Chapter Text
[In the station]
Clay- tf what do u mean the station 9 n three quarters we gotta jump on the rails orrrrrrrrr
Alikiri- go to therapy mf tchipppp
Mrs Weasley- oh, you're looking for the station nine n three quarters? It's right there, you just have to rush into the wall! If you're scared, do it running!
Clay- um yes thanks miss but I think I'm gonna walk instead cause like the speed increases the strength of the impact all that yk...
Alikiri- one life girl *runs into the wrong wall and faceplants*
Clay- wtf u doing that's the wrong wall u dumb bitch
Alikiri- girl... I see Nana... my wifey...
Clay- on god I ain't waiting for ur ass bye *walks through the wall and disappears like my hopes and dreams*
[In the train]
Alikiri- oh shit free seats
Clay- *looks everywhere BUT the seats* where??
Alikiri- *grabs their head* THERE! U SEE NOW??
Clay- ahhhh
*They both sit down very elegantly and delicately*
Clay- *grabs Sdo's thigh*
Alikiri- Cl-Clay-san..? *blushes*
Clay- *kisses her passionately*
[Please forgive this lil slip up from the author due to their fantasies. Let's go back to the real events.]
Alikiri- *hits the hand on her thigh* ewww go die in a ditch u filthy creature
Clay- *a small tear rolls down their face quietly*
Staff person- hi, would you want any snacks?
[With the magic hat]
Mcgonagall- the next student... Alikiri Yaoiyuri!
Alikiri- *walks up with 'here comes the hurricane bitch' in the background*
Everyone- awww so adorable and innocenttttttt
Alikiri- *receives the hat on her bigass forehead*
Clay- *signs scissors*
Alikiri- *laughs like you'd expect a fifty yo disney villain to while thinking of sesbian lex*
Hat- UH SLYTHERIN IDFK JUST TAKE ME OFF HER I DID NOT CONSENT TO SEE THIS DELULU GAY SHIT
Everyone- noooo how can such a lil angel so kawai ne be in slytherin??
Clay- *praying for the hat*
Mcgonagall- well, now... Clay Thedepressed!
Clay- *walks up with the charisma of a drug dealer*
Everyone- wtf what is that thing
Dumbledore- an "insomniacteen"... a rare appearance of this shiny pokemon!
Hat- hmmmm
Clay- *thoughts: funfact u start to die at 25 cause technically ur cells death to creation ratio changes so like 30% of life is dying*
Hat- slytherin and a therapist!
Clay- ohwellshit