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The house is quiet after they come back to Caroline's as they get settled in, the baby shower decorations haven't fully been off the baby shower gifts as a pale pink ribbon lays on the edge of the dining table near a half-open gift bag slumping against a chair.
Caroline stood in the middle of the living room holding a folded blanket that didn't need folding but would've driven her crazy out of place as she looked behind her. He'd been standing there for a while as she saw him, her thoughts were all over the place they were small but kept repeating over and over again in her head he didn’t laugh the way he used to when they were friends, he didn't smile nearly as much either, he didn’t laugh either as she smaller out of her thoughts pressing her lips together.
Behind her Stefan leant against the doorway, hands tucked loosely into his pocket he looks the same as he always did or at least how always looked when he was near her calm and present..he always looked present but she’s starting to realize that being present wasn't the same as being with her as she turned slightly, not fully facing him yet.
“Are we okay?” The question slips out before she can fully stop it as Stefan looked surprised.
“What do you mean?” he asked confused. “We’re fine.”He says it without a care as he steps into the living room slowly like nothing is wrong like this is just another random question she asked he looks at her which for her plainly was the worst part.
It looked soft, it looked familiar and of course it looked caring the way you look at someone you don’t want to hurt it even looked like the way you look at someone you care about deeply but it isn’t the way you looked at someone your dating and should be full of life with it wasn't one where you couldn't stop trying to rip off each other's clothes there was no spark of urgency no unconscious leaning in or no subtle magnetism pulling them closer just steadiness and Caroline could see it.
“You know at the baby shower some people were saying you too looked lovely,’” she says although her voice is almost distant. “Like we’re some power couple.”
“We are,” Stefan replies automatically but she hears the tone in his voice there's no warmth layered under it or smile tugging at his mouth it sounds like a fact like he’s answering a question on a test though she nodded faintly.
“It doesn’t always feel like a we.” The room went still he blinked, studying her like she’s just spoken a language he doesn’t recognize.
“What are you talking about we’re right here I’m right here.” He gestured between them slightly and in his head he genuinely didn't understand what it was she was seeing that he wasn't?
Caroline barely looks at him when she said it next. “It feels like we’re not even together.”
As that gets his attention she swallowed.
“It’s like… I’m here and you’re here but you’re not really here.” He exhales tiredly.
“What does that even mean?” “I don’t know,” she admits. “I just don’t feel like you’re with me.”
She gestures vaguely toward his chest. “Not in there.”
The space between them felt like it was stretching as he looked down at himself briefly almost instinctively, like he might physically see what she’s pointing to. In his head there’s a flicker of frustration he doesn't know why she’s saying this he's right here he looks back at her.
“I’ve been here,” he says the sigh slipping into his voice now. “When haven’t I been here, where is this even coming from?” She shook her head slowly.
“I know you’re here okay I see you standing here just like you’ve been standing here since we started dating.” The words hang heavier than she intended. “But that’s not the same as being with me.” There was nothing but silence for a while.
“It just doesn’t feel like you’re ever here lately,” she continues quieter now. “It feels like you’re just.. existing next to me.” He stiffens slightly.
“It feels like you’re not even a part of my life anymore,” she says her voice trembles at that one. “After I found out about the twins,about the pregnancy thing its just… you feel separate.”
The word felt like a punch out loud Separate.
“When I talk about them,” she pressed on her stomach, “you look like you don’t know how to act or what to say to me or how to respond.”
“That’s not fair,” Stefan says immediately, a partial, muted frustration crossing his face as she gives a small almost humorless smile.
“Yeah I know life isn’t fair.” She looks at him more directly now. “Trust me If anyone knows that, it’s you.” She didn't mean to be cruel but that's the thing about honesty it was always cruel for someone.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you here with me through this pregnancy.” There was a long pause as he inhaled slowly. “I’ve been here,” he says again, softer now. “I’ve been at every appointment with you.”
“I know.” she said.
“I’ve read pregnancy books and tried to understand everything that could happen.”
“I know.” she said again.
“Then what?” he asks with genuine confusion.
“What am I missing?” She hesitated but then went on. “That’s the point.” Another small pause.
“You’ve been supportive.” The words sounded nice but felt cold. “But that isn’t the same as being involved.” He stares at her as she swallowed.
“It feels like you could walk out of my life without it bothering you for a second.” That one makes him flinch. “That’s not true,” he said.
“You talk about staying here being with me.” she said. “Because that’s what I’m doing,” he cuts in. “I’m staying with you.” And there it is, she thought her stomach was dropping slightly the thing she was scared to hear as she nodded slowly.
“That’s the problem,” she says. “You talk about staying and about not leaving.” Her voice cracks just slightly. “But you know the one thing I’ve never heard you say?” He doesn’t answer.
“That you want to be here..that you want to be here with me especially with this pregnancy.”
He looks like he’s searching for the right words and after a few seconds finds none.
“Ever since you came out of that Phoenix Stone… it just got easier to see.” His jaw tightened.
“What so that’s what this is about because sorry if I haven't been normal since being in literal vampire hell”
“No,” she says quickly her frustration rising now. “This has been a problem way before that damn stone Stefan.” Her voice shakes.
“You’ve had one foot in and one foot out the door.” The accusation hangs there he looks at her like he’s trying to understand when the ground shifted beneath them. “How can you not see it?” she asks her voice cracking now. “Can you honestly say you’re happy?” He blinks at that.
“Can you not?” he counters still calm boarding in frustration. “Okay I get it Caroline, the Heretics have been a problem the pregnancy has been… complicated but this is Mystic Falls there's always something we’re lucky to get a few normal days.”
Of course he said that thinking it would help but all she did was stare at him. “Really?” she asks quietly although saying it like the obvious problem was right under their nose.
The silence after her last words lingered very long as Stefan was still standing there steady, composed and is exactly what made something in her finally splinter as Caroline let out a brittle laugh. “Of course.” He frowns slightly. “Of course what?” She shakes her head once like she’s embarrassed she even expected anything different. “Why am I even surprised..why would you..” She exhales sharply. “I mean if this had been you and Elena in this situation you would’ve seen it even blindfolded.” The name landed between them like a dropped glass Stefan doesn’t react automatically but his spine goes straighter his jaw tightens his eyes shutter guarded and Caroline sees it all and she hates that she sees it.
“That’s not fair,” he says evenly as she laughed again quieter this time more hurt than amused.
“No, because it feels pretty fair to me.” He looks at her fully now and there it is not longing nor regret. “Don’t do that,” he says.
“Do what?” she says. “Reduce what we are to what I had before.” Her expression flickers.
“I’m not reducing anything I’m pointing out that when you loved her it didn’t look like this.”
He inhales slowly. “Of course it was different.”
“I know it was different,” she snaps frustrated. “I’m not stupid Stefan I know the circumstances were different I know she was human I know there were doppelgängers and prophecies and epic everything.”
Her voice lowers.“But when you loved her you were in it and there wasn't any doubt.”
She steps closer but not all the way.
“You weren’t standing at a safe distance, you weren’t acting like this is just some role you're playing, you weren’t careful.” She says.
“You didn’t look like you'd rather be anywhere else.” He went still at that.
“Who said I would rather be anywhere else what you honestly think that?” “Yes.” Her voice softens, but it doesn’t lose its edge. “With me, it feels like you'd rather be anywhere else.”
After a long pause with neither talking Caroline spoke again.“Like you are so ready to leave.”
His eyes flash slightly at that. “That’s not what this is.” he said. “Then what is it?” she said and continued gesturing helplessly between them.
“Because I remember what it looked like when you were all in with Elena and this doesn’t feel like that, this feels like you’re… just choosing me.”
“I am choosing you.” Stefan says confused.
“That’s the problem.” The words slip out before as easily as she said them as silence loomed over as Caroline’s chest rises and falls unevenly.
“I don’t want to be the practical choice, I don't want to be the stable one, and I don’t want to be the relationship that just makes sense.” Stefan’s voice drops lower. “You think what I had before didn’t make sense?”
“No, considering the fact that before her parents died Elena actually was fun and while Damon and Elena truly should've never been together neither do you and her make sense. ” she says immediately. “So no think it made no sense at all and you didn’t care.”
And that’s the point she thought with Elena, he didn’t need to be physically there to be there he was there even if they were miles away .
“With her,” Caroline continues carefully, “it wasn’t about discipline or willpower or doing the noble thing It was… it was passion, It was like she stepped into whatever darkness you were carrying and didn’t flinch.”
He stiffened at that as Caroline pressed on not jealous but honestly though both blurred the lines.
“You didn’t love the version of her she wished she were, you loved all of her you wanted all of it.”
Stefan’s voice tightens slightly.“Because you don't right?” he says blinking at him.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Because sometimes,” he says something sharper threading through now, “it feels like you only love the idea of me.”
Her breath catches. “What?” she replied.
“You love who I am when I'm disciplined, when I’m strong, when I’m in control.” His eyes lock onto hers. “But the second I’m not the second I pull back, or I struggle, or I don’t react the way you expect you start questioning everything.”
“That’s not true.” she angrily said.
“Isn’t it?” He said his tone still controlled but there’s heat under the surface.
“Because back in Savannah,” he continues, “when Damon and Bonnie were gone..”
Her face shifts. “Don’t.”
“No you want comparisons?” his pressed voice rising just slightly. “Let’s compare.” Her heart dropped. “You and that jerk Enzo barged into my life and acted like I was the villain because I wasn’t calling you every five minutes.”
“You shut everyone out.” she says.
“My brother was dead,” he says sharply silence slamming into the room. “I was grieving,” he said.
“You ran,” she fires back.“I was surviving.”
“You made it about you!” she says hurt rising he stares at her incredulously laughing a little.
“I made it about me you..really I made it about you..you showed up in Savannah and told me I was failing you because I wasn’t performing grief the way you wanted.” Her voice faltered.
“That’s not what…”
“And of course for some reason,” he continues, quieter but harsher, “I ended up apologizing.”
Her face drains slightly as he steps closer now.
“So if you want to compare yourself to Elena, go ahead.” Her eyes widened. “At least she didn’t think I was the bad guy every single time my entire world didn’t revolve around her.”
The words hang there heavy- sharp and unfiltered with.Caroline’s voice small now. “Excuse me?”
He doesn’t back down.
“You say she stepped into the darkness with me..yeah she did, she didn’t stand outside of it telling me who I should be.” Caroline shakes her head stunned. “I have stood by you.”
“You have,” he says immediately. “But sometimes it feels like you’re standing beside the version of me you’re comfortable with and you will shun the version who isn't mr.perfect.”
That hit hard as tears well in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “You think I don’t accept you?” she said. “I think,” he says carefully, “that you fell in love with your best friend.” Her breath catches. “And a lot of the time I’m not him.”
She whispers, “You think I love an idea.”
“I think,” he says softly now.the anger draining into something sadder, “that what you loved about us as friends doesn’t exist the same way now and instead of admitting that you keep trying to force it back.” Her shoulders shook slightly.
“You’re making this up.”
“No,” he says quietly. “I’m just living it.”
The silence after his words felt suffocating “I'm just living in it” like she’s asking for something so big… What she wants is chemistry you can't fake or looks that don't look like he can't even be in the moment as Caroline lets out a small breath that almost sounds like a laugh but it isn’t amusing.
“exactly?” she says quietly.
Stefan’s brow furrows. “exactly what?”
“You say things like that.” she replied.
“Like what?” he said. “Like loving me isn't the most natural thing in the world like you wish you could have anyone other than me admit it.”
“That’s not what I meant.” he said.
“But it is,” she pressed not shouting but kept on persistently. “You keep explaining yourself like this is some taking down the bad guy strategy plan we are talking about like we’re solving a problem.” “We are solving a problem,” he says, frustration edging in. “No,” she shakes her head. “We’re supposed to be in love.”
That lands harder than anything she’s said tonight as he runs a hand through his hair now.
“You think this is easy?” he asks, and there’s finally something raw in his voice. “You think I just woke up and knew how to do this I’m trying Caroline.” he yelled.
It’s louder than everything else he’s said.
It fills the room trying, the word echoes in her chest like something breaking but he keeps going now, because once it’s out, he can’t pull it back.
“I’m trying to show up, I'm trying not to spiral every time something in this town explodes, I'm trying to be someone you can rely on.”
His breathing is heavier now. “I’m trying to be the man you deserve.”
Caroline’s expression changes, not anger or some messed up victory because he is being honest something infinitely sadder.
“That’s the main problem.” He stares at her.
“What does that even mean?”.“It means,” she says her voice trembling despite her effort to steady it, “I don’t want you to have to try this hard to be with me.” After a pause she continued.
“I don’t want to be something you’re working at.”
He steps closer now.close enough that the warmth between them should feel real but isn't it's just familiar his voice lowering.
“You think I didn’t try before?” he says.
She hesitates. “You didn't have to with her?”
The name isn’t spoken this time It doesn't need to be. “No,” she says softly. “I think you just… were.”
Trying to find the right words but there would never be enough but it was massive in feeling.
“With me,” she continues, “it feels like you’re constantly correcting yourself like you’re watching how you react.”
“I’m just being careful,” he says. “I don’t want careful.” The words leave her before she can soften them he exhaled sharply.
“Careful is good, careful means I’m not reckless, careful means I’m not making the same mistakes.”
“And that’s what this is?” she asks quietly. “A mistake you’re trying not to repeat?”
His face falls slightly. “No.”
She swallows. “Then why does it feel like you’re bracing yourself being in this relationship?”
That question hits him harder than the others because he doesn’t have a clean answer looking at her really looking at her pregnant, scared, strong, trying just as hard.
“I love you,” he says finally as Caroline closes her eyes for half a second.
“I know.” And she does that’s what makes this awful the love is real, looking into his eyes it's protective but it isn’t effortless, it doesn’t sweep him up, It doesn’t undo him, and it doesn't consume.“I know,” she says and then softer, “I just don’t know why it feels like it’s mostly me doing the trying.”
That makes him blink.“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means…” she exhales shakily. “It feels uneven sometimes.” His expression shifts not angry, but confused. “Uneven how?” She struggled to articulate it without sounding cruel.
“Like I'm working harder to make this fit than it actually fits.”
“You think we don’t fit?” She hesitated.
“Sometimes it feels like we’re forcing being good together instead of just…being together I mean do we even have anything in common.”
The air changed like they were both exposed.
“When we were friends,” she continued carefully, “we were effortlessly comfortable with each other, we could sit in silence and it didn’t feel like we were bothered with the silence.” Her eyes lifted to his..“Now it feels like every conversation is something we have to do.”
And somewhere deep down, they both know the difference between being chosen and settling as neither of them spoke the room felt smaller now not because they’re farther apart but because they’re close enough to see they still feel apart.
The feeling in the air felt different; she didn't feel rejected but she didn't feel like she was going to be embraced either as Caroline opened her eyes again, studying him for a second like she’s looking for something she used to recognize more easily. “Did you ever doubt this..doubt us?” she asks quietly there was no sharpness in the question now just tired curiosity he could lie, heck from the look on his face he almost does the instinct to protect what little ground they have left is strong but the look on her face not with jealousy or frustration just exhaustion that would makes the lie feel pointless.
“There was a moment,” he says. Her shoulders still as he watches the way her breathing changes, just slightly. “When?” she asks.
“The day of your mom…” His voice catches, softer now. “After we kissed before the funeral.”
She doesn’t blink just waits.
“I asked Damon what to do.” He says it emotionlessly not defensively or ashamed he said it just honestly and that’s what made it heavier he had expected something immediate from her a scoff or a sharp inhale or even a bitter laugh but Caroline didn't react she just went very still.
“What did he say?” she asks. Her voice was calm almost like she's talking to a stranger as Stefan swallowed. “He said… if I had to ask then maybe I already had my answer.” The silence that follows isn’t loud it was empty as Caroline nods once.
“And you thought he might be right.”
It isn’t a question he doesn’t answer immediately.
“I didn’t know what I was feeling,” he says carefully. “Your mom had just died you were grieving everything felt fragile.”
“And instead of asking me,” she says softly, “you asked him.”
He stepped forward slightly and instinctively.
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“So you couldn't even make a decision like that without talking to anybody else,” she says.
“I considered whether starting something in the middle of that would be fair.” Her eyes lifted to his.
“And you didn’t think I deserved to decide that?” She says.“I thought you deserved stability,” he says. “Not confusion.”
“And you thought I couldn’t handle confusion?” He shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s what you did.”
Another round of silence as she looked down briefly then back up. “You asked Damon of all people the same Damon who was so pathetic he killed Jeremy when he got rejected that Damon if you could love me.” The phrasing makes him wince.
“That’s not….”
“But it is,” she says gently.
He doesn’t correct her again because in some version of it… it is as Caroline carried on slowly.
“I was standing at my mother’s funeral,” she says, her voice still controlled, “trying to breathe through the worst day of my life.”
He closes his eyes briefly. “And you were asking someone else whether you should want me.”
He reached for her hand without thinking while she didn't pull away she didn't reach back either.
He’s still standing there when she asks for it.
“What else did you tell him since we're on the subject?”
That question meant more than the last because advice is one thing but what he said that was his.
Stefan looked down, eyeing the hardwood floor and suddenly felt too loud under the shift of his weight.
“I told him…” He exhales slowly like the air has weight. “I told him I didn’t think you were my true love.” The silence that follows is suffocating although seeing her expression he rushes to soften the blow.
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounds.”
But there is no version of that sentence that isn't bad while Caroline doesn’t cry or gasp, there was a subtle flicker like something quietly breaking behind her eyes.
“You didn’t think I was your true love,” she repeated she wasn't asking just confirming what he said was true. “It was complicated,” he says quickly. “And what else did he say then since his advice was very useful to you?” she asks again, because she needed the whole truth now.
Stefan hesitated again thinking it's just getting worse with every question. “He told me to pull the ripcord,” Stefan adds quietly.
“I but he was wrong because I didn’t end it,” he says quickly. “I stayed and got with you.”
Caroline lets out a soft, humorless breath.
“Yes.” Her voice is calm.
“You did stay.” There it is again “Stayed” not knowing I wanted you, not feeling I wanted you and not couldn’t walk away from you “Stayed”.
The word settles between them like dust.
“You didn’t think I was your true love,” she says again, softer now and this time it’s different it was less shocking and more understanding.
“That’s why you’re trying so hard,” she murmurs.
He looks at her sharply. “What?” he replied.
“You’re compensating,” she said. “You’re trying to make our relationship undeniable now because it wasn’t undeniable to you before it even began .”
His jaw tightens.
“No it was just different because this was a new road for me.” he says. But it didn't sound convincing shaking her head slowly.
“No… I actually think this is the first thing tonight that makes sense.”
The sadness in her voice is worse than anger.
“You doubted it before there ever was a beginning.” looking in his eyes.
“And I’ve been feeling that doubt ever since.”
“I chose you,” he says. “I keep choosing you.”
“I know.” That’s the tragedy she knows.
“But I don’t want to be the girl you decided not to leave,” she says softly. “I wanted to be the girl you couldn’t.”
And she knows she's right because he doesn’t try to correct her or he doesn't argue and somewhere between trying and knowing, between careful and consuming love they both feel it the difference.
“I love you,” he says again and this time it doesn’t sound like he even meant it with love as Caroline nods. “I know.” She steps closer just enough that their hands almost brush almost.
“I love you too.” That's the real tragedy, there’s no betrayal, no cheating as she looks up at him and her voice is steady in a way it hasn’t been all night. “I know you love me but you’re not in love with me.” The words are soft and careful with no accusations, just honesty.
He opens his mouth immediately.
“I know you care about me, I know you choose to get with me and protect me and show up.”
Her eyes glisten but don’t spill. “That’s love.” she paused.
“But being in love that’s not something you have to convince yourself into.”
He goes still because this time, he doesn’t have a counterargument ready because he knows it's true as she gestures vaguely between them in the room, at the air that feels too heavy, at the future that was never gonna be with both of them.
“This feels like we’re trying to turn something good into something it isn’t.”
His eyes close briefly as he knows what she means and remembers being her friend the way they used to sit on the couch and argue about nothing important, the way she’d call him out without it feeling like criticism, the way he could tell her things without feeling like he had to hide to worry about every single thing he said if it could hurt her feelings.
There was no trying then, no wondering if it was enough there’s grief in that memory now because it wasn’t epic or consuming it was easy as Caroline sees it flicker across his face.
“We were better before,” she says softly. “Before we tried to prove something.”
“We were better as friends.” he says although the word friends doesn’t sound like relief it sounds like something fragile, something they may have stretched too far looking at her Caroline notices and she nods, almost imperceptibly because that’s the answer.
Not that he doesn’t love her or that she doesn’t matter but neither of them feels that pull that reckless, unavoidable gravity that makes you tear the world apart to stay with the other what they had as friends was honest and what they tried to build as lovers feels… fake she steps back slightly not far but enough to acknowledge the shift. “I don’t know if we can go back to how we were,” he admits quietly, that's the part that scares her because she doesn’t want to lose the most important part of what they were.
She swallows. “Me either.”
The silence after “me neither” lingered but soon settled as Caroline was assuring more to herself than to him. “I’ll come by the boarding house tomorrow,” she says quietly. “I left some things there that I will pick up.” He doesn’t argue and he doesn’t offer to bring them. “Okay,” he says. It felt like that’s it, no conditions, no protests just acceptance on both sides as a small exhale leaves her chest. “I didn’t want to lose you,” he admits after a moment just the truth.
“You won’t,” she answers instinctively and she means it but even as the words leave her mouth, she feels how fragile they are because things can't go back to how they were and they have to carry the weight of the failed relationship even after they’re mended what really should be important.
She steps closer and takes his hand which he lets her, their fingers lace together easily they don’t pull each other closer and they don’t cling they just stand there now not as lovers and not whatever comes next just two people holding on to something that already changed and after a moment, she lets out a slow breath.
“We were good,” she says softly.
It isn’t nostalgia, it isn’t regret, it's acknowledgment of what they neglected most of all their friendship he nodded.
“We were.”
They let go at the same time neither of them steps back first the space just… opens they look at each other not searching for a way to fix it but seeing a few years of friendship that might have been ruined by a few months of trying and love that was real just not the version they hoped it would become as Caroline gives him one last look which he returns and in that stillness, something settles not anger, resentment or even relief but clarity that some loves aren’t meant to be escalated, some are meant to be respected for what they were.
The room stays quiet after that and when he finally turns toward the door, it doesn’t feel like a relationship ended, just another that shouldn't have been neglected.