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Dazai was full of excitement as he got ready in the morning. It was Valentine’s Day and even if he and his husband usually didn't celebrate it, but a cryptic message he received a week ago said otherwise.
He still remembered the exact words of the news lady as she described the murder scene. The man who was murdered was one of his husbands Russian associates, his blood was formed like a heart around him and in his hand was a broken pocket watch which had stopped at exactly 6 pm. How nice to finally hear from his husband again after they were the last few weeks apart, due to business.
One wouldn’t be able to gather all the details from this precise orchestrated murder alone. No, to find the place, one would have to look into the ads segment of the daily news paper, where an already closed church was looking for exterminator to get rid of their rat infection.
The police would never catch onto this, these poor bastards were probably going mad deciphering the symbolism.
Luckily for Dazai, Ranpo was out of town for two months and it would take long before he would be back again. So there was no one who could cross their Valentines plans.
He slipped into his usual attire and grinning like an idiot. After he was ready, he laid out what he was going to wear this evening. With a rare motivation and excitement in his chest, the brunette stepped out of his dorm and headed to the agency.
He was slacking off more than usual the last few weeks, but today he felt generous and he was going to finish his paperwork for today as fast as possible. After all it was ‘the day of love’ or how everyone called it, so it wouldn’t hurt to make such a lovely surprise for Kunikida.
But almost immediately as he pushed the doors to the agency open, practically glowing with excitement. He noticed a dark shadow looming over him from behind. As he turned around he looked into the eyes of a deeply enraged Kunikida.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest, standing menacingly in front of the exit, glaring at his partner.
“I see you have come on time today, that’s a really pleasant surprise, but”
The blond pushed his glasses back in place as he was talking.
“the majority of your paperwork from the last week still needs to be done! And I won’t allow it to go unfinished any longer!”
Dazai turned his head to his desk or rather to the piles of paperwork with a little bit of desk underneath. It felt like every piece of dead tree there was laughing at him.
“Oh come on Kunikidaaaa.”, the brunette placed his hand dramatically in his chest “As you know, since I’m the most trusted, efficient and dedicated member of the agency-“
“Are you kidding me!”
The blonde was practically fuming at the mouth now, fed up with Dazais antics from the last few days.
“Hey, hey, I wasn’t done talking. You are so mean Kunikida! As I wanted to say, before I was so rudely cut off, I already planned to do all my paperwork, without trying to hang and/or drown myself.”
The taller man blinked dumbfounded at his coworker.
“Are you messing with me or are you telling the truth?”
Dazai put his arm around Kunikida shoulder, slowly guiding him to his desk.
“Of course, when have I ever lied to you? But even you have to admit, that nobody can get this much done on one day.”
Kunikida was slowly returning to a clear state of mind.
“Well you will have to do extra hours then! This work only piled up, since you were slacking off so much!”
The blonde sat down on his chair.
“Oh come on, today is Valentines day! It would be so overly cruel to let me do extra hours today!
Dazai was looking at his coworker with bright puppy eyes, to the brunettes dismay they it didn’t work.
“Well you should have thought about this sooner.”
The blonde turned away from Dazai and started to tip on his computer, basically telling the other that he was done with this and that he just had to suck it up.
Dazai leaned forward to whisper in Kunikidas ear:” Yes, but it wouldn’t be fair to my date for today. You wouldn’t want to ruin this day for some poor innocent beauty, just because I have a terrible work ethic.”
Kunikida grunted at that, one may think it would have looked like the fish had bitten onto the bait.
“Also, my date would probably come at you, if I can’t make it today.”
Kunikidas eyes widened a bit. Dazai could probably see the images of the fake bomb, a woman had sent once, or how one actually blew the brunettes car up, running trough his partners head.
But to his defence, he had only flirted with them on one or two occasions to his own benefit, it wasn’t like he had an affair or that he was even interested in these woman.
Dazai knew that his partner only needed a small push into the right direction now.
“Anddd, did I say that I know someone, who is free today and fits your ideal type? This someone is still looking for a date this evening, you know.”
“And she would want to go out with me today?”
The blonde fully turned to Dazai again, who was internally rubbing his hands together like a fly.
“Yes, I can arrange something right now.”
Kunikida took a deep breath and weighed his options internally, before he answered: “Fine. But only if you complete your paperwork for today.”
Dazais eyes started sparkling.
“Thank youuu, Kunikidaaa! I always knew that it was a good idea from the president to make you his second in command.”
The man with glasses turned to his lap top again.
“So have you…”
The blonde gave a bit of a nervous expression. Dazai had to hold back his laugh or he would have to do extra hours today after all.
He quickly sent a text to ‘Kunikdas date to be’.
“Ohhh Kunikidaaa. We already have an answer!”
The blondes head immediately snapped into the phones direction, trying to get a glimpse of the screen.
“Na uhh~. Don’t be so noisy.”
Dazai dismissively waved his hand in Kunikidas direction.
“Oh come on tell me what she said!”
“Yeah, yeah. She’s going out with you. You are okay with Italian food, right?”
„Yes, that sounds good.“
Dazai could tell how embarrassed Kunikida was that, Dazai of all people was arranging a date for him, but the thought of finally meeting his ideal partner was probably to good to pass this up.
Oh, Kunikida would be so pissed if he found out who Dazai was texting, if he didn’t have much better plans, the brunette would love to watch the upcoming situation unfold.
“Soo, you are meeting in front of an Italian restaurant at 6 pm, I sent the address to you.”
Kunikida immediately recognised the name.
“Dazai this restaurant is really expensive, I haven’t planned such a big purchase this month.”
“Don’t worry your date will probably offer to pay.”
The brunette waved his hand at him dismissively.
“I won’t let anybody else pay for me on the first-“
Dazai was already walking to his desk.
“I’m sorry but I have to work, not all of us can just chitchat the whole day.”
Kunikida jumped immediately out of his seat.
“WHAT! I’M THE ONE WHO ONLY CHITCHATS!?”
Dazai waved his hand at him dismissively again.
“Oh come on, just be happy about your date with a short redhead tonight.”
Kunikida was still angry, but he dropped it so both of them could work.
—————
“Hey guys, who wants to go grab lunch together?”, Yosano asked.
Naomi was the first to get up, followed by Atsushi, Kyouka and Kunikida.
Tanizaki was out on a mission with Kenji, so the only one still there was Dazai.
“Hey Dazai, don’t you want to join us?”, Atsushi asked.
But to everyones surprise Dazai declined: “No not today, Atsushi. I want to complete these reports first.”
Everyone looked like they had seen a ghost. They were equally dumbfounded and confused.
“Since when, don't you go to lunch with us to finish reports?”, Yosano asked.
“I want to finish this to go on my Valentines date today.”
Dazai didn’t even look up from his papers as he spoke.
They shrugged and went to cafe Uzumaki.
They all ordered and set down at their usual table.
“So, did you all see how weird Dazai behaved today?”
Yosano leaned her head on her elbow and looked to the others.
Kunikida quickly explained the Deal he and Dazai made.
“So that explains why he was so dedicated today”, Naomi said.
“Yes, but he was so excited the whole day. I’ve never seen him so happy”, Yosano threw in.
“Sounds to me like he has found someone really special”,Kyouka replied while sipping at her hot chocolate.
“Yeah, but Dazai? Someone special? I honestly can’t imagine that”, one couldn't take this past Atsushi since his mentor was such a flirt.
Kunikida put his fingers to his chin in an obvious thinking manner.
“Hmm, you are right. But it seemed like she was really important to him.”
Atsushi was gesturing widely, fully absorbed into this mystery.
“Why don’t t we just ask him?”
“B-But Kyouka, we can’t just do this.”
“Why?”
They all just looked at each other in silence.
—————
With every paper he filled out and with every report he wrote, the excitement in Dazais stomach grew. As he finally finished his last report, he practically jumped out of his seat and was quickly out through the door.
He was finished quicker with his reports than he thought he would. Heck the others didn't even return from their lunch break as he finished.
Dazai hurried home to get ready. He showered, changed his bandages and put his suit, shoes and make up on. Even tough he left early it was half past 5 and he still actually had to get to the church.
He quickly made his way to the abandoned building. It was a small church near the river, on the outskirts of the city. As he stepped inside a wave of dust immediately hit him in the face. Even tough the church was abandoned it seemed intact, like there were still services held here every Sunday, if you count the dust out of course. The last lights of the day shined trough the windows and tainted everything in purple light.
As he was taking in the rest of the church, he saw in the corner of his eye a blinking red light. He quickly hurried into its direction. It was a bomb. The red lines on the little screen showed a 56-,55-,54-, it was going down every second.
Dazai quickly got to work and opened it. A certain someone had left a pliers beside it. This one was a special model, one he had never seen before. On every wire were red sentences in Dazais and his husbands code language written.
‘We married in a Russian church’
‘We adopted cats’
The first was right, even tough it was also abandoned and without a priest.
The second was wrong, they discussed it, but haven’t decided on it yet, since his husband was travelling so often and they rarely were together in their secret apartment.
Dazai quickly caught on, he cut the second wire with the false statement.
‘You wear your wedding ring on a necklace beneath your clothes’ - This one was true.
‘You love to steal my ushanka’ - True.
‘I wear my wedding ring, also on a necklace’ - False, it’s on his finger.
He quickly cut this wire.
‘You tried to cook my favourite dish once and terribly failed’ - True.
‘You turned a member of my old church against me so they would try to kill me’ - False it was a waiter from a restaurant they often went to in Russia.
He again cut one of the bombs wires.
‘We once played a mixture of chess and Russian Roulette which you won’ - False it was a draw.
Another cut wire.
As he quickly cut all the other false ones, the timer stopped at 2 seconds.
“My my, you truly never disappoint, Дорогая .”
As he heard this voice, Dazai immediately stood up and turned around. In the entryway of the sacristy stood a handsome man, dressed in a beautiful suit, with a white ushanka on his head.
Dazais breath stocked, as his eyes took the majestic appearance of his husband in. Dazai truly considered himself a lucky man.
His beautiful black hear, his enticing purple eyes and every of his striking features looked much more beautiful than usual, especially after they were so long apart again, it seemed to put Dazai in an overjoyed trance.
“I can say the same to you.”
They took slow steps towards each-other.
“The riddle was a bit easy tho.”
Both of them wore smirks one would call infuriating.
“Oh, so you are disappointed?”
Their bodies were only apart by less than a meter.
“No, don’t worry, your last surprise was truly incredible. You know how much I love to stay on deaths door. Unlucky me I guess.”
Like always there was this strange excitement in his voice when he talked about dying. Fyodor did a little curtsy and kissed Dazais hand.
“Wow, what an old fashioned one you are. At this rate one would think you will pass out if I show you my ankles.”
Dazais tone may sounded mocking, but this was just what they were. They may be husbands but they still were enemies.
“You call it old fashioned, I call it a gentleman.”
The brunette started laughing loudly. The Russian huffed, but still gave him an amused smile.
“You, a gentleman? I thought you held me for more intelligent than this?”
Fyodor stood up and interlooped his arm with Dazais.
“But haven’t I planned the most fantastic of dates for us?”
The brunette tilted his head to Fyodors side and smirked at him.
“You tried to blow me up, not really gentlemanly of you.”
The Russian smirked back.
“But you like it.”
The Japanese started pouting and looking away from his husband,
“Fine you beat me. You are just too good at this, planning so much and showing up in this beautiful attire.”
Fyodor started walking and pulling Dazai with him.
“This wasn’t all there is still something else.”
Full of excitement and with sparkling eyes Dazais head snapped back to Fyodor.
“Are you going to play Russian Roulette with me?”
This time Fyodor was the one laughing.
“No not today, maybe we can play it tomorrow.”
They slowly made their way out the church, laughing and bickering with each other the whole time.
—————
Atsushi gasped for air as he saw who exited the church with Dazai. He would have never imagined that his mentor wasn’t with a beautiful woman, but with Fyodor Dostoyevsky? Out of all people?
He quickly shook Kyoukas shoulder who was hiding with him in the bushes, surrounding the church.
“Do you see the same thing as me?”
Atsushi looked like a mixture of completely confused and completely panicked.
“Yes, I do.”
Even tough she was far more calmer than her friend, she was still visibly shaken.
The man who clung to Dazais arm was a full on terrorist and their enemy.
“M-Maybe he is being held hostage? We should do something”, Atsushi stuttered, he was already about to stand up, but Kyoka pulled him down again.
“Wait, if he is held hostage, we have to act careful.”
She turned back to the two man who sat down on a bank near the riverbank. Fyodor gave Dazai something to drink, maybe Whisky? They were laughing?
“What do you mean ‘if’, it’s the only possible explanation for this.”
Atsushi was gesturing widely again, if the other wasn’t going to quiet down, they would sooner or later be noticed. Kyouka laid her hand on his shoulder to soothe him.
“Dazai looks happy not like he his being held hostage right now.”
Atsushi was quickly looking between the two men on the bench and his roommate.
“Yes but-“
“Maybe Dazai has a plan, we shouldn’t interfere yet.”
Atsushis face looked like someone had turned on a light bulb inside his brain.
“Wait. That makes perfectly sense! Dazai always has some kind of plan!”
“Exactly. Put let’s stay put and observe them a bit longer, he could still be in danger after all.”
“Maybe we should call Kunikida and tell him just in case?”
“Yes that’s a good idea.”
Kyouka reached for her phone and started dialling.
—————
Fyodor laid his head on his husbands shoulder and Dazai did the same to his head.
They were snuggled together, both quietly clawing at the others warmth. It was one of those rare silent moments between them, where everything else just faded. Their cat and mouse game, their organisations, their goals, etc. were all irrelevant now.
Just them, the sunset and the peaceful sound of the river.
Oh how he had missed Fyodor the last few weeks. He didn’t even notice it before he stood in front of him again. With him, Dazai could finally feel so featherlight and honest when talking to someone else, even if this honesty was filled with mind tricks and games. He could finally feel like he wasn’t some abnormality, constantly pretending to be he wasn’t.
He loved how Fyodor would always look at him like he was one of the angels he worshipped, but also how every interaction between them was still like a game of chess, with both of them as perfect equals.
It felt so human to him and he was sure Fyodor felt similar.