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Sarah stood up and refilled the kettle, smiling softly. Well. That certainly explained a few things since January, including Nick’s fight with Harry. Nick was protective enough of his friends, but a boyfriend? No wonder he'd felt so strongly.
She was grateful that things were different now than they’d been back when she was in secondary. Even if there were the Harry's of the world, they were fewer, quieter. Not like when she'd been in love with her best friend. Once upon a time, she’d had a Charlie of her own, but Charlotte instead of Charles.
God, she’d been so smitten. She’d follow Charlotte to lunch every day, hanging on her every word. It didn't matter what they talked about, as long as it was time together. Sarah always packed an extra apple and yogurt, knowing that half the time, Charlotte would forget to bring her lunch and the options at the canteen would inevitably be terrible. She wrote bad poetry about Charlotte’s eyes, and pretended it was about boys, but her heart still fluttered every time Charlotte read one under the guise of working on assignments for their shared literature class. Many more poems never saw the light of day, locked away in a journal that lived under her mattress. Not that there were never boys that struck her fancy, but the sweaty, spotty teenage boys never held a candle to soft, sweet Charlotte.
Yes, Sarah had definitely heard of bisexuality.
Of course, she hadn’t known the word until later, and she certainly envied her son the access to resources in the privacy of his own room. Section 28 meant she hadn’t really been familiar with the term until the psych courses in her training as a nurse introduced her to the Kinsey scale, and suddenly, she’d discovered that there was a spectrum of options. By then, she and Stephane were together, and it was largely a moot point. But she had tucked away that knowledge about herself in a quiet corner of her memories, one where she and Charlotte cuddled with one another behind the big oak tree in the park.
Taking her tea and tablet, she sat in her comfortable chair. She pulled up Facebook and searched for Charlotte Higgins, expecting nothing. After all, it had been over 20 years since sixth form. She was probably married, or sensible enough to have limited who can find her profile, or not even on social media in the first place. Charlotte had always been independent like that. But surprisingly, almost immediately she found a Charlotte Higgins Bosley with 8 mutual friends.
The profile picture didn’t show a face, instead having two golden retrievers in Christmas jumpers sitting patiently in front of the tree, but that was all the confirmation Sarah needed to reach out. She and Char had talked at great length about what dogs they wanted when they were old enough to choose their own pups, and Charlotte had always loved goldens, while Sarah was mostly a sucker for a sweet snuggler, regardless of breed. She took a breath, and clicked Add Friends.
Which was of course, entirely anticlimatic. It’s not like everyone was constantly logged in. For all Sarah could see, it may have been months since Charlotte had logged in at all. So she didn’t think about it and swiped back to Candy Crush.
🍬♥️🍬♥️
A notification popped up several days later. “Your friend request has been accepted! Connect with Charlotte via Messenger!”
Sarah had no intention of immediately sending a message, but instead navigated to Charlotte's profile to see what she could learn about the last 20ish years of her friend’s life. It seemed that Charlotte wasn't a very active poster. Mostly, she was tagged in the posts, from trips to Budapest and Florence, various memes, and many, many photos of her dogs.
A messenger notification popped up
Hi Sarah!
Oh my goodness, the years have certainly flown by. Oddly enough, I was thinking about you recently. I'm in the process of divorce, and during counselling, we talked about how he never thinks to do small things for me. I remembered how you would always make sure I had something for lunch, even if I forgot. You always took such good care of me as my friend, and he couldn't even be arsed to walk the dogs after I had surgery. It's odd what things stick with you all these years. I know we lost touch during uni, being that we're older than Facebook, but I'm back in Kent these days if you'd like to meet up sometime?
Sarah immediately responded without overthinking it.
Ugh, divorce is brutal, even when it's needed.
Oh hi! I didn't see that you were online, but I'm also not very good at this social media stuff. My therapist suggested it as a way of reconnecting with a wider support network
I think if I hadn't had the other rugby mums, it would have been much harder. Support is important
I can't imagine how much harder it is with kids involved. At least with the dogs, Sebastian is very clear that they are mine How old are your kids now?
David is 20 and off at uni. Nicky is 16 and at Truham
So you're still in Kent? I always imagined you going off to Paris or somewhere fancy
I married a Frenchman, but with how much he traveled for work, it was easier to be close to my parents
gosh, it's crazy how things go in the end - younger Charlotte would never have imagined this for us
Except the dogs, obviously
obviously
My hospital shifts are a bit odd at the moment, but I'd love to meet up sometime
The nice thing about freelance work is I get more schedule flexibility, bad thing is I have to find it all myself Let me know a good time for you There's a new little cafe by the old park I've been meaning to visit
Does next Tuesday work?
I'm on call all weekend and Monday usually turns into catching up on sleep
wide open for me - how about 2? Miss the lunch crowds, beat the after school ones?
Sounds great! I can't wait to see you!
See you soon!
Sarah smiled to herself, giddy butterflies in her stomach. Her crush may have been dormant for many years, but it wasn't dead. She wandered over to the bookshelf in her room. There weren't many things she'd kept from her youth, but the notebook of poetry had been one of them. It had been hidden for years at her parents’ house, but when she had split from Stephane, Sarah had deliberately brought more of herself into her space. She should suggest that to Charlotte.
The ten years since her own divorce gave her the benefit of hindsight. It had seemed like such an insurmountable obstacle to completely overturn her life. In the end, Stephane's willingness to throw money at problems instead of dealing with them, and his undeniable fault in the form of his angry ex-mistress’s folder of photos and letters, made it an easier process than it might have been. He also didn't fight for custody in the slightest, which created a different set of problems she continued to deal with.
She pulled the journal out, taking it over to her bed. There were doodles over the front, nonsense symbols to hide where she had put her initials together with Charlotte’s inside of hearts. She flipped past the first few pages, stopping on one that was definitely about Charlotte.
The sparkle in your eye
Is like a star in the sky
Gazing into a pool,
Inviting and cool
Your eyes show your soul,
And were it in my control
You could see you
The way that I do
In my heart, loving and true
She cringed, even as she smiled.
Sarah closed the notebook, putting it on her bedside table. Of course, this was a lifetime ago. She and Charlotte were different people now. They might have some shared past, but in many respects, they would be meeting for the first time again.
🍬♥️🍬♥️
On Tuesday, Sarah found herself staring into her closet, questioning every clothing purchase she had made in the last 15 years. Surely at some point she'd needed an outfit for something besides work or the school run? There was the dress she'd worn at Diane’s wedding, but tea with an old friend was hardly an occasion for formal wear. Once upon a time, Sarah had considered herself stylish. It was depressing to realize how much of her identity had been subsumed by the role of mum, even after finding her independence from the role of wife. Was her wardrobe full of comfortable, functional clothing? Absolutely. But nothing for whatever this was.
Charlotte, on the other hand, had that sort of effortlessly unique style that celebrities paid extensive teams of stylists to emulate. Her blonde hair showed streaks of silver, but was still lustrous. Scrolling through her Facebook photos, Sarah could see how she had found signature pieces on different trips, since there were specific pictures of her shopping for them in Moroccan bazaars and Lithuanian markets. Sarah mostly shopped at M&S, with a smattering of Hobbs for work wear. Nothing unique or special.
In the end, Sarah picked based on comfort, with her favourite jeans and her softest top that wasn't too warm for the early June weather. Nelly perked up as Sarah slipped her shoes on.
“Sorry, girl, I don't know if they allow dogs.”
Nellie harrumphed and put her head down on her crossed paws.
“I'm sure Charlotte would love you,” said Sarah, ruffling her ears. “Be a good girl.”
Sarah grabbed her keys from the hook by the door, sliding on her comfortable but not particularly stylish clogs. It was a fairly short walk, but in her late 40s, her feet had opinions about cute shoes. The weather was warm without being hot, with just enough clouds to keep everyone from going slightly mad over a beautiful sunny day.
The café wasn't particularly busy, and she easily spotted Charlotte sitting at a table in the corner. A broad smile crossed her face as she spotted Sarah. “Are you sure it's been 25 years? You don't look a day over thirty?” said Charlotte, standing for a hug.
Sarah embraced her old friend, laughing. “That's very nice to say, but I do have mirrors in my house.”
“Clearly not very good ones,” teased Charlotte.
“Come on, let's get tea,” said Sarah, knowing she was deflecting.
“Can we do a pot of decaf? Otherwise I'll be up half the night,” said Charlotte.
“The joys of getting older,” laughed Sarah. “I was about to ask the same.”
“Still love pain au chocolat?”
“Who doesn't?”
“I've known a few,” said Charlotte. “Usually the ones obsessed about their weight. Baz would certainly have preferred that, I know.”
“Stephane was mostly the same, but he made an exception for patisserie. I used to wonder if it would have made a difference, but I think cheaters will find whatever excuse they need to feel justified.”
They paused to order, settling back at the table.
Charlotte sighed. “Ironically, neither of us actually cheated. But Baz was absolutely convinced I was hiding something from him.”
“That's awful, I'm sorry.”
“Oh, it's worse than that. The thing that triggered his whole obsession was that I had stopped hiding something.”
“Oh?” Sarah asked softly.
Charlotte fidgeted nervously with the packets of sweetener on the table. There was a further delay as their tea and food was delivered. Sarah sat patiently, seeing that Charlotte needed space, not pressure.
“Apparently the only reason I would tell him that I'm bisexual is because I was cheating on him with a woman,” said Charlotte, staring into her teacup.
“Well, that's fucking ridiculous,” said Sarah without thinking. The woman who had been the girl responsible for her own bisexual awakening was clearly startled by that reaction.
“What?” Charlotte said with a laugh.
“Ridiculous. Bullshit. Poppycock. Utter nonsense. Should I keep going?” Sarah noticed Charlotte's shoulders relaxing with each word.
“I'm tempted to say yes,” said Charlotte. “But he really believes the bisexuals are greedy garbage, and couldn't fathom why I might bother telling him.”
“Yes, well, notoriously, heterosexual men never cheat on their partners,” said Sarah.
“It's certainly been revealing to tell people,” said Charlotte with a sigh. “A lot of people I thought were friends took his side in the divorce once he told them.”
Sarah's heart clenched. Poor Charlotte. Poor Nicky. How would his friends react when he told them about dating Charlie? “Things still have a long way to go,” she said. “There's kids who are out at Truham and Higgs, but it's not the easiest thing for them. Nick got in a fight with one of his rugby mates over a rude comment the other week.”
In the back of her mind, as she tried to keep the conversation going, teenaged Sarah was squealing about the revelation that there was any chance her crush might be reciprocated. Charlotte liked women?? Her stomach was full of giddy butterflies.
But Sarah was a woman in her forties, not a girl in her teens. With everything Charlotte was going through right now, she didn't need to add Sarah's emotions to her own. There would be opportunities later to confess her own bisexuality, her feelings, but it wasn't the moment.
The conversation drifted to Sarah's kids and Charlotte's dogs. Sarah talked about medical school and some of her more ridiculous stories about patients over the years. Charlotte told Sarah about some of her favourite trips. When she leaned in to show Sarah photos on her phone, Sarah was thrilled for the opportunity to get closer and give in to the magnetic pull between them. She let her hand linger on the table near Charlotte’s, watching the millimetres between their pinkies. She had forgotten how it felt to be like this, secretly desperate for the slightest connection with someone. To yearn and crave the smallest contact but be terrified of doing anything openly.
But the teapot was soon empty, and nothing but crumbs remained on the plate. Sarah's phone buzzed.
[Nick]: Studying with Sai, his mum promised to feed us
[Nick]: Is that ok?
[Sarah]: Of course, don't forget to tell Samira thank you
[Nick]: ♥️
Charlotte had pulled her own phone out while Sarah looked at hers.
“Wow, is it that late already? You always were the easiest to talk to,” said Charlotte. “We should do this again soon.”
“Of course!” said Sarah. “It's been wonderful catching up.”
They stood up, hugging each other. Sarah resisted the temptation to melt into Charlotte’s soft arms, pulling away as soon as she noticed Charlotte starting to do the same.
“I missed you,” said Charlotte, studying Sarah's face with an inscrutable expression.
"I missed you too. It's nice to have someone who knows me outside of being a mum.”
Charlotte gave her another quick hug. “Right. See you soon?”
Sarah smiled. “See you soon.”
🍬♥️🍬♥️
Of course, soon is a relative term when the people in question are both adults with responsibilities. Sarah had her usual duties chauffeuring Nick and working, while Charlotte had meetings with solicitors and clients and estate agents. As hard as the emotional and social parts of a divorce could be, it was also an overwhelming amount to deal with logistically.
But throughout, they kept messaging. Sometimes it would be Charlotte venting for paragraphs about her ex, or how her mother was trying to convince her to call the whole divorce off. Sarah vented about David's inability to communicate his plans for the summer before simply showing up unannounced, and whether he was coming along to Menorca. Sometimes they just shared reels of baby animals and Clueless references. It felt like she'd hardly even blinked and June had flown by.
Nick is off on a school trip to Paris, and I seem to have accidentally gotten a proper day off tomorrow
I also have a fairly unbusy day tomorrow! Wait, how does one make plans again? The weather looks like it should be fairly nice as well
We could do something with the dogs?
Meet up at the old park?
Do you want to do a picnic?
Only if we bring cushions - my hips don't do hard ground so well anymore
I do my best to keep up with pilates and such, but I certainly wouldn't object to a cushion
I'll grab the ones off the outside chairs, assuming I can figure out where they've gotten to. That and the waterproof mat from M&S
This is why dogs are better - they don't move my stuff
But teenage boys don't eat my shoes
Just everything else in sight
They *may* have chewed on my picnic mat, so point taken. But they were puppies at the time
I keep thinking about getting another dog as Nellie gets older, but I don't know that I'm ready for another puppy
They are a lot of work, but it's nice to know they were trained properly
Maybe I'll get a smaller breed next - with both boys out of the house, I'll lose my walking helpers
What about a long haired dachshund?
Of course you like a miniature golden :D
I'll probably go to the shelter this time
Take my chances
I'm excited to finally meet the famous Nellie
I get to meet Jeeves and Wooster!
I can bring some picky bits
I'll bring lemonade and brownies Meet by the old tree at noon?
Sounds like a plan!
Sarah smiled and put her phone down on the counter. She was excited to see Charlotte again. It had been wonderful to chat, but there was an undeniable part of her that was desperate to be in Charlotte's presence. Her crush was definitely in full force again. She'd even written poetry for the first time in eons.
It was not very good.
The second bloom
Of a rose harshly pruned,
Stronger for the time.
Stems more sturdy,
Scent much sweeter
No more weedy vines.
Perhaps growing freely
Would be less hard,
But roses need more care.
For their sharp thorns,
so delicate,
Beautiful and fair.
Still, it was nice to reconnect with a creative side that had been absent far too long, other than within the constraints of helping with primary school homework. Why every parent was expected to be a sewist and master collage artist with a specialty in glitter, she struggled to understand. What on earth did teacher training cover, anyway?
Sarah poured the water into her cup, contemplating the quiet of her mostly empty house. Nellie snored softly under the table. David was off on a stag do, and Nick was in Paris. Was this what it would be like when Nick went to uni? Even though he spent less and less time at home, it would still be a shift, particularly in her grocery shop. It might be worth it to buy the nice cheese regularly again.
The next morning, she stopped to pick up some triple cream brie, apples and a nice loaf of bread to go with the prosciutto and olives from the fridge. She remembered a long debate they'd had once about the merits of aligned versus mixed olive preferences in a relationship. They'd ultimately decided it was better to agree on olives, but at least one person in every relationship should like pickles. It was funny what things she remembered again now that had been forgotten for years.
“Alright, girl, are you ready to go to the park?” Sarah asked, grabbing her IKEA bag and the lead.
Nellie barked, turning in a tight circle at Sarah's feet.
“You get to meet some new friends!” said Sarah. “I bet you play fetch much longer than they do.” She paused, checking that the tennis ball tosser was also in the bag. Border collies really would go forever if you let them. Her elbow, on the other hand, gave up quite quickly.
Nellie made no protest as Sarah led her to the old fallen tree, spreading out the blanket. She unclipped the lead, and Nellie immediately flopped down with a gentle woof. Looking at the tree, Sarah smiled as she looked at initials old and new carved into the trunk. Some things stayed the same at least.
As she spotted Charlotte walking towards her with two dogs, it was also clear that Sarah's reaction to her friend remained one of those things. Nellie perked up. “Stay,” said Sarah.
Nellie's tail thumped vigorously, but she listened. If she had a tail of her own, Sarah was sure it would be wagging right along Nellie's. She waved, smiling as Charlotte walked over, her own IKEA bag in tow.
“I see we had the same idea,” laughed Charlotte.
“It's a classic,” said Sarah.
“This is Jeeves,” said Charlotte, pointing to one dog, “And this is Wooster. They are both complete goof balls.”
“So standard goldens?” said Sarah as she greeted the enthusiastic dogs. “Nellie, say hello.”
Nellie got up and politely sniffed Charlotte's hand until she got the pats she was expecting, and then turned towards the other dogs and Sarah, her head cocked questioningly. “Yes, make friends,” she said.
Nellie immediately pounce-crouched in front of the other two, her butt wiggling fiercely. Sarah giggled as the trio sniffed each other's butts in a circle.
“I brought tennis balls,” said Sarah.
Three doggie faces turned to her in rapt attention. Charlotte started laughing. “They might know that word,” she said.
Sarah dug out the ball and throwing stick, sending the fuzzy yellow orb across the field. Three excited creatures bounded after it, leaping and tussling to claim ownership.
“They really are the best,” said Charlotte.
“I remember how much you always talked about the dogs you were going to have when you grew up,” said Sarah.
“It was definitely a negotiation with Baz at first. We lived in this tiny flat with a patch of grass the size of this blanket. He tried to talk me into something smaller, like a Chihuahua.”
Sarah knew she was making a face. “Really? Did he know you at all?”
“It was sort of early on. I mean, late enough that we'd moved in together, but only just.”
“I never convinced Stephane. I got Nellie shortly after the divorce. She's really Nicky's girl.”
“Was it worth it? The divorce?” Charlotte was given the ball by one of the goldens, so she threw it again.
“Yeah. It was hard, but coming home without that apprehension about him and his moods… it was worth it. Even if I haven't dated since then. I was just as lonely in my marriage, in a way.”
“I'm kind of excited about dating. I haven't the foggiest idea where to start these days, especially with women, but it'll be an adventure.”
“So how did you realize?” Sarah asked.
“What, that I like women?”
“Yeah. Have you always sort of known?
“No, not at all. God, I wish. I always just thought that I really wanted to be friends, or that I wanted to be the person. Apparently straight women don't wonder what it would be like to kiss their friends.”
“Well, that's silly,” said Sarah. “I snogged a few girls in uni. It was pretty brilliant.”
“Wait, what?” Charlotte pulled back to stare at Sarah as she threw the ball yet again.
Sarah tried to flip back through all their recent conversations. “Did I not mention it?”
“No, you most certainly did not! I would definitely remember that,” said Charlotte. “So are you…?”
“Bisexual as well,” said Sarah.
“When? How?”
“I asked first,” said Sarah with a little laugh.
“It wasn't really just one thing, if I'm honest. There wasn't a moment or a person that made me realise. What about you?”
Sarah took a slobbery ball from Nellie, stalling as she flung it for the dogs. “I've known since Year 9. I didn't have a word for it until later, but…” Sarah shrugged.
“But you never?” Charlotte left the question hanging between them.
“Never said anything? No. Not really.”
“I mean, I can understand, but I wish it hadn't been that way,” said Charlotte.
“Things are messy enough as teenagers,” said Sarah.
“I don't think they've ever actually got less messy, we've just learned how to deal with it better.”
Jeeves came and flopped down on the blanket, panting. Nellie and Wooster continued to tussle over the ball. Both women watched the dogs, a contemplative silence settling between them.
“Did you –”
“We should –”
Both women laughed.
“You first,” said Charlotte.
“We should eat some of the snacks,” said Sarah.
“Oh yes, food!”
“What were you going to say?” asked Sarah as she pulled out cheese and crackers and olives.
“I was going to ask, did you ever have a crush on anyone in school?” said Charlotte.
Sarah froze for a moment. “Yes?”
“I mean. I know you had boyfriends, but were there any girls who caught your attention?”
Sarah bit her lower lip, eyes scanning Charlotte's body language. She was relaxed and smiling, just openly curious. “There might have been one in particular.”
“Anyone that I might know?”
“Yes, I'm pretty sure you know her quite well,” said Sarah with a nervous little chuckle.
“Heather? Caroline?”
“No and no,” said Sarah.
“Olivia was pretty cute,” mused Charlotte.
“I never really spent any time with her,” said Sarah.
“You could have yearned from a distance,” said Charlotte.
Sarah laughed. “I was not nearly so cool. I did all my yearning up close and followed her around everywhere.” She looked away from Charlotte to spread cheese on a cracker.
“But we never hung out with anyone else regularly,” said Charlotte, frowning in confusion.
Sarah debated just saying it, but she was having fun watching her old friend try to puzzle it out. She said nothing, waiting for the moment where Charlotte put the pieces together.
“Me? You had a crush on me?” Charlotte seemed utterly astonished.
Sarah looked over at the tree trunk, spotting an old set of initials. She traced it with her finger. “SN plus CH. I was totally smitten.”
“But you never said anything!”
“Not directly, no. I didn't want to risk our friendship like that. But do you remember the terribly twee poetry I wrote?”
“I liked those poems,” said Charlotte. “They were sweet. I always wished someone would write one for me.”
“Oh, I did,” said Sarah. “Most of them, really.” Nellie snuggled against Sarah's leg, big eyes hopeful. “No, girl, you know better. No fancy cheese for you.”
Charlotte looked thoughtful as her own dogs demanded affection. “Huh. I never would have guessed.”
“Well, teenaged Sarah is relieved. I have to admit, though, that maybe seeing you again has rekindled some of those feelings. I know we're both different people now, but there's always been something special about you.”
Charlotte smiled. “You’re pretty special too. I missed having you in my life.” Sarah felt the butterflies in her stomach take flight.
The conversation drifted to other topics as the dogs pulled the focus back to their antics, and charcuterie choices were critiqued and debated. There was no more conversation about crushes, instead talking about the mundanity of adulthood, all the little details they had missed about each other in the years spent living separate lives. And right now, for Sarah. That was more than enough.
🍬♥️🍬♥️
So I've been unpacking some boxes and found something interesting you gave me many years ago, Sarah {1 IMG attached}
Is that what I think it is?
It was at my parents’ place, but I held on to it when they downsized a few years ago
Sooooo….
Should I reread some?
I might die of embarrassment
It's a legitimate medical condition
I should know. I'm a nurse
Of course, I should know better than to question the woman who got me through half my A levels
I mean. If you want to subject yourself to teenage emotional word vomit, I can hardly stop you
I get enough of that from the teenagers in my house
I open my heart to you
Like the petals of a tulip parting
In the morning sun,
Embracing your warmth and lightI reach out for you
Like tendrils of ivy climbing
Stone and bricks,
Supported by your strong foundations
I blame the John Donne unit for that one. Meters a bit crap, though
Sarah! You are telling me *that* was about *me*?!
And I'm not supposed to be melting right now, I'm supposed to be some sort of literary critic?!
Or you could pretend it has been lost forever, possibly in a freak notebook-only fire
I'll let it go for now
I do have other exciting news…
Oh? Do tell
The divorce is final!
How did you not lead with that?! It's amazing! We should celebrate!
How are you supposed to celebrate a divorce?”
Go out and do something fun you never would have considered while married?
One of the other nurses on my ward mentioned her girlfriend is working on an act for a Queen themed burlesque show
That sounds super fun!
I’ll get the details
🍬♥️🍬♥️
Given how much she had struggled to find an outfit she liked for a picnic date in her own closet, Sarah knew she was going to have to go shopping. Once upon a time, Sarah had enjoyed shopping, but that was 20 years ago, when she wasn’t so tired. What did one even wear to a burlesque show? Something sparkly, she assumed? She wasn’t particularly interested in anything revealing, but she wouldn’t mind some sequins.
The first charity shop looked to have more home goods, and a smaller selection of clothing, so Sarah kept walking along the high street. She remembered Darcy and Tara mentioning they found their prom outfits at one when they'd all ditched prom for her living room. Thankfully, the second shop seemed to be mostly clothes. A bell jingled as the door opened and shut.
“Welcome in - are you looking for anything in particular?” Sarah was greeted by a friendly young person with a green streak in their otherwise dark fringe.
“Well, an outfit, I guess?” Sarah swore she didn't used to be so awkward, but she was out of practice.
“Good start. Any particular occasion? I'm Jade, by the way.”
“Hi Jade, I'm Sarah. Um, going to a burlesque show to celebrate a friend's divorce? I know that's a bit odd.”
“Not at all! I love that for you and your friend! Most of our clothes in the going out category are in the back corner, on the far side of the big mirror. If you want to try anything on, just give a shout.”
“Thanks, ta,” said Sarah.
The racks had a surprisingly good range of options in her size, though finding something that was sparkly, somewhat modest, and not completely matronly was proving difficult. Then, she found them. A pair of pleated satin trousers in a deep plum. Slightly shiny, and buttery soft, and allegedly her size. And on the next rack, a simple black blouse.
“Ready for a room?” asked Jade as they put something on a shelf nearby.
“Yes please,” said Sarah.
Jade paused. “Do you mind if I pull another couple items for you? I have an idea for a top with those trousers.”
“Sure!”
Sarah followed Jade to the curtained cubicles, taking off her shoes. The trousers slid on like a dream, perfectly fitting her hips while being loose and comfortable through the thighs.The blouse, however, was wrong in more ways than she had ever experienced in a single garment. The armholes were too tight in spite of it being too wide through the shoulders. It was a reasonable length on the hanger, yet showed her midriff if she lifted her arms in the slightest. The seams were rough and scratchy, despite the soft fabric. Getting back out of it was like wrestling with an amorous octopus. She sighed.
“Mind if I pass a few things in?” asked Jade from just outside.
“Please. This blouse is…” Sarah paused.
“Cursed?” suggested Jade. “It looks great on a hanger and terrible on actual humans.”
“Yes, exactly.”
A hand with a few hangers appeared through the curtain. “So rather than trying to find the perfect top, I’ve grabbed some options that you can layer together to get a look that might work better for you. Let me know what you think.”
Sarah hung up the garments, seeing a high necked black sleeveless top she'd dismissed as being more of a work top. Next to it was a slinky silver sequin number with narrow straps and a plunging neckline, and then a deep green lace top. She didn't think all three together would work, but she could see what Jade was thinking. The high necked blouse was soft against her skin, the neck high enough and straps wide enough to allow her to wear whatever bra she damn well pleased. The silver top, while lovely, was just a bit off in the hips in a way that she knew meant she'd be constantly tugging it down. The lace, on the other hand, was perfect. With the full outfit on, she stepped out of the changing room.
Jade clapped, and motioned for a twirl. “Oh yes, this is amazing. Do you like it?”
“I love it. I feel sexy, but also like I'm not pretending to be twenty years younger.”
“Go get ‘em, cougar!” said Jade, with a big, cheesy wink that made Sarah laugh.
She changed back into her regular clothes, taking the outfit up to the till. “Thank you for all your help,” said Sarah.
“It's my favorite part of the job,” said Jade. “Have a great time at your show!”
“I will, thanks!”
Sarah walked to the car, excited for Charlotte to see her outfit. She hadn't planned for a night out like this since Diana's hen do. She was definitely looking forward to this outing far more than a night of shots and penis straws.
🍬♥️🍬♥️
The show was in the basement of a restaurant with excellent reviews, so Charlotte and Sarah had agreed to meet up for dinner first. She smoothed her hands over the textured fabric of her trousers as she waited for Charlotte. Even after years of semi-independent children, Sarah still automatically added extra time for a last-minute “emergency” when departing the house. It made her early more often than not these days, but it was worth it on the days when a fountain pen had leaked on a school tie and emergency stain removal was required. The rest of the time, it was a quiet moment to breathe before whatever came next.
She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but the adorable café hadn't been on the list. The hostess sat her by a window, which let her watch for Charlotte to approach. When she did spot her, she was grateful for the extra moment to scrape her jaw off the floor. Charlotte was utterly stunning in a red wrap dress that hugged her curves, paired with gold sandals. Her hair was down, flowing gold and silver, and her wrists were festooned in bangles probably picked up on her travels.
Her crush had not abated in the slightest.
Charlotte spotted her and waved, smiling broadly. Sarah waved back, suddenly self-conscious about the fact she hadn't done her nails. She stood as Charlotte reached the table for a quick embrace.
“Well, this is cute,” said Charlotte.
“The restaurant? It really is,” said Sarah.
“I was talking about your outfit, but the restaurant is pretty nice as well,” said Charlotte, tucking her hair behind her ear as she slid into her chair.
“Oh. Um. Thanks,” said Sarah. “I haven't dressed up in ages, so I had to go shopping.”
“Well, you look fabulous.”
“You too,” said Sarah, trying not to obviously ogle her friend.
“It's hard to go wrong with a wrap dress,” said Charlotte. “Though I've never really done the little black dress thing. It used to drive Sebastian nuts.”
“He noticed what you wore?”
“Only to tell me why I wasn't dressed correctly to perform ‘wife of a partner’ in a public setting.”
“Well, congratulations on being rid of him,” said Sarah.
“I'll drink to that,” laughed Charlotte.
A server stopped by, and they quickly scanned the menu, ordering wine and dinner right away. The other tables were already filling up, and Sarah definitely wanted to eat without being late for the show.
“I didn't realize burlesque to Queen songs would be so popular,” said Sarah.
“You have to admit, Strippers of the Universe is a hell of a show name,” said Charlotte.
“So how does it feel to be officially divorced?”
“Kind of anticlimactic, if I'm honest. We've been separated for ages at this point, and well,” Charlotte fidgeted with the flowers on the table, “I’m feeling ready to move on.”
“Oh? That's good to hear. I think it took me longer because of the boys. I've not really dated, even with how long it's been.”
“Yeah, you had a tiny bit more going on.” Charlotte's eyes twinkled with humour. “I've discovered just how much time I was spending on things I only did for Baz’s sake, and suddenly have a lot more free time. And I guess, even though I don't miss him, I kind of miss having someone. You know. Just for those little stories about your day. Not that he listened, but at least there was someone in the room.” Charlotte shrugged. “But I'm learning to appreciate the quiet, and if I talk to the dogs, there's no one there to judge me, right?”
“Nellie's the best conversationalist in my house,” said Sarah.
Their chatter drifted around dogs and books until food arrived and became the center of attention. Sarah's scallops were cooked to perfection, served with a coconut tumeric rice, while Charlotte had a roasted eggplant with farro, cashew butter and pomegranate molasses.
“We're coming back here, right?” asked Charlotte. “Because if this is what they do with eggplant, I need to try everything.” She moaned as she put another bite in her mouth.
Sarah wasn't sure she would survive the evening if Charlotte was going to keep making noises like that. At least she could blame any flush on hormones. No one really understands perimenopause anyway.
“I’d love that,” she said. The place didn't matter. She'd go almost anywhere if it meant she got to spend more time with Charlotte. Delicious food was simply a bonus.
They decided against dessert, instead opting to go downstairs early and get better seats. Sarah had been warned that much like a comedy show, sitting in the front row was effectively volunteering for audience participation, so they settled into the second row. Sarah could feel Charlotte's warm shoulder brush against hers.
“I think the last time I went to a basement show, it was a weird indie show with a band who stared at their own shoes the whole time,” said Charlotte.
“So basically any indie show in the 90s?”
“Exactly!”
“I haven't thought about those in ages. But at least we have chairs here,” said Sarah.
“And the floor isn't sticky.”
“Yet sometimes, I miss those days.”
“I don't know. This is pretty amazing,” smiled Charlotte.
The venue filled quickly, and Sarah was glad they'd gotten chairs as people began to cluster around the tall tables in the back towards the bar she'd initially looked over. A man with a suit and a microphone walked out to cheers and jeers from a clearly familiar crowd. Sarah largely tuned out his banter, her attention dominated by her proximity to Charlotte. They scooted closer together as the chairs around them were occupied. She moved her knee slightly and pressed it lightly against Charlotte, who gently pressed back.
“Our first act tonight, straight from Wembley Stadium, Florence of Alabia!” announced the emcee. Sarah looked around as God Save the Queen started playing, before spotting a smiling person in the iconic bright yellow jacket and red plush crown walked up the aisle, waving at the audience. Sarah found herself laughing as they lipsynced through the classic call and response, and then We Are the Champions.
The next act was a more classic burlesque act, with a curvy femme fatale called Luna Legare stripping to Killer Queen, dressed in black and dark blue. Charlotte leaned over and whispered in Sarah's ear. “Well, that certainly confirms my bisexuality.”
Sarah smiled and held out a five pound note, having been advised about tipping by the coworker who told her about the show in the first place. Charlotte's blush as the gorgeous woman came over made her laugh.
The rest of the show was a mix of creative and fun and sexy acts, with the unexpected Han Solo and Chewbacca dancing to “You're My Best Friend”, a woman sitting on a cake for “Fat Bottom Girls”, and in a feat of incredibly costuming, someone dancing as a mummy to “Another One Bites the Dust”, producing actual puffs of dust with the beat before stripping down to a bejewelled body suit printed with images of muscle and bone. After the curtain call, a DJ started playing, and Sarah and Charlotte made their exit.
“Did you have a good time?” asked Sarah.
“The best! I definitely didn't expect the range of acts, but it was amazing. And how confident they all were about their bodies was so hot,” said Charlotte. “There’s a part of me that has always been just a bit doubtful if I'm really bi, because I haven't actually done anything with another woman, but that… that definitely made that voice a little bit quieter.”
Sarah paused, and Charlotte turned to face her. “Do you want to kiss a woman?”
“I've certainly thought about it. But I guess I'd want it to be something that mattered? Not just checking something off a list.”
Sarah felt her stomach flip. Fuck it. She could be brave. What was the worst that could happen?
“Would you… want to kiss me?” She managed to hold Charlotte's gaze despite the urge to stare down at her shoes. Charlotte gave a tiny nod and licked her lips.
Sarah pushed Charlotte's hair behind her ear, and leaned in, pressing their lips together. Energy sparked between them, and Charlotte started kissing back, gripping Sarah's waist as their bodies closed the gap between them. They pulled back as someone walking by cheered, both blushing.
“I've wanted to do that forever,” confessed Sarah.
“I've been thinking about it for weeks,” said Charlotte.
“Why are we like this?” laughed Sarah.
“I don't know, but it's pretty great,” said Charlotte. “Do you want to come back to mine and make out like a pair of horny teenagers?”
“Absolutely,” said Sarah, sliding her hand into Charlotte's outstretched hand. “And then we can sit on opposite ends of the couch and pretend we weren't just touching when the dogs come check on us.”
Charlotte's laughter was contagious as they walked to the tube station. “Obviously. For verisimilitude.”
“And nostalgia.”
“Or, hear me out… we take advantage of being adults and shut the door.” Charlotte waggled her eyebrows.
“Shutting the door sounds perfect,” said Sarah.