Chapter Text
Iida was not having a good day.
Actually, it really was more like he wasn’t having a good week. It had started when he’d been horribly humiliated on national television by some pink-haired lunatic and then, only hours later, found out that his brother had been attacked by a different, much more clinically insane, lunatic. At that point Iida had decided he’d just about had it with lunatics of any kind.
It did not help that his classmates, in their attempt to not upset him, were treating him like he was fragile. In actuality, all Iida wanted was to act like nothing had happened and maybe murder Stain just a little bit if given the opportunity. Or both.
Unfortunately, just like most good characters, Iida required a period of development within his timeline, and the universe decided that the perfect way to do this would be to have him run into yet another lunatic. More specifically, the same lunatic from the sports festival.
“It’s you!” The shrillest of shrill voices screeched from behind Iida.
He immediately responded by swinging around, arms held up defensively.
Now in most situations this would have proved to be wholly unnecessary, but when it came to Hatsume this was actually the best move Iida could have made, as only seconds after his arms covered his very important and very poorly guarded face, it was then assaulted by Hatsume’s full-body hug.
“I finally found you!” said Hatsume.
“Mhuphghmm!” said Iida.
Hatsume swung back off him and rocked on the heels of her feet, the epitome of an over caffeinated toddler. “You did a fantastic job of selling my babies! Really excellent—better than anyone I’ve had help before.”
“I—” Iida was able to say exactly one word before Hatsume continued.
“And believe me, I’ve managed to get several people to help me out here and there, but they never seem to stay around for long, and they aren’t quite so quietly cooperative like you. They usually yell at me after. But you didn’t!”
“Well—” started Iida, about to protest that while he had not yelled at Hatsume, he was still not very pleased with her deception.
“Anyways, I got a lot of interest, thanks to you. The audience loved my babies, and you made them look particularly appetizing. I’m absolutely drowning in custom orders, which is, in my opinion, pretty much the best thing ever, and honestly I don’t know how I’m going to get through all of them, but it’ll be so much fun trying.” She let out a high pitched squeal and gave a quick spin. “I’m not going to sleep for weeks!”
Iida opened his mouth, hoping to explain the necessities of indulging one’s somnolence, but, predictably, he was interrupted before a single sound could escape him.
“And I made so much money from all this. Like I said, couldn’t have done it without you, so here’s your cut!” She thrust an envelope stuffed with cash towards him.
“Wha— I don’t want this!” said Iida, the first full sentence of his for the entire conversation.
With absolutely no hesitation, Hatsume retracted her hand and stuffed the money back into one of her many already full to bursting pockets. “No problem. You see, I do want it, so I’ll just keep it. Still, I really should repay you somehow.” Hatsume dropped to her knees and examined Iida’s engines with an alarming hunger. “Why don’t you let me upgrade those legs of yours?” she asked, her voice bordering on lustful.
Iida’s eyes widened and his voice shook with fear. “I want that even less!” he said, taking a few steps back at the sight of Hatsume’s expression, worried—perhaps irrationally so—that the frightening girl would, in fact, take a bite out of his legs.
Hatsume got back to her feet with a quick hop and shrugged. “I tried,” she said. “Anyways, that’s not actually why I found you, the real reason I wanted to talk to you is because I want help.”
“Huh?”
“Some corporate big-wigs found out about me and asked me to come on some talk show tomorrow night to promote my babies some more. Now I hardly need the publicity at this point, but, after careful consideration I have come to a conclusion.” Hatsume reached into an entirely new pocket and pulled out a piece of paper that she unfurled as she talked. She shoved the paper at him, and began to explain the very simplistic diagram she had drawn on it. “See, more money…” She pointed to the crude picture of cash. “Means more materials…” The second picture was even worse than the first. Iida would have no idea that the lump represented materials had Hatsume not said it so explicitly. “...Which means more babies for me to make!”
Iida squinted. “Did you draw this with crayons?” he asked.
He was ignored.
“Anyways, you probably had no idea since I’m so good at hiding it but apparently I’m ‘bad with people’ and have an ‘ultimately overwhelming personality,’ but the big-wigs said I was allowed to bring a plus one to be more ‘mellow’ and all that, but all my classmates are too boring to help, and I don’t know any other hero student that could be considered even slightly chill other than you, so you should come instead.”
“Huh?”
Hatsume dug through four separate pockets as she talked, seemingly at the same time. “So how about it? Meet me there tomorrow after school?” She finally found what she was looking for and tried to give Iida a card. When he didn’t take it right away she slipped it into the pocket of his pants.
“Wait wait wait,” said Iida, shaking his head. “Slow down—”
“Fantastic, see you there!”
“No— stop—” Iida reached out like he could physically pull Hatsume back. He could not. By the time he moved she was already turning the corner.
o.0.o.0.o.0.o
Iida was slumped ever so slightly in his seat, his eyes staring into the distance. He looked very much as if he’d just been pulled out of a war, presumably against some force so terribly overwhelming that even the mere thought of resistance was implausible.
To his right, Uraraka and Midoriya were arguing in loud whispers about who should approach Iida first.
“You’re the man!” hissed Uraraka.
“Wait a minute, aren’t women supposed to be better with emotions and stuff?” said Midoriya.
“Sexist!” said Uraraka with an eye roll.
“Says you!
“Besides, you’re crying all the time, Midoriya.”
“Hey now—”
Uraraka pushed Midoriya towards Iida before he could defend himself. “C’mon! Just get to it, okay?”
Midoriya, forced into the desk next to Iida, let out a yelp, and attempted to recover immediately. “Er, hey, Iida.”
Iida said nothing.
“Look man, I know you’re, uh, going through it…”
Iida still said nothing.
“You’re brother’s going to be alright, okay? The heroes are going to get the villain that injured him and bring him to justice. We’ve just got to be patient.”
Iida finally looked over at Midoriya, acknowledging him for the first time. “Midoriya,” he said, voice shellshocked.
Midoriya frowned, concerned at the utter devastation on his friend’s face.
“Have you been on television before?”
Midoriya’s face, so recently full of worry, contorted into true, uncontrollable, confusion. “What?”
Iida turned away once more. “I don’t even know what to wear…” he muttered.