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r/RelationshipAdvice
I think I'm falling in love with my husband.
Posted by: KHJ_Captain
Okay, I'm aware this sounds weird. But I'll explain a bit about our past and what my problem is. Also, this is an old account, not my main at all.
Me and my husband, for the sake of names I'll call him C, have been married for almost two years. It started out as a contract marriage, strictly so he could show he had a work life balance, and I needed money to help me get through school because I was late on a few of my payments.
C, and I met in mutual classes. The university I go to is full of either rich kids or kids on scholarships. C, was one of the rich kids that was actually nice and helped tutor the kids whose grades were slipping. C, was also a senior and made great connections.
Around mid December, before winter break I had been crying in one of the empty classrooms. I had gotten the notice that I was past do on the past 3 months of my payments, my grades started slipping because of how much stress I had put on myself. I was working overtime at work trying to get more hours to pay for my schooling.
C, found me in the classroom and we talked it out, he comforted me, offered to tutor me, and then told me that after he graduated he needed to be in a relationship to prove he could have a work life balance, and in order to prove that he needed someone to help out…
That night we went to the Cafe where I worked, and worked out a contract. He'd help pay for my tuition, and we'd make appearances for a few months, then ask me to marry him. I admit now that doing all this while still emotional wasn't the best idea. But I was 19, fresh out of high school and thrown into this without warning.
In the contract details it stated that if either of us found someone and was serious about it the contract would be completely terminated and the divorce would be annulled completely.
We kept our things separated, everything I made I kept except for 10% of it that went into a shared Bank account for appearances. He did the same only with 5%! (Which is completely fair considering he makes a hell of a lot more than me!) And when annulled that account would be split 50/50!
C, had his lawyers look over it to make sure they both were covered and a few days later we signed it and made our first appearance.
Everything felt clinical, but I was no longer stressed nor did I struggle. We never once did anything more than hand holding and a kiss on the cheek out in public. I'm not too big on skinship in general, but it was in the contract, besides it made sense.
C, helped me study, the tutoring is how we started our story, that he tutored me and we fell for each other. Very cliche, but no one questioned it.
When he introduced me to his parents I played the part of the perfect boyfriend, I helped clean, I even met his siblings, who I might add are very sweet and kind. Though the moment C, stepped out I was interrogated by his parents, and siblings! Which is very understandable, considering they're wealthy and I come from a very different background.
The very first question they asked me was what kind of gifts C had gotten me and where we went out. I was actually shocked at the fact the C didn't tell them, especially since he wanted to make it seem perfect but not suspiciously perfect.
I answer that we normally had our dates at the cafe I worked at, and it was always after my shift, and since I worked there at night we just ate whatever we were supposed to throw out so it didn't go to waste. So all our ‘dates’ were free essentially.
And as far as gifts go, C had given me a ‘Death Note’ notebook for Christmas when he found out I liked anime. I had given him a new black pencil case that was filled with pencils, pens, and thin markers. All in black, since it's his favorite color. What else do you get college students that need essentials? And who doesn't love stationary?
I told them the truth about our dates at the cafe and the gifts on Christmas. They were definitely surprised, which led to more questions about why only in a cafe? And why don't we go out more.
I had told them that since I'm on a scholarships, and have to pay for at least half of it, that's why I work so much and that I still need time to study. They seemed to take that, so I took that as C didn't tell them he's paying the rest of my tuition.
That's how that went. But his siblings were really nice afterwards and so were his parents.
Around March is when C had proposed to me in front of his family, exactly as planned. Which yes, does take the romance of it, but that was the plan. I played it up, cried a little, shook a little and said yes.
We got married a few weeks later, and on the ‘honeymoon’ we both studied for our finals, his for his last year, and mine for freshmen year. We went to Australia, he showed me where he grew up, and some of the plants there. (I forgot to mention I'm going to school for botany and art.) Though I did get scared when I saw a huge spider but C helped.
C was nice, always caring, I think on our ‘honeymoon’ is when I first started falling for him, but at the time I didn't notice.
When we got back I moved in, and started that account. We kept receipts, timestamps, phone records, everything we could so that it kept up the contract. Maybe it was overboard, but we both wanted to prevent arguments, and slip ups. We didn't want to blow up on each other so we kept open communication.
The next year and a half had passed in blissfully, I think my feelings grew since we got married. And I don't know how to handle this.
The realization popped up a few days ago during summer break. I was cleaning up the living room when C came in and asked about my day like usual. I had told him my chem class was a little distracting today so I couldn't take the notes I needed. He had paused and told me to stop cleaning, I didn't because I needed to do something. The class had been irritating which just added to the stress.
Honestly after that day I wanted to cry and sleep. But C walked over and held my wrists, and told me to look at him… told me I didn't have to stay quiet.
I guess I've been a little more distant and I think he noticed, but when I had looked at him. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, his kind eyes, his concerned furrow in his brow, the worried look that had been sketched into his face, the lack of sleep that showed in the shadows beneath his dark hazel eyes.
I cried and he held me for the first time in the 2 years we knew each other.
After that night I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I want him to hold me, I want him to stay, and I want him to be happy.
Now for the whole reason I'm even posting this. C came home last night with a girl, and she apparently knows everything since he told her. And they're dating… which would've been completely fine if not for the realization I had two days prior to that.
I'm scared that this is ending and I can't tell him now, he looks happy, and she seems so nice. They look happy, I don't know what to do now, is it too late for me to love my husband?
✦⭑⋆｡˚꒰ა × ໒꒱˚｡⋆⭑✦
Comments:
LeeK_Bit: OP you should tell him before it's too late. Seriously, OP you said you have open communication, then talk to him.
M!ngM1ng00: Op I think you should probably give it a few more days, I mean ofc you should tell him but like… idk wait till your 100% about your feelings.
J_mang56: uh- maybe C does love you? But he's trying to move on because he thinks u don't want him?
↳ j!Ji_qu0kKa: I agree with J_mang56 the timing of it all is a little suspicious! I mean you said you had probably been distant so maybe he took that as a “I need to find someone else” instead of a “you're stressed”.
hWadDe0ng: Maybe talk to someone else? Try to find someone and spend time with them to see how he reacts? Ik it's petty -_- but tbh it's fair, and if you end up liking the other person then at least you have someone!
↳ Puppy_MinMin: be petty, I mean C was nice and all but that wasn't fair that he just dumped that on you that suddenly. Like how long have they been together? And why didn't you know about it? And where the hell is he finding time?! He lied at some point about where he was, especially since this girl already know your guy's situation!
↳ KoyA_j0on: I completely agree with Puppy_MinMin! It's extremely suspicious that you guys are supposed to have open communication, and timestamps to prevent this thing. He's hiding something OP! Find out what it is, if not for us then for you. This can get toxic fast.
Co0ky_JK87: Maybe start spending more time at school? Like in the library and pick up more shifts at the cafe you work at, see if he even notices. If he does then talk, if not file the divorce quietly, and start looking for an apartment just in case.
↳ l!xboki20: if it gets messy like Co0ky_JK87 said, make sure you have enough in your personal account so you can pay for your own school. Ik you said he's a nice guy, but sometimes that can change real quick depending on the situation. Update when you can OP, I hope most of us are just overthinking this, and everything goes okay!
JiNni3_Jrat: Maybe it's just me but after reading that I have a bad feeling about this girl :// OP I'll tell you this, don't go through his phone, you can erase texts but you can't erase the phone bill. Check it.