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“So this was your plan? Sit in this depressing little apartment by yourself and do a bunch of drugs?”
Grantaire doesn’t look impressed. Enjolras doesn’t think that the place is that depressing. Sure, maybe some of his plants need to be watered, and maybe he spends so much time at his desk that there seems to be a never ending supply of dirty dishes around his computer. But his couch is nice. He got some new decorative pillows from IKEA.
“I don’t think I should give you these.”
“Come on, R, I already told you I want this. You don’t get to make that call for me.”
“Um, yes I do Enjolras - I’m the one with the drugs. And I don’t think you should do any of these alone, especially if it’s your first time. This place is just...full of bad vibes, man.”
Enjolras rolls his eyes and flops down onto the couch angrily. “It’s not that bad.”
Grantaire sits down next to him, his hands in his lap, sort of tense. He’s still got his backpack on.
“Listen E, I get it. No one likes drugs more than me. I’m shocked you asked me in the first place because this is very off-brand for you, but I totally get it.” Grantaire pulls one of his legs up underneath himself. “But y’know, that’s why I want it to be a positive experience for you. If I give you acid and you’re not in a good place, you might lose yourself. Same 10 times over with DMT. And molly, well… that just sucks when you’re on your own.” Grantaire grins.
Enjolras groans and buries his face in his hands. “I feel like a kid,” he mutters into his palms. “I can’t believe I’m being parented by you of all people.”
“Hey, I might not know much about politics or the Gaza strip but I sure know a hell of a lot about drugs.”
“Well then… what do you suggest?”
Grantaire shrugs off his backpack and leans back against the couch. “Alone? Weed. Or truffles, eventually. But nothing harsh.”
“Boring.”
R laughs. “Then for you, MDMA.”
“Do you have any?”
“Of course.”
“Then give me some.”
“Okay, how about this - you let me stay, we take some E together , and if you tell me you don’t regret it after sobering up then I’ll start selling to you.”
“Shit man, yeah, deal.”
Grantaire kicks off his shoes and pulls up both legs so he’s sitting cross legged on the couch, reaching for his backpack and rooting around until he pulls out a plastic pouch with three pink pills in it. They’ve all got little hearts on them.
“So… what do we do?” Enjolras’s heart is beating harder now, now that he has the drugs in front of him. He’s always wanted this, really. Now that he’s in college he’d might as well do it. Grantaire places two of the pills in the palm of his hand and holds them up.
“So, you swallow the pill. Then we have about forty five minutes to make this place cozy before we start getting high as fuck. You sure you’re still in?” Grantaire grins. Enjolras loves his grin.
“Fuck yeah.” he whispers.
They both take a pill and swallow it.
Turns out, ‘making the place cozy’ in R’s books means building a blanket fort in the middle of Enjolras’s apartment. They’re sitting on a bunch of pillows facing each other, both in their socks, two bottles of water next to them that R insisted they bring into the fort. Normally this sort of mess would annoy the shit out of Enjolras, but it’s nice. They’ve draped fairy lights around the floor and the blanket roof, and they’re so warm and bright.
“How long has it been?” Enjolras says.
Grantaire takes a look at his watch. “Nearly forty minutes. How you feeling?”
Enjolras smiles, a really genuine and comfortable smile. “Good. I don’t think it’s kicked in yet.”
“I think it’s starting to.”
Grantaire sighs happily and lies down on the pillow floor of their fort, pulling Enjolras by the wrist so he’ll lie down too.
“Is this what it is?” Enjolras says, lying next to R. “Feeling nice?”
“It’ll get more intense. I love molly.”
“She’s a good girl.”
“Weird. Weird thing to say.”
“Haha, yeah.”
“Why do you want to do drugs so bad anyways, E?”
Enjolras rolls onto his belly so he can look at R. “I guess, I’ve lived my whole life in this body, with this brain. I’d like to see what else there is in here, what I haven’t allowed myself to feel. If that makes any sense.”
R has his eyes closed, but he’s smiling. “Yeah, no, that makes perfect sense.”
The glowing fairy lights make it look like he has a halo, like he’s an angel. A scruffy, messy, drug dealing angel, with his ridiculous mop of black hair and the freckles dusting his cheekbones. His dark eyelashes.
“You look like an angel.” Enjolras says.
“That’s perhaps the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, Enj.”
“I’m serious.”
Grantaire cracks open an eye, looking over at Enjolras. “You realise that you are an actual real-life cherub, an all around saint, and I’m the guy that everyone goes to for drugs.”
“You’re an angel and a smart businessman.”
That makes R laugh; a lovely, vibrant laugh that fills up the blanket fort and makes Enjolras beam with happiness.
“I love this fort.”
“Do you want to cuddle?” R asks suddenly.
“Yeah.” Enjolras finds himself saying. “Yeah, I really do.”
Grantaire lifts up his arm and Enjolras curls up under it, his right hand thrown over R’s chest and his head in the crook of his armpit. He smells super. Really fucking great.
Honestly, Enjolras doesn’t really know R. He sees him at club meetings and parties, but he only really knows him because he’s friends with Courfeyrac and sells weed to everyone E knows - that’s what he is, really, the campus dealer. But lying here with him feels so perfect. Like, this was meant to happen. R and him, they just… they just slot together so perfectly. Enjolras squeezes him tighter, nuzzling his face into his shoulder. Grantaire squeezes back.
“We need some blankets.” Enjolras mumbles. Grantaire chuckles, voice vibrating under Enjolras’s ear.
“Our house is made out of blankets.”
That makes Enjolras laugh, too. He hums, hooking his leg around R as well. “I feel so good. So so good.”
“Same.” Grantaire breathes. He wraps his other arm around Enjolras, rolling over so they’re facing each other. Enjolras wants to pull R so close that they fuse together, he can’t get enough of his warmth, his smell, the feeling of his skin. He tugs R closer absently, bringing their foreheads together. Grantaire’s eyes flutter open. His pupils are shot so wide, like two giant black circles with the tiniest outline of green.
Grantaire is the one that leans in closer, joining their mouths. It’s a really gentle kiss, just the soft press of Grantaire’s lips against his own. Enjolras’s whole body hums with delight. He leans back in as Grantaire pulls away, chasing his mouth, taking as many kisses as he can. R brings his hand up to cup Enjolras’s cheek. He runs his tongue over E’s bottom lip as though asking for permission. Enjolras parts his lips willingly, deepening the kiss and letting out an involuntary moan.
It’s perfect, it’s all perfect and Enjolras has never felt more perfect. The fairy lights, the blankets, R and his amazing kisses, this is heaven and Enjolras wants to live in this moment forever. He’s not sure how long they lie like that, trading long and lazy kisses, but it feels like both hours and no time at all. When Grantaire eventually pulls away to allow them to catch their breath, Enjolras’s mouth is all tingly. Along with the rest of his body.
“I want to stay with you forever.” Enjolras says. It feels so earnest.
“It’s a little early for lifelong vows.” Grantaire says. It’s a joke, but he whispers it.
“No, I mean it.”
“Okay.” Grantaire agrees.
“What’s your biggest fear?”
“That nobody likes me. That I’m too much for anyone to handle and I’ll never be loved. What’s yours?”
“That I’ll never like myself.”
They kiss again, a little more desperate this time, a little more personal. Enjolras’s lips feel swollen and tender and he’s sure R feels the same.
“I really, really like you.” Enjolras says when they pull apart again.
“I’ve always liked you.”
“Of course you’re loved. You’re so lovable.”
“I can’t imagine a single reason why you wouldn’t like yourself.”
Enjolras leans in to kiss him this time, smiling into it, bringing his hand up to card his fingers through Grantaire’s hair. He has this intense happy feeling in his gut, and his chest is pressed so close against Grantaire’s that he can feel his heartbeat, it’s so personal that Enjolras almost doesn’t know what to do. His emotions feel like they’re overflowing, but he also feels so peaceful, so content. He doesn’t want to sleep. He just wants to lie here with Grantaire for the rest of his life.
Eventually Grantaire hums into his mouth and pulls away.
“We need to drink some water.” He says, reaching blindly in the direction of the bottles. Enjolras grabs the bottle closest to him and they sit up. It isn’t until he’s taken his first swig that he realises how thirsty he is. They share sips until the bottle is empty. Enjolras isn’t a fan of the way it washes the feeling of R out of his mouth.
He’s about to lean in to kiss him again when he finds himself asking, “Do you do this with everyone?”
Grantaire looks at Enjolras pensively. “Do what?”
“This,” Enjolras says. “The drugs and the kissing and the perfect… the perfect feeling.”
“Enjolras, I’ve never felt like this in my life.” Grantaire says quietly and tenderly, resting his hand on Enjolras’s knee.
Enjolras’s heart is racing. “Will you hold me again?”
“Yeah.”
They shuffle around so that Enjolras is lying with his back to Grantaire’s chest. He loves being the little spoon. Grantaire kisses his neck and squeezes him close, his strong arm wrapped around Enjolras’s middle.
Of course Enjolras wants to kiss him some more, but this is amazing too. And they have plenty of time to do some more kissing later. Enjolras is going to stay with this boy forever, afterall. He means it.