Chapter Text
Dear hyung,
I'm about to say something very shocking right now. I am in love with you. Some might already know about my embarrasing crush on you. I don't know if these words will ever find their way to you. But I wanted to take this huge burden off of my heart. I have been in love with you since the day we met. I fell in love too fast, waiting for you to love me back. But I am losing hope hyung. Can you please look at me? Only once? Please hyung. It really hurts.
If you ask me why i like you? There are so many reasons. It will take hours perhaps a lifetime to go through all of them. Would you read every fragile words if I ever find the courage to place this letter in your hands?
It’s true that Sangwon fell for Leo at first sight. Even now, years later, he still remembers, that black leather jacket clinging to Leo’s shoulders, the one that’s been quietly living in Sangwon’s wardrobe for far too long. He knows he should give it back. He really should. But he doesn’t. He’s greedy like that. So what?
Back then Sangwon was just an awkward, fumbling teenager, braces, akward limbs, and zero composure. Leo, only a year older, already carried himself like someone who belonged in the world. Polite, calm, respectful. Kind in a way that felt almost intentional.
And worst of all, he was kind to him. It’s at least half Leo’s fault that Sangwon is still hopelessly pining. Utterly unfair.
Who told Leo to give up a full scholarship abroad just because Sangwon cried in front of him?
Who told him to cut off that long, beautiful hair simply because Sangwon once said that he liked him with shorter hair?
Who told him to show up with a bouquet of white lilies on Sangwon’s birthday?
Who told him to carry every heavy bag so Sangwon’s fresh manicure wouldn’t chip?
No one. No one told him to do any of it. So why is Leo being so cruelly, achingly nice? Why does he keep raising hopes Sangwon never asked to have?
Falling in love with your best friend is the gentlest, most beautiful curse. Leo is always close enough to smell the faint smell of his cologne, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his skin, but not close enough. Never his.
There’s a strange, hollow ache that blooms inside Sangwon’s chest every time Leo smiles. Leo hugs with his entire body, wrapping Sangwon up until the world feels small and safe. Leo’s eyes glitter like they hold entire galaxies when he laughs. But Sangwon is never the reason for that light. He’s never the reason Leo’s gaze softens like that.
“…and then he just spun mid-air and landed perfectly on his feet. Is he a cat or what?” Leo collapsed backward onto Sangwon’s bed, laughing low and easy, then rolled onto his side, hugging his own knees to his chest like a boy trying to disappear into the pillow.
Sangwon adjusted the fake glasses he wore purely for show. I can dance too, you know. "So you like dancers?"
“What if I do?” Leo mumbled into the fabric, voice muffled, “What if I like dancers?”
Sangwon rolled his eyes. He refused to be petty. He said nothing. There was nothing left to say.
He knows now he has to let go. He has to release this quiet, suffocating hope he’s been keeping for years.
But gods, it hurts. It hurts to watch Leo smile so brightly for someone that isn't him It hurts to realize Leo can be happy in a world where Sangwon isn’t the center of it.
And the worst part? Sangwon can’t imagine loving anyone else. The thought alone feels like betrayal.
I fell for you because you held my hands when they wouldn’t stop shaking before my exams. You held them when the needle touched my earlobe for the first piercing,we held hands and jumped together on the cracked pavement the day we both got into our dream university.
Now that I think about it... If I had known those hands would one day stop reaching for mine, I would have gripped them longer. I would have laced my fingers through yours first. I would have stopped waiting for you to hold mine first.
Maybe you got tired, hyung. Maybe always being the one to initiate tired you. I’ll always regret that I never reached out before you did.
Sangwon is panicking The letter, his-heart-spilled-on-paper letter that he’d hidden inside the pages of the book he was reading, carefully folded, hiding a gentle secret was gone. He can't find the book.
He knows it was idiotic to keep it. He should have torn it up. Dissolved it in water and swallowed the mixture. Anything but leave it there, waiting to be found.
His fingers keep returning to the same spot near his cuticle, picking at the already raw skin. He paces the same aisle in the library for the third time. The librarian’s gaze has turned from curious to openly suspicious. The sky is turning orange. He’s been searching for hours.
At the front desk, voice barely steady, he asks if anyone turned in a book. The woman tilts her head. “A gentleman was sitting next to you earlier. You were napping, he might have picked it up by mistake when he left.”
Of course. A book thief.
Just what his life needed.
Luck, for once, decides to be kind.
The next day Kim Geonwoo is standing in front of Sangwon’s unofficial fixed seat in the far corner of the third floor. Everyone knows Geonwoo. He practically lives here, always in the same worn hoodie, always carrying too many books, always quiet.
“I think this is yours,” Geonwoo says, holding out the book.
Sangwon snatches it without thinking, a muttered “thank you” slipping out as he flips through the pages with shaking fingers. The letter isn’t there.
Geonwoo sits down beside him without asking, casual, like they’ve done this a hundred times. Sangwon keeps turning pages faster, heart hammering against his ribs. “Excuse me,” he says, voice shaking. “There was a loose page inside. Did you open the book when you took it?”
Geonwoo meets his eyes directly, calm, unreadable. “No. I didn’t.” A small pause. “Why? What was in it?”
“Nothing important,” Sangwon lies, too quickly. “Just... something.”
Geonwoo studies him for a second longer. Sangwon can feel the panic leaking out of him. “Should I help you look for it?” Geonwoo is already half-rising from the chair.
“No-really, it’s fine. I’ll find it myself.”
But Geonwoo doesn’t seem to hear him. Instead he reaches out and gently closes his hand around Sangwon’s wrist, just for a moment, just enough to stop the continuous page turning. Sangwon yanks his hand back like he’s been burned.
“Oh sorry.” Geonwoo lifts both palms immediately, “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” Sangwon mumbles, cheeks hot. “I just...I’ll handle it.”
No way that letter will ever reach Leo. So he was fine.
After that day, Geonwoo starts appearing more often. Small, careful things at first.
“Did you have breakfast?”
“Don’t return that book yet, I want to read it after you.”
Sangwon doesn’t mind. He liked Geonwoo's presence. So without realizing he lets him get closer.
I like you because you tagged along with me everywhere. Going out alone always feels a little too heavy, a little too quiet. With you, I never had to carry that loneliness on my own. You were always there.
Every street corner, every cafe window, every turn in the road reminds me of you, they wait for me in places I can’t avoid.
Do you take him to the same parks we used to wander around ? Does he tilt his head and watch you while you crouch to look at the flowers in those gardens, the way I used to? Do you drape your jacket over his shoulders when the wind turns cold, the same way you once did for me? like it was the most natural thing in the world?
Am I really not the heather in our story?
“Whatever was in that book must mean a lot to you,” Geonwoo said without looking up from the pages in front of him. His voice calm, almost distracted. His thick glasses hid most of his expression.
Sangwon shrugged, trying to sound indifferent. “It’s honestly nothing. Just curious where it disappeared to.”
He leaned in a little closer, curious about the title he couldn’t quite see. He missed the way Geonwoo’s shoulders stiffened for half a second, barely noticeable before he exhaled and let his body relax again.
Sangwon suddenly snapped his own book shut, the sound louder than he intended in the silence of the library. He stretched his arms overhead, joints popping softly.
Geonwoo finally lifted his head.
“I have to leave early today,” Sangwon said. “Gotta babysit for my sister.”
Geonwoo closed his book slowly, A small, almost shy smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.
“Want me to tag along?”
“No no you really don’t have to,” Sangwon said quickly, waving one of his hands. “I don’t want to bother you or anything.”
Geonwoo didn’t even blink. He leaned back in the chair and met Sangwon’s eyes. “I don’t have anything else to do anyway,” he said simply. “And.. maybe I could help. You’d be doing me a favor honestly, giving me something useful to do instead of just sitting here all afternoon.”
Sangwon opened his mouth to protest again. The words sat right there on his tongue, it’s fine, really, I can manage but then he pictured it, his four year old niece with her endless energy, her sticky chocolate covered fingers, her sudden meltdowns when she decided the day was going too smoothly. He thought about if he could really stop her from climbing the bookshelf alone.
No. No way in hell he could handle that alone today.
He exhaled through his nose, shoulders dropping. “...Okay. Fine. If you’re really sure.”
Geonwoo’s face lit slowly with a smile, the kind that barely lifted the corners but still managed to soften his whole face. “I’m sure.”
Sangwon stood up, shoving his things into his bag. Geonwoo rose too, slinging his own backpack over one shoulder. They walked out of the library side by side, honestly it wasn't the comfortable silence between them but none of them seemed to mind.
Sangwon kept his eyes forward, heart doing an annoying little flutter he refused to acknowledge. Maybe because he was relieved he wouldn’t have to face the chaos alone.
His niece who is normally wary of anyone new, clinging to her mom's leg the second a stranger appeared surprisingly warmed up to Geonwoo quickly. Within ten minutes she was dragging him by his pants to show him her collection of squishy dumplings collection, giggling when he reacted enthusiastically. Sangwon watched from the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, feeling something quiet and unexpected shift inside his chest.
Geonwoo wasn’t loud or showy with her. He just matched her energy. Patient and gentle. He listened to her endless stories about how she ate six french fries at once or how she got so many presents on the new year, and never once he looked bored. Sangwon had never seen him like this before, he knew Geonwoo was nice but this version of him was specially attractive. The usual library quietness replaced with something warmer. It made his throat feel strangely tight.
By evening, she was tired and slowly falling asleep on Geonwoos arms while he combed her hair with his gentle fingers.
Sangwon sat beside them, just staring. The room was dim.
“Thanks,” he said quietly, almost afraid to break the silence “A lot. You saved me so much energy today.”
Geonwoo didn’t look up right away. He kept his hand moving gently over the little girl’s hair, then finally lifted his gaze. His eyes were soft behind his glasses.
“I liked hanging out with you,” he said simply. A small pause, then the quiet addition: “Your niece takes after you. You both have the same rosy cheeks.”
Sangwon felt heat flood his face. If his cheeks weren't rosy before, it sure was now. He opened his mouth, closed it again. He had never heard Geonwoo speak like that, he never even expected it.
And then, as if he hadn’t just said something that turned Sangwon’s heart to do gymnastics, Geonwoo carefully lifted the sleeping girl and handed her overto Sangwon. He stood, shouldered his bag, and gave Sangwon one last small smile.
“See you tomorrow?”
I don’t know how I’m still this strong, I deserve a generous head pat for surviving this.
I still wear our matching necklace every day, the thin silver chain feels cold now. You don't wear yours anymore. When I asked about it, you said it was in your drawer. I smiled. I nodded. I acted like it didn’t slice something open inside me. But it hurt, hyung. It hurt so much I couldn’t breathe properly for the rest of the day.
I’m being slowly replaced. Piece by piece. Memory by memory. But I won’t get in the way. I’ll stay quiet. I’ll keep cherishing every second we had together, every late night convenience store run, every shared earphone, every time you laughed so hard you couldn’t finish your sentence. Those moments are the only thing keeping me going. Unfortunately, the more I think about them, the more I fall back in love with you. And I think about them all the time.
Sangwon had already pressed the doorbell so many times his thumb ached. Still no answer.
He started to worry. Leo always answered. Even when he was sulking, even when he was tired. The silence was new to Sangwon, it didn't feel right.
He fumbled in his pocket for the spare key Leo had given him 'just in case of emergencies'. This felt like one. He turned the lock, pushed the door open quietly, heart thudding with longing. He missed Leo. He just wanted to hang out, to sit on the couch like before, to pretend nothing had changed.
He wished he hadn’t come.
They were in the living room. Leo on top of someone- Zhang Jiahao. The same face that had been lighting up Leo’s smiles lately, the one Sangwon had forced himself to like because Jiahao was kind himself.
They were kissing, completely lost in each other. Leo’s fingers were tangled in his hair. Jiahao’s hands were already sliding under Leo’s shirt, pulling him closer.
Sangwon froze in the doorway. The plastic bag in his hand slipped. Two bottles of soju hit the hardwood floor with a loud crash, liquid splashing across the boards.
Both of them jolted apart. Jiahao’s eyes widened.
For one long, suffocating second, no one moved. The only sound coming from the ticking of the clock.
Leo’s mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. “Sangwon-”
After Jiahao left, the apartment felt too big and too quiet. They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, the space between them wide enough to fit all the things they weren’t saying.
“Sorry, Won,” Leo murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you’d visit. I should’ve...I don’t know."
Sangwon’s voice came out small, almost swallowed. “No, no, hyung. It’s my fault. I should’ve called first. I just showed up out of nowhere.”
He paused, throat tight, then forced a teasing smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “So you made progress with him, huh? What, y’all dating already?”
Leo flushed deep red, ears burning. He laughed, nervous. “I don’t know if you’d call it dating. We just ...kiss sometimes. Yeah.”
Sangwon nodded like that made perfect sense. He doesn’t remember much of what came after that. The words blurred. The room blurred. He thinks he laughed when he was supposed to. Thinks he said something light. But mostly he just wanted to disappear.
“You’re holding that book upside down.”
Sangwon startled so hard the book almost fell from his grip. Heat rushed to his face. He flipped the book right side up with clumsy fingers and coughed into his fist, pretending it wasn't embarrassing.
Geonwoo let out a soft, breathy laugh. Sangwon couldn’t help it, he laughed too, shaky at first, then real. Geonwoo’s laugh was beautiful, he didn't get to hear it often. Maybe that's why it mattered so much.
They’d gotten closer these past weeks. Not in big, dramatic ways. Just naturally. Geonwoo seemed to know exactly what to say, what small gesture would pull a smile out of Sangwon when everything else felt heavy. Being with him was easy. For the first time in a long time, Sangwon's whole thoughts weren't occupied by Leo. It felt like breathing after holding his breath too long.
Geonwoo reached into his bag and pulled out a small paper bag. Sangwon’s eyes followed the movement, curious. Geonwoo tipped the bag and two little keychains slid onto the table between them. Two bears wearing matching blue and pink mufflers. How cute.
Sangwon blinked. Geonwoo was already holding one out towards him.
“Did you get it for me?”
Geonwoo didn’t quite meet his eyes. His ears were faintly pink. “I actually won them at a carnival. They were a set.” A small shrug. “I don’t have anyone else to give the second one to. Didn’t want it to go to waste.”
Sangwon stared at the little bear for a second. He took it carefully, like it might vanish if he moved too fast. Then he clipped it onto the zipper of his pencil, turned it towards Geonwoo so he could see, and gave an exaggerated shake.
“Looks like it was made for me”
Geonwoo laughed shyly. Clearly satisfied. Sangwon pulled out his phone without thinking, angled the two keychains together in the frame, his and Geonwoo’s and snapped a photo. He posted it to his Instagram story the way he used to do with Leo all the time.
Except this time it wasn’t Leo.
And for once, looking back at the story didn’t hurt.
Hyung, I’ll end the letter here. Quickly tell me you’re proud of me. I’ve finally sorted through the mess in my chest.
I came to a conclusion I really can’t stop loving you. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing, right? I can keep loving you quietly, from a distance, my own little secret. I just need permission to keep it safe inside me, to let it exist without hurting anyone. I promise I’ll never let these feelings turn ugly. I won’t let them ruin anything for you. Not your happiness, not your new mornings, not the person who makes you smile like that now.
And if you ever read this one day, please don’t feel guilty, hyung. This is my own choice. My own quiet wish. I love you a lot. But you’re no longer mine. Maybe you never really were.
Thank you for always being the sunlight in my life. Even now, when it shines somewhere else.
A few months ago, Sangwon never could have pictured this.
He’s standing in Geonwoo’s tiny bathroom, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, disposable gloves slick with red dye. His forearms are already streaked with crimson, little rivers of color running down. Geonwoo is sitting on the closed toilet lid, shirtless, towel draped over his shoulders like a cape, how silly he looked, head tilted back while Sangwon applied the dye into his hair.
“Careful, it's dripping down my forehead,” Geonwoo says, half laughing, half scolding. “You’re making a mess of me.”
Sangwon snorts, wiping a gloved finger along Geonwoo’s hairline to catch the excess. “You should thank me, I'm making you cool, how long were you planning on being so basic”
Geonwoo rolls his eyes, but the corner of his mouth keeps twitching upward. “Bold words from someone who threatened to infect me.”
Sangwon laughs loud, bright, the kind of laugh he hasn’t heard from himself in a long time. It feels almost foreign in his throat.
It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon.The sun making Geonwoo’s hair gleam like fresh paint. The bathroom filled with chemical smell. Sangwon was bored and insisted on dying Geonwoo's hair and now with his amateur hands and body shaking with laughter they have been doing this for the past half an hour.Geonwoo pretending to resist, both of them knowing he was going to give in anyway.
When the timer finally goes off, Sangwon guides Geonwoo to the sink. He’s careful and gentle like a little pressure will create a dent on his head. He runs warm water over Geonwoo’s head, fingers working through the strands, rinsing until the water runs clear. Geonwoo stays still under his touch, eyes closed, breathing slow and even. Droplets slide down his neck, along his collarbone, and Sangwon catches them with the edge of the towel without thinking.
“There,” Sangwon says at last, voice softer than he meant it to be. He steps back, peels off the stained gloves, and really looks.
The new red is vivid, a little messy at the roots, but it suits him. It makes his eyes look darker, his smile sharper. Geonwoo shakes his head like a wet dog, sending droplets flying, then catches Sangwon’s gaze in the mirror.
“Well?” he asks, tilting his head. “Am I infected enough for you?”
Sangwon feels something warm and unsteady bloom behind his ribs. “Yeah. You look good, Geonwoo.”
Sangwon has finally stopped thinking about the letter The frantic searching has faded, he’s accepted that it’s gone, probably in the process of turning into fossil. The ache of it has dulled. Now his mind is full of something else entirely: what to give Geonwoo for his birthday.
Geonwoo’s birthday is in less than a week. Normally, this would have been easy. Sangwon would have dragged Leo along, the two of them wandering through shops, Leo a little too seriously helping him pick out the perfect thing. Leo always knew what looked good, what felt meaningful without being too loud about it. But when Sangwon texted him, “Hey hyung, My friend's birthday is next week, wanna go gift shopping this weekend? Leo’s reply came fast as always.
Sorry, busy this week. Have fun though.
No explanation. No emoji. Just that.
Sangwon stared at the message until the screen dimmed, then locked his phone. He told himself it didn’t sting. He was excited anyway, genuinely excited to pick something for Geonwoo. Something small, thoughtful, something that might make Geonwoo smile that quiet, surprised smile he saved for moments like this. He could do this alone. He wanted to do this alone.
He headed to his favorite jewelry shop, the one which he had many memories with. Upon entering the shop the familiar smell of air freshner hit his nose. Familiar in a way that used to feel safe.
And then he saw them.
Leo. Standing at the same glass counter where they’d once stood together, shoulders brushing, debating between two almost-identical chains. The same shop where they’d bought their matching necklaces years ago,simple silver, tiny crescent moons dangling from them.
Leo wasn’t alone. Jiahao was beside him, head tilted, pointing at something in the case. Leo laughed. The laugh Sangwon used to think belonged to him. The shop assistant was already pulling out a delicate chain, holding it up so the light caught it just right. A necklace. Probably for Jiahao. Maybe with a different pendant this time. Maybe something that would sit against Jiahao’s collarbone the way Sangwon’s used to sit against his. Leo pointed towards the ring section. Sangwon couldn't watch anymore.
Sangwon’s heart screamed without sound: He did this with me too.
The same counter. The same soft lighting. The same gentle way Leo leaned in to listen, to choose.
Sangwon turned around before anyone could notice him. The smell of air freshner leaving his nose. He walked out into the cold afternoon air and kept walking. No gift. No bag. Nothing in his hands but the sharp, familiar ache he thought he’d finally outrun.
He didn’t go to the library that day. Didn’t text Geonwoo. Didn’t open his chat with Leo to say never mind.
He went home, sat on the floor with his back against the bed, and stared at the wall. He’d sworn to himself he was moving on.
But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he was still pathetic, still the boy who couldn’t let go, who still looked for Leo everywhere he went.
He pressed the palm of his hand against his chest, trying to calm it down. Geonwoo’s birthday was coming. He still needed to find a gift. But right now, all he could think was how unfair it felt that some things, some memories, some places, some people refused to let him leave them behind.
Geonwoo’s birthday arrived in an instant, like the calendar had decided to skip straight to it without a warning.
Sangwon didn’t know if Geonwoo would actually like the gift. He’d spent days thinking about what to give him, wandering all the stores alone, sitting down at snack shops, looking around at all the different peopple with different stories. In the end he chose a vinyl, indie album Geonwoo had once mentioned during one of their many late night talks which ended with them sleeping still on line.
When Sangwon handed it over, Geonwoo’s face lit up, slow smile he saved for things that really mattered. He didn’t say much, just a soft “Thank you,” followed by a hug that lingered a second longer than necessary. Sangwon really needed that hug.
He couldn’t help but wonder why Geonwoo was spending his birthday alone. No family dropping by, no friends crowding the apartment, no big plans. Just the two of them in the small living room. But Sangwon didn’t ask. He didn't want to pry.
They sat side by side on the couch, splitting an enormous slice of chocolate cake Sangwon had bought, far too big for two people, but that was the point. Both of them ended up with cream smeared across their cheeks and noses. They looked ridiculous. Like kids who’d raided the kitchen when no one was looking.
“You look like a mess,” Sangwon said, already dissolving into laughter, it made his stomach hurt and his eyes water. He leaned sideways so hard he almost slid off the cushion.
Geonwoo shot him an offended look. “, you are no better,” he replied back, scooping a generous dollop of frosting onto his finger.
Sangwon shrieked and twisted away, but Geonwoo was faster, setting the plate down on the floor and lunging after him, hands stretching towards Sangwon's face, cream threatening to attack. Sangwon laughed harder, swatting at him half heartedly, resistance crumbling with every giggle.
Then Sangwon lost his balance completely. They toppled together onto the sofa in a tangle of limbs and laughter. Geonwoo caught himself at the last second, planting both hands on either side of Sangwon’s head so he wouldn’t crush him. The sofa getting stained. Geonwoo cared less about that damn sofa.
It was like time stopped.
They froze with Geonwoo hovering above him, breathing a little fast, eyes wide behind his thick glasses. Sangwon’s pupils dilated, heart suddenly loud in his ears. The room felt smaller.
Geonwoo started to pull back, but Sangwon moved first reaching up and gently tugging the glasses off of Geonwoo’s face. Geonwoo stilled completely, letting him do it, breath catching just slightly.
Sangwon slid the frames onto his own face. Instantly, the world blurred into soft edges and headache. “Oww my head hurts,” he whined, scrunching his nose.
Geonwoo sat back, laughing loud and fond. “Who told you to wear them, silly?”
Sangwon pulled them off and handed them back, still smiling. They both sat up properly, shoulders brushing, the cake forgotten on the floor.
A comfortable silence settled between them. It felt nice, really nice.
Then Sangwon spoke, voice quieter than before. “You have pretty eyes.” He swallowed. “It’s specially cute when you smile.”
Geonwoo coughed, startled, cheeks blooming pink. He wasn’t used to compliments, especially not this direct and coming from Sangwon. He ducked his head for a second, adjusting his glasses like that would hide the flush.
Sangwon laughed again, lighter this time. “Too bad you’re blind.”
Sangwon was being petty.
He knew it. He refused to answer Leo’s calls, not out of anger, but because he was terrified that if he picked up, all the ugly, raw feelings he’d been burying would spill out over the line. He had sworn to himself: These feelings will not ruin anything. But this stubborn feelings just don't seem to listen to him.
He ignored the notifications until the screen stopped lighting up. Leo was probably calling to make plans for Sangwon’s birthday anyway. They had always celebrated together, both their parents lived far away, so every year it was just the two of them, cheap takeouts, a single candle stabbed into a convenience store cake, stupid movies until 3 a.m and if both of them agreed they will drink ntil they pass out.
It was like a tradition carved into the calendar like couples write their initials on a tree.
Sangwon felt guilty for giving up on this tradition. But he needed to protect himself, even if it meant being small and childish about it.
But everyone knows. Lee Sangwon is weak. He had always been weak when it came to Leo.
In the end, he called back. He was preparing what to say to cancel the outing. But sangwon didn't have to think so hard.
Leo picked up on the first ring. His voice was careful, almost apologetic. “Hey Won.” A pause. “I.. I don’t think I can celebrate your birthday with you this time.”
Sangwon had told himself he wanted this. He had told himself breaking the tradition would be better for him. But hearing Leo say it out loud cracked something wide open. The words landed like a fist to the sternum. He didn’t even realize when he started crying. After the call he felt wetness on his cheeks. He really was weak.
And then without thinking, he scrolled through his contacts and called Geonwoo. If you ask him why, he himself doesn't know.
The line connected. “Hello?” Geonwoo’s voice was soft, almost as if he was already sleeping, but sangwon didn't have time to feel sorry. “Sangwon?”
Sangwon couldn’t speak. Only muffled, broken crying came out.
Geonwoo’s tone shifted instantly. “Sangwon? Hey what’s wrong?” Worry filled Geonwoo's voice. “Sangwon, talk to me. Are you okay?”
He didn’t answer. He just cried harder.
“I’m coming over,” Geonwoo said, no hesitation. “Don’t hang up. I’ll be there soon.”
Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Sangwon opened it with red eyes and a wet face, and Geonwoo stepped inside without a word, shoes still on, hoodie all messy like he had worn it in a hurry.
Sangwon didn’t even make it two steps. He collapsed against Geonwoo’s chest, fists bunching in the front of his hoodie, and cried like he hadn’t cried in years, loud and ugly. Geonwoo froze for half a second, then wrapped both arms around him tightly, one hand cradling the back of Sangwon’s head like he was the most fragile thing ever.
“Hey...hey, it’s okay,” Geonwoo murmured, even though he clearly didn’t know what was wrong. He wasn’t good at this, at consoling, at saying the right thing. But he stayed. He held on.
“Let it all out until you feel better. I’m here.”
Sangwon cried harder, words tumbling out between sobs. He told him everything. About how Leo was too kind, how Leo made him fall and then wasn't there to catch him. He told Geonwoo how pathetic he felt for still caring this much. How he hated that he couldn’t just stop. How it hurt to want something that wasn’t his.
Geonwoo didn’t interrupt. He didn’t offer quick fixes or empty promises. He just listened, his hand rubbing slow circles on Sangwon’s back,calming him. Geonwoo kept his breath slow worried it might be to loud for a situation this fragile. When Sangwon finally started to quiet down, hiccupping and exhausted, Geonwoo still didn’t let go.
They stayed like that for a long time, Sangwon’s face buried in Geonwoo’s hoodie, tears soaking the fabric, Geonwoo holding him.
Eventually Sangwon pulled back just enough to look up. His eyes were swollen, nose red, voice wrecked. “Sorry this is so embarrassing, You always see my embarrasing sides.”
Geonwoo shook his head once. “It’s not.” His voice was quiet, certain. “You needed someone to hear it. I’m glad it was me.”
Sangwon let out a shaky laugh that turned into another small sob. He pressed his forehead against Geonwoo’s collarbone again, breathing him in, his cologne was nice. Somewhat comforting.
Sangwon was at Geonwoo’s house again, like he had been so many times in the past months that it no longer felt strange. Geonwoo had casually mentioned he’d cook his “special dish” for Sangwon tonight, so while the smell of garlic and soy sauce drifted from the kitchen, Sangwon wandered the apartment for the nth time, touching the spines of books he’d already read, rearranging them even though he did it few minutes ago.
He ended up in Geonwoo’s bedroom. The door was half open, the light soft from the bedside lamp. Sangwon drifted toward the small shelf of photo frames, baby Geonwoo grinning with missing teeth, held between two smiling adults he assumed were his parents. He smiled to himself, mentally noting to ask Geonwoo about them later, when the cooking wasn’t demanding his attention.
Then his eyes caught on something else. A folded piece of paper, tucked partially under one of the frames, the corner just visible. Familiar stripped paper.
No way.
No way.
His hands shook as he reached for it. He unfolded it slowly, like it might burn him. The words stared back, his own words, every confession, every aching line he’d poured out about Leo more than a year ago. The letter he’d lost. The letter Geonwoo had sworn he never opened. The letter Geonwoo had said wasn’t with him.
Sangwon’s heart shattered.
The kitchen door opened, Geonwoo appeared in the doorway, apron still tied, big smile lighting up his face. “Sangwon, it’s finished! Come eat before it gets-”
The smile died the second he saw Sangwon standing frozen, eyes bloodshot, letter trembling in his grip. Geonwoo’s gaze dropped to the paper. His face paled.
“Sangwon, I can explain-”
Sangwon’s voice came out hoarse, broken. “Explain what, Geonwoo?” He lifted the letter slightly, like evidence in a crime scene. “How you made a fool of me? How you lied to my face from the very beginning? You had this the whole time.”
“Sangwon, listen-”
“No, you listen.” Sangwon’s voice cracked. “Was it fun? Was it fun watching me fall apart over Leo and then stepping right into the empty space he left? Doing everything I wanted, being exactly what I needed, was that fun for you?”
Tears finally spilled over, hot and fast. Sangwon was sobbing now, ugly sobs that made his shoulders shake.
Geonwoo stepped forward instinctively. Sangwon took a sharp step back.
“Sangwon, please—”
“What is there to listen to?” Sangwon’s voice rose, raw and ragged. But still gave time to Geonwoo to say spomething. Anything.
“I like you, Sangwon. I like you so much. That’s why I did this. I wanted to get close to you. I didn’t want to embarrass you or scare you, so I hid the letter-”
Sangwon laughed, bitter and broken. “How absurd.”
The words hit Geonwoo like a slap. He stopped moving. His voice dropped, quieter but firmer. “How is it absurd, Sangwon? Are my feelings absurd?”
Sangwon stared at him, chest heaving. Geonwoo’s eyes were wet now too, but his voice stayed stern at first, then softening into something almost pleading.
“I accept that I did wrong. I hid it. I lied. But you don’t get to decide whether my feelings are genuine or not.”
A beat of silence. Then
“I’m jealous.”
Sangwon blinked, confused through the tears.
Geonwoo swallowed hard. “I didn’t understand it back then. How someone could love another person that much. How someone could pour their entire heart into letters they never sent, into memories they kept alive even when it hurt. But I understand now. I want to love you the same way you loved him.”
Sangwon just stared. The room felt too small, too loud with everything unsaid.
Then he turned. He stormed past Geonwoo, past the kitchen, past the smell of the food that was supposed to be special, past the front door. Geonwoo reached out, voice cracking. “Sangwon-wait-”
Sangwon didn’t stop. He didn’t look back. He was hurt. Too hurt.
The door slammed behind him, leaving Geonwoo alone in the apartment with half cool food and the letter still lying open on the shelf.
It had been a few days since everything collapsed. Sangwon hadn’t reached out to anyone. He couldn’t think straight. Betrayal sat heavy in his chest like wet concrete, Geonwoo’s lie, the letter, the way every kind gesture suddenly felt rehearsed. He stayed inside, lights off, phone facedown, letting the hours blur.
It was the eve of his birthday when the messages started again. Leo texted simple things, nothing urgent but Sangwon wasn’t in the mood to answer. Geonwoo called. Again and again. Sangwon ignored every ring, every vibration, every small plea that appeared on the screen.
When the clock struck midnight, his heart stuttered. Someone was at the door. He crept over and peeked through the peephole. Geonwoo. Standing there in the hallway light, shoulders hunched, hands shoved deep in his pockets.
Sangwon’s voice cracked when he shouted through the door. “Go away.”
A long silence. Then Geonwoo’s voice, so soft “Sangwon, sweetheart.. please. Just listen to me once. I promise I won’t disturb you after that.”
Sangwon didn’t answer. He walked away from the door, crawled into bed, and tried to sleep through the ache.
He woke to his phone buzzing. Leo. He answered this time, voice rough from all the crying.
“Hyung?”
“Won, you didn’t answer my messages.” Leo sounded worried, “Are you okay?”
“Oh.. right. Sorry, hyung. I was kinda sick.” A weak lie. “What did you need? Weren’t you busy today?”
Leo hesitated. “Are you okay now? If it's not too much come over at my place now?”
Sangwon agreed. He was tired of hiding. Tired of running from his own heart. He pulled on a hoodie, grabbed his keys and stepped outside.
And there curled on the hallway floor, knees drawn up, head resting against the wall was Geonwoo. Still there. All night.
Sangwon’s breath caught. “You big idiot,” he whispered, already moving. “Why are you still here? Do you want to catch a cold?”
Geonwoo looked up, eyes red, exhausted. The second he saw Sangwon, he surged forward and wrapped both arms around him, tight, desperate, trembling.
“Sangwon.. please. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted-”
Sangwon’s eyes stung. Tears came fast this time. “Are you an idiot?”
He tugged Geonwoo up, pulled him inside without another word, and wrapped him in the thickest blanket he owned. Geonwoo looked so small, so fragile, hair messy, cheeks flushed from cold, eyes glassy with guilt.
Sangwon looked down at Geonwoo who was sitting on the sofa. Muttered, barely audible: “Sorry.”
Geonwoo blinked, startled. “...What?”
“Your feelings....they aren’t absurd.” Sangwon swallowed. “You have every right to love me.”
He stepped closer. Slowly lifted both hands and cradled Geonwoo’s cold cheeks. “Thank you...for loving me so tenderly.”
Geonwoo leaned into the touch like it was the only thing keeping him upright. A shaky exhale left him.
"After I came back to my room last night, I thought a lot about how selflessly you loved me, without expecting anything else. And I realized too late just how much my words might hurt you."
Sangwon’s voice dropped softer. “Will you let me love you too? Small steps...so I don’t hurt you?”
Geonwoo nodded quickly, like a child, eyes shining over and over again.
Sangwon smiled. He held Geonwoo’s face steady and pressed the gentlest kiss to his lips.
Then he stepped back.
“I have an unfinished business. Let's talk after I come back, yeah?”
Leo’s door opened almost immediately. “Happy birthday, Won.” Leo grinned.
Sangwon exhaled. “Thank you.” Then, without letting himself hesitate: “Hyung... I liked you. No-I loved you. For a long time.”
Shock flickered across Leo’s face. The silence made Sangwon continue.
“But I’ve finally moved on.” A bittersweet smile on his face. “ I never thought I would say this anytime soon and specially directly to you. But I like someone now, thank you, hyung.. for letting me love you even when you didn’t know."
Leo stayed quiet. Didn’t speak. Didn’t move.
Sangwon took one last breath. “I need to go now. That someone’s waiting for me.”
He turned and walked away , almost running. He didn’t see the way Leo stared after him, long after he disappeared around the corner. He didn’t see Jiahao step out from the hallway, balloons still floating lazily behind him, ribbons trailing on the floor.
Jiahao’s voice was quiet, sad and soft. “Guess you took too long to confess.”
Leo kept staring at the empty hallway. The place where Sangwon used to be. “Yeah,” he murmured.
“Too bad these rings were too pretty.”
In his palm, two delicate silver bands, simple, crescent moons etched into the surface. The same design they’d chosen years ago.
He closed his hand around them.
Sangwon walked back home. The night air felt lighter against his skin. When he opened the door, Geonwoo was still there, curled on the couch now, blanket pulled tight, eyes anxious until they found Sangwon’s face.
Sangwon crossed the room without a word. Dropped to his knees in front of him. And let Geonwoo pull him close again. This time the kiss was soft. So soft it almost wasn’t there at first, just a warm press of lips, careful and unhurried. Geonwoo tilting his head just slightly, letting their mouths fit together a little deeper.
When they parted, it was only far enough to breathe. Foreheads resting together, noses brushing, both of them smiling through the closeness.Geonwoo’s voice cracked a little when he spoke. “Happy birthday, Sangwon.” Sangwon huffed a tiny laugh against his lips.
Geonwoo kissed him again, briefer and sweeter this time, Sangwon pulled him closer, tucking himself against his chest.