”
“What if she doesn’t?” he asked quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what if she doesn’t? What if, and hear me out, she has fun?” he suggested.
I honestly hadn’t considered that as an option. “I don’t know man, I think if I’d asked her to prom myself she would have laughed in my face.”
“Probably.” He made a face. “But she still would have gone.”
“You know she wouldn’t even let me go with her to get a dress? She took Leah Clearwater of all people,” I scoffed lightly. It surprised me how much it had bugged me—we did everything together.
“Well, duh.” His eyes narrowed. “You would have melted in her hands even if the dress was the ugliest one in the store.”
I hated when he was right. “Yeah, probably.”
I tried to picture what she’d look like in a dress. That wasn’t something I’d ever gotten to see. Her swimming in my hoodie? Every day. Climbing through my window in her pajamas? That was one I’d never forget. Even the day on the beach that she’d worn shorts, thinking it would be warm enough, but wound up pressed against me because she was cold. So many different things, but never a dress.
“What are you going to wear?” he asked abruptly. “Please, say you own something that doesn’t have an oil stain on it.”
“Dad starched a pair of my jeans,” I groaned. “And I own a button down. I think.”
“You need a tie.”
“Absolutely not.”
“And the hair, you’ve got to pull it back.”
“What?” I scoffed. “No, dude.”
“No, no.” Embry jumped up, taking a few steps back. “Picture this: you’re dancing, swaying to the music. You look down at her and bam—your hair is all up in her face. It has to be pulled back.”
I considered this briefly. There was only one problem with this image. “She’s not going to want to dance with me.”
Embry groaned. “Bro, that girl is in love with you. She just doesn’t know it.”
I wish.
“We’re just friends,” I said stubbornly.
“Quil won’t even hit on her,” he pointed out. “Quil! He’s hit on every girl in the Pacific Northwest! But he knows she’s only got eyes for you.”
“I can’t let myself believe that,” I whispered.
We sat in silence for a long time. I fidgeted with the bolts under the hood again, trying to keep my hands busy. Everyone knew I would walk through fire for her. Even deep down, I think B knew that. But I refused to push her.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” he said with a sigh. “Let’s go. We need to do something about all… that.” He gestured vaguely in my direction.
It should not have taken all three of us to make me look presentable. But as I stood in the living room with them poking at me, I realized I needed all the help I could get. I shoved myself into my one pair of boots I hadn’t muddied up, tugged on the button down, and let Dad tie on the wretched tie.
Blakely’s going to hate this.
“Pull your hair back, son,” Dad chided.
I grumbled about it, but complied. She was going to poke fun at me all night. But that didn’t matter; if it kept her from getting lost in her own head, she could make fun of me all she wanted.
“I think you’re ready,” Embry said, putting his hands on his hips. “You look like a dork, but at least you’re cleaned up.”
“Thanks for the encouragement,” I muttered. “I need to go, I don’t want to be late.”
I walked back around to the garage, headed for the Rabbit. A flash of color caught my eye by the edge of the trees. Flowers. I’m supposed to do that, right? She’d like wildflowers better…
I shook my head. That would make it feel too much like a date. One day, I’d find a way to give her flowers that wouldn’t cross her invisible line in the sand.
My thumbs drummed incessantly on the edge of the steering wheel. I couldn’t make myself drive as fast as I normally did to get to her house. I needed more time to calm my nerves, to steel myself before I saw her. There was no doubt in my mind that I’d be blown away by her. Even when she came back in from a run, dripping in mud and sweaty, my heart skipped a few beats.
When I pulled into the drive, I wasn’t any less nervous. My hand hesitated over the door knob before reaching up to knock instead. I heard Charlie mumble something quietly, then he opened the door.
Blakely. Black. No. That’s not right. Black dress. Leather. Blakely.
I couldn’t form a coherent string of thought. She stood on the bottom step, black dress just barely hugging her waist with a leather jacket hanging loosely around her shoulders and combat boots tied almost too tight. Despite the fear that I could see in her eyes, she looked dangerous.
Then she was moving towards me. I stood there bewildered, not sure what to expect.
“What did Billy do to you?” she muttered, then reached up to yank the tie off.
Distantly, I remembered telling Billy and Embry that had been a bad idea. But her fingers grazed the skin of my throat as she started undoing buttons and I lost all track of my thoughts. I couldn’t help the shock of heat that went right to my face.
“B?” I choked out.
Your dad is watching you practically undress me. This is my worst nightmare.
I glanced at Charlie, who just shrugged and let it go. There wasn’t a single person who seemed to understand Blakely’s brain.
To make matters worse, she untucked my shirt, fingers again grazing the painfully sensitive skin at my waist. I held my breath. I didn’t know what else to do.
I turned around when she asked, letting her reach to pull the tie from my hair. I shouldn’t have let Embry and Dad dress me; in hindsight, I’d known exactly what she would have liked.
“There. Now you look like you,” she said through clenched teeth.
Say something. Anything. Compliment her. You idiot.
“You look… wow.” I barely breathed the words out. This was not going well. I needed to get a grip and relax.
“Keep her safe, ‘kay?” Charlie ended the moment for us, clapping a hand on my shoulder.
“Always, Charlie.” I finally found my voice again. That was the easiest promise in the world. I’d never let anything happen to her.
She exchanged a few words with Charlie that I didn’t even process, then trailed behind me down the front steps. I pulled her door open the way I did every morning when I picked her up for those precious few minutes I got before school. My hand shot out unconsciously, palm up, in case she needed help getting in. She actually took it, just briefly, before drawing her hand back into the safety of her lap. I closed her door softly then tried to walk back to my side as calmly as I could.
Before we’d even made it to the first stop sign, she started doing those short little breaths that always came when she was overthinking. I’d gotten fairly decent at noticing when I needed to interrupt her train of thought.
“Blake?” I asked quietly.
“What’s up?” She immediately slipped into a normal sounding version of her voice, but it wasn’t quite right. She wouldn’t look at me.
“What’s going through your head right now?” I looked down at her as the car stopped. She just looked up and sighed, letting her mask drop slightly.
For what seemed like a long time, she was quiet.
“I don’t know,” she finally admitted, wringing her hands. I don’t think she even noticed she did that. “It’s… a lot. I’m afraid everything is about to change.”
Change? Was she meaning the situation with Bella and Edward? Or could she possibly feel the insane tension that hung between us? I was being too obvious.
“I know what’s not going to change,” I said with a shrug, holding onto the one thing I did know was true. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I grinned at her, stupid and lazy and adoring. I wasn’t sure what she saw in that particular grin, but I always noticed how it made her eyes soften around the edges and the corner of her mouth edged upward the tiniest amount.
I got the car moving before I could say something stupid. My right arm rested heavily on the center console, hand dangling over the gear shift. I stopped breathing when I felt her wrap her pinky around mine. I squeezed back just enough, but didn’t take my eyes off the road.
Yeah. I promise, Blakely.
We rode in silence the rest of the way. Her pinky never left mine, but I didn’t miss the way she pulled at the fabric of her dress with the other hand. My left hand stayed tight around the wheel, focusing on the road. By the time we had gotten to the school, the smell of her was dominating the car. Something like rain and outside and just… Blakely.
She darted from the car before I could even kill the engine. I jammed the keys into my pocket and rushed to follow her. Thankfully, I had the benefit of longer legs, so I caught up within a few hurried steps.
“Y’know,” I started, trying to find something to say that would distract her. “Dad gave me twenty bucks to tell Bella to break up with Edward.”
She snorted a tiny laugh, drifting a little closer to me. “Do it. She probably won’t listen, but you’ll be twenty bucks richer.”
I laughed with her. Before I could find something else to keep her talking, she wrapped her hand around my wrist and drug me over towards a couple of her friends.
“B?” the tall girl said as we approached her and her date. “You came to prom?”
What was her name? I’d seen her around here and there, she was at the beach that day a few weeks ago. Too often, I focused on Blakely and everything else seemed to blur.
“Not by my own choice,” she muttered. “You guys remember Jake, right?”
“Hey, guys,” I waved awkwardly, still hyperaware of the warm spot where her hand was tightly gripping my wrist.
“Yeah, hey Jake. This is Ben,” the girl, Angela—that was her name, said pointing to her date.
We mumbled a few more polite words back and forth as we turned to follow the stream of people heading for the gym. Blakely pressed into my side as the crowd thickened, her hand tightening even more. Tucked in the corner of the room, I noticed a few other familiar faces—some more of her friends.
“Hey,” I leaned down to whisper against the side of her head. “You’re okay. Let’s go over there with your friends.”
I gently pried her fingers away from my wrist and slid my hand into hers. It was so much smaller than mine, but her grip was insane. It was like I was the only thing keeping her from bolting. It’s just the crowd. She hates crowds.
Before I could think too much about it, I tugged her in front of me, keeping a buffer between her and everyone else. Anyone that dared take a step too close was met with a quick glare.
Protect her. The thought echoed in my head over and over again.
Her shoulders relaxed the tiniest amount as we joined the group. Jessica—it was easy to remember her name, she was the talkative one—immediately rushed her and started gushing over her dress. I squeezed her hand lightly when I felt her stiffen.
“Couldn’t let you guys have all the fun,” she muttered. I let my thumb brush her knuckles briefly, then let her go to chatter with the other girls.
“Jake! Been a minute,” Mike said, reaching a hand to shake mine.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” I grinned, falling into their conversation. It was easy, all surface level comments back and forth about the state of the Mariners. I kept one ear turned towards Blakely the whole time, just in case she needed me.
Ben cornered me to ask about my car, and I ended up telling him about how we’d rebuilt it at length. He knew cars about as well as I did; the discussion kept my attention for a while.
I faltered in my explanation when I heard a voice that was all wrong speak her name. Heat rushed my body, dancing down my arms to where my fists clenched. I couldn’t explain the visceral reaction clawing up my throat—
and then she leaned back into me.
“Dance with me?” the Cullen boy asked as I turned.
No. I stayed beside her, fighting to shove down the growl that threatened to spill out of my chest.
“No thanks. I don’t dance,” she answered, a tiny look of disgust flitting across her face.
My shoulders started to relax, thinking that would be the end of it.
“Half a song,” he said smoothly. “Let me apologize.”
Bella stood at his shoulder, nodding encouragingly to Blakely. Fuck. How do I fix this?
There wasn’t room for her to say no again. I watched her stiffen and nod slightly.
“I’ll come with you,” I suggested quickly, offering Bella a hand. If anything, I could at least stay close to her if things went south. I pressed my hand to Blakely’s back gently, letting her know I’d be there.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “Half a song.”
I watched as she stomped past him toward the dance floor. Bella and I took up an awkward stance, her hand at my waist and the other in my hand. It felt so wrong, nothing like Blake’s. She felt so cold.
“She trusts you,” Bella observed, pulling my attention to her. I glanced down briefly, then let my eyes return to Blake.
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“Don’t hurt her,” she added quietly.
I looked down at her again. I could see the relation between them, the same shape to their eyes and nose. But where Bella was softer, her eyes open and trusting, Blakely was guarded and sharp. The biggest difference was the freckles. Bella’s face was pale and smooth, unblemished. Blakely’s was all freckles. I love her freckles. I glanced back across at her, how she refused to let Edward touch her bare skin.
The protective instinct flared again. I so badly wanted to yank her away from him and carry her outside, where she would be able to breathe easier.
“I would never,” I vowed. We swayed awkwardly for another few seconds before I remembered my promise to Dad. “Oh, hey. I know this is going to sound crazy, and take it with a grain of salt. But Dad gave me twenty bucks to tell you to break up with your boyfriend over there. Said you’d be better off with Quil.” I turned it into a joke, not wanting her to take offense to it.
“Tell him thanks, but Quil’s a little young for me,” she laughed uncomfortably.
There. I said it. I did my part.
We fell silent after that, her focusing hard on not falling and me watching Blakely like an over protective guard dog.
Then she shoved back from Edward abruptly, eyes finding mine. She was panicking, her eyes round and full of fear. Her eyebrows still stayed drawn together, trying to look angry. Only I could see past it.
She brushed by my side, whispering “I need air.”
I gently guided Bella back to Edward then quickly took off after her.
Her steps were quick and determined, her arms drawn tight around her midsection trying to hold herself together. I caught up to her when she crawled up to sit on one of the picnic benches outside of the cafeteria.
Cautiously, I sat down next to her and just waited. Pressing her for answers was the wrong move.
After several minutes, she mumbled, “I hated that.”
“Yeah,” I agreed quickly. “Felt… wrong.” So wrong. Bad. Seeing her that close to Cullen made me irrationally angry. I shoved it back, not wanting to overstep.
Blakely jumped up quickly then, scuffing her boots on the concrete to distract herself. I stood too, following her like she’d attached a leash to me. Pathetic.
“Jess said a bunch of them are headed to the beach,” she told me, visibly trying to shake off the encounter. “I assume you’d be up for a bonfire?”
You could tell me to jump in the bonfire and I would do it.
“Of course. You know I’d agree to whatever you invited me to.” I winced internally. That might have been too much.
“Yeah,” she said softly, stepping into me. Her hand came up to land on my hip. “I know.”
My heart was hammering so loud I was certain she could hear it. I swallowed, trying to shove down the nerves that swirled in my stomach. She was touching me. Willingly. Maybe unconsciously. But she was so close.
I couldn’t help it. I slid my hand beneath the edge of her jacket and let it rest on her waist. Her whole body relaxed at the contact, almost leaning into me. Did she even realize? Did she like it?
It was like I had tunnel vision. Nothing else mattered around us, not the light drizzle on the awning above us, not the kids stumbling out of the gym. I fought against gravity, trying not to lean closer, but I was losing.
Stop. You’re going to scare her. You can’t do this. She doesn’t want this.
Then she rose up on her toes, coming closer to me. My mind stalled. Every thought ceased to exist. Her eyes were steady, trusting. She trusted me. I swallowed again, fighting to control the situation and failing miserably. Our breathing mixed, with just inches between us.
“There you are!” Mike hollered from around the corner.
She jumped back as if she’d been struck by lightning, her face going redder than I’d ever seen it. Heat rushed my own skin. I hoped it was dark enough that she wouldn’t notice.
“Let’s go!” He waved towards the parking lot. “After party!”
Blakely turned back to me, still flushed and laughing breathlessly.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quickly.
Sorry? What was she apologizing for? I should have been apologizing, I nearly kissed her. So much for keeping distance and not pushing her.
I still hadn’t formulated a response when she whipped her phone out to call Charlie, asking permission to go to the after party. She hung up quickly then smiled up at me. Devastating. Perfect.
“Put this in your pocket?” She asked, offering her phone to me.
I glanced between her and the phone several times, trying desperately to get a read on the situation. This was uncharted territory. I couldn’t understand how she had switched back to calm normalcy so fast.
Eventually I was finally able to make my hand reach for her phone.
“Blake…” I said quietly, my voice coming out way rougher than I’d intended it to.
“Ready to go?” She cut me off. My hand was laced with hers before I could say anything else, following her helplessly across the parking lot.
In the safety of the car, I froze up again. My keys jingled softly in my hand, hesitating before I started the engine.
“Blakely,” I tried again, my voice still too low. “We should… talk about that. Right?”
Her jaw tightened. “Nah. We’re… us. That’s it.”
My heart sank. It was a mistake. She was just caught up in the moment. I knew better than to get my hopes up—she’d always insisted I was just her best friend. It was getting harder to pretend I didn’t feel more for her than that.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Her whispered admission took me off guard. I stared at the side of her face, glowing softly in the dim light. It took longer than I cared to admit to get myself back on track and jam the keys in the ignition.
She didn’t say anything the whole way there, but I watched as her knees bounced incessantly in the passenger seat. I couldn’t figure out what had happened back there, but right now she looked almost happy. I hoped it was because of me, but it was probably just the prospect of a bonfire.
“You okay?” she asked when I stopped the car in the little parking lot at First Beach. “Did you tell Bella to break up with Edward?”
We both laughed, a little nervous and breathy. So she wanted to ignore it, let it go. I shook my head slightly, trying to do the same.
“Yeah. You were right, she didn’t listen,” I admitted.
“I usually am.” She smirked up at me.
I couldn’t help it. Seeing her smile warmed me to the core. I grinned back at her.
“Come on,” she said when I didn’t break the silence. “Let’s go have some fun.”
She abandoned her shoes and her jacket on the floorboard, jumping out into the night air. We met in front of the car and I was a mess once again as I got a look at the full dress without her leather jacket to hide behind.
Her shoulders were bare to the warm glow of the fire, even more freckles peppering the skin there. I was trying to keep my jaw from going slack when she grabbed my elbow to haul me towards the group.
Get it together, man.
Mike was lobbing beers in our direction before we’d even said anything.
“Beer?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Did you forget my dad is the chief of police.”
I laughed, cracking mine open.
“You’re not going to tell Charlie anything.” I turned my head slightly to wink at her, just subtle enough that no one else would see.
Her breath hitched. Oh. She liked that.
Instead of arguing, she opened the can and quickly swallowed down several sips. Her face contorted just slightly, not hiding her distaste very well.
I grinned to myself and joined the conversation around me before I said something stupid. It probably wasn’t smart to drink. I was already struggling to hold onto my control. But I’d had a few beers here and there before, one probably wouldn’t change anything.
The guys were discussing some poor girl that had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of the dance floor. I couldn’t bring myself to care, but I knew that Blakely would be better if I didn’t focus too much on making sure she was okay. She hated feeling coddled.
Several times, I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see her staring at me. I could have sworn I saw the admiration in her eyes. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for me to flirt with her a little. I did it all the time, she never cared.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I leaned in close and let my voice drop. “What are you staring at?”
She shook her head, taking another sip from the beer. I waited patiently for her retort, knowing she’d find a way to make a joke out of it.
“You,” she said simply.
I blinked rapidly several times. No way. A blush colored her cheekbones. I was pretty sure my heart stopped.
“Sorry. Not you. The sky. The stars. Obviously,” she quickly corrected, laughing shakily.
I glanced up, noting the heavy clouds that obscured the sky.
“B. It’s cloudy.”
She shrugged it off, turning to face the two girls that were quickly converging on her. They quickly devolved into a conversation about the boys they’d come with, like they were comparing notes.
I was waiting to see if she’d say something about me when Mike caught my attention.
“So, are you guys, like, together?” he asked quietly, gesturing towards Blakely.
“No,” I sighed. “It’s not like that with us.”
“Huh,” he said, pausing. “I just thought… I don’t know. She manages to bring your name up in conversation, like, every day somehow.”
I gave him my full attention then, eyes widening. “She does?”
He laughed. “Yeah, dude. I just assumed she didn’t want to tell us or something. You really aren’t dating?”
“No, we aren’t,” I said quietly.
She talked about me to her friends? Daily? Suddenly I felt a little embarrassed, wondering what she could possibly be saying. It couldn’t be bad, not if Mike had thought we were together.
“Well,” he said with a shrug. “She was just, like, lovingly staring at you. You guys might as well be dating.”
She talked about me. I kept circling that fact for a long time as the conversation drifted around me. I tried to mutter here and there to stay involved, but it wasn’t working.
It took me too long to realize she’d migrated away from the group. I kicked myself for not paying closer attention. I spotted her standing at the edge of the water, tiny waves breaking across her bare feet.
I caved. I let myself stare at her for several long seconds, memorizing everything. Her shoulders were relaxed, hair blowing gently in the breeze. The way the moonlight made her almost glow.
Once I’d committed the image to memory, I crossed the rocky beach to stand beside her. The breeze cut cold across my ribs now that we were further from the flames. I was debating buttoning my shirt back up when I caught her stealing a glance at my chest, deciding to leave it. I wanted her to notice me.
“This night turned out a lot better than I thought it would,” I said quietly, stuffing my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t reach for her.
“Yeah, it did,” she agreed.
I paused, letting my eyes wander over the side of her face. She seemed… okay. At peace, even.
“Are you… okay?” I risked the question. I had to know what she was thinking. So many lines had been crossed or almost crossed tonight. I needed to know I wasn’t the only one noticing. “With this?” I added, motioning between us.
Blakely nodded without hesitation. “Yeah.”
I froze. What did that mean? She was okay with this. I should have been more specific.
Cold water splashed across my chest before I could come up with anything else to say. She grinned at me, gearing up to fling another handful of water at me. A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth and she took off, laughing breathlessly as she splashed through the waves.
I chased her lazily, leaving just enough room to let her stay ahead. Memories bubbled up of all the times I’d chased her down the beach like this as a kid, when she was still faster than me and things weren’t so complicated. Her feet got tangled up though, yanking me back to the present. I surged a little faster, my hands instinctively wrapping around her midsection to lift her up.
She squealed and writhed in my grasp, trying to get away. But the grin plastered on her face told me she was okay with it.
“Nah,” I said through a laugh. “You don’t get to splash me, run away, and get away with it.”
I let her down, keeping a firm grasp on her hips. For a heartbeat, I let myself enjoy it. Then in one swift motion, I released her, bent down, and flung a handful of water back at her.
We circled each other for a long time, taking turns kicking through the water and splashing one another until we were dripping. I didn’t miss how her eyes kept darting to my exposed chest. I flexed slightly, playing into it a little. She bit her lip and I was fairly certain I could die happily at that moment.
“Truce?” I offered, raising an eyebrow. I was desperately trying to ignore how her dress clung to her body, accentuating the curve of her waist.
“Truce,” she agreed through chattering teeth.
She’s cold. Fix it.
I slung an arm lazily around her neck—the same way I’d done hundreds of times before. It was the only way I could consistently be close with her that wasn’t too romantic.
She snuggled in under my arm, reaching a hand up to lace her fingers with the hand dangling by her shoulder. There was no way she couldn’t feel my heart trying to beat out of my chest. I turned my head to breathe deeply, not wanting to forget this moment ever.
Blakely still trembled slightly as we approached the fire. I guided her to sit on a log close by then jogged back to the car. I was sure there was still a blanket somewhere in the trunk from my stupid idea to try and take her on a picnic. I’d chickened out of that one.
Draping it around her shoulders, I sank down next to her. She almost immediately closed the gap I’d left, letting her head rest on my shoulder.
“Warming up?” I murmured against her hair.
She just hummed in response, reaching for another beer. I thought she was fine, but suddenly worried that she was only being this sweet with me because of the alcohol. What if she woke up tomorrow and regretted all of this?
I decided that it didn’t really matter. Even if she did regret it and put her walls back up, at least I got a glimpse of what it could be like.
“Well, well, well,” Quil called from behind us.
Damn it. They’re like stray cats.
“What do we have here?” Embry raised his eyebrows as he settled down next to me.
Quil helped himself to the cooler in front of us as he sat down in front of Blakely.
“Wait a second,” he paused, lingering a little too long on her. I gritted my teeth together about the same time Embry elbowed me in the ribs. “Are you wearing a dress?”
Embry did a good job of keeping his end of the bargain, not letting Quil in on the fact that he already knew where we’d been. “Jake, are your pants starched?”
“We went to prom,” she confirmed.
Silence hung for too long. I bumped Embry’s knee with mine, forcing him to say something.
“On purpose?” he finally croaked.
“Not really,” I answered smoothly. “Charlie… heavily encouraged us.”
I wasn’t going to make her answer, or let her think she had to tell them anything she didn’t want to.
“I had fun though.” Her voice was warm beside me.
My gaze snapped to hers too quickly. She laughed, letting her head tip back against me. A slow smile spread across my face as she leaned into me. I let my arm snake around her shoulders loosely.
“Told you,” Embry whispered.
“Disgusting,” Quil muttered.
We sat like that for hours, my thumb drawing lazy circles on her shoulder as we all joked and laughed. It felt so right having her there, with my friends. She seemed to let her guard down more with them than she ever did with her other friends. I would have been content to sit on that log with them for the rest of my life. I didn’t want it to end.
Eventually Quil tipped to the side, dozing off in the light of the dwindling fire. Blakely snored lightly as she dozed against me, insisting she was still awake whenever I asked if she was ready to go. Selfishly, I let it be so that she would continue sleeping against me.
“So,” Embry said quietly, when he realized they were both asleep. “How was it?”
I lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “It was… surprisingly good. Minus Cullen asking her to dance.” I scoffed. “She tried to say no. Bella kind of forced her into it though. She bailed halfway through the song.”
A chill raced down my spine as I remembered what happened after that.
“What did he want?” Even Embry bristled slightly at the mention of his name.
“To apologize. I guess for everything that happened with Bella running away. She let him apologize then practically ran out.”
We lapsed into silence, staring into the dying embers. I replayed the memory of her almost kissing me. The way our breathing had synced for those few precious seconds.
“Did Leah pick a good dress?” he snorted.
“Dude, you have no idea,” I murmured, looking down at her wrapped in the blanket by my side. “When Charlie opened the door, I thought I was having a heart attack right there. She’s beautiful all the time, of course. But something about the whole thing just seemed… dangerous.”
I’d never thought of her as dangerous. But that was exactly what it looked like to see her there in all black, combat boots laced up and a leather jacket to protect her from the world. No one else got to see the soft side of her that I did.
“You’re gone, dude,” he chuckled.
“She almost kissed me,” I whispered. “I think she would have if we hadn’t gotten interrupted.”
That actually seemed to shock him. His eyes went wide. “Wow. She bullied you into driving her to school every day then jumped straight to almost-first-base.”
“It didn’t take much bullying,” I muttered.
I’d come to love getting up an hour earlier, just to see her every morning. Sure, it had eaten into what little cash I had to keep up with the gas. But seeing her come out and slide into my car every morning? Worth every penny. I’d do it every day if she let me.
She stirred against me, picking her head up to roll the stiffness from her shoulders. I instinctively dropped my arm to give her space.
“Tired?” I murmured in her ear.
“A little,” she finally admitted.
“Come on,” I said, offering her a hand. “Let’s go home.”
She kept the blanket wrapped around her tightly as we crossed back towards the parking lot. We slid into the car and I quickly flipped all of the dials to get the heat on for her. Even with the blanket wrapped around her, she still shivered slightly.
“Dad said it was fine if I stayed with you tonight,” she said quietly.
I just hummed a response, not trusting myself with full words. It’s not like she hadn’t stayed over before, but we were kids. She’d shared a bed with Rachel more often than not, or we slept in a blanket fort in the living room. This was different.
She tucked her knees under her, leaning towards me. My grip tightened on the steering wheel, trying to hide how much I enjoyed the proximity.
Air stalled in my lungs when she picked up my free hand and pulled it into her lap. Her fingers traced along every line of my hand, leaving little trails of warmth wherever she touched. I forced myself to breathe, to stay normal.
I turned into the driveway, but didn’t cut the engine. Just reached up to shut the lights off with my left hand, not daring to take the other away from her.
My heart thundered in my chest. I was stalling, not wanting her to stop touching my hand. Sooner or later, she’d sigh and ask to go inside. I was in no rush.
Blakely surprised me again when she turned to face me, gripping my hand tightly.
Oh no. She’s going to want to deny this, never speak of it again.
I swallowed, bracing myself for whatever she planned to say.
Instead, she started leaning in towards me. Her eyes darted between my mouth and my eyes, silently asking permission. Or maybe trying to talk herself out of it. I wasn’t sure. But I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward to meet her.
I moved so slow, not wanting to scare her. If she wanted this, I was more than happy to comply. I just didn’t want her to do something she’d regret in the morning.
Our foreheads fell together. My breathing was out of control, only coming in shallow pants.
“Are you sure?” I barely breathed, one last chance for her to change her mind.
She pressed her mouth to mine and I nearly lost it. I fought to hold back the tiny groan that wanted to climb up my throat. My hand came up to cup her cheek gently and she sighed, fully relaxing into the kiss. Our lips moved clumsily together, but I didn’t care. It was better than I’d ever imagined it could be.
When she pulled back, I let my forehead stay against hers, still breathing in the same air as her. I pressed one more tiny kiss to the corner of her mouth before I could think better of it.
Give her space.
Leaning back, I scanned her face. She didn’t seem panicked yet. She looked just as shocked as I felt, like she couldn’t believe she’d just kissed me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I believed it either. I had to be dreaming.
She coughed, finally breaking the silence. “I guess we should go inside?”
“Yeah,” I nodded absently. “Inside.”
My hands were trembling as I fumbled to get my door open. Holy shit. She kissed me.
We crossed the yard in silence. I made sure to give her a wide berth, in case it was too much. But she didn’t run, didn’t make an excuse. Just followed me quietly into the house.
In my room, the sound of Dad’s snoring was deafening. Neither one of us would look at each other. Suddenly, I was very self conscious of the disaster that was my room. Clothes were strewn everywhere, the bed no more than a messy pile of blankets. I should have cleaned up earlier.
“Sleep?” I finally suggested.
“Can I borrow clothes?”
Right. Clothes. She couldn’t sleep in the dress that had taken a dip in the ocean with her. “Yeah, some of Rachel’s stuff is still in her old room,” I said, gesturing vaguely down the hall.
Her jaw tightened slightly, but she nodded and disappeared down the hall. I wanted to hand her my own clothes, but I didn’t want her to accept out of obligation either. It wouldn’t mean as much if she didn’t choose it.
I grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before hurrying to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, barely tracing over my lips where hers had just been not so long ago. Get it together, man.
I turned the water in the shower on, leaving it on the coldest setting. That oughta snap me out of it. I quickly scrubbed the saltwater from my body and hair, not wanting to take too long. The last thing I did was aggressively brush my teeth… just in case.
We traded spots quietly as I tried desperately to get my hair somewhat dry. She couldn’t stand when I let my hair drip all over the place. The shower was still running when I gave up, so I rushed to try and pick up some of the mess in my room. I don’t know why it mattered—she was just as messy as I was. I’d seen her room too. But somehow it felt important to try and clean up.
I plopped down on the edge of the bed when I heard her leave the bathroom. She came back with her dress folded in her hands, swimming in my shirt. I narrowed my eyes.
“That’s not Rachel’s shirt.”
“Yes it is,” she lied, redness creeping into her cheeks.
“Uh-huh,” I rolled my eyes and let it go, smugly enjoying the sight of it. “I can sleep on the couch, you good in here?”
“No,” she said immediately. I raised an eyebrow. “I mean. You can sleep in here. We just need…” She trailed off, eyes darting around the room. When she finally landed on a spare pillow in the corner, she dropped it in the middle of the bed decisively. “Here. Your side and my side.”
She gestured back and forth at each side of the bed.
I bit back a laugh, but motioned for her to get comfortable. “You’re insane.”
Blakely shimmied into the bed, pressing her back against the wall below the window. I dropped down next to her, laying on my side to face her. The pillow barrier blocked most of her face, but I didn’t miss the faraway look in her eyes.
I was counting the freckles on her cheek when she groaned, tightening her arms around her chest. Wetness gathered in the corners of her eyes.
Oh no. Oh no. I ruined everything. How do I fix this?
“Did I just ruin our friendship?” she whispered.
My head was swimming. Were we both sitting here thinking we’d ruined our friendship? Maybe we were closer to the same page than I thought we were.
“Not at all,” I assured her.
“I can’t lose you, Jake,” she confessed as tears started slipping down her cheeks.
I felt my heart crack clean in two. Did she really think I could ever leave her?
“C’mere,” I whispered, reaching for her. I hated watching the tears trickle down her face. She let me rest my hand on the side of her head and wipe away the tears.
“I’m not going anywhere. We could never kiss again and I’d be fine,” I told her. The thought made me a little sad, but it mattered more to me that she stayed in my life. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here.”
Her eyes seemed to soften slightly as she sighed. I let my hand fall away from her as she edged back to her side of the bed. It didn’t take long for her to doze off, her nose tucked into the pillow.
I watched her sleep for longer than I should have. She slowly shifted closer in her sleep, her leg stretching out to press against my thigh. I was struggling to control my breathing when her hand broke the pillow barrier too, gripping my shirt right above where my heart pounded.
Slowly, painfully slowly, I brought my hand up to rest on her wrist. The tension melted out of my shoulders at the contact and I finally let my eyes close, drifting off to sleep with her.