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He slowly gains consciousness, hearing the bleat of machines function around him. He can hear people murmur in the distant, too softly to make out what they’re saying. But more than anything, all he can focus on is the headache pounding away in his head and the way his entire body seems to ache as though he was hit by a freight train.
His mind starts to try to piece together what happened, he remembered Tony turning him down, then trying not to fall apart, then there was a battle…
The battle…
Something had happened during it, what was it…
He feels his headache growing worse as he tries to focus, feeling himself trying to fight through the fog of injury and drugs…
“Steve… Steve can you hear me?” A voice asks, cutting through the fog in his head.
Tony.
“Steve, I am so, so sorry, this is all my fault… I tried, I really did, but… I did this….” Tony whispers, his voice cracking as he holds his hand in his.
But it wasn’t was it?
“He said he would hurt you, kill you, all because I… He did this to you because of me. I tried to protect you, I should have done better, I just wasn’t enough… I am so, so sorry Steve. I’d do anything in the world to make this go away, to make you better…” Tony trails off again as he softly starts to cry.
Now its starting to come back to him, the villain, what was his name? He said something to Tony, that he was going to take away everything from him, starting with the thing that he couldn’t live without…
Then suddenly everything went white and painful, he must have passed out after that…
Was he the thing Tony couldn’t live without?
But that didn’t make sense…
“Steve, please just wake up, please….” Tony says through his tears.
“T-Tony?” He utters, his mouth feeling dry as he tries to tug his eyes open.
“Steve? Steve, oh my gosh, are you awake? Please be awake, please be okay.” Tony says as he leans closer, grasping his hand tighter as he does.
“I hope what you’re saying isn’t another joke, its not exactly funny.” He says as he tries to smile, but the drugs turn it into to more of a smirk.
“I am so, so sorry Steve, please just understand, I was stupid and idiotic, but I was just trying to protect you. Hammer had been threatening me for months now, saying he was going to make me feel all of the pain and hurt I had put him through, I had no idea he was actually going to go through with it… Until he mentioned you. He said he saw how I cared for you, knew how I looked at you, he knew…. He knew how much you meant to me. He said he was going to take you away-“
“The one thing you couldn’t live without.” Steve finishes softly.
“Yes…” Tony whispers, his eyes pleading. “I thought if I could make him see that we weren’t together, make him think that I didn’t love you, that he would leave you alone and you would be safe… I guess he saw right through the footage I sent him though so he hurt you anyway… I am so sorry Steve…”
“Tony… How do I know this isn’t another joke, that you really mean what you’re saying?” Steve whispers, wishing he could believe what Tony is saying.
But the memories of his rejection are too fresh and painful for him to just accept Tony’s apology.
“Does this feel like a joke to you?” Tony whispers softly before he leans in and kisses him gently. He feels the softness of his kiss, the desperation behind it, all the intentions that he can’t put into words.
“Does it?” Tony asks softly as he pulls away slightly, his breath still ghosts over his lips.
“I… I don’t know.” He replies honestly. It definitely doesn’t feel like a joke, but all the memories are making him doubt everything.
“That’s okay Steve.” Tony says, even though Steve can see the pain in his eyes. “I deserve that, but I also plan on spending as much time as necessary convincing you that this is real. That what I feel for you is real and anything but a joke. I owe you that Steve.”
“What about Hammer, is he…” Steve asks, feeling the weight of Tony’s hands on his.
“Dead. After what he did to you… Let’s just say no one was going to stop me.” Tony says, looking tired and worn and weary and all Steve wants to do is wipe the pain away from his face.
He takes his hand that’s not currently encased in Tony’s and strokes his face with it, trying to erase some of the tension from his face.
“I know… I know you don’t owe me anything. I know I don’t deserve you. But is there any way we could… try?” Tony asks, his face still filled with worry.
“We can try.” He whispers softly, as he sees Tony’s face relax and lean into his touch.
And maybe trying will be enough.