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“If her blood pressure keeps dropping, what’s your next step?”
Dr. Shamsi’s question felt like a bucket of cold water.
Cassie had been staring so deeply at Victoria that, for a moment, it felt like nothing else in the room existed. Victoria wasn't looking at Dr. Shamsi, she wasn't looking at the patient either. Her gaze was unfocused, fixed somewhere on the floor, like she’d slipped out of the room without even making a move.
“She needs fluids now. CBC, CMP, lactate. We need to rule out sepsis before she crashes.”
Cassie answered before she even realized she was opening her mouth. The words came fast, automatic, filling the silence before it could stretch into something sharp and humiliating. Only when she finished did she register what she’d done. She knew she shouldn't have said anything, she knew it wasn't her place, but something in how small Victoria looked just made her feel like she should protect her.
She’s my med student, Cassie told herself. Of course I’d protect her.
Victoria reacted at the sound of Cassie's voice. It was like she’d been pulled back into her own body and now she was painfully aware of the situation. She looked at Cassie, eyes wide with surprise then quickly looked away, color rising in her cheeks. Dr. Shamsi gave Cassie a weird look, confusion and something close to annoyance, but didn't say anything.
“Call me if you have any more questions.” she said already turning away. She left without sparing Victoria a glance.
The room went silent. Cassie wanted to reach for Victoria, to hold her in her arms. She just wanted to make everything better. Cassie had always been good at fixing other people, she was just bad at admitting why Victoria mattered more than most.
Victoria left the room quietly. It was almost the end of her shift, she just had to get it together and not make a fool of herself in front of McKay again.
Cassie hesitated for half a second before following her. The hospital was loud, as always, but Cassie was sure she could only hear Victoria's footsteps fading ahead of her. And maybe her own heart, beating faster than it should. She told herself she was just making sure Victoria was okay. Being a good mentor. This was supervision. Nothing more.
Victoria pushed the breakroom door open and stopped just inside, like she hadn’t actually planned on coming in. Cassie followed and let the door swing shut behind them. The click felt louder than it should have. They stood there for a moment, facing each other, only a few feet apart. The space between them filled with things neither of them seemed to know how to say.
Victoria moved first, dropping into one of the chairs. Shoulders slumping as soon as she sat, like she’d been barely holding herself together. Cassie pulled out the chair across from her and sat too. Not close enough to touch, but close enough to feel it anyway.
“I didn’t even realize I was shutting down,” Victoria said, forcing a small laugh. “Guess I just… blanked for a second.”
“You’re allowed to have off moments,” Cassie said, keeping her voice even.
An awkward silence settled between them. Cassie could tell Victoria was still spiraling. She wasn’t sure if it was the way Victoria’s eyes kept trying to escape hers, or the slight tremor in her hands. Or maybe Cassie had simply spent so much time watching her med student that she’d learned the signs without realizing it.
When had she become so good at reading Victoria?
And why did her chest ache just from looking at her like this?
“Hey, it’s okay,” Cassie said gently. “It happens.”
Victoria’s fingers worried at the edge of her sleeve. “It doesn’t happen to you.”
Cassie exhaled through her nose, a quiet almost laugh. “It does. I’ve just had more years to learn how to hide it.”
Victoria nodded, then hesitated. She finally looked up at her. “You always seem so… composed,” she said softly. “Like nothing ever really gets to you. I don’t know how you do it.”
Cassie met her gaze. “That’s not true,” she said. “It’s just easier to hold it together when someone else needs me to.”
She swallowed.
“Most days, this place is just…” Cassie shook her head, searching for the right word and coming up empty.
Then, before she could stop herself, “You make this place easier.”
Cassie didn’t fully process the words she said until she saw Victoria’s expression change. Surprise, something softer beneath it, something unguarded. The air in the room shifted. Cassie became aware of how exposed that sounded, how close it was to something she absolutely did not have the right to say. Her pulse kicked up loud in her ears. She stood too fast, chair legs scraping against the floor.
“I should…” Cassie started, looking for an excuse to run away. “Your shift’s almost over. I just wanted to check in”. She took a step towards the door.
“Cassie.”
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t even steady. But it stopped her anyway. Cassie hesitated, hand hovering uselessly at her side, and that was all the opening Victoria needed. She stood and crossed the space between them. Fingers closing around Cassie’s wrist, not tight, not demanding. Just enough to make her stay.
Cassie froze.
“I didn’t mean to put that on you,” Victoria said quickly like she was afraid Cassie might bolt if she didn’t get the words out fast enough. “I just, when you said that, it felt like you were talking about something you don’t ever let anyone see.”
Cassie swallowed. She looked down at where Victoria was holding her, then back up at her face. “This isn’t appropriate,” she said, but the words lacked any real conviction.
Victoria’s grip loosened, but she didn’t let go. “Then don’t make it about that,” she said softly. “Just… be honest with me. Please.”
Cassie laughed under her breath, something brittle and tired. “You don’t want honesty from me.”
“I do,” Victoria said. “I always do.”
That landed harder than it should have.
Cassie finally sank back into the chair, her body deciding for her. Victoria followed, perching on the edge of the table this time, closer now, unmistakably closer. Close enough that Cassie could see the faint crease between her brows, the way her hands still hadn’t quite stopped shaking.
“You think I’m composed,” Cassie said quietly. “But most days I’m just… one step ahead of falling apart.”
Victoria’s expression softened, something achingly tender settling there. “You don’t look like it.”
“That’s because I don’t let myself,” Cassie replied. “Not here. Not with you.”
There it was. Too much. Again.
Cassie pressed her lips together, bracing for the moment she’d inevitably regret this.
Victoria exhaled slowly. “When you answered for me back there,” she said, “it felt like someone reached out and pulled me back before I could disappear.”
“I didn’t want them to see you like that,” Cassie admitted. “I didn’t want you to feel like that.”
“You care,” Victoria said. Not accusing. Just stating a fact.
Cassie didn’t answer right away.
She looked at Victoria. The steady way she was standing now. The softness fighting its way through the edges of her exhaustion.
“I try not to,” Cassie said finally. “But I’m bad at that... with you.”
Victoria’s breath hitched, just barely.
For a moment, neither of them moved. Cassie was painfully aware of the way Victoria’s fingers still rested against her wrist, warm and grounding, like proof that she was here. That this was real.
Cassie let herself stay.
She didn’t say anything else.
She didn’t need to.