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Tiantian was sitting in the “naughty room”, also known as the principle's office. It was his first time there and he swung his head from side to side to look at the many pictures of birds in flight.
“Young man,” said the principle, Mr Bao, peering shrewdly at Tiantian from behind his desk. “Do you know why you’re here?”
“Because Chi Lu is a doo-doo head,” he said promptly. Mr Bao did not look amused, but neither did Tiantian. He was simply stating facts.
“No, You Tian”, said the principle, leaning back in his chair and linking his hands in front of him, “you are here because you acted violently towards your classmate.”
Tiantian shrugged.
“Chi Lu is very upset. His parents are on the way to pick him up. As a matter of fact, your father is on his way here also.” He didn’t specify which father - the teachers never did - pretending he only had one, his Ba. “We will discuss your punishment when he gets here, but your actions have very serious consequences You Tian. I’m considering suspending you, which means you may have to stop coming to school for a while.”
Tiantian shrugged again. He didn’t care, he just wanted his par and his ba to take him home.
As though hearing his thoughts, You Shulang burst through the doors and dropped to his knees beside Tiantian.
“Tiantian, are you ok?!” He asked, checking him over quickly. “Mr Bao said you got into a fight?”
“He wasn’t the injured party, Mr You,” said the principle. Standing up from behind his desk he gestured to a chair. “I’m afraid it was your son who punched another child in class. Unprovoked, I should mention.”
“That’s not true!” cried Tiantian. He did punch Chi Lu but it was for a good reason.
“Chi Lu has a black eye young man. I’m afraid the proof is undeniable.”
“I did punch him ba,” Tiantian turned towards You Shulang, with pleading, teary eyes, “but he was being mean. It wasn't un...unpro...”
“Unprovoked," You Shulang said, petting his head. "Mean how?” he added before the principle could say anything else.
“He was saying mean things about you and par,” Tiantian cried, tears spilling down his cheeks. He rubbed his eyes feeling ashamed. He wasn’t a cry baby.
“Oh baobei”, You Shulang scooped him into a hug.
“That’s hardly a reason for violence,” Mr Bao said, looking sternly at both of them from behind his desk. “It’s only natural a child would be confused about your family “dynamic” and might raise some concerns.”
“Excuse me?” You Shulang straightened and looked at Mr Bao in a way that had Tiantian worried for Mr Bao. It’s the look he gave Uncle Shi when he was being especially naughty. Like when he caught him teaching Tiantian how to play GTO on his PSP, when he should have been helping him with his homework. “Our family dynamic is nobodies business but our family’s; and I would appreciate it if your school would focus on educating the children about inclusivity instead of justifying a child’s ignorant cruelty towards another child simply for having two same-sex parents.”
“Mr You…”
“I’m taking Tiantian home. Call me when you’ve decided on his punishment, but I must warn you, if I believe it is excessive I will be taking things further wth the board of education.”
With that You Shulang took Tiantian by the hand and led him from the office. Tiantian skipped along to keep pace with his ba who was walking very fast, a sure sign that he was angry.
“Ba-ba are you angry at Tiantian,” he asked, when they reached the car.
“No, baobei. I’m not angry at you,” You Shulang reassured him, squeezing his shoulder. “Though I’m not happy you punched your classmate Tiantian. No matter what the other children say to you, violence is not the right response. Next time I want you to walk away, understand?”
“Yes, ba.”
“Ok, lets go home. Your par is flying back from Thailand tonight, so how about we go shopping and cook something nice for dinner to welcome him home?”
“Yeah!” Tiantian was very much on board with that idea. As much as he loved his par’s cooking, his ba’s sweet dumpling soup was the best.
******
Nowadays it wasn’t often that Fan Xiao managed to set You Shulang off, but when it happened it happened in a big way.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” You Shulang said as soon as Fan Xiao came through the door - apropos to absolutely nothing - and then wouldn't say another word. Fortunately Fan Xiao already knew what this was about.
“Baobei,” Fan Xiao tried to explain. “It’s not that I don’t want to marry you, I do! Of course I do! It’s just a wedding is too dangerous right now. My brothers are still after my life, and anyone connected with me is in real danger of getting caught in the crossfire.”
The only reply was the clanging of pots and pans as You Shulang aggressively loaded the dishwasher. Fan Xiao sighed and left him to cool off. It took some painful lessons, but he knew now that the best way to placate an angry Shulang was to give him space. It worked best to let him process his feeling and wait for him to approach on his own terms.
Tiantian was staying with a friend, so Fan Xiao decided to change and go for a run. On the way out he saw Shulang leaning on the counter, typing on his phone. Fan Xiao slunk quietly past him, but he needn't have worried. You Shulang completely ignored him.
The run helped clear his head and dispel some of the dread building up in his chest. He knew when he made the decision to cancel the wedding it would disappoint Shulang. He couldn’t lie and convince himself that he thought You Shulang would understand. Even before their engagement, You Shulang confessed to him one night that it was something he’d been quietly fantasising about, only weeks after they reconciled. Marriage wasn’t something Fan Xiao took very seriously. After all he was raised in an environment where marriage was just an exchange of power, a strategic business move, or the foolish consequence of an expensive one night stand. It was hardly ever about love, nor did love need it. But You Shulang confessed to him that night that even before their break up all those years ago, marriage was something he saw in their future and thought about often. He mentioned that before meeting Fan Xiao it wasn’t something he saw for himself. Even though he almost married Lu Zhen at his request (and didn’t that confession just make Fan Xiao’s fingers itch to wrap around the throat of that damn cicada), he only agreed to do so to make Lu Zhen happy. Marriage as a concept held very little personal interest to him until he fell in love with Fan Xiao.
The memory of that night made Fan Xiao stumble and almost lose his balance. He caught himself on the guard rail, panting heavily, and stopped to watch the waves crest the shore. He remembered feeling so happy when Shulang said that. He toppled him back on the bed and made love to him over and over until he was begging him to stop. To be loved so deeply by the most important person in his world was a heady feeling, unlike anything else. It made Fan Xiao greedy and so very, very scared. He knew he didn’t deserve You Shulang, not before he played him, and certainly not after. That he was even given a second chance at all was a miracle, a blessing from Buddha himself. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep this. Nothing he wouldn’t give You Shulang. But a living You Shulang who despised him was incomparably better than a dead You Shulang, and on this there was no arguing the point.
Fan Xiao sighed, preparing to resume his run, when he felt his phone vibrate against his leg. A message from Shulang read - 'Come home, we need to talk.'
When he got home it was quiet, but the reading light in the living room was on. You Shulang was sitting on the couch nursing a glass of wine. Even in the dim light Fan Xiao could see he was sitting straight and tense.
“Go shower first”, he said to Fan Xiao, who nodded and did as he was told. When he returned, fresh in his pyjamas, there was decidedly less wine in the bottle. A second glass stood on the coffee table but Shulang didn’t offer him any. Carefully, Fan Xiao kneeled on the carpet and looked at You Shulang.
“I want to know,” said Shulang after long minutes of silence, “why you didn’t tell me.”
“Shulang, I told you, I want to protect you.”
“No,” You Shulang shook his head, “you’re not listening to me Fan Xiao. I’m not asking why you did it. I’m asking why you didn’t tell me what you were planning to do?”
“I…” Fan Xiao trailed off. Honestly it was because he was scared of disappointing Shulang, hurting him by making him question if Fan Xiao really loved him. And ashamed that he couldn’t give the person he loved something as simple as a wedding. But now that he thought about it, all those excuses sounded too pathetic to say out loud. “Shulang, I'm sorry. I should have told you what I was planning to do. I know I was wrong to go behind your back, but please, I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did,” sighed You Shulang, setting aside his wine glass and leaning back in his seat until he was looking at the ceiling with vacant eyes. “You really hurt me Fan Xiao.”
Fan Xiao hung his head.
“You know where I was when Mrs. Xue called me to tell me that you asked her to cancel the wedding preparations? I was in the middle of preparing for an important presentation, and after that news I could barely string two sentences together. My supervisor asked me to come see him tomorrow morning, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you why.”
“They can’t fire you for this!” Fan Xiao was outraged. He recklessly moved forward to grab You Shulang by the knees. “If they so much as give you a citation, I’ll…”
“You’ll do nothing,” You Shulang’s voice brooked no argument. “In any case, I don’t think anything will happen. I’m telling you this so you understand how unsettled I was when the news hit me without context. Fan Xiao - ” he sat up suddenly and grabbed Fan Xiao by the face, “I thought you were calling off our engagement. I thought you changed your mind about marrying me!”
“Never!” Fan Xiao exclaimed, voice muffled but full of fervour from a fish mouth between squished cheeks. You Shulang looked over his face carefully, searching for any hint of a lie. Fan Xiao didn't begrudge him this. When he didn’t find what he was looking for he released Fan Xiao and picked up his wine glass.
“So what, you want to elope?” He said after taking a sip of wine. Fan Xiao nodded from where he was still kneeling on the floor between Shulang’s thighs. “Fine, we can do that.”
Fan Xiao looked up, treacherous hope quickly replacing the dread in his chest.
“Really?! You still want to marry me?”
Shulang snorted.
“Of course I do. The wedding was never the most important thing, Fan Xiao. I was angry that you didn’t talk to me about your fears, and then made the decision to cancel the ceremony behind my back. I’m your partner, how do you think it makes me feel when you make serious decisions about our future without consulting me?”
Fan Xiao dropped his gaze to the floor.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” sighed You Shulang. “I also know you’re used to making decisions on your own. But we’re going to need to work on that.”
Fan Xiao nodded.
“Anyways”, continued Shulang, “signing at the registry office with a couple of our friends as witnesses, then having a nice dinner out is still a good day in my books.”
‘I will give you a wedding,” promised Fan Xiao, “as soon as my father’s and brother’s proxies are locked up and their companies and assets are liquidated, I will throw you the biggest wedding in Thai and Hua history! It will be grander than any celebrity wedding ever seen!”
You Shulang laughed.
“I don’t need that,” he said, stroking Fan Xiao’s face and smiling fondly, “as long as we can get married in front of our friends with Tiantian as the ring barer, I need nothing else.”
Fan Xiao grabbed that wandering hand and kissed it.
“Come on,” said You Shulang, “lets go to bed.” He started getting up but was promptly pushed back on the couch. “Fan Xiao?”
“Where do you think you’re going?” asked Fan Xiao, running his hands from the knees up You Shulang’s thighs and starting on the fly. “I haven’t made it up to you yet.”
****
When Wang Xing Shan came to visit them it was a quiet Saturday afternoon on a rainy August day. Fan Xiao and Tiantian were sitting on the floor in the living room playing UNO. You Shulang had solidly trounced them both one too many times, and had been relegated to to kitchen to fix them up some snacks. The TV was on, and the launch page for the new Marvel movie was basking father and son in multicoloured light.
When the bell rang You Shulang was closest to the door, so he called out that he would get it. An unfamiliar woman stood on the doorstep holding a bunched up leather jacket in front of her.
“Excuse me,” she said in a shaking voice, and You Shulang could see that she was wet, her body shivering from cold. “Are you Mr You Shulang?”
You Shulang nodded, too shocked to speak.
“I’m Wang Xing Shan, Zhang Chen’s wife. May I come in for a moment?”
“You Shulang, who is it?” Fan Xiao called from the living room, knocking Shulang out of his stupor. Realising that he was being rude, he quickly step aside and gestured for his sister-in-law to come inside.
“Of course, please come in!”
She sidled past him like a ghost, and followed him silently to the living room. She did not hang her jacket. You Shulang caught Fan Xiao’s eyes before he could speak and said - “Fan Xiao, this is Wang Xing Shan, Zhang Chen’s wife. Mrs Wang this is my husband Fan Xiao and our son Tiantian.”
Tiantian and Wang Xing Shan said hello, but Fan Xiao only studied her in silence.
“Tiantian,” Fan Xiao said, “can you go to your room please. We need to have a grown up talk. I’ll come get you once we’re done and we can watch the movie, how about it?”
Tiantian nodded but rose slowly, clearly reluctant to leave. You Shulang was not surprised, he was going through his “I’m a big boy” phase, and anything that reminded him that he wasn’t fully grown was met with attitude.
“Here, take these with you,” You Shulang said, hading over a plate of Dorito chips and gummy worms. Tiantian grabbed the plate and looked at his ba in surprise.
“I can eat in my room?!” he exclaimed, pre-teenage rebellion forgotten.
“Just this once,” said Shulang, setting the record straight. “Now go.” He ushered him to the hallway and waited to hear the bedroom door click shut before returning to the living room where Fan Xiao and Wang Xing Shan were assessing each other like two cats on the fence. “Mrs Wang, please sit down,” You Shulang gestured to a chair. On the way back he picked up a towel from the linen closet, and now sat it down gently beside her on the arm of the chair. “Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?”
“No thank you,” she said quietly, “I won’t be staying long.”
You Shulang nodded and took a seat on the couch, gesturing for Fan Xiao to get up from the floor and do the same. Fan Xiao got up with a sigh and without preamble asked the woman - “Did your husband send you to ask for money?”
“Fan Xiao!” Exclaimed You Shulang. He was wondering the same thing but simply stating it was incredibly rude.
“What?” Said Fan Xiao. “Given the pattern, don’t I have the right to ask?”
“That’s -”
“Mr Fan is right, he has the right to ask,” mumbled Wang Xing Shan, “but that is not why I’m here.”
“What happened?” asked You Shulang, sensing something very amiss. The woman was fiddling with the bunched up leather jacket in her arms. She hadn’t touched the towel, and water was rolling of her bare arms in droplets. On closer inspection water was also running down her cheeks, dripping from her face, and it took Shulang a moment to realised she was crying.
“I know you helped my husband secure the money he needed for the dowry that my father set for us,” she started, looking nervous. “I also know that Zhang Chen told you an inflated amount to get some extra money. The dowry was only 500,000 yuan.”
Fan Xiao looked ready to say something, but You Shulang put his hand on his arm to silence him.
“We got married two years ago, and my father added to the dowry money to buy us an apartment downtown. Zhang Chen was promoted at the factory and things seemed good for a while,” she trailed off, gazing vacantly as though lost in thought.
“My father was the first to notice that Zhang Chen was acting oddly, missing work. At the time he was still coming home for dinner, but soon he was making excuses to stay out late, saying he had work functions to attend. When I eventually asked my father about it he denied it, but by then it was already too late.” She paused and fussed with the leather jacket.
“Zhang Chen wouldn’t tell me anything. Anytime I pushed for information he accused me of being controlling, and said I was treating him like a criminal because I looked down on him for being from a poor family. It wasn’t until about a month ago that I woke up alone and found a letter.”
“What did the letter say?” whispered You Shulang, with a crippling sense of foreboding. Without realising he reached for Fan Xiao, who took his hand.
“It was a letter from Zhang Chen confessing to gambling away all of our money, and saying that he got himself in trouble with some local loan sharks and so he had to leave. I called my father who said he’ll look into it, but later that day some scary men came to the house and said Zhang Chen sold the apartment to them to cover part of his debt.”
You Shulang drew in his breath, horrified. Fan Xiao shot him a look and squeezed his hand.
“My father soon found out that Zhang Chen was wanted by the triad for outstanding debts. Apparently he told the loan sharks he was the owner of the factory, and produced false documents to get a loan. My father has since been threatened with violence. The triad think he was in on the scam. They've been breaking in to destroy shipments, and scaring the workers into quitting. My family is now facing possible bankruptcy, my father disowned me and Zhang Chen is nowhere to be found,” she finished, and burst into violent tears. As though culminating her story sapped her remaining composure. She clutched the leather jacket, almost violently, and from inside it came a quiet coo. A small hand appeared from a fold in the jacket and reached for the crying face. Tiny fingers clutched at nothing.
“I’m sorry,” cried Wang Xing Shan, “I thought I could get through this.”
You Shulang and Fan Xiao stared, wide-eyed, as the woman cradled the leather jacket to her chest and rocked the baby. “It’s ok A-Yi” she soothed, “you’re going to be ok.”
You Shulang was first to regain his composure, and rose stiffly from the couch.
“Mrs Wang,” he said, walking towards her. “Please use the towel to dry off and let me bring another one for the baby. Fan Xiao go check the storage room. We should still have Tiantian’s baby clothes and some unused nappies.”
Fan Xiao got up, but the woman quickly protested.
“No, please don’t. I’m not staying long.” She stood up, still rocking the baby in the leather jacket, and watching it through tears. “I know I have no right to ask this of you, I have no right to ask you for anything really, but I have no choice. I want A-Yi to have a happy life, a life I can’t give her.”
Understanding dawned on You Shulang and he gasped.
“You don’t me…” he started to say, but Wang Xing Shan cut him off.
“My father said he will take me back if I give her up. He said he wants no trace of Zhang Chen in the house. Nobody else in my family is willing to have her for the same reason. They say she is unlucky, a bad omen. Bad fruit from a poisonous tree,” Wang Xing Shan was sobbing hysterically now, and the baby was growing restless in her arms. “And sometimes”, she continued, looking away from the baby and out the window where the rain was beating down hard against the glass, “I also look at her and only see him. That miserable bastard who ruined my life!” she howled, and You Shualng flinched.
Incensed, Wang Xing Shan spun towards them. Crossing the room in two quick steps she shoved the jacket aggressively at Shulang. The baby squawked and began to cry.
“Take her, please take her!” sobbed Wang Xing Shan. “I can’t have her, and, honestly," she whispered shamefully, "I don’t know if I want her.” The confession broke You Shulang’s heart. He gently took the baby. From inside the leather jacket two tiny coal black eyes looked curiously back at him. The baby blinked steadily for a moment and then a tiny hand rose again. Carefully You Shulang lowered his head and let her pinch his nose. She drew back after a quick inspection and he kissed her tiny fist, drawing out a happy gurgle that went straight to his heart. He knew he was in trouble.
You Shulang was in love but it was Fan Xiao who spoke.
“We will take her,” he said, his voice level. There was neither pity in it nor censure. “I will have my lawyers draw up a formal adoption agreement in the morning. It will be a closed adoption, I hope you understand,” his tone did not leave space for negotiation, but Wang Xing Shan did not rise any objections. Fan Xiao reached into a side draw and pulled out a post it notepad and a pen. He handed them to Wang Xi Shan.
“Write down your address. I will have the documents posted to you by the end of the week.”
The woman nodded and quickly wrote down her details, already looking more composed. As though with the baby out of her arms a burden on her mind had also been lifted.
“Can I leave her here?” She asked, handing the notepad back to Fan Xiao.
“You will leave her here,” stated Fan Xiao, as though the matter was never in question. “You should go home and discuss this with your family,” he said. “Until the adoption papers are signed you still have a chance to change your mind, but afterwards you are to not contact us for any reason. Is that understood?”
Wang Xing Shan nodded, following Fan Xiao to the door.
“If she wants to know her mother when she’s old enough to understand, I will contact you. The adoption papers will have a section where you can provide your personal contact details for this reason.”
Fan Xiao opened the front door, and Wang Xing Shan paused to look back at You Shulang. The leather jacket had been discarded - A-Yi, now wrapped in a towel, was being rocked gently against his chest. She was gurgling happily, pulling on a button on his shirt.
“Please take care of her,” she whispered, and You Shulang looked up to meet her gaze.
“I promise,” he said, and something in his eyes made her believe him; they were so different from Zhang Chen's. She left and Fan Xiao closed the door and returned to the living room.
“I should go check the storage room for those baby clothes,” he said, and Shulang nodded.
“Before you do that,” he said, “come with me to Tiantian’s room. We should tell him about this together.”
Fan Xiao nodded. He looked tired, and for a moment You Shulang felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this man. This man who stood beside him in desperate times like a shield between Shulang and the rest of this vile, hectic world.
“Xiao-er come here,” he said, and Fan Xiao leaned in, allowing You Shulang to place a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being you, for being my other half.”
Fan Xiao smiled and pressed a kiss to Shulang’s forehead. The baby gurgled between them and when they looked down they saw she was watching Fan Xiao. He reached in and stroked one downy cheek.
“I am what you made me my love,” he said, honestly - wrapping one hand around You Shulang. “Now lets go surprise big boy Tiantian with a baby sister,” and You Shulang laughed.