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1. early May, 2017
The day after the trade was announced, Ilya and Shane came down to the kitchen for breakfast. As soon as Shane met his mom’s gaze, he could tell that she was nervous.
“I got an email” Yuna said, without waiting for Shane to ask. “From your new coach in Ottawa. He asked if you would be up for a video call with him later today, promising to keep it short to not mess with your limited screen time.”
Shane hesitated, letting Ilya’s hand on his back ground him, and then he nodded. “It’s okay. Better to see what I’m dealing with right away, yeah?”
Both Yuna and Ilya were clearly tempted to ask him if he was sure, but they also knew it was pointless to change Shane’s mind as soon as he had made a decision. So, his mom sent the email she had drafted, and then worked on making breakfast for both Shane and Ilya.
--
At five in the afternoon, after his nap, Shane sat down in front of the computer in his father’s office. He had thought about taking the call in the dining room, but in the end, opted to do it in a place with a closed door and far enough from the rest of the house – just in case it didn’t go too well. He knew both his parents and Ilya were worried for him. There hadn’t been much talk about Wiebe, with him being a private person and Ottawa itself a team that was pretty much the bottom of the MHL’s ladder, so neither of them had really known what to expect, how he would act in regard to the rumours about Shane.
When Coach Wiebe answered the call, with a warm smile and a pride flag visible in the corner of the wall (probably a remnant of their pride night in March, if Shade had to guess from the faint logo), Shane was awestruck for a moment - Coaches didn’t usually smile like that - but recovered quickly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Coach!”
“Same for me, Hollander” Wiebe relaxed in his chair, meeting his gaze. “I’m still trying to understand how the fuck you got traded from Montreal to Ottawa, but I can’t say I’m not grateful. Not to put too much pressure on you, kid, but you are very needed here.”
Shane couldn’t help but smile as well. “I’m happy to play for my hometown team, and I promise I will do my best to not disappoint you.”
Wiebe nodded, grateful, but didn’t answer back right away - he was clearly looking for the right words, or the best angle to deal with what he needed to tell to Shane. “The official reason for your transfer that League was given is related to your parents needing you close to deal with some health issues. But there are rumours…”
Shane froze. Fuck. He had feared that what happened with his team would have found its way out of the locker room, sooner or later.
“I’m not one to mindlessly believe in gossip, though.” Wiebe continued with haste, clearly noticing Shane’s reaction. “If said rumors happens to be true, I can assure you that shit would not fly down under my watch. We may not be a winning team, but we have each other back no matter what - I make sure of it.”
It was a big promise, Shane thought, and one that usually coaches wouldn’t even think of doing. In every locker room, in every team, in every stadium, Shane had seen homophobia being treated as an obvious part of hockey culture - some were more explicit, some more subtle, but he had always known, since his first days on the ice, that being gay was not an option for a hockey player. Seeing a coach openly saying that he wouldn’t tolerate slurs and prejudices in his teams? It almost seemed too good to be true.
“I… appreciate it, Coach.”
Shane didn’t say more, and Wiebe decided not to push, clearly, as he switched topics. “I imagine this won’t come as a surprise to you, but in September, when you start training with the team, I want you to become our captain.”
Okay, he had been 80% sure this offer would come, but it still pleased Shane to hear it. Moving team was already going to be mentally challenging, and at least with a C on his uniform, he could actually put into practice everything he had started to plan to make Ottawa a team worthy of the Cup.
“I’m very honoured, Coach. Will do my best.”
2. late May, 2017
After the first videocall with Wiebe, Shane remembered recounting it to Ilya and his parents with eyes strangely glossy. It took him a few days to absorb the fact that his new Coach was, at least, not a piece of shit, and had apparently offered him an opportunity to come out. Shane was well aware, though, that every decision he made related to his sexuality and how open he was with it, for how beneficial it may appear in the long run, had the potential to impact Ilya as well. Their plan, after all, stood on making each other be perceived as nothing more than friends for, at least, the next two years - both to protect their place in the league, and Ilya’s safety.
So, one night after dinner, Shane coughed to get his parents and Ilya’s attention - interrupting a very lively conversation between his mom and Ilya’s about the Admirals’ run to the playoffs. “I was thinking… what if I came out to Wiebe?”
He saw the confusion on his parents’ faces and then felt Ilya’s freeze at his side. “Why?
“I know it’s risky. But he seems very accepting, and I feel like it could help, having him on the secret. Just to handle… the logistic side of things. I wouldn’t need to get many excuses if I want to fly separately after a game or just have an individual hotel room when Ilya and I play in the same city, if I had my Coach playing along.” Shane started playing with the hem of his shirt, turning his gaze to Ilya. “But it’s not only my choice to make.”
Ilya muttered something low in Russian, moving his hand over Shane’s back, to feel him close. “Do you trust Wiebe that much?”
Shane nodded, more sure than he probably should have been, but didn’t add anything else before Yuna started speaking. “You both must think about it carefully. Even if there are benefits, including being sure of his support in case - God forbid - you get outed, you need to be very sure of where its loyalty lies.”
“I will think about it. There is still a whole summer before the season begins.”
--
A few hours later, Shane sat down in front of the computer for another video call with Coach Wiebe, to start figuring out their strategy for the next season. When Wiebe appeared on the screen, Shane had a feeling he was trying to tell him something - the flag from the first call was more prominent in the background, and on Wiebe’s jacket there was now a pin, with the Centaurs logo in rainbow colours and the year 2017.
“Shane, hi, I wanted to introduce you to someone before we begin” A moment later, a man who was more or less Shane’s age, with a sweet smile, joined Wiebe in the video frame. At this point, Shane noticed that on his lanyard there were so many pins: a rainbow, a gay flag, a pronouns pin, among others. “This is Harris Drover, he is our newly hired social media manager.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m a big fan” Harris said, smiling, and Shane couldn’t help but think that someone like him, so openly gay and proud, would have never been hired by Montreal, or, to be honest, by most of the teams he had interacted with in his career. To see his new Coach taking away the time he should have focused on talking and strategising with the future captain of his team to introduce Shane to the queerest person he had ever seen working in the MHL, was an important sign.
He questioned if Coach Wiebe was doing it just for his own curiosity, to uncover if Shane was actually gay and, if that was the case, let him know he would be accepted by the Centaurs. Or if, maybe, he wasn’t doing anything he believed to be special - if this was just his way of fostering an inclusive atmosphere in the team, and to show Shane how people who the rest of the league would crash and burn were treated in Ottawa - he was captain, after all, and it would be his responsibility to do the same.
So Shane smiled at Harris, trying to appear as friendly as possible. “Hi Harris, I’m happy to meet you! And I can’t wait to work together soon.”
“Oh, Shane” The mischievous smirk Harris gave him would have probably have Shane fall for him hard and fast, if his heart hadn’t belonged already to someone else. “When I put you in front of the camera and ask you dumb questions, you will probably regret ever saying that.”
3. early June, 2017
Shane was out on the patio, doing some work on the computer while Ilya was inside cocking, when he got a video call request from Wiebe. He was sure they hadn’t any meeting planned, but he decided to answer anyway, and was surprised when the Coach appeared, submerged by a group of hockey players.
“Sorry for calling without warning, Shane, but some of the team was here for press stuff, and they coerced me into this.” He said it, smiling, and Shane was a bit disoriented by the situation. “I would do the introduction, but…”
“Hi, Holzy!” A brown man with curly hair and arms full of tattoos smiled brightly at him. Zane Boodram, if Shane remembered correctly. “We are so fucking stocked to have you, I hope you know it! I’m going to make the biggest barbecue of my career after you come here, I promise.”
“Bood won’t let you go until you are stuffed full from head to toe, Cap, be aware” Wyatt Hayes, a goalie traded from Toronto just a few months before Shane, pushed the tablet screen back to include more people in the view (there were some Shane recognized, and some he didn’t, probably recently acquired rookies, from the awestruck expression on their faces), and gave Boodram a pat on the back. “We are going to throw you the best welcoming party… but don’t let Dykstra near the speakers, his music taste is the worst!”
“Ehi, you all don’t appreciate the musical impact of One Direction enough, it’s not my fault!” The fact that said sentence came out of a man who looked like a farmer from the deep South and had a cameo hat on, was probably the most unexpected part of the whole call. “I will make you a playlist, Cap, I’m sure you have better taste than these folks.”
Shane felt something warm in his chest, but the sensation turned sour quickly - they seemed to like him now, and were apparently so willing to include him in the fold, but Montreal had too, at the beginning… and everything still turned out how it did. “Thanks, guys.”
Waytt took the tablet in his hands and rotated the camera. “We are giving you a virtual tour, by the way! Just so you know the layout of the facility, when you come to train with us, and the best places to hide from the press… Harris included.”
They all laughed, and Shane nodded in agreement, trying to appear more relaxed than he felt. “Show me the way, then.”
4. July, 2017
When, around a week after the Stanley Cup, Shane got an email from Coach Wiebe, asking if he would be available for another call, Shane was not surprised. He had a feeling of what was going to be the topic of this conversation, and it couldn’t come at a more perfect timing.
Meeting Harris, and seeing how excited the team was to have Shane as their captain, had made him halfway to being ready to say the truth. But after the mainly positive reaction of the hockey world to one of their top players coming out in such a public way, and a long talk with Ilya throughout the last few days, to make sure his boyfriend was truly okay with this choice, Shane had decided the benefits of coming out to his coach outweighed the risks.
This time, when he answered the call, Coach Wiebe was not in his usual office (probably at home, if Shane had to guess) but the same pin as usual was on his shirt, and it made Shane smile, even if inside, he felt scared and anxious - not that he had been really calm and collected for a single day since this whole mess started. “Good afternoon, Coach"
“To you as well, Shane. I hope I’m not disturbing you too much this summer.” Shane just shook his head, gesturing for him to keep talking. “Have you watched the Stanley Cup final, yeah?”
“Yeah… Scott Hunter did something very brave.”
“I hope New York will treat him like he deserves, and will have his back.” The implication was left unsaid, but Shane caught it either way - if it had happened in Ottawa, Hunter would be celebrated. He would be cherished.
“I hope it too, Coach.”
There was a long moment of silence. Shane was trying to find the right word, and Wiebe had caught up to the fact that the captain of his team was going to be finally open with him about something they had been hinting at between the lines for the past two months in video calls and emails.
Shane took a deep breath and turned his gaze away for a moment, seeing Ilya on the patio, focused on his iPad - it calmed him, to know that whatever happens now, his boyfriend would be close enough to comfort him. He turned back to look at Wiebe. “I wanted to talk about the rumours you mentioned during our first call… if they were true, would it change anything?”
“No” Wiebe didn’t hesitate to answer, which made Shane sigh in relief. “I can’t vouch for every single person that works for the Centaurs or is part of the team, but I can promise you will have loyalty and secrecy for as long as you need. And I… understand what you are going through, more than you know.”
It took Shane a moment too long to understand what Wiebe was actually saying, but then, oh, everything actually made much more sense. He nodded, grateful.
“Now that we have dealt with that… can I ask you something else, Shane? And I promise you really don’t have to answer me, if you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, yeah… ask away.”
Wiebe tapped with his fingers on the table, hesitating for a moment. “Were you forced to come to Ottawa, or was it your own choice?”
“My choice” And as soon as Shane said that, he could tell Wiebe really wanted to laugh, and barely stopped himself.
“Not that I’m not grateful, but why? A player like you could have gone anywhere.”
“I had to deal with a few variables when I was picking a new team.” Shane run a hand through his hair, nervous. He had been ready to out himself, in some ways, probably since his first talk with Wiebe, but putting his boyfriend at risk was something he hadn’t been willing to do until Ilya himself had proposed it. “I wasn’t thinking only of which team could accept, and afford, me.”
Wiebe was clearly close to letting curiosity get the best of him, but still he waited - which was more appreciated than he knew.
“They needed to be able to afford both a number two and a number one pick”.
Wiebe looked at him awestruck, opening and closing his mouth a few times, as if he couldn’t believe that he was actually understanding Shane’s words correctly, and what they implied - it was quite funny. “You don’t mean- you can’t actually mean that, Shane. I’m going to have a heart attack if you don’t clarify it straight away.”
Shane laughed, strangely lighter. “I actually mean that. I know, I know, surprising… but yeah, I may have heard about someone ready to do everything for me and a new citizenship. Including switching loyalty in a year or so.”
“I’m really sorry you, Shane, but I have to say it...” Wiebe mumured, still shocked. “I’m fucking glad Montreal is full of prejudiced idiots.”
5. early August, 2017
Shane was lounging on the patio couch, Ilya basically sprawled on top of him, when his phone pinged. He expected it to be a message from his parents or a notification from the Ottawa group chat he had been added to, so he was surprised when, instead, he saw an email from Harris.
“Who is that?” Ilya mumured against his skin, his face basically nestled in the crook of his shoulder. It was so nice that Shane was tempted to ignore the email altogether and just keep cuddling with his boyfriend.
“Harris. He asked if I would be willing to record a Zoom interview to introduce myself to the Ottawa fans.”
Ilya looked up, smiling. “Why not? It’s going to be fun.”
“For you, maybe” Shane grunted, knowing that these kinds of videos were usually dumb or embarrassing, and he would probably hate filming it. But Harris seemed so nice, and the team had treated him kindly, so maybe he could make an effort, for once. “Okay, okay, I will try.”
“And if it’s too much…” Ilya looked up, softly caressing his cheek in a way that made Shane completely melt. “…you can tell him that you are not comfortable with it anymore. You know it would be okay.”
He knew it, from any interaction he had had with the team so far, Shane was well aware that they may currently be a losing team, even with so many recent and brilliant additions to their roster, but they would never treat him like Montreal had done. Not for liking men, and not for being different.
--
That’s why he found himself, a few hours later, with a black shirt and his lips still a bit red from Ilya kissing him senseless to cure his fears. A few seconds later, Harris appeared on the screen. “Hi, Shane! Sorry to disturb your summer.”
“No issue, really.”
“I promise it will be brief, just a few questions. And if you say something you are alright with sharing online, just tell me so, and I will cut it… We want you to be comfortable, alright?”
Shane nodded, grateful. Harris put on a very professional smile, but still so warm and kind, and started recording.
“Centaurs fan! We are here today with our new addition to the team, which many of you may know already… Shane Hollander!” Harris looked at him as if they were already best friends. “Shane, we are so happy to have you on the team. How do you feel about it?”
“I’m excited about this new chapter, and I can’t wait to get on the ice with the rest of the guys” Shane said, trying to keep his feelings under control. Now that he was at the cottage, with Ilya around all the time and safe with the knowledge that Ottawa would treat him decently, Shane had finally let himself feel some anger at what Montreal had done to him… not that it would do it any good if he let it show now. “I’m sure we will do great things together.”
“We hope so. Now, I’m sure the fans would like to know you a bit better, so a few rapid questions - your favourite food?”
“Salmon.” Shane said it instinctively, but realised it was kind of a lame answer, so he added quickly, “but I like to treat myself with a Snickers bar, every now and then.”
“We all make sure to stock them, then! Are you more of a cat or a dog person?”
Shane thought back to yesterday, when Ilya had sat down in his lap and spent half an hour showing pictures from the Ottawa shelter of adoptable dogs. He was maybe a few days away from actually going to the place and coming back home with a puppy. “Dogs, absolutely.”
“What do you listen to when you exercise? We need to know what you will bring to the team playlist.”
Shane laughed, a bit embarrassed. “I don’t really listen to anything while I exercise most days. But I don’t mind Hozier, especially when I drive.”
“Great taste, great taste!” Harris smiled, friendly. “Last question: what is your biggest dream?”
Oh, Shane had so many. Come out on his terms and scream publicly about how much he loved Ilya, play on the same team and win a Cup together, marry him… gosh, he couldn’t already think about marrying Ilya, right? He settled on something easy, after maybe a moment of silence too long. “Win a Cup with my new team. Ottawa deserves it.”
“I think so too.” Harris said with a smile, “Well, thank you for your time, Shane. See each other in a few weeks, Go Centaurs!”
“Go Centaurs! Goodbye” Shane voice was warm, filled with so many emotions. He truly couldn’t wait to be back on the ice and show the Centaurs how glad he was for them.
Harris stopped the recording function and smiled at Shane. “That’s all. I will send you the video and caption before posting, and if there is anything you want to change, just let me know, alright?”
Shane nodded, relieved. “Thanks again! See you in a few weeks.”
+1. September, 2017
Shane would have lied if he said he wasn’t equally weary and excited coming into the rink. It didn’t matter that he had talked with Coach so many times, that the team had started treating him already like one of their own in the group chat, and that the fans’ reaction to that video Harris made him do had been extremely positive - Shane couldn’t help but think back to May, and his last day in a locker room.
The fear, the disgust, the way no one other than Hayden would really look or talk to him. He had wanted to run away then, and he wanted to do so now, when the car finally stopped in front of the arena.
Shane was tempted to just turn around and go back home, to the comfort of the house where his husband and their dog Anya, acquired through Harris a few days earlier, were waiting for him. It would be easy, and Ilya would understand. But then he noticed some of the players huddled around the entrance - one of them was their newest rookie, Lucas Haas, who saw Shane from the car windscreen with such an awestruck expression, Shane couldn’t help but smile.
Okay, okay, he would make an effort and try, Shane told himself, coming out of the car. Lucas, Waytt Hayes, and Boodram were on him in an instant. “Captain, oh captain!” Wyatt said, bringing a hand on his chest theatrically, while Lucas pretended (he hoped) to faint, forcing Boodram to keep him up, and Shane had to do his best not to start laughing. He loved them all already, fuck his traitorous heart.
“Hello to you too,” Shane said, walking inside the arena, with the three of them following suit. “Is everyone else here already?”
“More or less” Wyat walked close to him, smiling. “Coach told us you were coming today, so he went out to look for you, just in case you got lost on the way to the locker room... didn’t want to risk Harris kidnapping you for a new video, after the numbers of your last one!”
Yes, the introduction video did incredibly well. Shane was sure most of the credit should have been given to Harris himself, who found the way to get him to relax and to show a little bit of himself. “Appreciate it, thanks.”
Shane turned his eyes to Lucas, who still looked like he couldn’t believe Shane Hollander was on the same team as him. He understood the feeling - growing up watching and loving hockey makes for a very unique experience, when you go from being a fan to playing with actual professionals. “Congrats on being the second draft pick. Same as me, you know?”
Lucas seemed even more awed by the fact that Shane was really talking to him, but he answered with a whispered ‘thanks’, which made Boodram laugh. “I think you broke the kid, Holzy”
Wyatt opened the door to the locked room, coughing to command the attention. “My friend, with great honour, I introduced you to our newest captain, the incredible Shane Hollander!”
The room erupted with screams, applauses and loud noises, and Shane was more than a little bit overstimulated and overwhelmed, but he took a deep breath and calmed himself. They were showing him how welcome he was, and in doing so, in being loud and celebrating Shane in the way only a place full of hockey players could, they started to heal something they hadn’t broken.
“Okay, okay, thank you for the welcome!” Shane was finally able to say, a few moments later. The whole team silenced instantly, which Shane greatly appreciated. “I’m very happy to be here. I know the team had a few… difficult seasons, but I watched you play, and I see so much potential in every single one of you - he said, looking around the room, meeting the gaze of all his teammates - I can’t promise you we are going to start winning from day one, but I can promise you I will do my best to help you achieve everything we put our minds to. Now, get your skate on, and let’s start training for this season!”
More screams, more applause, and when Shane was engulfed in a big group hug, he didn’t protest - this was his new family, after all. And when he looked up, to the door left open, he noticed Wiebe, smiling at him.