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Tired did not define how Lucy was feeling right now. Exhausted and one step away from sleeping while standing was an apt description. Sighing as she threw her handbag over the chair, she waddled over to her bed as fast as her blistered feet would allow and flopped onto her bed. Despite her namesake, Lucy Heartfilia was not feeling so lucky today. Leaving to get the train early that morning, she made her annual journey to her hometown. It had become part of her grieving process, laying flowers where she spent time with her mother and father. One of her precious memories of her mother (before she was sick) was having picnics in the surrounding meadow, all three of them. The anniversary of her mother’s death is and always will be, the worst day of the year for Lucy. It brought forth feelings of abandonment and loneliness, not only due to the years of isolation after her bereavement but it opened a relatively new wound. The day she lost both Aquarius and Natsu. The two individuals who meant the most to her.
Lucy was sure her heart couldn’t break further than when she shattered the golden key of her oldest friend. Perhaps she had provoked the gods with such a naïve proclamation because she then received the letter. A note that was written with handwriting so bad it made her laugh. The spark of affection was short lived when the content became apparent. Tears became a normal occurrence when she was in the privacy of her own home, especially with the constant reminders of Natsu and Happy. Images of their antics flickered in her minds-eye, Natsu’s chattering and Happy’s snickering seeming so real at times, she would spin around hoping to see them lounging on her couch. They had become her family, she realised, their absence leaving a gaping hole in her life. Fairy Tail’s disbandment added to her isolation, exacerbating the disbelief that once again she was alone.
Moving to Crocus was inevitable for Lucy. The emotions her apartment evoked during her worst moments weighed her down as she tried to make a future without her guild and her partner. Having been alone for most of her life, Lucy couldn’t understand why the guild fell apart so easily, despite the Master’s declaration. Years of solitude had taught Lucy life was always better when there are comrades to share it with. Tartarus was chaotic for everyone, especially Natsu who witnessed Igneel dying before his eyes. Lucy sympathised but she couldn’t stop the twinge of resentment when she remembered he didn’t think of her at all. Losing Aquarius had been devastating. Granted Natsu didn’t know but he also didn’t stick around long enough to find out and that stung. The year apart from Natsu was a learning curve in figuring out her feelings, in realising how much she relied on him and how much she needed him. Lucy didn’t squander the year instead using the alone time to train physically and magically alongside her spirits. It took her mind of the zero progress being made in a dead-end reporting come modelling job. Looking on the bright side she managed to get some constructive criticism out of Jason before Natsu whisked her away.
Lucy rolled over to stare out her bedroom window, tucking her feet under a neatly folded blanket. The familiar sight of the sky and the faint glow of street lights of Magnolia greeted her. A small smile tugged at her lips as she remembered her guild mates were once again under the same sky, within walking distance. Especially a certain fire mage with hair the colour of cherry blossoms. As lame as it may sound Lucy could without a doubt say Natsu was a force of nature whose presence ignited her thirst for life every day. Natsu was partly responsible for one of the worst experiences of her life but he was equally the person that had given her freedom, the confidence to live as she desired. His unwavering belief in her strength and constant support was something Lucy had never received from anyone other than her mother.
Her eyes drifted down to the window latch and she automatically moved to unlock it, just in-case Natsu decided to visit (which she would vehemently deny if anyone dared ask). Now sitting upright and squinting her eyes so they could adjust to the additional light. Lucy spotted a scattering of objects on her window seal and reached out to inspect the rounded objects. Leaning closer for a better look she realised they were an assortment of pebbles, in a variety of shapes and colours. The cracked stones appeared to have crystals which glowed prettily in the moonlight. Lucy held one in her palm, rubbing her thumb over the smooth surface, her mind temporarily shocked into silence (a very rare occurrence for the chatterbox known as Lucy Heartfilia).
Tears started to obscure her vision and she couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. Lucy had always been an emotional girl who held her heart on her sleeve, which was probably why she instantly connected with Natsu. They were both hopeless when it came to controlling their feelings, raw emotion fuelled their relationship and their resolve to ‘keep moving forward’ to quote Natsu. He always seemed to know exactly what to say to cheer her up and like now had the same unnerving ability through his actions. Even though she didn’t tell him about her excursion today, he seemed to have a sixth sense that was attuned to her.
Lucy would never admit to anyone how much she loved the little presents gave her, leaving the knick-knacks at random places in her home to stumble upon. Unknown to Natsu she kept every present he gave her in a shoe box underneath her bed (away from the prying eyes and paws of a certain blue flying cat). At face value, the presents were worth little compared to the luxuries lavished upon her as a child, but to Lucy they were priceless. The trinkets represented what she desperately sought as a child, someone that cared about her, who thought about what she ‘Lucy’ wanted and not what a ‘Hearfilia’ would want. Lucy shook her head, her breathing laboured as she tried not to spill any tears. She looked down to the hand holding her gift and brought it to her chest. The crystals she noticed, had absorbed some of Natsu’s magical signature, the familiar pulse warming her body.
A tap at the window caused her heart to lurch into her throat, inhaling to quickly, her shock caused her make a rather embarrassing strangled yelp. Peering upwards she found her eyes locking with Natsu Dragneel, who was currently sporting a mischievous grin. To her annoyance, she spotted an amused twinkle in his moss green irises. His fingers gripped the window and pulled it up so he could slip inside. Lucy felt her body shift as the mattress dipped under his weight as he sat next to her, a sudden lack of personal space made her heart flutter.
“Lu-cyy…I’ve been looking for you all day, where did you go?” A deplorable pout accompanied Natsu’s familiar petulant whine when things haven’t gone his way. Honestly, it was hard to believe the gall of this man, he left her for a year and then complains when she leaves unexpectedly for not even twenty-four hours. Not that she didn’t remind him frequently of this, she acquitted him somewhat due to the abashed grimace she subsequently received. Good. He deserved to grovel a little.
“I went to the Hearfilia estate.” Silence hung between them after her confession, she clenched the pebble in her palm harder. Her gaze ventured up to his face and was confronted with Natsu donning a rare serious expression. Lucy’s breath caught and her bottom lip trembled when he leant his forehead against her own. His eyes burned into her own signifying he understood and wasn’t going to let her run away, from their past or their future. Lucy couldn’t stop the single tear falling, any more than stopping the tidal wave of longing crashing down the walls she had built to protect her heart. Natsu’s frown deepened when he heard her anguished sigh, using his hand to wipe her tear away. His olive tan contrasted with her porcelain skin beautifully, she leant into his touch. Natsu was always so warm and she was a fool. Lucy could never build defences that he couldn’t destroy, that was the dragon slayer’s speciality after all. Natsu burned through her darkness like the rays of the sun at dawn. Lucy moved her head into the crook of his neck to hide her blush, she would rather he didn’t guess just yet, how she was waxing poetic about him. After all, it was just pathetic how he had so much influence over her, despite earlier convictions of staying mad at him. Lucy Heartfilia would always welcome Natsu Dragneel back home.
“What’s wrong Lucy?”
“Nothing, just a feeling.”
-x-
Dear Mama,
Today I realised something really important…