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Shane doesn't learn about it – any of it – until the first February he plays for the Centaurs. February 1st, there's an event in the team's calendar, titled “Mandatory Safety Workshop”.
Shane is confused, until he sees that the event was created by Ilya, and then he is flummoxed.
There are plenty of words that immediately come to mind when Shane thinks of Ilya, but “safety” has never been one of them.
Ilya. The guy with the fast car and the motorcycles. Ilya. His husband, who once admitted to trying basically every recreational drug available in North America and Russia. Ilya. The man who wanted to go skydiving and scuba diving and paragliding and probably fucking swim with sharks.
Ilya.
And then, worst of all, when Shane asked about the event, Ilya just shrugged and said, “Is not mandatory for you.” Shane blinked at him. “And why not?” “You are already safest man in world. Would be like making creativity workshop mandatory for Lady Gaga. Or gay icon workshop for Freddie Mercury. Or slapshot workshop for Ilya Rozanov.”
Shane had shoved Ilya at that, which caused Ilya to tackle him, so Shane, of course, had to retaliate by – not important. The point is, no more information was gathered that day.
Shane went to the event on February 1st, having no clue whatsoever he was walking into. The guys were all gathered in one of the practice arena's meeting rooms. Some had brought laptops with them, but most just had their phones out.
What happened next probably could not have surprised Shane more: Ilya walked in, tapped on a computer at the front of the room, and an honest-to-god PowerPoint presentation appeared. The title: V-Day 2022.
“Listen up, children. It is 13 days until one of most important days of year.” Ilya began, and Shane's jaw was basically on the floor. “We are in Buffalo, the fucking armpit of New York State, for game on big day. Most WAGS are not traveling with us, so today you plan two things: #1 what you do on Valentines Day to show you did not forget person you love so much, and #2 what you do on not-day when we get back.”
Shane looks around the room. No one looks surprised, at all, which only makes Shane more shocked.
One of the rookies raises his hand like they're back in fucking school or something. Ilya points at him.
“Cap, why do I have to be here? You know I–”
“Yes, Jonesy, we all know you are single.” Ilya says dismissively. “Is learning time for you. Maybe listen and learn and next year, you will not be alone, yes?”
The rookie knows better than to argue with that.
Ilya proceeds to take the team through a slideshow filled with instructions like, “No roses unless first V-Day together” and “Trial run new babysitters in advance”.
“For anyone else without special someone this year, you are coach to rest of team. Work together. Make good plan, good for team spirit. What do we say?”
And then, like they're in some kind of fucking cult, the whole room chants:
“Happy spouse, happy house!”
Ilya claps his hands once and the room bursts into lively chatter.
Shane can hear snippets of conversation, things like, “Not fucking flowers again, dude!” and "It'll be way easier to find a babysitter this year since we're celebrating a week after everyone else!”
Ilya drops into a chair beside Shane, lounging as comfortably as if the hard wooden chair was a couch.
“Told you that you could skip.”
Shane just stares at him.
“How is this a safety workshop?” Shane asks, realizing he was still missing something. Ilya laughs, his face a big, happy smile.
“Do you remember Peters?”
“Sure,” Shane says, “He was on the Raiders, right?”
“Yes, married girl named Angie from California. My second year as captain, Petey had Super Bowl party at house. He made it big deal. Invitations, catering, decorations, games. Whole team, all the WAGS, kids everywhere. I say to wife, Angie, “Wow, he is good at celebration. He thinks of everything. What does he do for Valentine?”
Shane's stomach sinks. He knows where this is going.
“She laughs but no smile. Says he probably will get some flowers. I wait, expecting more, but that was it. I say, ‘What kind of flowers?’ I am idiot, I think she will say something about biggest bouquet anyone has seen. Flowers he grew himself. No. She shrugs and says roses.”
Shane learned the hard way that, roses while classic, are rarely ever a woman's favourite flower. Especially if that woman’s name is Rose.
“Angie was standing in kitchen, near enormous picture from wedding. Gorgeous, could be in magazine. Bride Angie had sunflowers, biggest smile. Real Angie? No smile, no sunflowers, pregnant with baby number three.”
Shane thinks of Jackie, of how hard she works. How dedicated she is to Hayden and their kids. How exhausted she is, even with Hayden being a way better dad and husband than Peters seems to have been.
Then he tries not to think about Ilya, seeing a sad mom and needing to right the injustices of the world.
“So you stepped in,” Shane concludes and Ilya nods.
“Other guys heard, started talking. Next year, made it an event. Then a tradition. Centaurs maybe don't need it as much as Raiders, but is fun to do in boring Canadian winter.”
“But why call it a safety workshop?” Shane asks.
“Simple,” Ilya says, “I tell idiot man children: maybe WAGS don't kill you if you forget to show love and appreciation for everything they do for you, but I will. Come to workshop for your safety.”
Shane isn't always the best at inferring things, but suddenly everything makes sense.
“So, when you told me that I was ‘the safest man in the world’…” Shane starts.
“Is true.” Ilya nods, “Both ways. Very safety-conscious but also best at love.”
Tears sting at Shane's eyes. More than a decade into this wild relationship, he's still finding new things to love about Ilya. He leans over and presses a kiss to his husband's lips.
“Do I still need to plan two things? Since we will be in the same town on Valentine's Day?”
Ilya frowns the slightest bit. He hadn't thought of that.
“I plan for day-of; you plan for when we get home?”
“Perfect,” Shane says.
And yeah, it really is.