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“Tony? Can I talk to you for a moment?” Steve asks as he nervously enters the lab. His mind was still replaying the events from the previous day, every time he closed his eyes he imagined the kiss all over again.
“Sure, what can I do for you Blondie? Want to put some jangle in those spangles?” Tony asks, his back still to him as he continues to click on the keyboard.
He can’t exactly make out what Tony’s typing on the screen, but he can vaguely make out two figures on what looks like security can footage, before it shifts and just shows rows of numbers.
“Not really, I actually wanted to talk to you about yesterday. In the gym.” Steve says as he takes a precarious step closer to Tony.
“Don’t tell me, you’re looking for more diversion tactics?” Tony asks, his voice sharp when it pronounces diversion tactics. “Cause I have to admit, I don’t think you could pull off some of my more advanced moves.”
“Not exactly, I wanted to say-“ He starts before Tony spins around in his chair and cuts him off.
“What? What could you possibly want to say?” Tony says with a tight expression on his face. His entire body is tense and there’s a strange tension in the air that Steve wishes he could make go away.
This was exactly what he was afraid of, the reason he had tried to have been so careful. More than anything, he was scared of ruining their friendship and making things awkward between them.
But if this was how bad things were now, what harm could really come from saying anything further?
“I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, about that being a diversion tactic. I’m sorry I said that, it was rude and crass and untrue. I just said it because I was trying to make a joke.” He says as he takes a deep breath.
“Funny, I thought I was the one who everything was a joke to.” Tony says with a smirk that doesn’t quite meet his eyes.
Steve flinches, remembering the insults they traded back when they first met. They still stung more than he would like to admit.
“You know I didn’t mean that.” Steve says, wishing he could just say what he means already.
“You did. But that’s okay. That’s what friends do, right old buddy? Emphasis on the old.” Tony says, taking a step further back from Steve.
“Tony, what I’m trying to say is I don’t want to be friends.” He says, immediately continuing when he sees the hurt on Tony’s face. “I want to be more than that. I want to be with you, and I was so scared of you finding out that I kept trying to make it a joke or a jest or pretty much anything but what it was. But I don’t want to hide anymore, I want to tell you how I feel. And I want us to be together.” He breaks off, his heart racing. The room is completely silent, all he can hear is his own breathing as he waits for Tony to say anything, anything at all.
Finally Tony looks up and the expression in his eyes is cold and distant, so different than the man he knows.
“That’s sweet Rogers. But what makes you think it was anything but a joke to me.” Tony says quietly, so softly he can barely hear the words breaking his heart.
“But… that kiss.” He says desperately, taking a step towards Tony but stopping awkwardly.
“Just a diversion tactic.” Tony says quietly, this time his eyes not even meeting his.
“But I thought after all these weeks…” He says quietly, his voice clenching up as he utters the words.
“What? That you were special? That it meant something? You obviously don’t know much about me Cap.” Tony says, turning away and walking away from him yet again.
He wants to reach out, to say something, to shake him, to make him understand.
But he doesn’t.
Maybe he really doesn’t know anything at all.