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Captain MacTavish knew the day was cursed the moment he walked into the prep bay and heard giggling.
Not nervous laughter.
Not relief-before-a-firefight laughter.
No—unhinged, sugar-high, almost childlike laughter.
Soap stopped dead in the doorway. Ghost was standing on a crate, helmet tilted dramatically, one gloved hand pressed to his chest like he was auditioning for a tragic romance. He had a different mask on. It was white, with pink and red designs and a pink rose on the side of it.
Roach stood beside him...and was wearing a pink dress.
A very pink dress. Patterned with black cockroaches.
Soap blinked once. Twice.
“…Price,” Soap said slowly into the comm, never taking his eyes off them. “I want you to tell me I’m hallucinating.”
Price’s voice crackled back, deeply unimpressed. “Negative.” He had saw them earlier when they were...'getting ready'.
Ghost gasped theatrically. “Captain. You’re early. We were just...finishing up.”
Roach adjusted the hem of the dress. He did not speak. He simply stared at Soap through his goggles with the quiet confidence of a man who had committed to the bit and would die for it, fixing a pink bow that he tied to his helmet.
Soap pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why...."
Ghost hopped down. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”
Soap stared. “We’re deploying to a hostile urban combat zone.”
“Yes." Ghost said brightly. “With style.”
Soap’s soul left his body. Price showed up ten minutes later, took one look, and immediately turned around.
“Nope,” he said. “Soap, they’re yours.”
“Sir—”
“Too late to change them now,” Price interrupted, already walking away. “Try not to shoot them.”
The OP
The infiltration went wrong immediately. Not because of enemy resistance. But because an enemy soldier rounded a corner, saw Roach in the dress, and pink bow on his helmet and froze. The enemy said—clear as day—
“…Hola.”
Soap watched through his scope in horrified silence.
Ghost leaned over Roach’s shoulder. “Bloody hell, he thinks you’re hot.” He nudged Roach into his side.
Roach tilted his head.
The enemy soldier lowered his weapon slightly. “Señorita?”
Soap hissed and exhaled sharply. “Roach, don't engage. Shoot him."
Ghost slapped a hand over Roach’s rifle. “Wait, wait—let’s see where this goes.”
Roach gave a low chuckle then shrugged.
He waved, tilting his head to the side.
The enemy smiled, giving Roach a wink.
Ghost lost it.
He cackled. “Give him a twirl, Roach.
Roach twirled, holding the end of his pink cockroach dress as he did so.
Soap screamed internally. "KNOCK IT OFF, YE TWO!" The Captain yelled through the comms.
Everything he said was ignored.
Three seconds later, five more enemies appeared, all shouting, all very confused, and somehow, Ghost talked them into capturing him and Roach instead of shooting them.
Ghost went willingly, shrugging his shoulders.
“Take us to dinner first?” he asked sarcastically as they were dragged away.
Soap put his forehead against the wall, letting out a low huff and growl. "Bloody fuckin' eejits! I'll kill em myself."
The Rescue
Price didn’t say “I told you so.”
He didn’t have to. His silence was louder.
The rescue was brutal, efficient, and fueled entirely by Soap’s rage. He kicked in the door. Soap shot two enemies in under a second. Price cleared the flank.
And there were Ghost and Roach.
Tied to chairs. Roach still in the dress. Ghost had somehow acquired chocolates that sat in his lap, useless since their hands were bound.
Soap stared, blinked slowly. He wasn't surprised, not by a longshot.
Ghost grumbled. “About damn time, Captain."
Soap cut their restraints. “Move. Now.”
As they ran, Ghost leaned close. “So… you think he was into Roach or me more?”
Soap snarled, “I will court-martial ye both."
Roach and Ghost hurried out in front of Captain MacTavish, giggling again.
The Surprise
Back at base, Soap stormed off to file reports, complaints, and possibly a resignation letter.
Price poured himself coffee and pretended this was all normal. It was.
Soap returned to his quarters late. Tired. Furious. Done. He opened the door.
And froze.
His room was decorated.
Candles. Rose petals everywhere. A box of half eaten chocolates that Ghost had acquired earlier were on the bed. His bed. Pink streamers. A banner reading:
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, CAPTAIN 💀🪳
Ghost sat on the bed, legs crossed. Roach stood beside him, holding a small box.
Soap’s eye twitched.
Ghost cleared his throat and grinned under that stupid Valentine’s Day themed skull mask. “Surprise...?"
Roach opened the box.
Inside was Soap’s stolen soap bar. Carved into a heart.
Soap stared.“…You stole my soap?”
Ghost nodded proudly.“Symbolic.”
Roach gave a thumbs-up.
Soap exhaled slowly, looking like he was five seconds away from committing murder.
Price’s voice echoed down the hall. “Try not to kill them, John.”
Soap looked at the two chaotic menaces ruining his life.
“…Get out,” he said flatly.
Ghost gasped, mockingly. “Wow. After everything we’ve been through."
Roach put the box down gently.
They left.
Soap locked the door. Five seconds passed. A card slid under it. Soap picked it up and read it:
Roses are red
Violence is fun
Ur our fav captain
Please don’t shoot us :)
Soap stared at the ceiling and let out a long groan of an exhale.
"Bloody fuckin' hell...I hate Valentine’s Day.”