Chapter Text
"No, I don't know. I can't really explain it."
Kageyama looked down at the eager eyes of his tiny classmate, staring up at him. This was horrible. He didn't know how to talk about this.
"It's... It's always there? Like. I can tell it's there, and I know that it's holding me back, but if I don't think about it, I can ignore it. For a little bit. Push it to the back of my mind. It's only when I think about it that it gets really bad. Hard to ignore."
Hinata's eyes were huge, and he stopped walking. Kageyama looked back at him, hand on his cane, and asked "What?"
"Always?"
"Yeah." Kageyama nodded a little. It wasn't weird for him to be in pain all the time. He was, well, used to it. Kind of.
"So then how do you play volleyball? There's running! And jumping!" Hinata bounded forward, hands on his bike, still staring at Kageyama with shining eyes.
"I mean, it's harder. I still remember what it was like in middle school, before I got sick. I... I didn't get as tired? I could do more, before getting dizzy. Now it's just... I have less. I can't do as much. I don't know." Kageyama blushed, he could feel it tingling in his cheeks, but he kept walking once Hinata reached him.
Hinata had always been a fast walker. He bounded and leaped, hopped and skipped, always ahead of the group. He was energetic.
And them there was Kageyama. Almost always at the back of the group, cane in hand, sometimes stumbling over his feet or having to stop to gasp in air. He was pretty often forgotten in the hubbub, but he was too quiet and embarrassed to speak up. He usually just hurried to catch up, stumbling and tired, breathing fast and shallow. It was better than trying to make people slow down. They never did.
Except Hinata had.
They had been walking together and Hinata had noticed that he kept out-walking Kageyama, slowed to a speed that better suited Kageyama's needs, and had made what looked like a conscious effort to stay there. He would still hop and bounce occasionally, or bound ahead and turn around to walk backwards to talk to Kageyama, but never walked too far ahead, and made an effort to keep track of where Kageyama was. He seemed to take note of if Kageyama's breathing sped up, so he could slow down accordingly.
Kageyama hadn't realized how nice it was to have someone actually accommodate him.
Coach Ukai knew, of course, and Kageyama always felt eyes on him, watching for signs of dizziness or fatigue. It was hard to account for this kind of disability, and there was no specific way to help him, so they just settled for making sure he wasn't in too much pain or too dizzy. Sugawara didn't seem to mind being sent in whenever Kageyama faltered and being pulled back out once he felt he could play again (usually one serve, sometimes two.)
His ribs were fine. His lungs were fine. Better than fine, actually. All of his X-rays had shown that his lungs were big, strong, healthy. His first X-ray tech had asked if he swam. "These are swimmer's lungs! You can probably hold a breath for a long time!"
He couldn't.
What point was there in having lungs that were big and strong if you could only breathe with about a third of their capacity?
The cartilage in between my ribs is inflamed, he had explained, over and over. Hinata asked the most questions. Yes, they hurt. Yes, it makes it hard to breathe. No, I'm not going to die. No, I'm not going to toss for you right now. They went on and on. Finally, Daichi had stepped in to stop them from bickering. Kageyama could see the questions burning in his tiny spiker's eyes, but didn't offer any more Q+A time. Not for a while. So when they were walking home, weeks later, and he had started talking about it, Hinata had been shocked.
Kageyama didn't want to explain, but he wanted Hinata to know. For some reason, it felt important.
"So I'll, well... I'll never play professionally. That's kind of a given. You'll have to... You'll have to find someone else to toss for you." he chuckled weakly, trying to diffuse the sadness that had crept into his voice at the thought. Hinata bounced into the air, using his handlebars as a springboard, and threw himself in front of Kageyama. He stopped walking, surprised at the sudden roadblock in the form of a small redhead, and looked down at him, confused.
"I'll never find another setter. Never. You toss for me." Hinata had a very determined look in his eye, and Kageyama didn't know how to feel. A mixture of bigger regret and hopefulness, tinged with a little bit of something nameless, fluttering in the sides of his chest.
"Hinata, I... I won't be able to toss for you forever. You know that. I mean, look at this." he gestured at his cane and his chest, hopelessly. "This won't get you to pro. No way."
"You can't say that! Bakageyama! We're going to go pro and we're going to do it together. Because we're a team! And-" Hinata broke off suddenly, looking away.
"And what?" Kageyama asked, tilting his head.
"And nothing. Never mind."
An adorable blush was making its way up Hinata's cheeks. What was he going to say? Kageyama wondered. He didn't push.
Hinata was still staring at him, cheeks pink and eyes almost starry. Kageyama tried to ignore the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, and didn't break eye contact.
"Are you... In pain right now?" Hinata asked, voice breaking a little as he whispered.
"I... I mean, yeah?" Kageyama replied, heart thundering in his chest.
"Can I-" Hinata licked his lips nervously "-can I... Kiss you, to... Make it better?"
Completely stunned, heart feeling like it would explode, Kageyama nodded a tiny bit, and Hinata took a step closer to him.
He reached a hand up to Kageyama's face, stretched up onto his tip toes, and planted a soft, chaste kiss onto Kageyama's lips. Kageyama opened his eyes, breathless, and Hinata whispered, still very close, "Better?"
Kageyama's lips parted a bit, and he shook his head, almost unnoticeably. "Maybe we should... Try... Again." he whispered, wrapping his free arm around the small of Hinata's back and pulling him in for another kiss. This one was longer, Kageyama's grip tightening as he leaned into Hinata, parting his lips with his own, and Hinata brought his other hand up to grip in Kageyama's smooth hair.
The sound of Hinata's bike crashing to the floor, unsupported by either of the small boy's calloused hands, broke them apart. They breathed heavily, Kageyama a little more than Hinata, and he leaned a little more onto his cane. Hinata blushed and stammered an "o-oops" as he leaned down to grab his bike. Kageyama stared at him out of the corner of his eye as they started walking again.
As they walked in amiable silence, both slightly pink, Hinata asked suddenly, "Do you need to use your cane with that hand?"
"No, it's pretty much whichever one."
"Will you switch hands?" Hinata mumbled, looking away from Kageyama, but glancing at him from the sides of his vision. Kageyama didn't understand why, but obliged. That arm was getting a little tired anyways.
The silence fell over them again for a while, and Kageyama didn't think anything of it.
That is, until Hinata reached down and grabbed his now-free hand, sliding his fingers through Kageyama's like they were made to fit there.
And Kageyama understood.