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Buck laid awake in bed, curled up underneath his blankets in a tight, trembling ball as he stifled his sobs into the blue fabric of his teddy-shaped blanket lovey. The special one his daddy gave to him after he became his caregiver all those years ago.
Buck had been crying nonstop since his mama left after tucking him in and kissing him goodnight. And no matter how hard Buck tried to stop, the tears just kept coming. He was shocked he even had anymore tears left in him, let alone have the energy to shed them, after the buckets he'd cried all throughout the day during both the funeral and burial.
Just thinking about today was enough make Buck cry even harder. The ache in his chest feeling a thousand times worse.
He pressed his face deeper into the blanket part of his lovey and the mattress beneath him, unable to hold back a grief-stricken wail from tearing its way out of him. The last thing he wanted was to end up waking his mama or sister and brother just because he couldn't stop crying like a baby long enough to fall asleep.
Buck didn't know how long he spent crying under the covers for, but the next thing he knew, he heard his bedroom door clicking open.
Thinking he did manage to wake his mama or one of his siblings up, Buck stuffed one of the arms of his lovey into his mouth in a futile attempt at masking his cries. His shoulders still shook with muffled sobs, but when he felt the bed dip next to him, he unconsciously flinched and sucked in a sharp breath.
However, instead of hearing or feeling his mama's or siblings' familiar touch and voice, Buck felt a large, warm hand land on his back and heard the one voice he never thought he'd ever get the chance to hear again.
"Hey, Buckaroo."
Buck was frozen in disbelief for all of three seconds before he spit the arm of his teddy out and his head shot out from under his blankets. There, sitting on his bed was his daddy, dressed in the same black uniform that he'd been buried in.
"There he is. There's my big guy."
"D-daddy?"
He gave Buck a soft, sad smile. "Yeah, pup. It's me."
Buck's breath hitched and his face instantly crumpled as a fresh wave of tears cascaded down his face. The little boy scrambled the rest of the way out from under the blankets and into his daddy's lap. He threw his arms around Bobby's neck and buried his face in his shoulder, all the while still holding on tightly to his lovey with his right hand.
"D–huh–addy! Da-daddy, you're h-here! I m-missed you s-s-so mu-much!" Buck choked out in-between heaving sobs.
"I've missed you so much too, sweetheart."
Buck felt his daddy press a kiss to the top of his head.
"Y-you'll stay r-right? You'll st-stay, daddy?"
His daddy exhaled a soft, quiet sigh.
"I wish I could, little man, I really do. But I can't stay. That's why I came here tonight; so I could give you and mama a proper goodbye."
That response instantly had Buck tightening his grip on the man.
"No! N-no goodbye! Daddy, p-please–please don' l-l-leave 'gain!"
"I don't want to, pup, believe me. If I had it my way, I would have come home that night with you and mama, but... it just wasn't meant to be."
Buck jerked back in his daddy's arms until he they were face to face again, teary eyes swirling with hurt and sadness. He sniffled hard and swallowed a few times, struggling to gain control of his cries. When he finally felt like he could speak without sobs clouding his words, he shakily opened his mouth.
"W-why...? Why'd you h-have... have t'go?" Buck asked, voice no more than a broken whisper, hot tears still streaming down his face.
Bobby gave him another sad smile. "It's not for me to say, bud. You'll find out someday when we see each other again."
"W-will that be soon?"
"No. Not for a very, very long time. But I can promise you we will be together again someday."
Buck's bottom lip immediately began to tremble again, the lump in his throat growing bigger once more.
"I... I don'... I wan' us t'be together now." A hiccupping sob escaped the boy.
His daddy's big, strong, gentle hands came up and cupped his face.
"I know, pup, I know. I'm sorry I can't stay. I will always be watching over you, though. Even if you can't see me." Bobby used his thumbs to wipe at the tears that still relentlessly poured down Buck's cheeks. "You want to know something special about your teddy?"
Buck sucked in a shuttering breath and jerked his head in a nod.
"Whenever you're missing me, you can talk to him, and I'll be able to hear you through him. And when you give him a hug, it'll be like you're giving me a hug."
"R-really?"
Bobby nodded. "Really. I'll even do something to let you know I'm there with you."
"L-like what, daddy?"
"You'll know when you see it."
Buck couldn't help but pout a little at his daddy's response. He was being way too cryptic for Buck's liking. Before he could open his mouth to express just that, however, his daddy softly chuckled and moved a hand up to run his fingers through the boy's hair. Buck practically melted under his daddy's touch, trying to memorize the way his fingers felt gently gliding through his curls and lightly scratching at his scalp.
"It's time, Buckaroo. Daddy has to get going."
A sad, low keening sound escaped Buck. He tried burrowing himself back into his daddy, but Bobby placed his hands on his shoulders and kept him at an arm's length.
"Don' go, daddy," Buck whimpered, vision blurring once more with yet another wave of tears. "Need you."
"I promise you, you are going to be okay, bud. You have your mama, your brothers and sisters, and the rest of our family by your side to get through the tough days ahead. This isn't goodbye forever, bud. It's just goodbye for now."
Bobby slid his hands under Buck's arms and lifted him, depositing him back down on the bed before tucking the blankets around him and his teddy-lovey. Buck tried to keep hold of his daddy's suit jacket, but the man easily pried his fingers from the dark fabric and tucked his hand under the covers. He briefly considered resisting more, but as he gazed up into his daddy's light brown eyes, they were filled with nothing but love and warmth that was all aimed directly at him, and all Buck could think about was how he wanted to remember every detail of his daddy's face and soak up every ounce of his attention and love.
"I love you, Evan. So, so much. Don't ever forget that."
Bobby leaned down and gave Buck's forehead a kiss, then swiped his thumbs across his cheeks one more time to wipe away the last of his tears.
"And remember, I'll always be watching over you."
And just like that, Buck was suddenly no longer staring up at his daddy but was instead blinking his eyes open to the inside of his stuffy blankets. He made a tiny, disgruntled noise of confusion as his hazy mind tried to catch up with everything that he seemingly just dreamed. He couldn't even remember when he'd fallen asleep.
Buck pulled the covers off his face and squinted against the morning light spilling into the room from between the curtains. He scrubbed at his eyes with two fists to rid the last of the blurriness, quietly whining when his rubbing irritated the soreness that lingered from his crying. That at least proved he had been crying last night, but had anything else that happened actually happen? Had his daddy really been here last night? Or had it all just been a dream?
But... it had felt so real.
Despite how much and for how long he had spent crying last night, Buck could feel the backs of his eyes starting to sting as the ache in his chest made a return. Before he could lose himself to his grief again, however, he remembered his daddy's words from before about his teddy's special abilities. Buck looked down at the mattress, spotting the blue head of his blankie-lovey sticking out from where it was trapped halfway under his torse. He lifted up and tugged it free with both hands.
Maybe. Just maybe this would prove whether everything was just a dream or not.
Buck held the blankie-lovey up to his face and opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. As much as he wanted to know if any of it had been real, he also didn't want to be disappointed if nothing happened.
Still, though... he needed to know.
With a slow, deep, shuddery breath, Buck started to talk.
"Hi, daddy. Um... I don' know if you can really hear me or not, but I really miss you. I just wish you were still here, daddy. With me. And mama. With all'a us. S'not the same without you."
When there wasn't an immediate response of any kind, Buck couldn't help but think that it really had all just been a dream. He sniffled and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his footie pajamas, then scrubbed his forearm across his teary eyes. Before the disappointment had a chance to fully settle in, however though, something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.
Buck turned his head towards his window, where he saw something sparkly bouncing off the sunlight. Curiosity peaked, and a small blossom of hope blooming in his chest, the little boy delicately placed his teddy down on his pillow before pulling himself up and scooting down the bed past the wooden guardrails and threw his legs over the side. He stood up and walked over to the window, crouching down beside it. And laying there on the carpeted floor, was a thumb-sized glittery pink heart sticker.
Buck's eyes went wide when he spotted the sticker just lying there. He may have not been very mentally present yesterday, but he knew this hadn't been there before now. The fact that it also happened to be a heart-shaped sticker made it seem even less like a coincidence. He was also fairly certain that he didn't have any sticker sheets with these particular patterns. Most if not all of the ones he did have were either Bluey or Mario themed.
In his eyes, that could only leave one explanation for this glittery heart's sudden appearance.
A wobbly but genuine smile spread across Buck's face as he reached down and picked the sticker up using his thumb and index finger.
"I love you too, daddy."