Chapter Text
==================
It’s been almost a month since the party, since James apologized to Carrie, and everything calmed down. The two boys are finally happy together, and things are going fine, better than fine!
James wakes up to Ryan’s head lying on his chest, his hand resting in the other boy’s hair, his rough, calloused fingers waving through soft blonde locks. This time, he wasn’t ashamed; he was happy, it was a new feeling, but one that was eagerly welcomed. The blonde shifts, nuzzling into the brunette’s chest, a quiet and adorable grumble coming from the smaller boy.
“Good morning~” The brunette whispers to the other, his hand weaving through the smooth hair between his fingers.
Ryan hums into James’s chest, “5 more minutes, please~?”
He feels the other boy’s arms tighten around his chest, causing his grin to widen. James rubs his back slowly and soothingly in response; the other boy fitting perfectly against his body. “C’mon, Ry, up.”
“Nooo~” He blushes, “Just a little longer?” The smaller boy kisses the other’s neck attentively.
James smiles and slowly runs his fingers through the tangled hair, unable to resist the shorter boy's affection. It’s now that he realizes that Ryan’s hair is growing out a bit. He wants to say something, compliment him, tell him that he thinks longer hair would suit him, but the words get caught in his throat.
The boys lie in comfortable silence. Ryan kisses his neck once more, biting a bit a little this time. Causing James to grin uncontrollably. The blonde follows with soft kisses before he bites down harder on a soft spot on his neck. He grips Ryan’s hair as gently as he can as he lets out an involuntary grunt. “Oh, so now you’re awake.” He chuckles before letting out a heavy breath as Ryan bites on a sensitive spot once more.
The cute boy looks up, gently pushing himself up on his arms to look him in the eyes, allowing James to see his bed head (which he most definitely made worse). “Oh shut up, you’re just salty that I got you excited~” He gives James an irresistible smirk.
James’s hand gently trails down his side to the other’s hip, which is now hovering over his own. All of the blonde’s confidence is lost as he gently grips his hips, upon the realization that he’s straddling James, his face turns ever so slightly pink. “Maybe, but-” James is cut off by the sound of a knock on the door, a familiar nurturing voice calling out from behind it.
The two boys scramble to pull apart from each other before she enters.
“Time to get up!” His mom calls as she opens the door.
By the time she opens the door, James is lying on his sleeping bag on the ground, incredibly disheveled, while Ryan is lying on his bed, grabbing his glasses.
“Come on, get ready, you have to leave for school in half an hour! You know the deal, I let James sleep over, and you get to school on time!”
Ryan nods, “sorry mom, we stayed up a little late, that's all, we'll get ready now.”
She looks skeptical but leaves the two alone. Ryan and James look at each other, trying not to laugh. “That was close.”
================
Ryan's heart is pounding as his mom leaves the room. He stares at the door while he calms down before looking at James, who appears unbothered. He fakes an awkward laugh and nods along with whatever James had said afterwards. That was way too close; if his mom saw them, James would probably never be able to sleep over ever again.
As the two boys get dressed, Ryan worries Maybe I’m being dramatic… James doesn’t seem to care too much, and who needs sleepovers? I’m just being clingy… I should try to be more masculine like him. Well, maybe without the muscles, I don't think I could build muscles like his. His attention is then lost in the hot, shirtless man changing in front of him; he’s practically drooling while trying not to stare.
James notices the look and gives Ryan a brief peck on the cheek before heading down to the living room. Ryan then throws his pants on and follows shortly after James.
The two eventually walk downstairs and grab their backpacks. “Hey mom, do you think I could go with Carrie and her friends to the mall after school today?” Ryan says, innocence prevalent in his eyes.
His mother looks up from what she was doing, and his Dad looks at her. “Well. Who all is going?”
“Just a couple of Carrie’s friends, the plan was that I was gonna go hang out with Carrie and her friends at the mall…”
“Oh? Do you like this girl? She sounds nice, and you sure do talk a lot about her.”
He is embarrassed and frankly, shocked. “What! Mom, no! Carrie is my friend! Nothing more!”
She shrugs and smirks, giving him a look, there’s no way to describe it, just that judgmental mom look. “Whatever you say… You can go.”
He can tell she doesn't believe him, but he doesn't want to push it and accepts the yes.
Ryan and James leave the house shortly after the conversation and walk to school. They spend most of the walk in complete silence. James wasn't as much of a yapper as Ryan is, and Ryan is entirely lost in thought about the morning.
Eventually, after almost 10 minutes of being lost in thought, Ryan looks up at James. “Should we tell my parents about us?”
The taller boy shrugs, avoiding eye contact with Ryan. “Uh… Why?”
“Just… my mom almost walking in on us, and y'know, I just think it might be better if we tell them.”
James looks down at his feet quietly for a second before responding. “I mean-” he sighs, “it's whatever.”
He can tell something is off, but he just can't tell what. His stomach sinks; the way James won’t even look at him is one thing, but the tone in his voice is so much worse; he doesn't say anything and keeps walking, worried about making things worse.
They arrive at the school and walk into Chemistry together, brushing shoulders as they walk, and at this point having a conversation about some game they both like. Ryan can feel his face is slightly warm, but he doesn't mind it; he's getting used to the feeling of blushing.
The problem only arises when he hears: “Awwww, James, ya’ talking to your boyfriend?” It was one of James’s friends. He usually doesn’t hang out with James much in Chem for this exact reason. He usually hangs out with Carrie and Kara, but they haven't gotten here yet, so he's left with these dickwads.
James laughs it off, playfully pushing Ryan away. “Nah, you know I'm not gay, bro!”
The other dudes laugh, and one of his friends chimes in with “yeah, but what about him? Look at how much he’s blushing! Maybe he has a crush on you. Don't let him diddle you.”
A third idiot adds, “He looks gay! I mean, look at how puny he is!” The guy pokes his chest, which just angers him more. They’re talking about me in front of me, as if I don’t even exist!
Ryan can feel his face getting hotter by the second, and James laughs it off, gently nudging the blonde. “Nah, he's not gay, we're just friends.” Ryan hates, no despises, James’s friends. They're rude, homophobic dunces who probably couldn’t tell you what or who they did yesterday. They treat women like shit scraped off the bottom of their shoe, and he’s so over it. He’s used to them acting like this, but he expects more of James.
Ryan flashes them a fake smile and walks towards his seat to get away from that conversation as fast as he could; he felt that if he spent another second with the morons, he’d contract the dimwit disease. He knew he wasn't super strong or masculine, but that hurt, and he didn't know why. Normally, whatever those idiots said didn’t get to him, but this was different because James was there.
He practically speed walks over to his desk, next to Carrie’s, glancing at her empty seat before laying his head down, trying to not freak out. What if James doesn't think I'm manly enough? Should I act more like a man? Why did he act like we weren't together? Is he ashamed of me? Fuck. Why would he push me away?
His thoughts are interrupted by a polite and comforting pat on the back. He looks up to see Carrie with a soothing smile. “You okay?” Her hair fell in her face perfectly, making her look almost like a goddess.
He couldn't bring himself to tell the truth; he feels it’s better to keep her from worrying. “Yeah… just tired.” He can tell she doesn't believe him, and she opens her mouth to say something before she gets cut off by a hug from behind by her girlfriend, Kara.
“Hey, watcha talking about?” She says with an adorable yet seductive smile, which he immediately recognizes, because James gives him that exact smile.
Carrie cranes her head to give Kara a peck on the cheek, before looking back at Ryan. She visibly hesitates before mumbling out a soft, “Nothing…” She gives Kara another romantic kiss, reminding Ryan why he’s upset in the first place; he wants that kind of relationship. Why couldn’t they be like that? What’s so wrong with being in a relationship?
The “Why” in question soon becomes apparent when the boys in the corner of the room start whistling and making lewd gestures at Kara and Carrie, who immediately break their embrace. The same boys who were messing with him five seconds earlier. James tries to tell them to knock it off, which was met with teasing, until he says something Ryan couldn’t hear that makes them all shut up.
This entire interaction leaves Ryan devastated and upset. If James can make them shut up, why doesn’t he do that when they tease him? Why can’t James stand up to those jerks when it comes to Ryan? The only plausible explanation Ryan can come up with is that James agrees with them, he’s not manly enough.
He’s not enough.