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Regulus was ignoring him.
That was the only explaination. Sirius had been trying to catch his eye all week since they returned from Christmas break;one from the Potters, one from Grimmuald. Even resorting to using the map to bump into Regulus more than usual. Staring at him, in the corridors or across the Great Hall even as he went to quidditch practice just as the Sytherins were leaving the pitch.
Nothing.
Not a word or nod in his direction. Not even a sarky comment or horrible look. Sure Sirius wasn't expecting them to be on the best terms but he had thought he would atleast catch Regulus staring once or he would come gloat about being their parents favourite child or even just tell him to stop looking at him and piss off.
But nothing. Regulus was looking through him like he wasn't even there. Like they didn't even know eachother and it hurt, it hurt so much more than he thought it would.
He had offered for him to come with him to the Potters, it was a comfort Sirius latched on to as the ignoring continued into the next week. He had offered, when Regulus caught him packing his bag after mother and father had finally stopped torturing him. He had asked if he wanted to come with him to the Potters and Regulus said no. No reason or explaination just shook his head and continued watching as he packed. Regulus had asked once and only once if Sirius would stay with him, refusing to dignify begging, not when Regulus knew it was a lost cause anyway. So Sirius left without his brother.
Yet Regulus didn't call for their parents. He could have at any point after he found him packing. Probably leading to a few more hours of torture and Sirius being put under a higher lock and key but he didn't. Just watched silently as Sirius snuck out the window with his bag and started running.
So Sirius thought Regulus must still care about him or atleast didn't totally hate him. That maybe they would just have to be a bit more covert in their care for eachother, in silent glances or notes dropped in pockets like they used to when father would have big business partners round the house and both their parents were in high tension. Yet Regulus was ignoring him completely. He just wanted one conversation. Just to explain that he still loved him, that he could come to him for anything still, to thank him for not telling their parents. Yet Regulus still looked through him.
He wanted to talk to James about it but he didn't want him to know he still cared. Regulus had choosen a side and they choose theirs and in James' eyes that was enough. He shouldn't care that Regulus wasn't talking to him, he didn't need him anymore, he had James and the Potters who were truly alot better of a family. Still his heart ached whenever Regulus didn't meet his eyes.
So he sat in the Great Hall he continued to watch Regulus read as he ate, smirking at something Evan had said shaking his head slightly in exasperation. Until Pandora stole his book Regulus reaching out for it until Pandora spoke again gesturing to all their friends refusing to give the book back. Regulus grumbling into his food as he ate, Barty's loud laughter echoing around the hall. It was painfully normal. You wouldn't guess that Regulus' brother had ran away just weeks before. It was almost like it didn't happen at all, that he never existed.
Suddenly Remus tilted his head to block Sirius view, cocking an eyebrow at him questioningly.
"Your foods going to get cold if you just stare the whole of dinner." Remus stated, Sirius flushing in embarrassment from getting caught before picking up his fork and eating.
"I am eating. See!" Sirius smiled fakely before emphasising his chewing, open mouthed making Remus' face curl up in discust, Sirius chuckling slightly dispite himself, somehow Remus always made him feel better.
They were just leaving the Great Hall when Sirius' eye caught the green robes calling out to his friends a little,
"I'll be there in a minute!" before turning on his heels to the opposite direction following Regulus, Evan and Barty on their way to the Sytherin comman room, ignoring James' protests.
He had to jog slightly to try and catch up with them but he was determined not to miss this chance. If Regulus wouldn't engaged in the quiet glances then Sirius would just have be more obvious and loud, he was always good at that.
Once he got in range he called out to him,
"Reggie!" grabbing hold of his robe slightly at the back, jerking him to a stop. All three boys seemed to turn in unison but it was only Regulus Sirius was watching. Regulus who looked at him with a discusted face, like some peasant touching the king's robes. Regulus who quickly tugged on his robe to release Sirius' hold before muttering a little,
"Filthy Gryffindor." before walking off not looking back once even as Evan and Barty scrambled to catch up, shocked.
Sirius stood there for a moment his hand hovering uselessly in front of him, an overwhelming darkness closing in. Regulus' words echoed around his head
'Fithy Gryffindor.'
'Fithy Gryffindor.'
'Fithy Gryffindor.'
'Fithy Gryffindor.'
Not that he was a blood traitor, or abandoned him, or that he was a disgrace to the family. Regulus had years worth of secrets he could use against him. They had seen eachother at their worst time and time and time again and yet the thing Regulus had used against him was his house? The one thing you could tell just by looking at him, that any stranger on the street could insult if he was wearing his uniform. Why had Regulus used that of all things?
He didn't care that he was a Gryffindor, not anymore. If anything he was proud of, proud to be different than his family, to have broken the cycle. It wasn't an insult to be a Gryffindor, yet Regulus had used it like one. Regulus had always looked down on Gryffindors, seen them as arrogant or egotistical but he disliked Sirius being a so called 'blood traitor' more. Even if most of it was their parents voice echoing in his head.
So why his house?
Sirius kept repeating that question in his head as he walked back up to the Gryffindor comman room, playing over Regulus discusted look. Remus looked up at him as he came into the comman room, sat on one of the sofas with a book. Marlene and Peter were playing chess nearby, Mary braiding Marlene's hair. Sirius must have looked upset as he walked over to sit next to Remus because Remus looked at him curiously.
"Where did you get off to then?" Remus asked, quiet enough not to draw other people's attention.
"He hates me." Sirius muttered without even thinking.
He wasn't sure what it was about Remus but something made him unable to lie to him, made him want to tell him absolutely everything. Sure he told James lots of things, every little detail about his day, or exactly how and how long he had kissed every girl, but when James asked how he was when Sirius was feeling bad, Sirius often lied automatically. He often found James struggled to understand completely, or would try and come up with solutions when all Sirius wanted was to talk things through.
Remus wouldn't do that. In fact Sirius often needed to prompt him to say something other than 'mhm' or 'yeah' while he ranted. He would just listen endlessly to Sirius talk and never stop paying his full attention to him. Maybe thats why Sirius always found himself telling the boy things before he had even decided to. Possibly it was also because he knew Remus could relate more to what he had been through. He had more problems in his life than James did, suffered more, so when Sirius did want advice Remus' tended to be a bit more grounded and realistic if a bit blunt than James's unbridled optimism.
Remus furrowed his eyebrows slightly before casting a small silencing spell around them so no-one could over hear.
"Who does?" Remus asked closing his book in his lap.
"Regulus." Sirius mumbled looking down.
"Did you speak to him?" Remus probed a slight fire in his eyes.
"Speak is a strong word." Sirius grumbled, looking up to see Remus waiting expectingly for him to continue.
"He's been ignoring me since we came back, he keeps refusing to meet my eye or even acknowledge that I'm here!" Sirius started knowing he couldn't stop now, "And - and I knew we wouldn't be best friends or anything but I thought he would atleast look at me, you know? So I saw him and went to go speak to him because I'm fed up of him pretending like I don't exist and he - he just looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing he's ever seen in his life, called me a 'filthy Gryffindor' and walked away!"
Sirius watched Remus' jaw clench slightly, gripping his book a little tighter.
" I just want to talk to him, just to explain myself or-or thank him for not telling our parents or something but he won't even acknowledge I'm his brother. "Sirius continued slightly sadder. Remus just waited for a second making sure Sirius had finished talking before he began.
" I think...it might be easier for him to pretend he doesn't know you than acknowledge how hurt he is." Remus suggested.
" But I didn't do it to hurt him. I did it save myself." Sirius insisted.
"I know, and I'm glad you choose what you did, but maybe he just needs some time to come to terms with it all." Remus smiled slightly comfortingly.
"And how long to I wait till I give up?" Sirius asked.
"That's up to you. Just keep looking at him, keep offering him that choice subtly, keep showing that you care about him and whenever he's ready he'll come."
Sirius nodded slightly to himself. Regulus just needed time to process, he was always more internal than Sirius needed to think every possibility through before doing anything. Maybe that's all this was, just an internal processing he needed to do alone. Sirius would keep looking, keep offering a glance, a way in if Reg wanted. Because he would eventually, he had to they had been through too much together to loose eachother now.
"Yeah thanks Moons." Sirius smiled, Remus returning a slightly smaller one.
"Welcome."
Regulus was sat on his bed cross legged pretending to studying for their potions test next week when really his mind was filled with one boy. Regulus had first noticed him staring when they returned from Christmas break, always watching whenever Regulus looked up from eating in the Great Hall, or always sitting a few seats away in the library looking up periodically from his book.
Regulus had started making a list of things he knew about the boy, in hopes of figuring out why he kept staring at him.
1) He was a Gryffindor - a very proud one if his competivness around quidditch was anything to go by
2) He was popular - all the girls seemed to circle around him and take any opportunity to talk to him, aswell as people moving out of his way in the corridors.
3) His name was Padfoot - or his nickname, Regulus was sure no parent would be horrible enough to name their child that, still that's what his friends called him
4) He was very loud - when the boy wasn't spending his time watching Regulus from afar he spent it shouting down the corridors, or laughing obnoxiously loud, it was very irritating
5) He was constantly in trouble - He was always been called after by a teacher for a detention, or being called to Mcgonall's office for a prank.
Still this list didn't offer any explaination of why he was so interested in him.
Regulus had thought he was being paranoid at first what would a Gryffindor from the year above be doing staring at him. That was until he ran up to speak to him today. He knew Regulus name, which he guessed wasn't uncommon being from the Black family but he had called him Reggie, like they knew eachother. The nickname felt familiar, a slight warmth in his chest just thinking about it, but he couldn't recall anyone ever calling him it, not his friends or his cousins or his parents. The boy knew him, but Regulus didn't know the boy.
"Who was that earlier?" Regulus asked looking up at Barty and Evan who had apparently started making out while he was in his own head. Regulus scrunched his face up at them,
"Can you atleast close the bed curtains if your going to do that?" He asked with destain.
"Don't knock it till you try it Reg." Barty teased gently peppering kisses along Evan's neck.
"Who was who?" Evan asked confused pushing Barty off and giving him a look to tell him that now wasn't the time.
"The Gryffindor who grabbed my robes after dinner." Regulus clarified watching Evan and Barty look at him more confused.
"What do you mean whose that? Its your br-" Barty was cut off by Evan slapping his stomach winding him slightly. But Evan wasn't paying attention to him instead he was watching Regulus with a quiet consern.
"You don't know who that was at all?" Evan asked moving from his bed to sit on Regulus' next to him, Barty trailing behind.
"No." Regulus answered looking between them confused, "Am I ment to?"
He was normally good with names, knowing what family people were from and what significance they held in wizarding society. He can't have been that important if Regulus didn't know him.
Evan and Barty looked between eachother a silent fear in their eyes.
"His name's Sirius. Does that ring a bell?" Evan probed. Regulus scoured his brain trying to think of any Sirius' he knew but drew up blank.
"No. What's his last name?" Regulus asked, he knew people better by last names.
Evan and Barty locked eyes again before Barty answered,
"Black." Regulus shook his head slightly, he knew everyone in his family, even the ones he had never met, by name, there was no Sirius, or not one that was alive.
"Stop messing with me." Regulus commanded, it was the only explaination why they were acting so serious, how he could have a family member he never knew off, "Who is he really?"
Evan looked directly at him speaking slowly as if to get his point across more,
"He's your brother Reg."
"I don't have a brother." Regulus answered almost instantly barley having time to complain about them messing with him again before Barty imploded.
He jumped up quickly from the bed shouting and gesturing wildly,
"She did this! You know she fucking did this! What the fuck, Evan, how could she-how could anyone do that! She just erased him!" Evan stood up standing in front of Barty taking his hands in his to calm him down.
"We don't know that Walburga obliviated him." Evan protested though even he knew he was being overly optimistic.
"He doesn't know he has a brother Ev. It doesn't get more fucking obvious than that." Barty voice was filled with venom, "I'll fucking kill her. I will! I know Reg didn't want me to, but she's crossed a fucking line! She can't just go tampering with his memories to get her own way, thats so fucking messed up."
Barty turned to look at Regulus, at the heavy crease in his forehead, eyes flicking between them trying to but the parts together. When Barty next spoke his words were quieter sadder,
" He'll never get those memories back. He was the one good thing he had in that house and she took every last bit of him away." Evan pulled Barty into his arms Barty tightly holding him back,
"I know, its so fucked up, I know." Evan mutter to him.
"I'm so confused." Regulus admitted his brain not wanting to believe what he thought they were implying, "Can you actually explain what the hell is going on?"
Evan sat back down next to Regulus,
"You have a brother Reg." Evan nodded along to his words.
"I think I would remember having a brother." Regulus laughed slightly nervously, he didn't have a brother, he didn't.
"You have one." Evan replied smiling sadly.
Barty quickly walked over to his bed pulling out a photograph from his bedside table before holding it out to Regulus, who took it.
"See thats you and Sirius." Barty explained. Regulus furrowed his brow looking down at the photo.
It was him and the boy, they must have been 11 or 12 they were in their Hogwarts uniform. The boy - Sirius - had his arm over Regulus shoulder smiling and holding up a peace sign to the camera, Regulus' had his arms crossed looking off to the side though the slight smile on his lips betrayed the displeased act. Regulus didn't remember this. He wondered if the photo had been tampered with but it was a muggle photo, it must have happened. So why didn't he remember?
"You asked me to keep it safe." Barty explained, "Or you told me to burn it but I could tell you didn't want me to so I kept it."
"When was this?" Regulus asled slowly.
"First year. Sirius' friend had a camera so he dragged you to take a photo with him, you kept it on the inside of your bedpost for a while. Denied it whenever we brought it up." Evan continued.
"Why did I want it burned?" Regulus' question made Evan and Barty hesitate.
"Its complicated." Barty started, "You both have a very complicated relationship."
"Oh." Regulus muttered running his hand gently across him and Sirius' face. Was this his brother? They looked similar he guessed, same hair colour and face shape. He wouldn't have smiled like that if a stranger had his arms around him either.
"Why - why don't I remember?" Regulus asked.
"Your mother and Sirius don't get along, they never have. Something happened over Christmas, you didn't explain it very well when you wrote to us about it. Sirius ran away I guess your mother didn't want you to go aswell so she obliviated you." Evan explained.
" Was he really that bad?" Regulus asked.
"To your mother? Yes." Barty answered, "He's a Gryffindor, a blood traitor, always went against your parents at every turn."
"Oh...Did...I like him?" Regulus asked, Evan hesitated again.
"You said you didn't, said you hated him."
"But I didn't...really?" Regulus asked voice shaking, putting these fragmented pieces together.
"Not completely, no."
Regulus stared down at this boy who was apparently his brother, a vast emptiness inside him. He had lost this massive part of his life, had it riped from his grasp and he would never get it back. Apparently it was to complex for Evan and Barty to explain, or maybe they didn't know or understand it completely, how long would it take for Regulus to understand it again or rebuild it if he wanted too?
"I need to tell him." Regulus said, he couldn't let Sirius live not knowing Regulus doesn't remember him, thinking his brother is just ignoring him for the rest of his life.
"Regulus. You wouldn't have spoken to him before, you haven't spoken to eachother at school for years." Barty explained.
"I can't leave him not knowing Barty." Regulus pushed, he wasn't sure why he cared so much, he didn't even know Sirius name a few minutes ago but something, something deep down made him care, made him want Sirius to know it wasn't his choice.
"Okay if you really want to." Evan commented but his voice made it clear he didn't think it would go well.
Regulus found Sirius and his friends leaning up against a wall in a basically abandoned corridor laughing to eachother. Regulus approached then Evan and Barty trailing behind for back up. Lupin and Pettigrew noticed him first both turning stone faced and watching him unsure if they should welcome him into their conversation or tell him to fuck off. Sirius noticed his friends change in demeanor looking around for a moment before seeing Regulus jumping slightly, shocked.
"Reg! Reg, hi." Sirius called clearly caught off guard.
"Hi." Regulus greeted, he looked at Sirius closer hoping if he looked hard enough he would remember everything, see all of what Sirius saw when he looked at him, but still nothing came.
"Can I talk to you?" Regulus asked, Sirius nodding quickly,
"Yeah, yeah of course." Sirius stumbled continuing to just stare at Regulus even when he turned to move away from their friends.
"Alone." Regulus added watching Sirius fumble more.
"Yeah duh, of course." Sirius continued, Regulus rolled his eyes, how was this idiot his brother?
They had barley walked out of ear shot before Sirius started speak.
"Look Reg I'm really sorry and you have every reason to be annoyed with me or-"
"Sirius." Regulus tried to interrupt, he had no idea what Sirius was apologising for but clearly he really felt like he needed to as he kept talking,
"-never speak to me again if you want to. But I just wanted to thank you-"
"Sirius."
"-thanks for not telling our parents and letting me get out, I really can't thank you enough for it and I don't completely understand why you did it but thank you. And I know I can't convince you to come but-"
"Sirius!" Regulus raised his voice slight making Sirius be quite.
Regulus stared at him for a moment unsure where to start. How do explain to your brother you don't remember him at all? Probably gently, explain it slowly so he can understand and-
"I don't remember you." Regulus stated bluntly silently cursing himself.
Sirius stared at him for a while, before his face fell,
"Regulus I get you don't want to be around me or whatever but I would rather you ingore me than pretend you just don't remember me." Sirius said voice flat.
"I'm not pretending Sirius. Mother obliviated me." Regulus argued, the silence surrounding him almost deafening.
Sirius eyebrows raised, shaking his head rapidly.
"No she didn't. She wouldn't....She can't. How could she do that to you? " Sirius muttered.
"I'm sorry." Regulus said, he felt like he was watching Sirius life crumble in front of him.
"It's not your fault," Sirius mumbled, seeming like he had said that to him a million times, Regulus didn't apologise alot, atleast not now. He must have when he was young, to Sirius, another part of him he didn't seem to remember.
"Do you really not remember any of it?" Sirius asked, hopefully, Regulus shaking his head.
"Evan and Barty had to explain who you were. I didn't regonise you at all." Regulus admitted, feeling slightly ashamed. Sirius looked at him eyes full of dispair, breathing heavily.
"I...I don't really know what to say." Sirius mumbled.
"That'll be a first. If there's one thing I learnt from watching you its that you don't know when to shut up." Regulus found himself teasing without even thinking about it, but clearly he did something right because Sirius face lit up laughing loudly. Slowly as his laughs slowed down if Regulus looked close enough he could see the slight tears pooling in his eyes.
"Nice to know she didn't get rid of your sarcasm." Sirius restored quickly blinking away the tears and plastering on a large smile.
"I think she would try if it was ever aimed at her." Regulus joked back Sirius chuckling again to himself, it felt odd joking about his parents to someone he barley knew. Barty and Evan joked about theirs all the time, Regulus rarely joined in, but it made Sirius happy when he did and Regulus already felt like he had just delivered the worse news so any happiness he could bring was a win.
"True." Sirius replied, waiting for a moment before asking, "What do we do now?"
Regulus ran his tongue along his teeth thinking for a second, "I don't know. Barty and Evan said we had a complicated relationship."
Sirius chuckled again this one was a lot darker now though, Regulus didn't feel as good causing it.
"Yeah, bit of an understatement." Sirius added.
"What do think should happen?" Regulus asked, Sirius knew the most, he knew how they were growing up, how they were now, why things had changed, why it was so complicated when it looked simple in the photo. Surely that should lead to him knowing what to do.
" I don't know Reg. I want to still talk to you and stuff of course I do, but-I don't think you would want to. If you knew what happened over Christmas, or before that." Sirius explained looking sadly off to the side.
"But I don't know. So can we not just try?" Regulus wasn't sure why he wanted to but something deep down was itching for Sirius, to be close with him, to be able to go to him for anything, or just sit in silence in the same room as him.
"I would feel like I'm taking advantage of the fact you don't remember. You hated me Reggie. Like actually full on hated me." Sirius pressed.
"Evan said I just pretended to." Regulus admitted, watching Sirius' eyes widen slightly in shock.
"Oh." Sirius whispered quietly to himself.
Regulus let Sirius reel on his admission for a moment before continuing.
"Maybe you could explain it to me, and - and if I hate you at the end of it we can ingore eachother, if not we can...try?" Regulus asked, he usually hated asking for things, especially now he was practically begging but it didn't feel as embarrassing around Sirius.
" I think it'll be a bit of a one sided explaination." Sirius combatted.
" I can ask Evan, Barty and Pandora to fill in anything I said." Regulus retorted.
"You really want to try." Sirius muttered almost disbelieving.
"I do. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do." Regulus replied with as much confidence as possible.
"Okay." Sirius mumbled to himself, watching Regulus with a happy glint in his eyes.
"Okay!" Sirius repeated louder before reaching forward and hugging Regulus tightly, before feeling Regulus go stiff in his arms releasing him.
"First step. None of that." Regulus grimaced, never liking physical affection from anyone.
"Right, yeah sorry." Sirius muttered rubbing the back of his neck. Regulus sighed loudly, already caring a little to much about a boy he didn't know a thing about less than 24 hours ago,
"Not yet atleast."