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The first time Simon hears Raphael sing is at one of Magnus’ parties.
He doesn’t think Raphael would’ve voluntarily gone on stage if he had been even remotely sober, but Magnus had been steadily providing him with drinks throughout the night. Only now does Simon understand the mischievous look he’d had in his eyes; this had been Magnus’ plan since the start.
The party is in celebration of Magnus’ birthday (he doesn’t mention how old he’s turning, but he makes sure to come up with a different age every time someone asks him about it) and there’s a live band playing on a huge stage in the back, singing about fairy dust and going on endless adventures. Their music is probably a bit too intoxicating and mesmerizing to be normal, but it’s easy to get lost in the beat of their unusual instruments when you’re at a Downworlder party.
Simon hasn’t left Raphael’s side the entire evening, despite Clary being here somewhere as well. He’d briefly met up with her earlier, but Raphael is still wary about the Shadowhunters and Simon would rather hang out with him than with Clary’s Shadowhunter friends anyway. Not that he dislikes them, it’s just – well, maybe he does dislike them. A little bit. Except Alec, whom he just straight up hates. The feeling is mutual though, so he doesn’t feel too bad about it.
There are some other vampires here as well, but they’re all scattered across the room engaging in conversation with other Downworlders. Lily is at the bar talking to Maia, Laurel is chatting with a Seelie and Bram seems to have taken a special interest in a young Warlock. So it’s just Simon and Raphael at the table they claimed for their own, and it’s nice chatting with him without Raphael having to worry about clan business and alliances and what not. It’s nice to see him relaxed, even for one night.
“What are you smiling for?” Raphael asks, a similar smile playing on his lips. Simon looks at him and smiles even wider.
“Nothing,” he shrugs, “I’m just happy we came. It’s a nice party.”
“It is,” Raphael agrees, raising his glass to Simon before pouring it down his throat.
“I’ve never seen you drink before,” Simon points out. He’s on his second Bloody Mary himself, but there are already a few glasses on the table in front of Raphael. He seems like a guy who can hold his liquor, but Simon still makes a mental note to look after him.
“I don’t drink while working, and I’m basically always working. Magnus also dislikes people who don’t drink at his parties, like it’s a personal attack on him. So here I am.”
As if summoned, Magnus appears behind Raphael carrying a fancy glass containing some blue liquid and wearing a wolfish grin.
“Santiago,” he says as way of greeting as he gracefully sinks down next to Raphael, placing the glass in front of him, “are we having fun yet?”
Raphael briefly flickers his eyes to Simon before looking back at Magnus. “We are,” he says.
Magnus looks at Simon too, almost like he hadn’t even noticed him when he approached their table.
“Sullivan!” He greets. “Need another drink?”
“No I’m g- ” Simon starts, but he’s interrupted by a snap of Magnus’ fingers and a new glass appearing in front of him.
“Don’t worry,” Magnus says when he sees Simon’s grimace, “it’s non-alcoholic. If you’re not having alcohol, at least pretend like you are. Trust me, I do it all the time.” He holds up his own glass with a wink as if to show that he’s drinking something non-alcoholic too, but Simon highly doubts that he would stay sober at one of his parties.
“Anyway,” he continues, turning back to Raphael, “my sweetest little ice cube, will you do me the honor of singing me a song for my birthday?”
Raphael makes a face over the edge of his glass at the nickname, sips his drink and then shakes his head.
“That’s not happening, Bane,” he says.
“Oh, come on! You used to sing all the time!” Magnus complains. He puts his chin on Raphael’s shoulder and looks up at him with puppy eyes. “Please?”
Raphael shrugs him off, but he’s smiling.
“I said no.”
“I didn’t even know you could sing,” Simon says. Magnus and Raphael turn their attention to him and Raphael opens his mouth to say something, but Magnus beats him to it.
“Oh, he does,” he smirks, “he’s a great singer. He used to sing all the time, to the point where it became outright obnoxious, but I haven’t heard him sing for over a decade now. And I think my seven hundredth eighty fifth birthday is a great occasion to hear him sing again, don’t you think, Rafa?”
Raphael squints at him.
“That’s not your real age.”
“Oh no? And how would you know?”
Raphael glares at him and falls back into his chair. “I don’t,” he mutters.
“That’s right,” Magnus says, victorious. He pats Raphael’s leg and then looks at Simon.
“Sally, can’t you try and get your boyfriend on stage for me?”
“Not his boyfriend,” Raphael says without missing a beat. Simon doesn’t know why he feels his stomach drop at the words because it’s not like they’re not true. He just wishes they were. But he pushes the thought away in favor of keeping the conversation as light and teasing as it is and says: “I don’t think he’ll listen to me either way.”
“Of course he will! You’re his advisor, aren’t you? Well then. Advise.”
“I don’t know,” Simon shrugs, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “What’s in it for me?”
Raphael snickers next to him and when Simon turns to him, he’s looking at Simon with a cocky grin but soft eyes. Simon feels his own lips pull up in a smile out of reflex, and Magnus huffs.
“Jesus Christ, it’s like watching a nature documentary. Look, if you get Santiago on stage for me I won’t turn you into a rat.”
Simon gulps. “He can do that?” He asks Raphael. The other boy shrugs.
“Probably.”
“He won’t, though. Right?”
“Oh, I would,” Magnus says, flashing his cat eyes at Simon.
“No, you wouldn’t,” Raphael says, tapping Magnus on the forehead as if to turn off his cat eyes. The Warlock glares at him, but the glare turns into a smile when Raphael gets up.
“Are you going to do it?”
“Only because I don’t want to look after a rat. A fledgling is already bad enough.”
“Hey!” Simon protests. Raphael pats his cheek in a way that’s probably supposed to be comforting and then pushes through the crowd to climb the stage. He’s only slightly unsteady on his feet.
“I have to say I must thank you, Salmon,” Magnus says as they watch Raphael shoo away the band.
“Yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because he would’ve never done this if you hadn’t been here. Well, maybe he would’ve still done it if you weren’t physically here, but I mean he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t known you.” He briefly locks eyes with Simon, a soft expression on his face Simon hasn’t seen before. “Raphael has always been so serious. I barely see him smile or joke. But knowing you…” He shrugs, “he looks happier now. More at ease. He used to be a sad drunk, you know. Sulking and brooding. But he’s a happy drunk now, and I think you have something to do with that.”
Simon swallows. “I – ”
“I’m trying to thank you, Simon,” Magnus says sincerely, and it’s so weird hearing his name coming from Magnus’ mouth that Simon falls silent at once.
Magnus looks down into his drink, something close to vulnerability on his face. “We might not seem like it, but Raphael and I – we go way back. He’s one of my dearest friends. It pained me to see him miserable and it pained me even more that I couldn’t do anything to make him feel better. I don’t know how you did it, but you made him feel better. So, thank you, Simon.”
“You – you’re welcome,” Simon stutters, lost for words. Magnus nods and then takes a sip of his drink, indicating that this is the end of the conversation. They both turn their attention to Raphael on stage, who’s talking to the lead singer of the band. He eventually gets them to leave the stage and stares into the crowd, looking for Magnus.
“This song is for the biggest bastard I know. He bullied me onto stage by threatening to turn my dearest fledgling into a rat if I didn’t, so firstly: fuck you, Magnus Bane.”
“You wish!” Someone yells in the crowd. Simon highly suspects it’s Alec, but he can’t be sure.
Raphael squints and points into the general direction of whoever disturbed him. “No,” he says firmly. “Secondly: happy birthday, old man. I hope you choke on your drink.”
Raphael clears his throat and then starts singing a song Simon has never heard of, about magic and secrets. The lyrics are honestly ridiculous and they make Magnus laugh as the song progresses, but Raphael’s singing voice is so beautiful the words barely even register with Simon. His voice is deep and husky, almost like he just woke up or smoked seven cigarettes in a row. Either way, his voice is doing things to Simon that it shouldn’t.
“Holy shit,” he breathes, and Magnus shoots him a knowing grin.
“He’s good, isn’t he?”
“He’s amazing.”
“Told you so.”
They listen to the song in silence. Magnus has a fond smile on his face he tries to hide behind his drink, but it’s useless to Simon. The man basically just admitted how much Raphael means to him; he won’t trick Simon into thinking they actually can’t stand each other any longer.
Raphael ends the song with a grin when he sings: “I don’t care what they might say // vampires are better than Warlocks anyway.” And is booed off the stage by multiple Warlocks while the vampires present cheer him on. He ducks to avoid the stuff that’s being thrown at him with a proud grin on his face as he makes his way back to their table.
“Happy now, Maggie?” He wonders once he’s seated again.
“Over the moon, darling,” Magnus replies. He gets to his feet and swiftly ducks down to press a kiss to Raphael’s forehead, who just scoffs in return. “I will remember this for as long as I shall live. Thank you so very much.”
“Okay, okay,” Raphael says, exasperated, “you always have to ruin it by being dramatic. Go find your Shadowhunter boy to entertain you.”
“Of course I will. Thanks again, Raphael. See you later, Samantha.”
Simon waves weakly as Magnus disappears into the crowd, leaving him alone with the other vampire.
“So,” Raphael says once Magnus is gone, “what did you think?”
“I – you’re a great singer, Raph. I had no idea.”
Raphael seems to be happy with that as he moves to take another sip of his drink.
Simon keeps thinking about how he had sounded, the gruffness of his voice. He wants to hear him sing again, preferably very soon.
He sighs internally.
This is going to ruin his life.
*
Simon doesn’t hear Raphael sing for a few weeks. He almost forgets what he sounded like that one night at Magnus’ party, but it’s still somewhat lingering in the back of his head. Raphael’s singing voice isn’t that different from his normal voice, so whenever he talks Simon tries to imagine what it would sound like if he sang it instead.
He has almost given up on the hope that he will ever hear him sing again, until he’s reading in his room one night when soft music finds its way to his ears.
Simon immediately perks up, stilling completely to locate the noise. It’s definitely the piano, and there’s a low humming accompanying it.
When he realizes the humming is singing, he almost falls out of bed trying to get up.
There are a few vampires in the hotel who play the piano, but the hotel is basically empty tonight. Almost the entire clan went out to hunt and party, except for him and one other person.
Raphael.
Simon’s been to Raphael’s room a handful of times, so he knows how to get there despite Raphael living in one of the abandoned hallways of the hotel. He has a whole floor to himself, which is kind of excessive to Simon, even for someone who enjoys his privacy.
He follows the soft music up to the fourth floor and then through the long hallway leading to a room next to Raphael’s. The humming is no longer humming now; it’s singing.
Raphael is singing a Spanish song Simon doesn’t know. He recognizes a few words, but his Spanish has been rusty ever since his dad died so he doesn’t really know what the song is about. He doesn’t mind, though. Raphael’s voice is even more beautiful in another language.
He contemplates whether or not it would be considered creepy to just stand outside and listen, but he’s scared Raphael will stop singing once Simon makes his presence known.
So he sits down as quietly as he can, resting his back against the door leading into the room Raphael is in. He imagines him sitting there, fingers moving over the keys of his piano, eyes closed in concentration. The mental image gives Simon goosebumps, especially with Raphael’s voice in the background, and his fingers are suddenly itching to grab his guitar and join him.
He’s been thinking about jamming with Raphael for a while. He’s been trying to muster up the courage to ask him for just as long, but something is holding him back. It just feels… intimate. Playing with Raphael. Raphael only ever plays when he knows there aren’t many vampires in the hotel, so asking him to jam with him would almost feel like intruding. Of course eavesdropping on his music is just as much intruding, but Simon tries not to think about that as he indulges himself in Raphael’s husky voice.
He sits there for god knows how long, his butt getting sore from sitting on the hard floor. Just as he’s about to drift to sleep, the music comes to a sudden stop. Simon’s eyes fly open and he scrambles to his feet, but he can’t get away before Raphael opens the door.
“Simon,” he says, sounding surprised. His hair looks messy, like he ran his fingers through it and didn’t smooth it out, and his cheekbones are pink with excitement. He looks… alive. Human.
“Uh, hi,” Simon says sheepishly.
“Is there… something you need?” Raphael questions with raised eyebrows.
“Wh – no, no. I’m good.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Well, you see, uh, I heard you sing and uh – I haven’t heard you sing since Magnus’ party so I figured – I could come check you out. I mean, not check you out – not that you’re not check-out worthy! I mean, I just – uh, I wanted to listen? I guess? Because I didn’t even know you could sing and honestly it’s quite unfair that you’re keeping so much talent all to yourself. Selfish, really!” Simon rambles.
Raphael tilts his head, a small smile on his lips.
“Mhh,” he hums, “check-out worthy, am I?”
“Not the point.”
Raphael leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms in front of chest, eyeing Simon up and down. “Didn’t your parents ever teach you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”
“I know, I’m sorry. You just… you never sing. I just wanted to listen.”
“Sorry, but I don’t sing in front of others.”
“You sang for an entire party!”
“I was drunk.”
“I can get you drunk.”
“Is that a challenge?”
That’s how they end up back in Raphael’s room, sharing a bottle of blood spiked with tequila between them as Raphael drunkenly serenades Enrique Iglesias to him. It’s probably a bit too intimate, the way he mimics Enrique’s accent as he sings Hero or how they’re sitting so close, touching from shoulder to knee. Raphael isn’t even looking at him, is actually serenading the ceiling he’s looking at more than he’s serenading Simon, but it still feels like he’s looking straight into Simon’s soul. Like he’s laid out all of his secrets for Raphael to observe. Like, if they make eye contact, Raphael will know all of Simon’s deepest desires. But it doesn’t even cross Simon’s mind to move, to detach himself from Raphael. He wants to indulge himself in Raphael’s warmth just as much as he wants to indulge himself in his voice.
So he shifts until he’s facing Raphael, who’s still staring up to the ceiling as he quietly sings the words.
“Raphael?” He says softly. Raphael lets his head fall to the side to look at him.
“Yeah?” He asks.
Simon lets his gaze drop to Raphael’s parted lips. They’re red from the blood they’ve been drinking and he feels the sudden urge to move closer to kiss them clean. He gravitates towards Raphael and he almost believes that Raphael is coming closer too, but then the older vampire clears his throat and sits up.
“Simon, we’re drunk.”
“Ye- yeah. You’re right.” He sits back to put some distance between them and smiles to chase away the tension. “Told you I could get you drunk.”
Raphael smiles back.
“Don’t make a habit out of it.”
*
“Okay, I’ll believe that vampires can shapeshift into animals and that Seelies can visit you in your dreams and I’ll even believe that Warlocks have connections to certain alien species. But sleepovers? Seriously?”
Raphael shrugs as he knocks on Magnus’ door, bag swung over one shoulder. “It’s a tradition! And since you’re an official vampire now instead of a young fledgling, you’re officially part of the gang.”
“The gang? This must be a joke. Did you give me stoner blood again?”
“As if you would mind drinking stoner blood again.”
“Last time I drank it I made out with three random Mundanes and sang Hannah Montana in a karaoke bar!”
“That sounds like the perfect night out,” a voice suddenly calls out. Simon looks up from his argument with Raphael to be greeted by Magnus’ grin. “Except three is quite a low number, dear Sally. Especially for such a young fledgling such as yourself.”
“No longer a fledgling,” Raphael corrects, slapping Simon on the shoulder with pride.
“Ah yes, have we reached the one year milestone already? Congratulations, Sheldon. This calls for alcohol.”
“Everything calls for alcohol according to you,” Raphael points out as they walk into his loft.
“Fair point,” Magnus shrugs. He snaps his fingers and a glass appears in Raphael’s hand, as in Simon’s.
“Melly and Luke are already here.”
“Luke’s here?” Simon asks. even Luke is participating in these sleepovers? He doesn’t know if he should be relieved to have someone from his former life by his side through this madness or worried because he doesn’t want Luke to see him drinking while underage (even though he will never reach the legal drinking age of twenty one).
They round the corner leading into a room resembling a home cinema, but instead of cinema seats there are just piles and piles of pillows and blankets spread across the floor. Meliorn is propped up on his elbows talking to Luke but focuses his attention on the two vampires walking in when he hears them.
“Finally!” He exclaims as he gets up. He walks over to Raphael to give him a hug and then moves to slap Simon on the shoulder.
“I didn’t know you were friends,” Simon says weakly, looking from Raphael to Meliorn and back.
“Oh, we’re best friends,” Meliorn muses as he throws an arm over Raphael’s shoulder. Raphael shoves him, but there’s no heat in the movement.
“We were on the same side in the war against Valentine,” Raphael explains. “Melly here saved my life and ever since I owe him a life debt I have chosen to fulfill through friendship.”
Meliorn rolls his eyes. “As if you’re just my friend because I saved your life once.”
“True,” Raphael admits, “I’m also your friend because you make the best wine.”
Meliorn huffs and sits down on the pillows again. Luke and Simon have been following the exchange in amusement, but now Luke gets up too to greet them.
He hugs Simon first, who wills down his ancient vampire instinct to flee. It has gotten easier hanging out with the werewolves, but sometimes his vampire instincts are still hard to master.
And then, to his absolute surprise, he fist bumps Raphael with an easy grin on his face.
“Wait, you two are friends too?” He exclaims.
“Oh yeah, besties,” Luke says. Raphael nods in agreement.
“But – wh- what happened to the dog jokes? And the vampire jokes? And the snarling?”
“All an act,” Raphael shrugs. “We mostly do it to throw the Shadowhunters off. Make them believe we can’t stand each other so it’ll be more difficult to get us to work together, you know. To spite them.”
“Unbelievable,” Simon says, shaking his head. This whole thing feels surreal, to say the least. A year as a vampire and he didn’t even know Downworlders all secretly like each other.
“Hey, welcome to the Downworld,” Raphael chuckles, nudging Simon with his shoulder. “Fledglings are always taught to believe that all Downworlders are each other’s enemy. Our instinct to dislike werewolves usually helps, but it dims down the longer you’re a vampire. I could hang out with Luke for days now without feeling uncomfortable.”
Simon just shakes his head again and sinks down on the pillows. Raphael sits down next to him, still smiling.
Magnus reappears a moment later, carrying a tray of snacks for those who can stomach them and a bottle of blood for Simon and Raphael. They devour the snacks as they watch a movie – a lame vampire slayer movie on request of Luke, who enjoys laughing at the idea that werewolves are servants of vampires in this – and they all offer their fair share of commentary throughout it.
“Why aren’t there any movies about the Fair Folk,” Meliorn complains, munching on an apple.
“Oh, there are,” Simon says, “there’s Tinkerbell, and by extend Peter Pan, and, oh! Malificent is a really good one. Though I don’t think you could relate, because as far as I know you don’t have any wings.”
Meliorn throws the core of the apple at Simon’s head, who easily dodges it.
“Didn’t think you’d pick up on the teasing so quickly. Just mere weeks ago I could’ve sworn you were afraid of me.”
“Hey, you’re pretty intimidating! You can make the earth listen to you, man. The earth is everywhere. Jace told me you can pull a sword out of the dirt. A sword!”
Meliorn’s expression turns suspiciously soft at the mention of Jace, which leads them into discussing their love lives. Magnus and Luke seem to have taken a special joy in teasing Meliorn about his feelings for Jace, despite them both being enamored by Shadowhunters as well.
“At least I also have a werewolf boyfriend to even it out,” Luke shrugs when Meliorn comments on that fact.
“Oh, as if I don’t have any Downworlder partners,” Meliorn shoots back, “I can get anyone I want, and yet the man I desire the most is playing hard to get.”
“Oh, don’t start about playing hard to get with me,” Magnus sighs, “Alexander literally was on the verge of marriage before he finally made a move on me. He’s the definition of playing hard to get.”
“There’s a difference between playing hard to get and being in the closet,” Simon says before he can stop himself. He doesn’t know why he’s defending Alec, but it seems unfair to him to be dismissed as playing hard to get when there was so much more going on at the time.
Magnus eyes him up and down. “I guess you’re right. He was extremely far back in that closet of his. I’m glad he finally decided to come out of it.”
“How is he, anyway?” Raphael asks. Simon is taken aback by the genuine curiosity in his voice.
“He’s doing well. He mostly lives here now that his parents can barely even look at him anymore, but he wanted to give me some time with my friends tonight. He’s at Jocelyn’s with Clary, Isabelle and Jace.”
Raphael nods and looks down at his drink. “If he ever needs to talk about – you know. You can always send him to me. I can’t promise I’ll be happy to see him or if I’ll be nice to him, but I’ll try.”
Magnus smiles. “I know. He knows, too.”
Raphael smiles back and catches Simon’s confused look.
“What?” He asks.
“Nothing! It’s just – I thought you didn’t like Alec.”
“I don’t like any Shadowhunter. But I know what Alec’s going through. The closet is not a pleasant place to be in, and I had Magnus when I came out, but it’s not the same.” He shrugs. “Everyone always thinks it is, and though it was nice to have someone who understood to some extent, I still needed someone who would fully understand. Someone who was gay too. Not bi, not pan. Gay.”
“Alaric helped him a lot,” Luke says, “back in the day when Raphael was figuring himself out. It’s always easier to talk to someone who has experienced the same things. I think that’s why Raphael insists on talking to Alec if he wants to.”
Raphael nods again in a way of agreeing.
“Oh,” Simon says quietly. He hadn’t even known Raphael is gay. But before he can comment on that, Luke huffs a laugh.
“When I found out I was bi, I turned to Magnus for it. He would understand like nobody else. It’s just nicer to have someone of your own sexuality to talk to, even if you know a lot of non-straight people.”
Simon turns to Meliorn, who’s been following the conversation in silence.
“You’re pan, right?”
“Of course I am,” Meliorn replies, as if that’s such a silly question.
“Well, I guess you’re the perfect person to come out to, then. I’m pan too,” Simon declares. It isn’t a big coming-out scenario, but he never made a really big deal out of his sexuality anyway. Luke has known since Simon was twelve, and Magnus probably figured it out when he caught Simon making out with a boy at one of his parties. But it’s still nice to say it out loud.
Meliorn raises his glass. “I’ll drink to that,” he smirks.
“Hear, hear!” Magnus cheers, raising his glass too.
They end up drinking maybe a bit too much, because suddenly they all decide it’s a good idea to plug in the PlayStation and play SingStar. Simon admits it might’ve been his idea because he’s still determined to make Raphael sing as often as possible, but the others all seem just as eager to get going.
Magnus and Luke go first, engaging in a very dramatic duet of Dancing Queen by ABBA. Magnus wins, but only because he knows the lyrics by heart and doesn’t have to squint at the screen to read the lyrics and try to make sense out of them in his intoxicated state like Luke. Magnus continues to tell a tale about having met ABBA back when they were performing at Eurovision, and then he has to explain what Eurovision is. They almost forget about SingStar in favor of looking up iconic Eurovision performances (“The violin has never been a hotter instrument than in the hands of Alexander Rybak,” Magnus sighs) but Simon is on a mission. And that mission is to get Raphael to sing again.
So he gets them back on track by performing a flawless version of Walking on sunshine (which makes Raphael laugh because irony) and then dares Raphael to sing next.
Nobody dares to compete against ‘the King of SingStar’, as Meliorn crowns him, so Raphael is cheered on until he agrees to do a solo performance. He downs his entire glass of blood-wine before clearing his throat and bringing the mic to his lips.
Hearing Raphael sing Thanks for the memories by Fall Out Boy is almost an outer body experience. He loves FOB, he truly does, but hearing this almost makes them look like amateurs. Raphael looks effortlessly punk-rock, even in his expensive suit he insisted on wearing to a sleepover. His eyes are closed in concentration, which means he must know the lyrics by heart, which means Raphael probably listens to Fall Out Boy more frequently. That makes Simon’s undead heart flutter, for some reason. Like sharing an interest in music is a sign that they should be together or something, which is just downright ridiculous.
His voice gets that roughness again when he sings the chorus, and Simon gets goosebumps over his entire body. He’s mesmerized by Raphael; can’t keep his eyes off him even if he tried. And then Raphael opens his eyes and looks at Simon right when he sings “See, he tastes like you only sweeter” and Simon is glad he’s sitting down because he’s sure his knees would’ve buckled if he had been standing.
Jesus fucking Christ.
The room falls into a deafening silence when the song ends. For a moment, nobody says anything, but then Magnus laughs and says: “I think Sheldon might have a singing kink.”
Simon closes his mouth (he hadn’t even realized he had been actually gaping at Raphael) to throw a pillow at Magnus and scoffs when the Warlock just laughs again.
“Well, I think that’s enough SingStar for tonight. Who wants to see Alexander Rybak’s violin? And sadly, no, that isn’t a euphemism for something else.”
Raphael presses up against Simon’s side when Magnus plays Alexander’s performance on the big cinema screen, despite there being plenty of space in the room. Simon can’t say he really minds the proximity of Raphael’s body, but his voice is still bouncing through his mind and it’s painfully obvious how much it turned him on exactly. He shifts as subtly as he can while the others watch the performance to hug a pillow to his chest and pull up his knees to hide his awkward boner, but then Raphael turns his head to let his nose touch Simon’s neck.
“I wonder if you do actually taste sweeter,” he muses, and Simon makes a whiny noise loud enough for Luke to turn to him and frown. Raphael sits back when he notices Luke looking, but his fingers brush against Simon’s when he does and it’s almost like electricity shoots through his body.
And shit, okay, maybe Simon doesn’t necessarily have a singing kink, but he does absolutely have a Raphael kink.
Which is even worse.
*
Trying to get Raphael to sing almost made Simon forget that he’s a singer too. Sure, he sang a perfect version of Walking on sunshine at the Downworlder sleepover (which is still a weird concept to him) and it’s not like he stopped humming when he’s cleaning or singing under the shower. It’s just that he had been so focused on Raphael’s singing that he had almost forgotten that he’s basically a professional singer. Well, he makes money with it on a good day, which is technically the definition of a professional, right?
So it almost feels weird to be back on stage, but it also feels normal, like something he used to do. Playing with Maureen, practicing for a gig later that night, carrying their instruments from his van to the bar they’re playing in. It all feels familiar, comforting.
“I’m glad you finally decided to join me again,” Maureen says casually as he helps her carry her keyboard inside. “It’s a bit lonely playing alone. I also don’t make as much money on my own.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Simon apologizes for the sixth time that night. He really is sorry. He didn’t perform with Maureen for a year, which is kind of inexcusable. He also can’t even tell her the reason for his absence is that he was busy trying to adjust to being a vampire, but Maureen does know there’s something playing in his life. Luckily she doesn’t pry about it. She probably thinks it’s a drug problem anyway.
“Also, I want to apologize for something else too,” Simon says as they’re setting up the instruments on the small stage. The bar is still empty this early, so they have the whole place to themselves.
“That one time, when I woke up next to you – ”
“Oh my god, Simon. Don’t even start. I’m so embarrassed.”
“No, please let me do this, Maureen.” Simon walks around the keyboard to grab Maureen’s hands and force her to look at him.
“I don’t know what happened. I think someone drugged me earlier, and I literally have no recollection of what happened up until I woke up. And I want to apologize. I’ve been a shitty friend and I didn’t even explain myself and then I basically disappeared for a year. I mean, we still occasionally saw each other, but we never – we never really talked about it.”
“Wait, you were drugged?” Maureen asks, all the embarrassment in her voice replaced by worry. Of course Simon knows the real reason why he was so intoxicated, but he can’t really tell her he was high on vampire blood, so he nods.
“I think so. It’s the only explanation. And I’m really sorry to ask this and I know you’re probably still mad at me, but did we – did we do anything?”
Maureen looks like she’s going to be sick.
“We did. We had sex, Si, but oh my god. If I had known you were drugged I would’ve never – I basically took advantage of you! I should be the one apologizing!”
“No, really, don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. I should’ve told you I didn’t remember anything when I woke up, but instead I just walked away. You deserve better than that. I’m sorry.”
Maureen bites her lower lip, still looking uncertain. But then she nods and pulls Simon into a hug.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Simon.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.”
Maureen squeezes his shoulders when she pulls back, a careful smile dancing on her lips.
“I guess there’s one good thing that came out of this,” she says sheepishly, and then, when Simon just looks at her, “I realized I was gay after sleeping with you.”
Simon barks a laugh. “Oh, wow. Should I feel hurt in my male ego now?”
“I don’t know, are you?”
He shrugs.
“No, not at all. I’m just glad you figured yourself out.”
“Yeah,” Maureen breathes, and then she nods to their instruments.
“Come on, let’s practice one last time before the gig.”
Simon is more than happy to comply.
Simon likes to think he invited Raphael to his gig because it’s his first one in a year and he wants him to be there, to see him on stage where he belongs, but the truth is that he just wants him to hear him sing. Raphael shared his singing with Simon, and now he wants to return the favor. Not that Raphael has never heard him sing before, but never like this. Simon becomes someone else entirely on stage; someone confident, someone girls in the front row swoon over. Someone who knows what he’s doing and is good at it.
He tries not to look for him during their performance. Raphael said he would come, so Simon trusts him to do so. He tries to focus on his guitar, on Maureen playing next to him, on the words leaving his mouth. But he can’t help but to let his eyes drift over the crowd. He smiles when he makes eye contact with someone, but he keeps looking until his eyes finally settle on Raphael’s form.
He’s standing by the bar, a beer in his hand to keep up appearances. When he notices Simon is looking at him, he raises the bottle in a toast. It makes Simon smile so wide he has trouble pronouncing the words correctly.
The song comes to an end and Maureen walks off stage to grab a chair. She places it behind Simon, who sits down and pulls his guitar on his lap.
“This is a cover of a song I’m sure everyone here knows,” he says into the microphone. He had asked Maureen if he could perform it, and when she had asked why he had sheepishly replied he wanted to dedicate it to someone in the crowd. That had led to Maureen prying until Simon admitted a guy he likes was coming to see him play, and after that Maureen was quick to agree to the song.
“Uh, I want to dedicate this to someone here tonight. It’s the first time he’s come to see me play, and I hope I don’t disappoint.” He locks eyes with Raphael, whose full attention is on Simon now.
Simon focuses on hitting the right chords as he starts the song, and then he leans into the mic to start singing.
“They say we are what we are,
But we don't have to be,
I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way,
I'll be the watcher of the eternal flame,
I'll be the guard dog of all your favorite dreams,
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass
I try to picture me without you but I can't
'Cause we could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long,
And live with me forever now,
Pull the blackout curtains down,
Just not for long, for long,
We could be immor- immortals,
Immor- immortals,
Immor- immortals,
Immor- immortals,
Sometimes the only pay off for having any faith,
Is when it's tested again and again every day,
I'm still comparing your past to my future,
It might be your wound but they're my sutures,
I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass
I try to picture me without you but I can't
'Cause we could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long,
And live with me forever now,
Pull the blackout curtains down,
Just not for long, for long,
We could be immor- immortals,
Immor- immortals,
And live with me forever now,
And pull the blackout curtains down,
We could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long,
We could be immor- immortals,
Immor- immortals
Immor- immortals
Immor- immortals”
He’s met with applause when he sits back and smiles, but he’s still watching Raphael. The older vampire hasn’t moved the entire song, is just looking at him with wide eyes. Simon had sang the song as softly and gently as he could, filtering out all the punk-rock undertones with his soft voice. Without the electric instruments accompanying the song and the rough voice singing it, it’s almost like a love song. He hopes Raphael understands what he meant with this.
And then Raphael jerks his head to the exit door and waits for Simon to understand before he makes his way outside. Simon stands up too, nodding and waving at the crowd before disappearing backstage out into the alleyway behind the building. Raphael is already waiting for him.
“I didn’t know you were that good,” he says once Simon has reached him. He’s leaning against the wall trying to look casual, but Simon has known him long enough to see that he’s nervous.
“You liked the song?” Simon asks. His voice is hoarse from singing, and he notices how Raphael’s lips part slightly.
“I did. A lot. But it’s not really a song dedicated to me if you don’t serenade it, is it?”
“You want me to serenade you?”
Raphael nods slowly, no sign of teasing in his expression. In fact, he looks more nervous than Simon has ever seen him. Almost vulnerable.
Simon takes a step closer, and then another one. He’s crowding Raphael against the wall now, who swallows thickly when his back is pressed completely against the cold brick.
Simon starts singing the song again, even softer this time. He doesn’t care that his voice breaks and just keeps inching closer for every line he sings. Raphael doesn’t move, just keeps looking at him.
He glances down at Simon’s lips when Simon sings “live with me forever now” and then licks his own, and that’s Simon’s cue to close the distance between them completely.
He had always imagined kissing Raphael would be rough. There would be biting and tugging and grabbing, with a lot of moans and frustrated grunts. He thought it would be sharp.
But nothing about this is sharp. Their lips move together like they have never known differently, and Raphael’s hands are warm on Simon’s neck. Simon lets his own hands rest on Raphael’s sides, where he pushes his thumbs underneath his shirt to caress the soft skin there.
Raphael’s lips are soft and inviting, and when Simon licks into his mouth it’s not like being blinded by sunlight like he’d imagined. Instead, it’s like suddenly understanding the universe. Like all the stars aligned to spell out their secrets for him. Kissing Raphael is almost like poetry.
Almost like a song.