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Laurance’s eyes were wide as saucers as the waitress dropped off their milkshakes… or tried to, as Laurance eagerly got up out of his seat to steal his off the tray. The waitress looked at him incredulously.
Aphmau cut in, “I’m so sorry, he’s—”
“Eager, aren’t we?” The waitress laughed nervously. “Are you gonna grab yours too, sweetheart, or should I...?”
“Please,” Aphmau begged, dying of shame. She couldn’t take Laurance anywhere... but she couldn’t stay mad at him when he looked so excited. He had taken his seat again and was grinning eagerly at the chocolate heaven sitting in front of him. The waitress put down Aphmau’s shake, along with three straws.
“Oh, we only need...”
But the waitress was already gone, so Aphmau let it drop. Laurance watched her expectantly; Aphmau was impressed he hadn’t shoved his whole face into the shake yet.
“Okay, see these? These are straws,” Aphmau explained. Did she need to explain what straws were...? He nodded eagerly, mimicking her as she grabbed one and put it in her shake. “You...”
She really didn’t... want to explain sucking on straws...
“Just... do this???”
She leaned down over her shake and took a sip, watching Laurance as she did. “Mhmm!”
“I see...” He said, very seriously, and then set his mouth over the straw with grim determination. There were several awkward, silent moments. He moved away. “I don’t get it.”
“Oh my Irene,” Aphmau slammed her head on the table. Laurance gasped.
“Careful! Are you hurt?!”
“I’m fine…” She took a deep breath. Take two. “Let’s try again, okay? Put your mouth on the straw again.”
“Alright…” He did as she said, then looked at her intensely. Very intensely. She snorted.
“Psh, okay, um… just like…” Aphmau motioned uselessly with her hands as she tried to explain in a way that didn’t make her want to die of cringe. “...Breathe in???” She sucked in a big, dramatic breath.
This turned out to be terrible advice that Laurance took very, very seriously. He took a breath so deep his eyes went wide at the force of it, sending chocolate shake directly into his lungs. He pulled away coughing.
“LAURANCE!”
Aphmau quickly jumped out of her seat to come around behind Laurance and begin aggressively smacking his back. Completely unhelpfully. Several other patrons gave them odd glances, then turned away. Not their problem...
After he could catch his breath again, the first thing Laurance asked her was, “Why did you STRIKE me?!”
“You were choking!”
“...So you attacked me?!” He gasped. “While I was weak!”
“NO! Nonono! That’s what you’re supposed to do when someone’s choking!”
Laurance still looked shocked. “I thought people were kinder here than in the Nether!”
“I WAS TRYING TO HELP!”
“...OH!” He blinked. “Alright, then. That makes sense.” He sure accepted that quickly... Pointing excitedly, he turned to his milkshake. “This is fantastic!”
Aphmau shook her head, baffled. She could not keep up with his mood swings sometimes. Not that she was much better... “Even after you choked on it?”
“Are you not supposed to?”
Aphmau was just... appalled, at this point. “No??? Why would— Laurance, that makes no sense!”
“Well, something this delicious doesn’t make sense either, yet here it is!” He argued back, as Aphmau slid back into her seat. He eyed the last straw on the table...
“Are you gonna try again?” Aphmau asked him.
“I am,” he confirmed, and then added, “and I have an idea!”
“Oh, no…” Aphmau winced in advance. Laurance pouted as he reached across the table for the last straw.
“Why, ‘oh, no’?” He asked, like it wasn’t obvious... “I think it’s a great idea.”
“Obviously! You came up with it!” Aphmau shot back, then watched him enact his great idea.
“I’m glad you see it my way,” he replied, proudly misinterpreting her. She wanted to slam her head into the table again, but then she wouldn’t be able to watch his plan unfold. He put a second straw in his shake, and there was a brief moment where her heart skipped a beat and she thought he was trying to pull the share-a-milkshake move on her...
Which was ridiculous of her to assume, of course, as he immediately began sucking on both straws himself to get double the shake. She shook her head... at least he wasn’t choking this time.