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Tyler knew it had been a tough day for Josh. He hadn’t realised just how difficult it had been until it all came to a point that evening.
They’d gone their separate ways for a bit, Tyler heading to their bedroom to get some songwriting done, while Josh had muttered something about a drink. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been writing, only that he was stuck. The words weren’t flowing right. He tried so hard to focus when a loud crash interrupted him. The anxiety struck him immediately.
“Josh?” Tyler called. No answer. “Hey, Josh! Everything okay?”
Silence answered him. Tyler shoved his papers aside and hurried to the kitchen.
“Josh?” Shards of broken glass were scattered across the floor, but Josh was nowhere to be found.
He wandered around until he heard soft cries coming from some corner of the room. He turned the corner and found Josh curled up in a ball, tears running down his face as he rocked back and forward.
“Hey.” Tyler knelt down in front of him. “Hey, Josh, what’s wrong?”
The man continued to rock, still sobbing quietly. It was like he didn’t even know Tyler was there. It was jarring. Tyler had never seen him quite like this, except sometimes during a particularly bad panic attack. But he was sure he would have noticed if Josh’s anxiety had been that bad. Tyler would have, wouldn’t he?
“Josh, I’m gonna touch your arm.” He warned, grabbing his shoulder gently. Josh flinched away, further into the corner.
“I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up! I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry!” He had started to mumble, in a soft, panicked voice. “I’m sorry!”
“I’m not mad. Hey, look at me, I’m not mad. It’s just me, Josh. I’d never be mad at you.”
While that wasn’t entirely true, and Tyler knew he could get quite snappy, it seemed to help Josh come back to himself, if only a little.
“Ty? I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad!” He whimpered quietly.
“Josh… what? What are you talking about? I’m not mad, I’m worried.” Tyler brought his hand up to Josh’s shoulder again, caressing it lightly. “Breathe, okay?”
Josh trembled, warming up slightly to the touch. That was a good sign.
“There you go, you got it. Everything’s okay, I’m not mad at all,” He whispered reassuringly. “You’re safe.”
They sat for a moment, breathing together. Tyler broke the silence.
“Hey. What’s going on, Joshie?”
“N-nothing. Sorry, stupid.” The man sniffled and looked up at him.
“Not stupid. Now, how about you go sit down on the couch and find something to watch. I’ll clean this up, and we’ll have a movie, okay?”
Josh was staring at him like he was an alien.
“But I-I should clean it up, it was my fault!” He cried out, voice wavering.
“Nope. You’re gonna pick a movie. Come on, I’ll help you up.”
Tyler helped him to his feet, holding him gently. Looking in the man’s eyes, he was overcome with fondness. He placed a delicate kiss on the tip of Josh’s nose, enjoying how his face softened slightly.
“Here, hold on.”
“Wait, what-“ he was cut off as Tyler pulled him into his arms.
“Glass on the floor. It’s dangerous.”
Tyler tiptoed around the shards, holding Josh bridal style in his arms. He silently thanked his dedication to going to the gym. This was worth it. He set the man down on the couch gently, and placed another kiss on the top of his head.
“Pick a movie. I won’t be fussy, I’ll watch anything.” He refrained from tossing the remote to Josh like he normally would, in case it set him off again. Instead, he handed it over slowly. “I’ll just be in the kitchen, call out if you need anything.”
Tyler hurried back to the kitchen, sweeping up the broken glass as quickly as he could. Josh seemed okay, but he still didn’t want to leave him alone for too long.
He wracked his brain for what could have happened to mess with Josh so badly. He knew that his best friend hadn’t had the greatest childhood, so he supposed this might be related. It made his heart hurt to know that something so terrible could happen to such a beautiful person.
He finished up quickly and rushed back, relieved to find Josh casually flicking through channels.
“Hey.” Tyler couldn’t ignore the way Josh flinched and sat up straight. “Pick a movie?”
“Y-yea…” Josh took a deep breath, composing himself. “Yeah. Fight Club?”
“Sounds perfect. I’m hungry, I’m thinking Chinese for dinner?” He sat down next to Josh, keeping a reasonable distance.
“Yeah, I could eat.” The man said lightly.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Tyler asked cautiously, watching as Josh tensed up. “Hey, no, don’t panic, I’m not mad, remember? I just wanted to ask you a question, love.”
“Yeah, sorry, of course. What-what is it?” It was painfully obvious to Tyler that he was only just holding himself together. His eyes had already filled with tears, as if his body was just waiting to break down.
“First, is it okay if I touch you?” Josh’s eyes widened, and he nodded vigorously. Tyler shifted closer and took his hand.
“Okay. Josh, you know that I love you more than anything, and I know that you’ve been through some shit to be here. If you don’t wanna tell me about it, I get it. But I have to ask, why were you so upset about the broken glass?”
Josh began to tremble, his grip on Tyler’s hand tightening.
“I don’t…” he whispered. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Sorry… I-I don’t…”
“Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk right now.” Tyler tried to be comforting, rubbing his thumb over Josh’s knuckles. “That’s fine. Do you wanna lie down and watch the movie?”
“Wanna lie on you,” Josh mumbled. “Like normal.”
Tyler chuckled and moved over so Josh could lie down on him. They settled in, snuggling up under a blanket, and pressed play on the movie. Tyler leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lover’s hair.
“You know I love you, right? No matter what?”
Josh shifted around so that he was looking up at Tyler.
“Yeah, I know,” he replied quietly.
“No, Josh. I love you. So much.” He smiled at how Josh blushed and looked away. “You’re the most incredible, talented, lovely person I’ve ever met. I’m so lucky to have you. And I’m always gonna love you.”
Tyler leaned in for another kiss, chastely pressing their lips together.
“And you know I’d do anything for you. All you have to do is ask.”
“You’re so sappy.” Josh rolled his eyes and smiled softly.
“There’s that smile I was waiting for.” Tyler brushed a finger through the man’s hair. “Is there anything else I can do?”
“Just stay with me. This is nice.”
“Of course I’ll stay. I love you.”
Josh smiled again. “Love you too, Ty.”