Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first year, right after graduating from High School, Sangwon had complained about being celibate on Valentine’s Day. Proving with A and B that he deserved to be pampered on the same day when love flourished. Being a grand sentimentalist, everyone around him got to hear about this newfound misery, especially Geonwoo. The hatred he harboured for couples made everyone look at him with big eyes. This out-of-character behaviour startled all of his surroundings. But Sangwon didn’t care. For three days, he continued to share his desperate thoughts about being loved on Valentine’s Day. Telling Geonwoo he wished it were him going on a date this next Sunday. Hopeless to the point of suggesting he would go out with whoever asked him out first. Sangwon would even have accepted girls, even though he had been out as gay for some years.

“Since when do you care so much about Valentine’s Day?” asked Geonwoo, trying to figure out when this obsession had started. As before this week, Sangwon had never mentioned this commercial day or shown any interest in it.

“When I realised I was going to be alone in my sombre, lonely flat on a day when everyone was loved. And isn’t Seoul the city of love?”

“No, it’s Paris,” Geonwoo corrected.

Sangwon paused and glared at him. “Shut up, didn’t ask.” He did, but whatever. Sangwon continued to talk while making big gestures and exaggerating the melodies of his voice. “Why would I, Lee Sangwon, be alone on such a day? Me, big sentimentalist? Absurd!” He climbed on the coffee table, hands up as if reaching for the moon, as he faked a thunder to make his speech more dramatic.

“Get your feet off my table!” Geonwoo tried to grab Sangwon’s leg, but he was quicker and jumped on the sofa, taunting him by sticking out his tongue before continuing his acting.

“Ridiculous!” Sangwon was basically screaming in his small studio, and the walls were thin. “I deserve to be loved, be spoiled like a brat, and most importantly, enjoy my dinner as I watch an oeuvre-d’art try to impress and flatter me!”

Fearing that an angry neighbour might knock on his door, Geonwoo finally stood up from the floor and dashed towards him, hoping to catch him by surprise. However, Sangwon was on his guard and slipped through his fingers at the right time. Like children, they engaged in a cat-and-mouse game around the coffee table, with Geonwoo chasing him and Sangwon laughing as he ran away.

“Catch me if you can, Mr. Kim!” And Geonwoo sure did. With his long limbs, he brushed his ribs, which forced Sangwon to deviate and run towards his bed, where he finally caught up with him. With a forceful grip, he seized him by the arms and threw him onto his back before hovering over him, straddling him, and smacking his hand over his mouth.

They were breathing heavily.

“Wasn’t so hard to catch you, Sangwonie.” Geonwoo could feel a smile form under his palm. “Now, can you please stop this farce and, for the love of God, stop screaming? It’s past midnight, and I have scary neighbours.”

When Sangwon nodded, Geonwoo slowly removed his hand, but waited a few more seconds to see if he had really calmed down before getting up and lying down right beside him, hands behind his head.

“I regret ever taking you to that mediocre Romeo and Juliet play,” Geonwoo mumbled, a sigh following right after.

“Hey, for middle schoolers, they did great.” Sangwon smacked Geonwoo’s chest, and a faint ‘ouch’ came out of his lips. He wanted to object, but his opinion on the matter was not worth Sangwon’s stabbing punches.

Then Sangwon rose, leaning on his two arms as he looked down on him. “But seriously, what should I do? I really want to go on a date. For Valentine.”

Geonwoo stared back at him intensely, and he could read how much Sangwon wanted this. This wasn’t a tantrum. He was serious.

Without meaning to, a swift idea flashed in his mind. And on a spur, Geonwoo shared his thought. “Should I take you on a date then?”

At his words, Sangwon’s whole face lit up, the realisation that this was also an option only hitting now. He straightened up, sitting on his knees and threw his hands up in triumph.

“Yes!” His arms fell down, his gaze landing on him. “Now asks me out properly,” demanded Sangwon, ordering him to sit up with a swift movement of the finger.

“What?”

“You can’t ask me out on a date while you’re lying as if you’re in a solarium. Even if it’s fake, I want it to sound romantic.”

At his insistence, Geonwoo sat up and looked his friend straight in the eyes. “Are you free on February fourteenth to be my date?”

“Are you free on February fourteenth to be my Valentine?” corrected Sangwon in a whisper, a bit annoyed he didn’t get it right the first time.

Geonwoo rolled his eyes but still did as asked.

“Are you free on February fourteenth to be my Valentine?” Sangwon nodded. “As friends.” It was Sangwon’s turn to roll his eyes, but he didn’t demand to do it again. “So, when is it?”

“Tomorrow. Actually, today, we’re already Sunday.”

Shit. Geonwoo had no idea what people did on such a day, except that they offered flowers. As Sangwon lay down and slowly dozed off, Geonwoo got out of bed and searched for his phone. The cellular between his hands, he typed in ‘best fancy budget friendly restaurant in Seoul’ and ‘best spots for Valentine’s Day in Seoul’. With any luck, even if everything was poorly organised, Sangwon would appreciate this day. This was maybe made on a whim, but he didn’t consider it a joke. Geonwoo took everything seriously and was determined to make Sangwon happy and feel loved, just as he wished.

However, on that day, Geonwoo learned that luck might not be on his side.

★

Around ten, Sangwon left his home to run some errands and prepare himself for the evening.

Organising the day was easy. Geonwoo had found a nice Italian restaurant, not too fancy for his broke student wallet, but not too cheap either, so as not to appear negligent. And after dinner, he had planned to take Sangwon to the Han River. Sounded perfect. However, it ended up being a disaster, Geonwoo’s pride taking a hit.

He was a pure novice when it came to romance. Thus, once they arrived at the restaurant and entered confidently, they were blatantly, yet politely, rejected, announcing to them that they needed a prior reservation. Outside, they both stood in silence for a few minutes. The humiliation didn’t sit right with them, but they accepted their Fate. They were not meant to eat Italian that night.

This reasoning didn’t stop Geonwoo from feeling panicked. Quickly, he started looking for another restaurant, called them, but was denied. All this under the gaze of Sangwon, face half-muffled into his big scarf. Geonwoo called five different places before Sangwon delicately placed his hand on his arm and told him it didn’t matter where they ate. Even though he had ruined Sangwon’s day because he didn’t know he had to make a reservation, Sangwon’s smile never faded. Grateful for the effort Geonwoo had put in.

Disappointed and dejected, they ended up eating at a fast food. Nothing romantic about this, as they were surrounded by families and groups of friends. This didn’t differ from their regular outings.

The purpose was to make Sangwon feel special, but Geonwoo had completely failed. All because of one single mistake that ruined the whole night.

“Geonwoo, stop looking dejected. Being with you is enough to make me happy. And the fries are delicious,” Sangwon had tried to reassure him, squeezing his arm.

Geonwoo pouted in disagreement. “You dressed up so prettily only to end up in a dingy fast food place because of my incompetence.”

“True, but I don’t care.” And he seemed to mean it. “Maybe you should flirt with me to make up for your failure to find a nice place to eat,” Sangwon said casually, not looking at him, as he continued to slowly eat his fries.

“What?” Geonwoo nearly choked on his Sprite.

“Yeah, it’s a date after all, charm me.”

They locked eyes, his smile still present while Geonwoo looked lost. They never did this, even as a joke, they had never flirted with each other. This was unknown territory for Geonwoo. Not just with Sangwon; it would have been with anyone else. It wasn’t an exaggeration to call Geonwoo a newbie when it came to dating. But he couldn’t disappoint his date again, so, face flushed, and with a lump in his throat, he tried his best to imitate what he had seen in films.

“You are the most beautiful person in the world. Your eyes contain all the stars in the galaxy. You smell nice. You are like a flower blossoming in spring. Isn’t the moon pretty? I say while looking at you. Your hands are as delicate as a–” But Sangwon had abruptly interrupted him by laughing out loudly.

“Oh my gosh, Geonwoo! That’s not how you flirt. And why do you sound like a robot? Relax, it’s just me.”

Well, it was actually because it was Sangwon standing in front of him that he couldn’t relax.

“What should I say then?” Geonwoo asked softly, ashamed of his mediocre attempt at flirting.

“Let this teacher show you how to flirt.” Sangwon’s smirk didn’t reassure him, fearing what was about to come. Then, he slipped into his role, face impassive as his finger traced a small line on his hand. “Your hands are so soft and big,” then, he shifted his gaze to Geonwoo’s face with a small smile, “I wonder what else is big.”

As soon as the last words got pronounced, Geonwoo flew up, cupped his face between his hands, hiding his scarlet face. Although he was swirling around and Sangwon was being loud, no one was looking at them, leaving them in their own world.

“Is this really how you flirt, Sangwon?” Geonwoo managed to ask.

“Of course not, I’m just messing with you. Anyway, enough flirting, come finish your burger.” Judging by the way Sangwon had changed the subject, perhaps he felt embarrassed, too. In all these years of being friends, this was the first time they had ever made a first sexual joke.

Despite this, the ambience remained cheerful, and they finished their dinner while chatting and bickering. Then, as planned, Geonwoo took Sangwon to the Han River. However, destiny decided that one failure wasn’t enough and subjected him to a series of misfortunes. Because it seemed Geonwoo wasn’t the only one who had had this idea. It was cramped, barely any room to sit or even walk. Once again defeated, they left the place. And once again, Sangwon’s smile didn’t waver. Still there to comfort him.

They marched in silence until they arrived in front of Sangwon’s apartment. Face to face, Sangwon gave him a tight hug.

“Thank you for today.” His voice was soft and full of gratitude.

Geonwoo returned the hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I’m so bad at this… I’m actually mad at myself for even daring to ask you out for Valentine's.”

“Don’t think like that. If I had done this with someone else, and we had eaten at a fancy restaurant, it would never have been as fun as with you. For nothing I would trade this date, do you hear me?”

Geonwoo faintly sighed, relieved by Sangwon’s words. He had genuinely expected his friend to be at least a bit upset. Or to feel a bit of regret. But none of that. Sangwon was truly an angel.

He was the first to break the hug, the cold embracing him instead.

“I have a gift for you.”

Surprised and happy, Sangwon jumped on the tip of his toes. “Really?”

From the handbag he was carrying, Geonwoo took out a rectangular wrapped gift. “Here.” And he handed it to him. “It’s nothing big, but I hope you like it anyway,” he said shyly, nervous about his reaction. Normally, Sangwon was supposed to receive it for his birthday, having bought the gift with a nice deal a few months earlier. But since he hadn’t had time to buy flowers, and because the signification behind flowers was too real, too romantic, he had opted for this instead. Better something than nothing.

Slowly and with trembling hands from the cold, Sangwon unwrapped the gift. A poetry book about love. Sangwon looked up, slightly pouting, extremely touched by his gesture.

“Geonwoo… You didn’t have to… Thank you for this lovely gift. I will cherish it.”

“There’s a second one,” Geonwoo pointed with his chin to look under the poetry collection, a mischievous smile on his face that went unnoticed by Sangwon. The boy lifted the first book and discovered a culinary book. Immediately, his eyes flew up to glare at him.

“Yah! I can cook!”

“Believe what you want.” Geonwoo ruffled his hair, endeared by his friend’s reaction.

Although Sangwon pouted, he still hugged the books to his chest, pleased by Geonwoo’s kind attention. They fell into a comfortable silence, not ready to part. After all, it had been a lovely night, though chaotic.

“You know, Geonwoo… After a date, there’s always something that follows up,” he said hesitantly, almost shyly.

“Uhh? What is it?”

In the blink of an eye, Sangwon closed the distance and made himself slightly taller and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. He retreated and smiled, happy to have caught him off guard.

“Good night.” And Sangwon turned his back on him, soft giggles being heard while Geonwoo stood there, silently, not quite realising what had just happened.

“Wait!” shouted Geonwoo before Sangwon could enter the flat. Sangwon turned around, patiently waiting for his next words. “If– if both of us are still single next year, let’s do this again?” This wasn’t supposed to sound like a question. But his voice couldn’t help but become smaller at the end of the phrase, the remaining confidence in him fading away. But sweet Sangwon smiled and nodded, followed by a loud ‘okay’ before he disappeared for good.

As simple as this, a new annual ritual had been established between them. At first, it was purely amical, apart from Geonwoo, who during the date had felt his heart beat quicker than usual. From that moment on, Geonwoo began to see Sangwon through a new light. And who, throughout the year, slowly fell in love with him.

★

The following year, they were both single. As promised, Geonwoo asked Sangwon out a week before Valentine’s Day. The pleasant, shy smile on his face was worth the long wait. Having him near, and not being unable to touch him, was torture. But it wasn’t the right time yet, believed Geonwoo. But perhaps this Valentine’s Day would change something between them. Geonwoo could only hope.

With excitement, he entered the lift. Nervousness was still present, afraid something would go wrong. Although everything was reserved and planned. One month prior, he had made a reservation at a restaurant with Western cuisine. Even though he hadn’t received confirmation from Sangwon. And since he believed only having dinner wouldn’t be enough, he had looked for a nice spot where they could stroll without being pushed. And this time, instead of a gift, Geonwoo had prepared a bouquet.

The flowers were beautiful, perfectly suited to their future owner.

After realising his feelings, he didn’t want to do things halfway. Sangwon deserved to feel the full experience of a Valentine’s date, admittedly platonic from his friend’s side. However, Geonwoo was going to change that and make Sangwon fall for him by taking him to the perfect date.

Outside the door, he could hear Sangwon’s hurried footsteps as he made his way towards the door. When Sangwon opened the door, his gaze fell on his outfit, stealing a breath from him, while Sangwon’s gaze landed on the bouquet. As expected, he squealed with joy as he took the small bouquet in his hands.

“For me?” Geonwoo nodded with a big grin. “They are lovely, thank you. Let me put them in a vase first, and then I’m all yours.”

About to leave him and put his words into action, Geonwoo interpellated him.

“Ah, Sangwon,” the boy turned around, his attention back on Geonwoo, “you look prettier than ever tonight.”

As an immediate reaction, Sangwon hid his face behind the bouquet, but Geonwoo had caught a glimpse of a smile. He trotted away shyly, dragging his feet on the floor, which he found adorable. Without them really knowing, they were both grinning because of each other.

This time, Geonwoo could feel that everything would go according to plan. And it did.

The food tasted lovely, the ambience and the jazz music helped them have a deep, thoughtful conversation. And Geonwoo had learned how to flirt and showcased his skills on Sangwon, who grinned at each of his words, taking his compliments with pleasure.

“Which flirting course did you attend?” joked Sangwon.

“The one called ‘Love’ given by Professor Love?”

“What does this even mean?” he laughed.

“Interpret it the way you like.” And hopefully, slowly but surely, Sangwon would understand what this all meant for him.

When they finished, a bit tipsy on wine, they linked their hands to keep warm as they walked their way to the second date place. The contact felt pleasant. At first, he was anxious about holding hands, but when he realised this might be his only chance to do so, he plucked up his courage and held his hand. Without a second thought, Sangwon squeezed his hand back. Neither of them was brave enough to face each other, only quietly humming as they looked at the city lights.

As they arrived at the second location, Sangwon’s eyes lit up, amazed and impressed by the light shows. As if by magic, they arrived just as the show was starting.

“How did you know about this? There’s barely anyone.” Sangwon took out his phone and flashed several pictures.

“A classmate. And there aren’t a lot of people because it’s the last day.”

“Lucky us.”

Indeed, lucky them. Geonwoo was afraid he had gotten the days wrong and that the light show had ended days ago. So when he saw colourful lights reflect on the walls, the tension in his shoulders disappeared.

The moment it ended, Sangwon couldn’t shut up about it, telling him that this was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and that he was thankful. This filled Geonwoo with joy.

As he walked Sangwon home, hands still intertwined, Geonwoo sensed that something had changed. He had never needed a second confirmation of his love, but this date had only strengthened his feelings for him. What he felt for Sangwon could be described as the most beautiful emotion he had ever tasted. All night long, his heart hammered against his ribs, never knowing when to rest, and his smile never dropped.

Geonwoo was in love with his best friend, and nothing could feel lovelier than this. It made him believe he had been created only to love Sangwon.

But good things must come to an end. In front of his flat, they hugged for a long time, not ready to depart and lose the spark of the night.

“You give the best hugs,” muffled Sangwon, tightening his hold even more around his back.

“Do I?”

Sangwon responded with a small hum. It was late, and the boy was probably tired. With both hands, Geonwoo cupped his small face, obliging him to look up. The proximity should have made him pull away, but his feet were cemented to the ground. His thumbs caressed his cheeks, and Sangwon leaned naturally to the touch, eyes closed, as if he was trying to engrave the moment. At the sight, Geonwoo began to breathe a little faster, his heart following the same steps. Their relationship had reached a point of no return. Geonwoo couldn’t imagine a future where he couldn’t have Sangwon this close to him. And deep down, he also hoped that this wasn’t just his imagination playing him tricks. That Sangwon was also feeling it, that shift between them.

“You look tired.”

“I am…”

“Should I let you go?”

In slow motion, Sangwon reopened his eyes and looked him straight in the eyes. “Should you? Even though something is still missing?”

Perplexed, Geonwoo started to think hard about Sangwon’s missing piece, and then it hit him. How could he have forgotten that?

Carefully, he slightly bent down and moved so close, so close that their noses touched. Beneath the thick layers of clothing, he could still feel Sangwon’s hands tense behind his back. Or feel how their breathing mingled together. Or see how Sangwon had closed his eyes, as if inviting him to make that one move that would change their relationship forever. But Geonwoo didn’t feel courageous enough to cross that line. Not yet. Instead, he tilted his head to the side and placed a soft kiss near his lips. When his lips touched him, Sangwon let out a long, ragged sigh, his shoulders relaxing. As he retreated, his finger caressed the exact spot where he had kissed him.

When Geonwoo sought his gaze, he was met with evasive eyes, looking elsewhere, pensive. His arms around him loosened, and he distanced himself from him, making his own hand on his face fall. And without a word, Sangwon turned his back on him, fleeing the situation as he passed the doors.

Although he felt his heart sink, Geonwoo accepted the outcome. This had perhaps been too much for Sangwon. Or too fast. After all, it had taken Geonwoo a whole year to figure out his feelings, while the other was probably confused about this new air between them.

Expressing his love with words might not have worked tonight, but hopefully Sangwon understood what he felt through his eyes, his faint touches, and his devotion. And he could always confess tomorrow if he wanted to. Or he could take things step by step and let their relationship develop more slowly. Geonwoo didn’t mind, because he was convinced that nothing could stand in his way.

★

Since he was young, Geonwoo’s mother had read him stories about the Red Thread of Destiny, explaining how Fate worked. Fate was either by your side or against you. With no middle ground. However, Geonwoo believed that Fate decided when it was time. When it deemed you ready. Even with this belief, Geonwoo found it difficult to accept what he was hearing. Life was hard, cruel. And because there’s never enough suffering, an obstacle had to interrupt his path and shatter his world.

One month after their date, a moment that had changed him forever, he had finally met with Sangwon. One month during which he had battled for his time, too busy to meet. Yet, not busy enough to meet a whole new person and date them. Too occupied with work, Sangwon had said, while he opened his heart to a new man. Something he couldn’t do for Geonwoo.

His heart dropped to his stomach, his breathing short, but Sangwon was looking at him with a smile, waiting for his next words. His heart screamed at him to leave, to stop inflicting this pain on him. However, as he bled internally, he remained seated, unable to leave. So he swallowed his sorrow and feigned a smile, congratulating him on finding a boyfriend. For the rest of the day, Geonwoo remained laconic. Never would he have thought that his best friend would drain all of his energy.

After this, to protect himself, he distanced himself from his friend. It pained him, but deep down, if they were meant to be, Fate would make their path cross again.

The heartbreak had been hard to bear, imagining what would have happened if he had confessed that night, when everything had seemed perfect. Maybe they would have been together. But what was done couldn’t be taken back. Sangwon was happily taken, and that was a fact he had to accept. So, he only allowed himself to meet his friend once a month, for his own heart.

In any case, Sangwon was too busy with school and his lover to meet with him regularly. Geonwoo found it surprising that an external person had the power to alter their relationship.

Every night, Geonwoo would religiously pray for good news. Eventually, the good news came out in the form of Sangwon’s breakup. Exactly eleven months later, two weeks before Valentine’s Day, Sangwon announced that it was over with his boyfriend. Although Geonwoo had been waiting for Fate to separate their route, he was still surprised. Sangwon had seemed happy. They literally went on a date one week ago. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to stop a smile from forming. Geonwoo should have been ashamed, but he couldn’t suppress the feeling of joy that filled his chest. After all, his prayers had been heard.

“How come?” Geonwoo asked hesitantly.

“I realised I didn’t feel an ounce of love for him.”

“Suddenly? After a year?” Geonwoo found it bizarre because, to him, Sangwon did look in love. Or was it all an act? Were all the ‘I like him’s, ‘I can’t wait for the both of you to meet’ for it to never happen, and the ‘I think he is the one’ blatant lies? Had Geonwoo cried late into the night in his bed for nothing? Geonwoo wanted to question him, to understand what truly went through his head, but this wasn’t the right moment.

“Yeah, suddenly. And it hasn’t been a year yet, only eleven months. Anyway, I’m actually sad that I don’t have a date for Valentine’s, and I wanted to know if our little arrangement was still on?” Sangwon pierced him with his eyes, fluttering his lashes as he tried to lure him into agreeing. And it worked.

Sangwon actually had it easy. Asking him to spend the most romantic day of the year together, right after announcing that he had quit his boyfriend, as if nothing had ever mattered. As if he had never broken Geonwoo’s heart. But that was how Sangwon was, doing things the way he wanted, without ever asking for the other’s opinion. Yet, although he had hurt him, his love for him never wavered. Strong and proudly standing on its feet, ready to embrace Sangwon.

“We’re both single, I don’t see why not,” he tried to sound nonchalant, meanwhile, his heart was pounding, the corner of his lips naturally curling up. “But it’s too late to make a restaurant reservation… Is it good if we have dinner at my place?”

“Sounds good.”

Sangwon smiled, and Geonwoo wondered if his feelings for him could grow any stronger when his love had already reached the stars.

★

Two weeks later, his doorbell rang, and Geonwoo happily welcomed Sangwon into his home.

“Sit on the sofa while I finish cooking,” he said with excitement.

The apartment had been decorated prettily, with candlelights everywhere, the studio dimly lit, and a few fake rose petals on the table, giving the room a romantic atmosphere. Because he couldn’t bring Sangwon to a fancy restaurant, he at least wanted to bring the romantic vibe to his home and still make it seem like a date rather than a friendly gathering.

“I feel like a female bird…”

“What did you say?” asked Geonwoo from the kitchen, craning his neck towards him.

“Nothing!”

“Like a female bird, you said?”

“Why do you ask if you heard me the first time?” Sangwon walked to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he observed Geonwoo. “Can I help you?”

However, his presence in the kitchen didn’t please him. With both hands, he grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. “I want you to stay as far away from the kitchen as possible, Sangwon.”

He rolled his eyes, but returned to his previous spot nonetheless. While Geonwoo cooked, they talked, allowing themselves to play pretend together, pretend this didn’t feel awkward. and forget that Sangwon ever had a boyfriend. After all, this was the only day of the year when they were allowed to breach the boundaries of their friendship. All opportunities were good to take if it allowed Geonwoo to experience what it would be like to date Sangwon for real.

Once ready, Geonwoo set the table and brought three plates. They sat on the ground while he explained what he had prepared.

“Ok, so I made steak with potatoes and asparagus, and as for the side dish, I made the stir-fried pork neck you adore.”

“Oh my gosh, Geonwoo! I haven’t eaten that in ages, thank you!”

In a spur of happiness, Sangwon side hugged him around the waist, his way of thanking him. Sangwon immediately dug his fork and knife into the tender meat, wasting no time. Meanwhile, Geonwoo hid his smile with his hand as heat rose to his neck. This was the first time their body had touched since last year. A whole year without feeling Sangwon’s heat against his skin.

“I forgot the wine…” Geonwoo silently announced as he got up. He took advantage of his leave to cool his face. He was getting too excited; they were sitting so close to each other, legs brushing and elbows bumping. Without mentioning the sudden hug that made Geonwoo partially see heaven. Geonwoo was feeling too much love, and he was afraid it would show on his face. Because confessing now wasn’t the right time, as Sangwon had recently broken up. It would have been disrespectful. He needed to calm down, so he didn’t ruin this night for both of them.

But Sangwon seemed to have other plans. The dinner had gone well, they chatted about anything, and now it was time to watch a movie, one selected by Sangwon. It was about unrequited love, a subject that hit home way too close. But eventually, they got their happy ending, and Geonwoo wished for Fate to have written the same ending for them. Ten minutes before the ending, Sangwon leaned on his shoulder, casually resting his head, as if it had always meant to lie there. Geonwoo needed to pinch himself to stay focused on the movie. Hard task when Sangwon’s next move was to grab his hand and draw small circles on his palm.

It seemed that neither of them would know the ending of this film.

The soft caresses tickled, but Geonwoo let him continue. Then, he folded his fingers over his thumb, holding it. He wished they could stay like this forever, him trapped in his emprise. At that moment, Geonwoo also wished he didn’t care about courtoisie so he could seal their lips and finally tell him how much he loved him.

Without noticing, the closing credits rolled, plunging the room into a sudden silence. This caused them to pull apart, suddenly realising how intimate this exchange had felt.

“Ice cream for dessert?” asked Geonwoo, clearing throat.

“I think I’m going home,” Sangwon whispered, eyes focused on his own hand, more on the thumb he had held.

“This early?” Geonwoo was sad; he had planned so many more things for the night.

“Yeah, I have an early appointment with a professor. And feel tired.”

With no objection, they let the night come to an end.

As Sangwon gathered his belongings and dressed up, Geonwoo cleaned the table. He joined him by the doorframe, where they hugged tightly, a ritual after each date. Even if some moments had been awkward, they couldn’t pass this part. It was their way of thanking each other for being present and for their friendship.

“As always, I had a lovely night, thank you for being by my side.”

“Always, I will always be here for you,” he said softly, and it almost sounded like a declaration. But Geonwoo meant every word.

Suddenly feeling emotional, Geonwoo lifted his head to the ceiling, trying to fight the tears back. He hated to admit it, but their friendship had shifted in a direction he never desired. They were on that line of more than friends but not yet lovers, and it pained him. Because no matter what, if Sangwon didn’t clearly describe how he felt, Geonwoo would remain delusional and think there was a chance of Sangwon loving him back. All the signs pointed to mutual love, but at the same time, they screamed that his friend was solely playing pretend and that each lingering touch or stare meant nothing.

Sangwon must have felt the sincerity in his words because, without a warning, he grabbed his head and pulled him down for a kiss.

It was soft, barely a murmur, but Geonwoo still felt it. Deprived, Geonwoo kissed back, tears caught in his throat. His hands on his hips, he gripped them harder, fearing he would disappear beneath him, but Geonwoo’s kiss remained gentle. It wasn’t rushed, although Geonwoo had dreamed about this moment mainte fois and could have jumped on him like a beast. Instead, they slowly savoured each other’s mouths. A soft whine escaped from Sangwon when their tongues slightly touched, brushing against each other. But they didn’t dare traverse the border of their lips. Because if they did, Sangwon had to admit this signified something. But Geonwoo knew Sangwon wasn’t ready yet, so he let him arrange the rules as he chanted.

Sangwon bit his lower lip as a last kiss before pulling away. His hands slid down to his chest, putting distance between them as he slightly pushed him. Their breaths landed heavily, composing themselves from what happened. Neither of them dared to talk first or even look at the other. But their hands were still glued to their bodies, not ready to let the other fully go.

“I’m sorry,” Geonwoo apologised first. What was he apologising for? Well, he didn’t know, as he had enjoyed every bit of that exchange. But this was maybe what Sangwon wanted to hear, as he could read a bit of regret on his face.

Finally, Sangwon looked back. “No, don’t be sorry, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have kissed you, it was egoistic of me.” Geonwoo didn’t agree, but he didn’t interrupt him on that, although the words had felt like knives. “I guess I was touch and love-deprived tonight, but this doesn’t allow me to use you. I’m sorry, Geonwoo.”

And Geonwoo wanted to scream that he didn’t mind, that if he needed to be kissed again, he would do it deliberately, with no restraint. However, instead, he opted for a small okay. It was too soon, and Sangwon seemed vulnerable. He didn’t want to burden him while he was mentally exhausted and, as he said, ‘love-deprived’.

Yet, Geonwoo couldn’t ignore the way this all hurt. When he saw hope, Sangwon would come and trample on it. If five minutes ago he had thought his love was reciprocated, he wasn’t so sure about it anymore.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Geonwoo changed the subject.

“No need, I called a taxi. Thank you for dinner, Geonwoo. See you soon.” He threw a polite smile and waved at him, leaving him behind with a mix of butterflies and pain in his stomach.

Still slightly shaken by what had happened, his fingers flew to his lips, the sensation of Sangwon’s lips still lingering on him. Sangwon, without knowing, had granted him his biggest wish.

As he walked back into his house, his eyes landed on a small bag. It was the gift Geonwoo had planned to give him. It contained two matching red bracelets, symbolising Fate. Although dejected that he had totally forgotten to give it, Geonwoo smiled. Fate had decided today wasn’t the right day, and after that kiss, he was hopeful. Persuaded that the kiss translated what they felt deep down inside, although the protective excuses were telling otherwise. And that the perfect day to gift them was soon.

But the streak of bad luck continued.

Geonwoo thought that after their date, they would only grow closer and leave the act of indifference behind. But life had other plans. Sangwon suddenly got a job, and his studies were only getting harder and harder. Geonwoo met the same route, his job taking him too much time while he prepared for his exams. They did try to meet, but their schedules never matched. But when they did, it didn’t seem like anything had changed between them. But that little spark of tension that had been floating in the air vanished. And a distance had been instaured by Sangwon. What Geonwoo didn’t mind. For him, nothing had really changed. They were occupied with external problems, how adult’s life normally flow.

Delusional, that was what Geonwoo really was. But he closed his eyes and did as he wanted, ignoring all the signs that were thrown at him. Causing him to make the worst decision of his life.

★

Winter came by rapidly, sprinkling the city with snow. And Geonwoo had something great to announce. Hopefully, something that was going to make Sangwon jump until he reached the ceiling. And recently, Sangwon had been more jovial, encouraging him to believe that everything was back to normal.

For weeks, Geonwoo had been meticulously planning a trip to Sapporo for the two of them. He had chosen a nice hotel with a jacuzzi in the bathroom. Had planned all the restaurants they were going to, going from sushi dates to eating tonkatsu. And had prepared an itinerary where they would watch waterfalls and bathe in hot springs. And on Valentine’s Day, he had booked a ryokan, where they would eat traditional meals thoughtfully made by the hosts, and then appreciate the onsen, and finally, while they would have a late talk on the futons, Geonwoo would give him the bracelet and declare his love for him. He had everything perfectly planned. The perfect date and perfect confession.

After he took a long sip of his coffee to help him relax, he finally opened his mouth. “I have something to announce,” Geonwoo said, his voice cracking, too nervous. Although they had been friends for years, this was going to be their first trip together. It was only normal to feel nervous.

“Oh, me too! Let me tell it first.” Sangwon seemed happy, way too enthusiastic. Maybe something nice happened to him? Now, Geonwoo got even more nervous. He rubbed his clammy hands on his thighs as Sangwon made fake drum sounds with his fingers. “I have a boyfriend!”

And Sangwon smiled, big and bright, as if he had announced the best news ever, while Geonwoo’s only desire was to vomit his lunch. His heart dropped to his stomach, his intestines turning into knots as his face turned sour. He felt sick. Sangwon couldn’t hurt him more than that. He wanted to disappear. All his effort had been vain. All this organisation, all this acharnement at work to spare money for this trip, everything meant nothing. He was a fool for thinking this time things were different and that he had time. The hands of the clock’s ticks only resonated louder and louder in his ears.

At the end, it didn’t matter how Geonwoo felt. He would always be at the mercy of fate. So, for now, he swallowed his pain and forced a tight-lipped smile.

“Where did you meet him?” He dared to ask. When in reality, he wanted to know nothing about that man. His hands squeezed his thighs as jealousy tried to take control of his body.

“At work. At first, I didn’t really notice him, but when I got assaulted at work–”

“You got assaulted at work?” interjected Geonwoo, absolutely alarmed by the drop. Sangwon never told him this. And his best friend used to tell him everything, even the small details of his days that no one cared about. Except that Geonwoo always did. “Are you good now?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Some oldy was persistent, and even tried to follow me home, but that’s not important.” But it was to Geonwoo. “Anyway, so when this happened, Jaekyung-hyung was the first to come and help me, so sweet of him.” Geonwoo wanted to scream that it was totally normal to come and help him, but he refrained. “After this, he would walk me home almost every day.” Sangwon smiled shyly.

Sangwon never talked like this about someone, so endeared and with a dumb smile. Geonwoo understood that this relationship was different from the previous, deeper. And as if he hadn’t created enough damage on Geonwoo, he had to drop the next line.

“I think I love him.”

It felt like a cold shower, the way the words echoed in his head, taunting him. Or the giggle he let out right after. Geonwoo wondered if he had not been clear enough about his feelings and what else he could have done. Didn’t he at least deserve to be formally rejected? Why did he deserve to suffer?

This heartbreak was going to feel worse than the first one.

Geonwoo’s announcement had long been forgotten by both, now irrelevant. How could it matter? When one sentence from his friend shattered his world into millions of pieces.

The moment his body entered his studio, Geonwoo bolted to the toilet where he vomited everything he had eaten. His body slipped to the ground, the cold tiles somehow soothing him as he continued to sob. His heart hurt like hell. For him, his world was crumbling down. Nothing meant anything to him anymore.

After crying for two hours in his bathroom, he finally calmed down. But his breathing remained uncontrolled. He needed a confidant, someone to listen to him and understand him. Someone who would accept his pathetic side. So he called his mother. For the first time since middle school, he cried in front of his mother, although he tried his best to muffle his cries, as he told her how he fell in love with his best friend, and how he ended up feeling heartbroken. He was opening up to her, throwing everything on the table, because he had never told her he was gay. But the pain he felt was greater than the fear of coming out.

“I’m going to cancel everything,” he declared.

“Don’t, you worked hard for this.”

“But it doesn’t mean anything if I don’t go with Sangwon, Mom.”

“That isn’t true.” He heard her exhale through the phone. “It pains me to hear you like this. We could go together? What do you think? I think what you currently need the most is your mother, my baby.”

“I don’t know…”

“It will be great! Your father is going to be a bit jealous when he will learn his son is stealing his wife for Valentine’s Day, but he will understand.”

Geonwoo chuckled at the thought of an upset dad. He wiped his tears, already feeling better. “I will think about it.”

It was the first February fourteenth that Sangwon and Geonwoo hadn’t spent together since they had made their agreement. And it had sucked. His mother was great; he was thankful for her presence, but it didn’t soothe his pain. If it wasn’t for his mom, he wouldn’t have been able to survive the day. Especially after seeing Sangwon’s story on Instagram. He had posted a picture of a table with fancy food, and on the side, his hand was interlinked with another man's. He had cried in his futon that night, silently, so as not to wake up his mother. Because Sangwon had never posted a picture of their dates. He probably thought his dates were mediocre compared to his new boyfriend.

And Sangwon had shown him a picture of the boyfriend. It genuinely dumbfounded Geonwoo, because the man was ugly. He thought Sangwon at least deserved someone with the same beauty, although impossible. But that Jaekyung guy had nothing for him. He was maybe tall, but he looked like a rat. Maybe the jealousy was talking, but he didn’t care. It only made the pill harder to swallow that he had lost Sangwon’s heart to such a man.

When Geonwoo returned from his trip, everything looked grey. Sangwon had tried to reach out, but he didn’t feel capable of facing him. Not yet. So he found excuses to refuse any outings, his schedule full.

This lasted until late spring, when he slowly allowed Sangwon back into his life. Nothing had changed between them, as they were still in contact and because Sangwon truly believed Geonwoo was just too busy to meet.

Slowly, everything fell back to normal. Sangwon still talked about his boyfriend, and Geonwoo accepted his defeat. Although his heart had a hard time supporting the pain, it didn’t matter. He couldn’t possibly also lose him as his best friend; he would forever hate himself if this happened.

One night in January, Geonwoo was preparing to go to bed when he got a late phonecall from Sangwon.

“Hey?”

“Hey, what are you doing?” He sounded nervous.

“Nothing, about to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“Sangwon?”

“I broke up with Jaekyung-hyung,” he blurted out.

“Really?” He sounded unimpressed, but his heart had started to pound. Geonwoo wouldn’t say he had expected this. But there was a pattern, and Sangwon seemed to have a revelation in winter about his boyfriends.

“Yeah, just now.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think I ever loved him,” he confessed, which surprised Geonwoo because all this time, his friend seemed in love, just like his first relationship.

“How come?”

“Because he isn’t you–” Sangwon suddenly coughed. “Because he isn’t young!” he finished his sentence.

Geonwoo furrowed his eyebrows. “You told me he’s only three years older.”

“Too old, too old. I couldn’t possibly stay with him any longer; he treated me like a kid. So annoying.” Without even seeing him, Geonwoo knew Sangwon was rolling his eyes. “The worst part was when he got jealous over you. Telling me I was forbidden from seeing you. Who does he take me for? His son? So annoying, ugh.”

“You’re not sad?”

“No, I’m happy. Good riddance.”

Silence again.

“Should we see each other next week?” Geonwoo spurted out without a second thought.

The moment Sangwon agreed, he hung up and called his mother.

“I’m going to confess to him. Next week.”

“Okay, my baby. Do whatever you think is right.”

“Thank you. And sorry for calling you so late. I needed to hear your approval.”

“I will always root for your happiness.”

And with his mother’s words that filled him with love, he felt capable of anything. Instead of sleeping, he planned how he was going to ask Sangwon out for Valentine’s. His breakup happened at the right time. He still had enough time to make a reservation and plan something nice. For some reason, he was certain Sangwon would accept. The streak of bad luck had lasted too long, it was time for it to end.

★

Geonwoo’s hand fiddled with the small paper in his coat pocket as he stared at Sangwon. They were in a coffee shop, sharing a cake and catching up. A normal, friendly outing. Except that Geonwoo was going to hand him a handwritten letter asking him out for Valentine’s Day. The corners of the paper were probably folded by now, his fingers playing with it nervously. He should stop. But the more he looked at Sangwon, enthusiastically sharing recent anecdotes, his smile bright, showing his three front teeth, and being all cute, the more apprehensive Geonwoo became. Suddenly hesitant to give him his letter. Which he shouldn’t be, as this wasn’t the first time.

For the past years, Geonwoo had learned that waiting too long never benefited him. On a whim, although Sangwon was in the middle of telling a story, he pulled out the letter from his pocket and extended his hand.

With a look of confusion, Sangwon took it without questioning and opened it. At the view, his foot stamped on the floor, nervousness kicking back.

‘Allow me to take you out on Valentine’s Day’ was written on the paper. It was simple, nothing too much, but it still did the work. He never asked Sangwon out this way, always doing it the simplest way, such as ‘let’s spend Valentine’s Day together’. But writing it down made it seem more raw and deep, with more meaning.

His gaze followed Sangwon’s eyes, reading the sentence again and again without saying a word. The tip of his ears had turned red.

“Ugh, yes, let’s do something together that day. I’m single after all,” he let an awkward laugh out.

“I want you not to perceive me as your friend that day, but as a real date.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause this is maybe the last time we get to spend Valentine’s Day together,” Geonwoo announced. Immediately, Sangwon’s shy demeanour disappeared, replaced by confusion. “It depends on what Fate has reserved for me.” He could read that Sangwon didn’t understand what he meant, but didn’t ask further.

The only thing that mattered was that Sangwon agreed to go out with him, and this was his last chance to make Sangwon’s heart beat for him.

★

Soon, it was the fourteenth of February. Geonwoo had planned a normal date, dinner and then he would take him to play billiards, something they both liked. Nothing too extravagant, as his heart was still aching from last year, the failure of his trip still leaving a bittersweet aftertaste.

This time, with a grand bouquet, much bigger than the one from three years ago, he rang the doorbell. Sangwon opened the door and took Geonwoo’s breath away. The man had always been keen on his appearance, making sure his clothes matched and that his hair was styled. However, this time he had put some makeup on, the blush under the eyes making him look adorable.

Geonwoo swallowed hard. “You– you look beautiful tonight.”

Sangwon fluttered his eyelashes at the compliment. “Thank you.”

“Here, for you.” Both hands stretched out to hand him the flowers.

“They are beautiful. Come in, I’m not quite ready yet.”

It was his first time in his friend’s apartment. Normally, when they hung out, it was either outside or at Geonwoo’s place, but never here. Shoes off, he took every detail in while the host deposited the flowers on the table and disappeared into another room. There were plants in every corner of the living room, and instead of a television, there was a projector, and the red Persian rug added a nice touch of colour.

As he advanced deeper, his gaze landed on a commode with framed pictures. The first one showed a photo taken with his sisters. The way they all clung around Sangwon portrayed how much he was doted on by his family. The next one was probably taken in kindergarten, a time when they weren’t in each other's lives. His round cheeks smeared with chocolate brought a chuckle out of him. Years later, nothing seemed to have changed, still as cute.

Then the third, fourth and fifth framed pictures displayed photos taken during their dates. His finger lingered on the first one. A selfie of them with fries in the corners of their mouths, pretending to have fangs like vampires. It was silly, but it filled him with joy as he reminisced about their first failed date. It wasn’t perfect. How could it have been when he had never dated in his life and only followed the advice of a trendy article? Still, for nothing in the world would Geonwoo change that day for a perfect one. Otherwise, how could he guarantee he would have seen that reassured smile he had displayed all night? Or his laughter that resonated louder than the brouhaha of the folk? Would he have witnessed his eyes sparkle at the sight of his gift?

The second one was simple. A picture of their table at their first fancy restaurant date. A sort of evidence of their first real Valentine’s date.

And lastly, the third one was a picture taken secretly at his studio, one of his back as he cooked in the kitchen. His heart swelled because everything about it screamed intimate.

The fact that he got jealous over a silly Instagram story while Sangwon had framed each of their rendezvous and displayed them in his living room.

And because Geonwoo couldn’t help himself, he imagined what type of photo Sangwon would have framed had they gone on the trip to Hokkaido.

Now he wondered if this even meant something. But Sangwon didn’t give him more time to think, as he came out of the room, rushing.

“Geonwoo, I’m ready.” Sangwon walked to the entrance, where he put on his shoes.

Before walking over to him, his stare lingered one last time on the pictures.

“The taxi chauffeur is already waiting for us.”

“Quick, quick! Let’s not make him wait.”

★

“Do you recognise the lieu?” asked Geonwoo with a smirk as he watched his eyes sparkle from recognition.

“No way! Are we finally getting the chance to eat their cuisine? After five years?”

“Yeah,” Geonwoo chuckled at his enthusiasm, “this time I knew to make a reservation.”

As they entered the restaurant, the atmosphere immediately put them at ease. It was cosy, yet elegant. The server walked them towards their table. And before Sangwon could sit, Geonwoo pulled his chair, the gesture making Sangwon smile.

“Ooh, what a chalant guy,” he teased as he took off his coat, showing his beautiful white shirt with a rose embroidered on the left side.

“Always for you,” Geonwoo flirted, his turn to take place at the table.

The server placed the menus in front of them. They hesitated, as none of them had ever eaten real Italian food. After some pleasant bickering and Google research, they opted for bruschettas, black truffle pasta and ravioli al pomodoro.

As they waited for their food, Geonwoo couldn’t help a fifth ‘you look extremely pretty tonight’ slip out of his mouth.

“You don’t need to repeat yourself.” Sangwon feigned annoyance by rolling his eyes, but the faint redness on his ears betrayed him. He secretly enjoyed the repeated compliments.

“I have to. After all, this is the only day of the year I get to have you all to myself.”

Geonwoo was bold tonight. No more caring what Sangwon might think of him, nor scared he might be too much, too obnoxious. But this was the trial to make Sangwon fall in love with him. If, after five years and all these efforts, Sangwon still felt nothing more than friendship, Geonwoo would have to abandon this love. It was a resolution that he made to himself. One that forced him to at least try one last time and confess.

No response came after his phrase, as the plate arrived at the same time.

Everything went well, the conversations were light, more mature, about their work, plans for the future. Showing a great difference from their first date, still young and carefree. But they still couldn’t help themselves and talk about high school gossip. Their faces drew closer, whispering as if they feared that the subjects of their talk happened to be in the perimeter.

As Sangwon murmured, Geonwoo’s eyes followed the movements of his lips, mesmerised by the way the tip of his tongue protruded. Then, images of their first kiss flashed before him. Remembering how their lips naturally moulded together. Two years since it happened, and Geonwoo still thought about it religiously. Heat crept to his cheeks, something that didn’t go unseen, as Sangwon immediately retreated, suddenly aware of their proximity. And took a long sip of his water. Now they were both avoiding looking at the other.

In an attempt to dissipate the awkwardness, Geonwoo cleared his throat. “I will take care of the bill.”

Meanwhile, his only desire was to savour his lips, but had to act as if the tension between them was a mere illusion. How much longer was he supposed to behave?

★

They were heading to their last spot of the night. Geonwoo was excited for it because Sangwon always beat him up in billiards, and the scream of celebration after each win, taunting Geonwoo as he showed all of his teeth, made him smile with fondness. And usually, Geonwoo wasn’t terrible at pool, whenever he was with Sangwon, he would steal all of his fortune, leaving him without a shred of chance.

Except this time, Geonwoo could feel that Fate was on his side. What happened next proved him right.

A tug on his coat’s sleeve made him turn his face to the side. The apologetic expression on Sangwon's face concerned him. “Everything alright?”

“I’m sorry, Geonwoo. I know you had everything planned, but I’m feeling tired…”

Instead of being upset, Geonwoo smiled, and his hand patted his head, sliding it down to the nape of his neck. “Shall we head home then?”

“I was thinking I could sleep over at yours?”

His hand momentarily stopped massaging his neck, withdrew it, and hid his face behind it. His face turned abruptly to the side. This felt like hitting the jackpot. He couldn’t have imagined a better outcome than this. Sangwon, in his bed, until tomorrow morning, after they had spent Valentine’s night together.

Sangwon waited for his answer, looking up at him.

“Yeah, yeah, sounds good.”

“Nice!” Sangwon immediately wrapped his arms around Geonwoo’s arm as he dragged him towards the nearest metro station. “It’s cold,” he said as an excuse to snuggle into him. “Oh, by the way, do you have a spare toothbrush for me?”

On an assertive move, Geonwoo grabbed his hand, intertwined it with his, and put them in his coat’s pocket.

“Always.”

★

On his bed, Sangwon was comfortably spread out, arms stretched up, while his t-shirt was rucked up, exposing a beautiful, toned stomach. The view tempted him to imagine things that weren’t friendly approved. But as soon as he heard Geonwoo come out of the bathroom and the door shut, he sat up properly.

“Thank you for lending me your clothes.” He stretched the side of the t-shirt, kind of showing how it ran a little large on him. Geonwoo nodded, inwardly losing it at the sight of Sangwon wearing his clothes.

“Don’t have anything smaller, sorry.” Geonwoo climbed on the bed as well, sitting himself right in front of Sangwon, who looked away at the sight of a freshly showered Geonwoo. “If it gets too cold, wake me up, and I will find you something warmer to wear.”

“I should be fine,” he mumbled, folding his legs to his chest and hugging them so he could hide his face behind his knees. The tip of his ears red.

After a short silence, Geonwoo shamelessly watched him while Sangwon avoided any eye contact. Geonwoo broke the silence.

“You still tired?”

“Not so more.”

“Okay, because there’s something I want to give you,” Geonwoo shared as he got up, “and something I need to tell you,” he whispered the last line, too low that Sangwon might not have caught it. But he did. Now both were aware what was about to occur, no escaping anymore, no sudden boyfriend in the parage to come between them.

Quickly, Geonwoo sat back in front of him, but this time with something hidden in his hand. Gently, he took Sangwon’s hand and slipped a red bracelet around his wrist.

“It’s beautiful… Thank you.”

Sangwon observed the red band, mesmerised by the small translucent blue pearl attached, while Geonwoo hadn’t let go of his hand. It was still secured in his, his thumb caressing the back of Sangwon’s hand.

“Do you know what it means?” Sangwon nodded slowly, as if trying to process the information. “This is my way of telling you that I love you.” His other hand came forward, showing the same bracelet clung around his wrist.

A long pause followed after this. Sangwon seemed lost, unable to answer. Understanding that he might have come out as too forward, he released his hand.

“You don’t need to answer me right away. And if you want, if you feel uncomfortable, I can sleep on the couch…” It pained him to say this because Geonwoo truly believed his love was reciprocated. But he hadn’t expected silence as a response, and it looked as if he had read all the signs wrong. Once again. “Sorry.”

He straightened up, about to leave, when he didn’t get even an acknowledgement, but a tight grip firmly dragged him back to his previous position. Their eyes finally locked.

Finally, they were properly facing each other, no more avoiding their Fate.

“Do you know why I always break up with my boyfriends weeks before Valentine’s Day?”

“Because you never loved them?”

“True, but that’s not only it.”

“Because your New Year’s resolutions made you realise you didn’t need a boyfriend?”

“No, dumbass,” Sangwon held himself back from facepalming himself, “because of you, Geonwoo.”

Slowly, the words settled in.

Oh.

“Because I couldn’t possibly imagine spending that day with anyone other than you. And I did it once, which I will forever regret. I dated Jaekyung-hyung and convinced myself I loved him, because I was afraid of falling too deeply with my best friend over a silly deal we made some years ago, about something that only happened on a whim and never truly meant anything. And I regretted it, because he could never be you or replace you.

“I couldn’t stop comparing him to you. How you made me feel so much more without even having the title of a boyfriend. And how even though our first date didn’t go as planned, it made me happier than all the moments I spent with them. I preferred eating fast food at a dingy place rather than the ultra-chic place he had reserved. Or how you made me feel loved when you cooked us a homemade meal with my favourites, and that you made me feel so much that I had to flee. And yet, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you… I tried to convince myself it was him whom I loved, lying to myself when, from the moment we shared our first Valentine’s, it has always been you, and never another whom I loved. It was always you, Geonwoo, never someone else. I was just too much of a fool to admit it. I’m sorry. I love you.”

While Sangwon opened up, he moved closer to Geonwoo, kneeling on the mattress so he could face Geonwoo better. Their hands wrapped together as their eyes finally shared their buried emotions, no longer afraid to love each other.

“This was a long declaration.”

Sangwon laughed. “It’s so you realise I have always loved you. And knowing you, a simple ‘I love you’ won’t have done the work.”

“Ah, true.” Geonwoo smiled. “You know me well. But it’s also because I’ve been unlucky for the past four years, so I was really prepared to be rejected, or for you to suddenly tell me you’d found a new man, although you had just broken up with your ex.”

“Well, I do have a new boyfriend.” His eyes widened, while heat crept up his neck. Sangwon took advantage of his state to get closer than ever. “And so do you,” he whispered, their lips brushing lightly.

The first one to close the gap was Geonwoo. He bit on the plush flesh of his lips before slowly sliding his tongue inside. But Sangwon didn’t let him in easily, challenging him a bit.

“Mhhh, please, Sangwon,” he whined. But Sangwon didn’t really care.

Instead, he put his arms on his shoulder and tilted his head, looking at him innocently as he pronounced the next words. “But I’m tired,” Sangwon teased, clearly playing.

“I’ve been wishing to kiss you again for so long, you can’t do this to me.”

“I often thought about the first kiss we shared.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I always thought myself an idiot for not staying at your place that night.”

“You made me believe something was possible between us. I even made the biggest financial mistake of my life.”

“Which one?” Sangwon asked, intrigued.

“Okay, it’s really embarrassing, and I’m only telling you this now because we figured everything out, so…” He cleared his throat before continuing. “The Hokkaido trip I went to last year was supposed to be your Valentine’s gift…” Geonwoo shamelessly admitted, looking away.

As a reaction, which was absolutely not exaggerated after discovering that your crush had planned a whole trip for you, but that you ended ruining it by getting a boyfriend, Sangwon stood up on the bed, hands over his falling mouth.

“No way…”

“Not that I regret organising it! I still went with my mother and had fun. I just wish I had asked you beforehand if you were up for it before organising everything on my own. But the idea of seeing you surprised and jump from happiness was too tempting…”

“Come get your kisses.” However, it was Sangwon who threw himself at Geonwoo, sealing their lips. “I’m sorry… Not even 5 minutes in and I’m already the worst boyfriend ever.”

“That’s not true. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, as a friend or as a lover, although you did make me suffer a bit.” He smiled. “Are you going to take responsibility for it?”

Sangwon nodded, sat on his lap and hugged his face. With a long stare full of regret and love, they erased the gap and shared a passionate kiss.

From the very beginning, nothing went perfectly for them. Whether it was the timing or his luck in general, which was cruelly unkind. Or how he went through heartbreaks, each one leaving a mark. It taught him how to endure in silence and never expect life to be easy.

It took Geonwoo five long years to be with Sangwon. Five years of waiting, doubting, longing and mental distress. And yet, every moment of pain, every tear, and every shattered expectation led him to this. To Sangwon. Making it all worth it.

Fate could be cruel, but it moved on its own timing. Waiting and watching until it believed it was the right time, that the two souls were finally ready and meant to be together.