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Sometimes when Mike looked in the mirror, he saw a weak doll. Something so easily breakable, brittle, maybe even already broken. When he looked in the mirror, he saw porcelain. Maybe that would explain the cracks in his skin, even if they did bleed instead of just display his hollow insides.
He pulled down his sleeves after bandaging himself.
“One more day…” he sighed.
One more day and he’d get to leave. One more day and he’d get to escape this horrible place he lived in. This horrible place he had to call home.
There was a knock at the bathroom door, “Mike?”
“I’ll be out in a sec, Will!” his voice was shaky and he wanted to speed up time to make it tomorrow already.
There was silence, but Mike knew he wasn’t in the clear. He was so heavily in tune with Will’s movements. It’s like they were spiritually connected or something. At least for Mike. Will could never feel that connection with him of all people.
“Can I come in?”
And Mike froze.
But how could he ever deny anything Will asked?
“Yeah..”
The door creaked open, revealing Will’s worried expression. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, “Are you okay?” His brows were furrowed and his voice was gentle and Mike knew he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve anything, let alone Will.
“I’m fine,” Mike responded, looking at the sink rather than at Will, which is why he flinched when a hand touched his shoulder.
“Mike, you can tell me things…” he kept his voice quiet, like he knew this conversation shouldn’t be broadcasted, “C’mon, Mike, look at me…”
And Mike, of course, did as Will told. Because, again, how could he ever deny Will anything?
“Are you okay?”
The words barely hit his ears, overwhelmed by the care in Will’s eyes when he looked at him. He didn’t deserve that.
“I-“ he couldn’t get the words out. He knew if he told Will, he’d get a whole spiel about how everybody loves him, but he just couldn’t see it.
Will’s hand caressed Mike’s shoulder and, as much as he loved it, it only made things worse. It only brought more attention to the fact that something was wrong with him.
He’s weak, he’s stupid, he’s worthless, and… he likes Will. Too much. Way too much. Maybe he could’ve handled it before, but the upside down shit really wore him out. He could’ve ignored everything, tuned it out, maybe, but after all this time, it doesn’t look like they’ll ever get rid of Vecna or the Mindflayer or whatever bullshit it is now. Mike can’t do this anymore.
But when Will is standing there, caressing his shoulder, looking at him like he’s worth the time, like he’s worth fixing and gluing back together, even if it makes the love for him—the love he shouldn’t have—more prominent, Mike folds.
“I… I can’t do this anymore…” he looks away from Will, back at the sink, he doesn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. He doesn’t want to watch as Will realizes how weak Mike really is, how he can’t even handle being alive.
“Can’t do…what anymore..?” Mike could feel Will looking at him, but he couldn’t look back.
“Anything. I can’t do anything. I can’t keep pretending with El, can’t keep ignoring how weak I am, can’t keep hearing how idiotic I am, can’t keep having these thoughts about you..” as he spoke, a tear ran down his cheek and, next thing he knew, Will was hugging him.
Will cupped his face, using his thumb to wipe any tears that dared to drip past his waterline.
“You’re strong.” Will looked into Mike’s eyes, his soul, saying those words, not as pity, not as obligation, but as if they’re fact.
“You’re strong, and you’re smart, like so smart, Mike!” Mike let out a sob. He can’t remember the last time someone told him that, if anyone ever did.
“You’re kind and you’re loving and you always take care of me!”Will wiped another one of Mike’s tears, “I don’t really know what you mean by ‘pretending with El’ or what those thoughts about me are but I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with whatever it is.”
“But it is wrong, Will…” he looked away from him, though it ripped his soul apart to do so, “I’m wrong.”
“Don’t say that-“
“But it’s true!” he pulled away from Will and wrapped his arms around himself, “I-… I don’t love her.”
Will just stared at him.
“I don’t love her, but I should. I should and I don’t,” tears fell, one after the other, though he tried his best to wipe them away.
“Mike…”
“I tried so hard,” his voice cracked, “but it never works…”
Will reached for him, wanting to hold him, “Mike, it’s okay not to-“
“It’s not!”Mike took a step backward to avoid Will’s touch, evading the hurt gaze that would inevitably fall upon him, “I should love her but everytime she’s with me I can’t help but wish it were you because, Jesus Christ, Will, I love you!”
Wait.
No.
Wait, rewind.
Please rewind.
No, no, no…
He can’t know.
“…What..?” Will’s voice was quiet.
“Nothing, forget it,” he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, trying to make it look as though he hadn’t just spilled his guts right at Will’s feet.
It was futile, though. His eyes were still glossy and his voice was still shaky and the cracks in his porcelain were slightly visible under his sleeve.
“You… love me..?” Will’s voice was soft, not as quiet, but questioning. Like he didn’t believe him. Mike wouldn’t want to believe that someone like him would love an angel like Will, either, though, so he couldn’t blame him.
Will stepped closer, obviously hesitant due to the circumstances, “There’s nothing wrong with that, Mike.”
“Ye-… what?” Mike wanted to retort. To tell Will that there is something wrong with that. With him. Why else would he have to hear it repeated to him for years—albeit indirectly—if not for the fact that there was something wrong with him? What would be the point of calling people a fag or a fairy if there was nothing wrong with that?
But Will was rarely wrong.
And Mike wanted to believe him.
“It’s not wrong because I love you too,” Will whispered, “And loving someone isn’t wrong.”
Mike didn’t hear that right, he knew he didn’t. He knew he misheard or that it was pity. So he focused on the other part.
“It…” Mike tried, but if Will, an angel, a perfect angel, said it was okay, then… maybe… he could try to believe him, “You really think so…?”
Will grabbed his hands gently, “I know so.”
And, this time, Mike hugged Will, slamming into him and wrapping his arms around his torso, burying his face him the crook of his neck, “Thank you…”
He felt bad for staining Will’s shirt with his tears, but Will didn’t pull away, he hugged him back.
“I wasn’t just pitying you,” Will murmured into his ear.
Mike pulled his head from his shoulder to look at him, “What?”
“I do love you,” Will told him, fiddling with Mike’s sleeves.
“…What?” Mike couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You don’t have to say that-“
“I’m serious,” Will stared into Mike’s eyes.
“But-… what?”
“Mike,” Will groaned, hiding his face in the taller’s chest, “Don’t make me say it again…”
Mike couldn’t believe this. Will, the boy he’s loved for years—which he recently found out about, by the way—loved him back? No way. That made no sense. Why would Will love him? Why would Will love someone so fragile- except…
Will doesn’t think he’s fragile.
He told him he thought Mike was strong. That he was smart. That he needed him.
So maybe… that’s why Will loved him…
Because he had a different perspective of him…
“You love me…” Mike breathed out. It sounded foreign to his ears.
Will nodded, “I love you.”
He brought Mike’s left hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. It wasn’t something that Will was particularly used to, Mike could tell, but he could also tell that Will was trying to assure him this was real.
And then Will rolled up his sleeve.
“I’ve known about these…” he traced his scars, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault-“ Mike was quick to assure him, not wanting him to believe that his own flaws were anything related to Will at all.
“I know, I’m sorry because I didn’t tell you how amazing you were before this could escalate so far,” Will said, so casually it was as if it was obvious. Obvious that those cracks were never supposed to be there, that even if they had appeared, they should’ve been glued together right away.
And then Mike froze.
Again.
Because Will just kissed one of his scars.
And another.
And another.
And next thing Mike knew, he was crying.
Who knew being glued together would make him feel so loved? So adored?
For the first time in a long time, Mike didn’t want to leave this horrible place.
He was okay with staying, as long as Will stayed there with him.