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He headed back to the Gryffindor common room feeling uneasy. Not only had his best friend skipped dinner, but he had never showed up at practice either. It wasn't like him to neglect Quidditch practices: the boy would have been able to miss anything else, but most certainly not Quidditch. Something was surely wrong, but James couldn't think of anything specific. Sure, that time of the month had only been the day before and Moony was still recovering from his bruises in the Hospital Wing, but ever since the three boys had managed to master their Animagus forms, Remus's recoveries after the full moon were quite quicker, because the wolf was given some distractions from tearing himself down. And even though Sirius was always worried about his boyfriend's conditions after the full moon, James couldn't find any reason why this time could have been different from the others.
There must be something else that is bothering him. James thought. But what? I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary recently. Well, apart from our latest detention. Why should WE help the Slytherin first-years? Could McGonagall have come up with anything worse than that? And that only for accidentally setting fire to the teachers' table in the Great Hall! So unfair!
While he was absorbed in these thoughts, James had managed to get into the Gryffindor common room. He had started climbing up the stairs that led to the Marauders' room, when a familiar voice called out his name. "James" He looked over his shoulder: a rather unsettled Lily was running towards him. It took the boy a few seconds to get over the fact that the girl of his dreams had just called him by his first name for the first time. When he regained control over his mind, he noticed that the figure standing right in front of him was displaying a rather crossed look on her face, possibly due to his lack of attention to her words.
"I said" she shouted, as though that was the only method to make a brick-head like Potter understand, but briefly afterwards lowering her voice "that I've just left the Hospital Wing where I visited Remus, and he is really worried about Black not showing up. I told him he is better off without that company of yours, but he seemed really upset, so I thought I should tell you, since I haven't seen Black around either. Are you proud of yourselves? Leaving poor Remus alone when he's badly sick! I hope his fever comes down soon. He's always catching all types of illnesses!"
And that was when James's worry became fear. The situation was really bad if Sirius hadn't shown up to visit Moony. James didn't even let Lily finish. He ran up the stairs and into the room he shared with his best friend. Sirius wasn't in his bed and neither in Remus's, where he went to find comfort when he was not feeling well. He went to look in the bathroom, but he wasn't there either.
As James was leaving the room to go look for his friend somewhere else - Godric knew where he could be! - he heard a soft noise. At first, he didn't know where it was coming from. He waited a bit in silence, until he saw a shadow move under Moony's bed. There he was: a big black dog. "Oh Padfoot..." James whispered. The dog let out a whimper. The boy carefully approached the black figure and slid his right hand under the bed. The Animagus slowly rose his furry head to gently press it against the other boy's hand. "Padfoot," James whispered harshly "we're all worried about you. You didn't show up to practice! Dear Godric, you didn't even visit Moony in the hospital! He's very worried about you and you know that doesn't usually help his recovery!" But then his voice softened "Padfoot, please, tell me what's wrong... You know I'm here for you. Let me help you with whatever is going on... I-- I know I'm not Remus but-- you know I love you, you're my best friend! So please just..." Padfoot gently licked James's hand. The boy quickly removed his arm from under the bed. "Ew... Sirius! Disgusting!" the boy shouted. But then Padfoot attentively came out from under Remus's bed, his ears down. "What's wrong?" James asked again, his voice tender. At that moment the form of the black dog before James's eyes melted into the one of the boy he knew so well. If possible, Sirius's human form looked even more like a beaten dog than his canine version. His eyes were red and swollen and his hair was a mess.
James stared at the other boy for a few seconds, until Sirius turned away, as though he didn't want his best friend to see him like that. James put a hand on his roommate's shoulder. "Hey, it's okay" he whispered. Sirius moved away from his friend's touch and laid himself on his boyfriend's bed. The two remained in silence for a few minutes; eventually James sat down onto Sirius's bed, which was right next to Remus's. As patience was not one of the Gryffindors' qualities, "Padfoot, please" he muttered under his breath.
Sirius sighed. "I...Th-There is something I haven't told you guys."
"What is it? Is it something bad? Worse than having to help out Slytherin first-years catch up?"
"James...please, don't." Sirius whispered.
"Sorry" the other mumbled.
Some awkward seconds passed, until the long-haired boy started speaking again, softly. "It's just...I can't take it anymore. They just keep sending them to me an-and every time I have to go through all that again an-and I don't- I can't- I-" The boy shoved his face in his hands.
James looked at his friend with worry and confusion in his eyes. "What do you mean? I- I don't understand."
"My parents" the other boy yelled. "They- they keep on sending me howlers, telling me how much of a failure I am, how I am the dishonour of the House of Black and they wished I was never born and bla bla bla...and what" Sirius's face went white. He swallowed loudly. "...wha- all the things they're gonna do to me when I'll go back f- for the Summer holidays."
"What?!" James shouted. "The things they...Sirius wha- why did you never tell us?"
"I-- And the worst thing is that I have to listen to them. Or else they will follow me everywhere until they explode..."
"But, how come we've never heard one? Don't howlers get shipped to the Great Hall?"
"Oh well, yes, if you're not from a bloody pureblood Slytherin family. We- They don't like to shame their kids in public...bad for their family's reputation and all that."
"But I still don't get it. They're your family! Why would they do such things that clearly upset you? I've always known they're strict and all, but why wo- how- wha- wait, do they... hurt you?"
"Oh, of course they don't. They would never get their hands dirty! That's what house elves are for! I can guarantee you that they are very pleased to carry out these types of orders, especially on me. Even they hate me!"
"But--" James tried.
"And of course you can't understand, James. Your parents-- they do love you. They would do almost anything to see you happy. And if you disobey them, the worst thing that can happen to you is to have to... clean the whole kitchen by yourself without using magic!" Sirius shouted.
"Then why are you still living in that house, Padfoot? Come stay with my parents! You know they love you as a second son! You know I already consider you my brother!"
"...I can't."
"Why can't you, Sirius? What's the worst thing that could happen? They could disown you! But who needs their filthy money anyway, am I right?!"
Sirius closed his eyes and remained silent for a while, but then let out a bitter laugh. "Disowning me would honestly be the best thing they could do at this point. James, stop trying to understand! You can't! You won't, ever! Do you ever feel like breaking down? Tell me, do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you? Do you ever wanna run away? Do you lock yourself in your room with the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you're screaming? No, you don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright! You don't know what it's like to be like me! To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark! To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around! To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you! Not even you're own brother! No, you don't know what it's like. ...welcome to my life!"
"Sirius, I--" James tried to whisper.
But Sirius continued. "No one ever lied straight to your face! And no one ever stabbed you in the back! You might think I'm happy, but I'm not gonna be okay! Everybody always gave you what you wanted: you never had to work, it was always there! No, you don't know what it's like, what it's like..."
But in that moment Sirius was interrupted by James's hug. Not one of those manly hugs the boy with glasses was used to give out to his friends, but a real, warm, tight hug: one of those hugs that meant so many things, and, above all, the type of hug that gave out a feeling of affection and comfort, a hug that seemed to mean maybe I can't understand what you are going through, but I will always be here for you regardless of that, because I love you and I got your back, whatever you have to deal with. Sirius gave into the hug, glad it had happened before he could have started to cry, overwhelmed by his emotions. The two of them stayed in that position for a while, until Sirius held back to wipe the tears off his face.
"I- we are going to help you, no matter what. We'll find a way, I promise." James said gently. And that was all the other boy needed to hear for the time being. He was not alone. He had his friends. He had his chosen family, his pack.
Sirius cleared his voice. "Thanks, Prongs." He whispered. And then, in a normal tone of voice. "We should probably head to the Hospital Wing. We don't want Moony worried sick."
"Yeah" James nodded. "We probably should."