Actions

Work Header

Werehare Today, Gone Tomorrow

Summary:

In a rare glimpse into an NPC's POV, Evil Jax struggles to come to grips with his werehare form. Evil Ragatha's not going to make this easy.

Work Text:

*Our story begins on a peaceful day in the Amazing Digital Circus, we see Luseal and Jax in the lobby, Luseal is looking at a picture of her and Evil Jax*

 

Luseal: I hope I see EJ again. He’s such a sweet guy.

 

*Jax curls his lip in disgust, he’s still not a fan of Evil Jax, but he doesn’t want to rain on his sister’s parade either*

 

Jax: I mean, you probably will, Caine does reuse his NPCs a lot.

 

Luseal: Do you ever wonder if NPCs have lives outside of the adventures we see them in?

 

Jax: Pff, probably not. You know how Caine sees them as nothing more than tools.

 

Luseal: I know, but I still can't help but wonder what they do when they're not being used in an adventure.

 

Jax: We may never know.

 

*Unbeknownst to him, there is in fact an alternate version of the Amazing Digital Circus known as the Evil Digital Circus, instead of the circus being red and white, it's purple and green, and instead of a beautiful grassy meadow with a blue sky, the grass is dry and dirty with dead trees, and there’s an orange sky*

 

*Inside the tent, we see that all the colors are inverted, we see Evil Jax in his room, he’s examining his now-sharp teeth in a mirror*

 

Evil Jax: Ooh, how tough are these?

 

*He lightly taps one of his teeth with his finger, he winces a bit*

 

Evil Jax: Yeow! That answers my question.

 

*A puddle of lava slips underneath his door and sneaks into his room, it approaches him from behind and Evil Luseal emerges from it*

 

Evil Luseal: Hey there!

 

*The startled Evil Jax screams and whirls around, he sprouts his claws involuntarily and accidentally scratches his closet door as he turns around, causing it to be sliced to pieces*

 

Evil Jax: Oops.

 

Evil Luseal: Someone’s high-strung, huh?

 

Evil Jax: S-Sorry about that, Evil Lusy, I'm just uh.. kinda worried about my werehare side.

 

Evil Luseal: You mean that big fluffy form that you got at the wedding? Yeah.. Evil Pomni told me all about that…in graphic detail too..

 

Evil Jax: Well, at least someone likes it.

 

*He looks at his claws*

 

Evil Jax: It’s getting harder to control my strength. I keep accidentally clawing things to bits.

 

Evil Luseal: Well, think of it this way, you’ve got a good way to kick someone’s a*HEEHAW* now.

 

Evil Jax: Yeah, I guess that’s true.

 

*He puts his claws away*

 

Evil Jax: So…how about we hang out at the lobby?

 

Evil Luseal: Sounds good to me.

 

*And with that, they make their way there, they hear Evil Pomni clearing her throat*

 

Evil Pomni: ‘Sup, Evil Bunbun?

 

Evil Jax: Not much, how about y-

 

*He finds Evil Pomni in an alluring pose and a flirtatious smirk, she’s sprawled out across the couch, his jaw practically hits the floor*

 

Evil Pomni: Heeey…how ‘bout you draw me like one of your digital girls?

 

Evil Luseal: Yeesh, you’re not even subtle.

 

*Evil Jax stares at her, stunned, and his face turns beet red, his tail briefly starts to look more wolf-like, he lets out a howl, Evil Pomni leans forward eagerly and her eyes turn into hearts*

 

Evil Pomni: F*HONK* yeah! Gimme the werehare!

 

*Evil Jax realizes what he’s doing and puts his hands over his mouth, his tail then goes back to normal, much to Evil Pomni’s disappointment*

 

Evil Pomni: …Aw, d*SPLAT*mn it.

 

Evil Luseal: O-Ok! I-I don't judge what you guys do in your private time, but could not do this when I'm here?!

 

Evil Jax: Uh, yeah, of course.

 

*Coach Dictatorer is reading a book about war, Evil Jax is curious about it*

 

Evil Jax: What’s that you’re reading?

 

Coach Dictatorer: What does it look like? It’s about battling.

 

Evil Jax: More power to you, I guess, but I prefer books about cute things like fairies and romance. I’m a lover, not a fighter.

 

*Coach Dictatorer regards him with disdain*

 

Coach Dictatorer: Don’t you know men like you shouldn’t be into such weak feminine topics?

 

*Evil Jax looks embarrassed about this, his fur starts to get shaggy and he hides his face in his clawed hands, Evil Luseal is indignant*

 

Evil Luseal: Hey, keep your judgment to yourself! He’s not f*ZOOM*ing hurting anybody!

 

*Evil Pomni’s eyes turn into hearts at the sight of how fuzzy he’s getting, but then she gives Coach Dictatorer an icy stare*

 

Evil Pomni: Yeah, shut the f*BOOM* up about my man, would ya?

 

*Coach Dictatorer rolls his eyes and groans loudly before going back to his book, Evil Jax gives them a grateful look*

 

Evil Jax: Thanks, guys.

 

Evil Luseal: No problem, Evil Jaxie.

 

*Evil Jax’s fur becomes neat again and his claws disappear, Evil Ragatha spies on them from afar with Evil Orbsman, she smirks to herself*

 

Evil Ragatha: Ohohoho, he’s so excitable. Anything could make him become that horrendous beast. Since he’s so frightfully ashamed of it, how about we see if we can trigger it?

 

Evil Orbsman: But what if he attacks us? Like he did to me before? *He says in a distorted voice*

 

Evil Ragatha: Don’t be ridiculous, I know this lagomorph well. He’s much too timid to stand up for himself.

 

Evil Orbsman: …Good point.

 

Evil Ragatha: Why don’t you put your nondescript nature to good use?

 

Evil Orbsman: Well, you could’ve described my stealth in a better way, but alright.

 

*Evil Orbsman sneaks up on Evil Jax from behind and lets out a roar sound, Evil Jax screams and jumps up in fright, his teeth turn sharp and his fur gets all shaggy again, his arms gets all muscular for a moment and he grabs Evil Orbsman before throwing him across the room, the latter crashes into a wall and Evil Jax heads float over him*

 

Evil Orbsman: Boom, baby…

 

Evil Jax: Don’t scare me like that!

 

*Evil Pomni’s eyes turn into hearts*

 

Evil Pomni: Ha! You tell him, Evil Bunbun!


*Evil Luseal crosses her arms*

 

Evil Luseal: I would’ve burned you myself, but it looks like my brother did the job instead.

 

Evil Jax: S-Sorry, Evil Orbsman.

 

Evil Luseal: Don’t be, karma’s a b*WOOF*tch.

 

Evil Pomni: I want those big fluffy arms wrapped around me..! *She thinks to herself as she bites her lip*

 

*Evil Ragatha snaps her fingers*

 

Evil Ragatha: Blast! That almost did it! I’ve got no choice but to bring out the big guns!

 

*She goes off to look for something, Evil Jax looks at his claws and retracts them, his fur also goes back to normal, Evil Pomni’s smile fades*

 

Evil Jax: Sorry, Evil Pompom, I’m just…not in the mood for that.

 

Evil Pomni: I mean, I find it hot as hell, but whatever floats your boat. It would be pretty a*HEEHAW*holish to make you do that against your will, y’know?

 

Evil Jax: I’m so glad you get it.

 

*Evil Ragatha is now tiptoeing behind them, she’s holding onto a carrot, she then reaches over to the other side and places the carrot next to Evil Jax*

 

Evil Ragatha: The perfect crime. *She thinks to herself*

 

Evil Jax: Anyone in the mood for-

 

*The carrot catches his eye, he jumps up in fear and yelps*

 

Evil Jax: CARROT!!

 

Evil Luseal: Where the hell did that come from?!

 

*Evil Jax backs away from it, he begins to sweat wildly and pant heavily*

 

Evil Jax: G-Get that away from me!!

 

*He then feels muscle cramps building up inside him and his eyes widen in fear*

 

Evil Jax: Oh, no…!

 

*Evil Luseal looks at him in concern*

 

Evil Luseal: What? What's wrong?

 

Evil Jax: It’s happening…! *He says in a strained voice*

 

*Evil Ragatha rubs her hands together*

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh, yes! Ahahaha!

 

*Evil Luseal and Evil Pomni turn around and find her behind their couch*

 

Evil Luseal: You did this?!

 

Evil Pomni: Now that’s just too much, man!

 

*Evil Jax looks at his hands and whimpers as they get more muscular and claws pop out of them, he clutches his head and shuts his eyes as his fur gets shaggier, Evil Pomni and Evil Luseal look back towards him, while Evil Ragatha crosses her arms and smirks smugly*

 

Evil Jax: No…no!! *He says in a deeper voice*

 

Evil Luseal: Look, you’ve got this!

 

*Evil Jax’s torso becomes taller and more muscular and a strap from his overalls pops off, he clutches his mouth as his teeth get sharper, and his tail gets more wolf-like*

 

Evil Luseal: Try to breathe through it, alright?!

 

*Evil Jax complies, he opens his eyes to reveal diamond-shaped pupils and he looks at his legs, which become digitigrade and grow claws, he finally rises to his feet and howls at the sky, he pants heavily and whines nervously, Evil Pomni is surprisingly not going head over heels, she just looks concerned for him*

 

Evil Pomni: You okay there?

 

Evil Jax: I-I guess…

 

Evil Luseal: Oh, you f*BOING*ing b*WOOF*tch! How could you screw with him like that?!

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh come on! He’s just so lily-livered that I could do it easily! Getting a rise out of that beast is a walk in the park!

 

*Evil Luseal's hair flares up as a fiery aura emanates from her*

 

Evil Luseal: I oughta burn you into ashes!

 

*Evil Jax looks hurt*

 

Evil Jax: B-Beast…?

 

Evil Ragatha: You heard me! Now you’re an even bigger coward, in more ways than one! As if being hideous and klutzy with your strength wasn’t bad enough!

 

*Evil Jax’s ears droop and he whines like a sad puppy, Evil Pomni clearly feels bad for him*

 

Evil Jax: I never asked for this to happen. *He says in a shaking voice*

 

Evil Pomni: Aw…

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh, boohoo for you! 

 

*Bazooble then stops by*

 

Bazooble: Did anybody else hear a cow’s mooin’?

 

*Evil Jax just gets even more embarrassed, he whimpers pitifully and then runs away crying, Evil Pomni reaches out to him*

 

Evil Pomni: Evil Bunbun, wait!

 

*Evil Luseal then gives Bazooble a dirty look*

 

Bazooble: What? What’d I say?

 

*Evil Luseal then glares at Evil Ragatha, who just points and laughs at Evil Jax*

 

Evil Ragatha: Such a thin-skinned fool!

 

Evil Luseal: I swear, I am gonna f*BZZT*ing make a flambé outta you, once I comfort my brother!

 

*She then runs in the direction that Evil Jax has gone as fast as she can, leaving a flaming trail behind her, Coach Dictatorer is so wrapped up in his book that he hasn’t even noticed what’s going on, he looks up and sees the flames on the floor*

 

Coach Dictatorer: What did I miss?

 

Evil Pomni: …Forget it.

 

*Evil Jax runs off to his room, he slams the door behind him, only to accidentally knock it off the hinges, this just upsets him more and he lies on his bed, whimpering and sobbing his big heart out*

 

Evil Jax: I can’t help the way I look… *He says through his sobbing*

 

*Evil Luseal then approaches the doorway and finds that the door is now on the floor, so she knocks on the wall instead*

 

Evil Luseal: Hey, Evil Jaxie? Can we talk?

 

Evil Jax: Fine… *He says tearfully*

 

*Evil Luseal walks up to him and sits down next to him on the bed*

 

Evil Luseal: Uh…hey. Sorry about what happened.. Evil Ragatha shouldn't have picked on you like that..

 

Evil Jax: Becoming this really hurts, and when I get upset, it becomes even harder to control. How am I ever gonna keep a lid on this? *He says in a shaking voice*

 

Evil Luseal: I-I’m sure it's not too hard.. I mean, that purple prick came to control it, I'm sure you can too.

 

Evil Jax: But…I don’t wanna be anything like that bully.

 

Evil Luseal: Well, think of it this way. It doesn’t make you anything like that schmuck, it's just something that's a part of you.. And werehare or not, you're still my brother, and I wouldn't want you any other way.

 

*Evil Jax looks up*

 

Evil Jax: You’re not just saying that?

 

Evil Luseal: No way, and besides, I actually think this form is kinda cool. The brute strength is pretty bada*HEEHAW*. Like, you totally mauled Evil Orbsman there, and that’s not even the first time, remember the wedding?

 

*Evil Jax smiles a bit and wipes his eyes*

 

Evil Jax: Yeah, I suppose he kinda deserved it that time.

 

Evil Luseal: You know, I noticed that you went back to normal when you focused on putting your claws away, and when you started chilling out.. Maybe if you concentrate hard enough, you can go back to normal..

 

Evil Jax: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that. I’ll keep that in mind.

 

*Taking a deep breath, he stares at his claws intently and they start to slide back into his fingers, his tail twitches and then becomes a small cottontail again, and his arms and legs lose their buffness, he starts to shrink back to his regular size and his clothes go back to normal as well, he blinks and his pupils become square-shaped again*

 

Evil Jax: Huh, it actually worked.

 

Evil Luseal: See? What did I tell you? And you’ll probably be able to turn into one when you have to.

 

Evil Jax: I dunno when else I’d need to do that, but I suppose we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Thanks, Evil Lusy.

 

Evil Luseal: No prob, big brother.

 

*Evil Ragatha is spying on them from the doorway*

 

Evil Ragatha: Ugh, how saccharine.

 

*Evil Jax then glances at his dresser, where there are some porcelain fairies*

 

Evil Jax: Oh, I almost forgot, I still have to dust these.

 

*He picks up a featherduster and starts dusting them off, he whistles to himself*

 

Evil Luseal: You sure do love those fairies, don't you?

 

Evil Jax: What can I say? All it takes is faith, trust, and pixie dust.

 

*This gives Evil Ragatha an idea, she rubs her hands together and pulls a baseball bat out of hammerspace*

 

Evil Ragatha: It’s time to batter up! Ahahaha!!

 

*She runs inside with the bat*

 

Evil Luseal: What’re you doing here?!

 

Evil Ragatha: Just you wait!

 

*She shatters the porcelain fairies into pieces, Evil Jax gasps in devastation*

 

Evil Jax: No…!

 

*His eye twitches and his pupils briefly turn into diamonds, Evil Luseal’s hair flares up*

 

Evil Luseal: You b*ZING*ard!! What the f*QUACK!* is wrong with you?! 

 

*Evil Ragatha laughs at her*

 

Evil Ragatha: What’s wrong with me?! What’s wrong with him?! He indulges in such asinine activities!

 

*Evil Jax looks hurt, he whines and hangs his head*

 

Evil Jax: I really loved those things… *When he speaks, his sharp teeth are visible*

 

*Evil Luseal clenches her fists*

 

Evil Luseal: You’re the one that’s asinine!!

 

*She forms flames in her hands and grabs Evil Ragatha by the shoulders, setting her alight*

 

Evil Ragatha: YEOWWWW!! THAT IS CHEATING!!

 

*She runs off helplessly like a headless chicken, Evil Luseal huffs and turns back to Evil Jax*

 

Evil Luseal: Sorry about that. I’ll get you more of ‘em later, I promise.

 

Evil Jax: Thanks for sticking up for me, Evil Lusy.

 

*He gets a glimpse of himself in a mirror and smooths down his fur, his eyes turn back to normal and so do his teeth*

 

Evil Jax: It’s like she’s trying to make me transform on purpose.

 

Evil Luseal: Probably so she can laugh at you some more.. Well, tell you what, if she tries anything like that again, I'll burn her into dust!

 

Evil Jax: Thanks, but that might not be necessary.

 

*We then see Evil Ragatha, she’s covered in ashes*

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh, how humiliating! That stupid seal always gets in the way of everything!

 

*This gives her another idea*

 

Evil Ragatha: …That’s it! I must find a distraction!

 

*Back in Evil Jax’s room, Evil Luseal smells something*

 

Evil Luseal: Is that…ghost pepper pizza? Delish! I think I’m gonna get myself some, wanna come along?

 

*Evil Jax cringes a bit*

 

Evil Jax: …No thanks, you can knock yourself out.

 

Evil Luseal: Oh well. All the more for me, then.

 

*She gets up and departs, Evil Jax then goes to look for Evil Pomni, he knocks on her door*

 

Evil Jax: Evil Pompom? Are you there?

 

Evil Pomni: I’ve been waiting for you… *She says in a flirtatious tone*

 

*Evil Jax opens the door and finds Evil Pomni lying across her bed with a grin on her face*

 

Evil Pomni: Hiiii. *She says in a flirty tone*

 

*Evil Jax stares at her, enamored, his fur frizzes up and his eyes briefly turn into diamonds, Evil Pomni bites her lip*

 

Evil Jax: Holy…

 

Evil Pomni: You wanna kiss…?

 

Evil Jax: Of course…

 

*He sits in bed with her, they lean in, about to kiss, and then Evil Ragatha suddenly pops up between the two of them, much to their surprise*

 

Evil Ragatha: Gotcha!

 

Evil Pomni: What the f*OINK*?!

 

*The flustered Evil Jax turns bright red*

 

Evil Jax: Where’d you come from?! What’re you doing here?!

 

*His teeth are getting sharp, Evil Ragatha grins cruelly*

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh, I just came in to tell Evil Pomni your darkest secret!

 

*Evil Jax shakes his head, Evil Pomni cocks her head*

 

Evil Jax: No! Don’t tell her! Anything but that!

 

Evil Ragatha: Evil Jax…loves pineapple on pizza!

 

Evil Pomni: Wait what?

 

*Evil Jax is mortified, he covers his face with his now-clawed hands*

 

Evil Jax: No! Now she knows the truth!

 

Evil Pomni: Uh…that’s it? That’s nothing.

 

*Evil Ragatha points and laughs at Evil Jax*

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh! But that's something! Look at the unsightly, unkempt hairball! *She says as she points at Evil Jax*

 

*Evil Jax whines and his ears droop, Evil Pomni then narrows her eyes*

 

Evil Pomni: F*BZZT* off, b*BARK*tch! That’s my man you’re talkin’ ‘bout!

 

Evil Ragatha: Oh please! You could do so much better than this sad sack of a mutt.

 

Evil Pomni: Oh, you’re going down, a*HEEHAW*hole!

 

*She then tackles Evil Ragatha and bites her on the leg, shaking her around like the ragdoll she is*

 

Evil Ragatha: Ouch!! Let go!

 

*Evil Jax watches in awe as the two scuffle; Evil Ragatha gets up and tries to shake Evil Pomni off, but the latter has an iron grip*

 

Evil Ragatha: GET OFF!!

 

*She pulls on Evil Pomni and manages to yank her off her leg, she throws her right into her dresser*

 

Evil Jax: Evil Pompom!!

 

*Evil Pomni slides to the floor and groans, stars float around her*

 

Evil Pomni: Frickin’ chickens…

 

Evil Ragatha: Ah! And you say I'm the a*HEEHAW!*hole?! Why don't you look in a mirror?! *She shouts in rage*

 

*Evil Jax stares at Evil Pomni in horror, suddenly, his hands start to shake as he clenches his hands into fists*

 

Evil Jax: You…how dare you!

 

Evil Ragatha: And just what are you going to do? Cry about it? 

 

*Evil Jax’s eye twitches*

 

Evil Jax: No! In fact, I’ll show you just what happens when you mess with my girl!

 

*His claws grow bigger and sharper, Evil Pomni overcomes her dizziness and realizes he’s about to turn*

 

Evil Pomni: Wait, are you actually okay with this?!

 

Evil Jax: Yes! I am!

 

*Evil Ragatha’s smile fades, Evil Jax then yelps and feels another cramp circulating in his body, he looks at both of his arms as they get fuzzier and increase in muscle mass, he falls to his knees and shouts in pain as his tail becomes wolf-like, Evil Pomni grins*

 

Evil Pomni: Oh, f*BOOM* yeah, his hunky side’s comin’ back!

 

*Evil Ragatha puts her hands over her mouth in horror; Evil Jax groans as his legs become digitigrade and grow claws, his body becomes so buff that one strap bursts off, he stands up and howls at the sky, before glaring at her with his diamond-shaped pupils*

 

*Evil Pomni’s heart beats out of her chest and her eyes turn into hearts, Evil Ragatha smiles nervously and starts to back away slowly*

 

Evil Ragatha: I-I think I might have gone too far.. Why don’t we just discuss this over a spot of t-

 

*Evil Jax roars and tackles her, Evil Pomni cheers*

 

Evil Pomni: Yeah! F*MOO* her up!

 

*Evil Jax sinks his claws into Evil Ragatha’s plush, causing her to “bleed” stuffing, he then kicks her into the ceiling, causing her to get squashed into an accordion shape, when she lands on the floor, he starts playing her*

 

Evil Pomni: Yahoo! Now that’s music to my ears!

 

*Evil Luseal then comes by*

 

Evil Luseal: Man, that was nice and spicy- what is happening?!

 

Evil Pomni: He’s teachin’ her a lesson! That’s what’s happening! *She says in excitement*

 

*Evil Jax then crushes the screaming Evil Ragatha into a basketball and starts dribbling her, he then tosses her into a basketball hoop*

 

Evil Ragatha: How could I be used for such a lowly sport?!

 

Evil Luseal: Ha! Looks like you’re having a ball!

 

*Evil Pomni snickers*

 

Evil Pomni: That’s what she said!

 

*When she lands on the ground, she ends up ragdolling all over the place, Evil Jax then holds her up to his face and snarls*

 

Evil Jax: Do not! Frickin’! Mess with her again! Or I'll make you regret it! Understand?!

 

Evil Ragatha: Uh, of course! Loud and clear!

 

*Evil Jax then sets her down, surprisingly gently*

 

Evil Jax: Then get outta here!

 

Evil Ragatha: Fine!

 

*She runs off, Evil Jax then turns to Evil Pomni and Evil Luseal*

 

Evil Jax: Sorry you had to see that.

 

Evil Luseal: Don’t be! You totally showed her!

 

*Evil Pomni then clings to him and rubs her face in his fur*

 

Evil Pomni: You stood up for me! Now that’s real love!

 

*Evil Jax smiles*

 

Evil Jax: Yeah, and I actually chose to transform this time. Looks like you were right after all, Evil Lusy, I can finally control it. Looks like there really are good uses for my strength after all.

 

Evil Luseal: That’s right, my extra-big brother. I knew you had it in you. Just think of all the ways you can kick a*HEEHAW*.

 

*Evil Jax looks at his claws*

 

Evil Jax: I already know what I can do with these.

 

*Evil Jax then carves “EJ + EP” into a wall with his claws, Evil Pomni squeals*

 

Evil Pomni: Hot d*WHAM*mn!

 

*She then winks at him, Evil Jax then kneels down to her level, they both lean in and pucker up, Evil Luseal’s smile fades*

 

Evil Luseal: Bleh! I’m outta here.

 

*She leaves them alone as they finally kiss, Evil Jax thumps his foot and his ears twist, and Evil Pomni’s hat sticks up as fireworks go off outside, we then see that it was Bazooble who set them off*

 

Bazooble: So pretty…

 

*The fireworks then land on Evil Ragatha, causing her to once again get covered in ashes*

 

Evil Ragatha: Curses…Not again…

 

*Coach Dictatorer shakes his head at her*

 

Coach Dictatorer: Your reflexes need work.



(The end)

Series this work belongs to: