Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jeongin's about to fall asleep behind the counter.

It's the afternoon slump, and no one has stepped into the bookstore for what feels like hours. He's considering texting his boss and asking for permission to close the store early.

Maybe they should change the opening hours entirely. Seungmin's always telling Jeongin that Jeongin is never free when Seungmin wants to hang out. Clearly, something must be done.

He's drafting the text to his boss in his mind when the door opens and Changbin walks in.

"Oh, hyung!" Jeongin says, perking up. At least he's not going to die of boredom in the next five minutes. "Do you need a book?"

Changbin shakes his head as he comes to a stop at the counter, his face uncharacteristically serious.

"Is everything okay?" Jeongin asks, concerned.

"No," Changbin asks. "No, Jeonginnie, I'm sorry. Can you close the store early?"

"Uh, sure," Jeongin says, already fumbling for the keys, really worried now. He'll text his boss later. "What happened?"

"It's Seungmin," Changbin says, and Jeongin's heart stops. He thought—not that it would be better, if it was one of their other friends, but he still thought—Please, anyone but him.

"Is he okay?" Jeongin asks, voice coming out small. "Is he hurt?"

"He's—" Changbin sighs. "I guess he's not hurt. But something's gone wrong. He's got amnesia."

"Amnesia?" Jeongin asks, baffled.

Changbin nods, face grave.

"So, what, he doesn't remember anything?" Jeongin's stomach clenches. "He doesn't remember...us?"

"He didn't recognize me or Chan or Yongbok," Changbin says. "He doesn't seem to remember anyone, except..."

"Except?"

Changbin reaches out and squeezes Jeongin's shoulder. Jeongin lets him, confused.

"He's asking for you."

*

On the way to Seungmin's house, Changbin fills him—and Hyunjin, who caught up with them near the flower shop—in.

The running theory is that Seungmin was working on a spell, and it backfired. The lady who lives next door saw a small magical explosion coming from his house about an hour ago and informed Chan and Changbin.

"But he's not hurt?" Jeongin asks. "Like, physically?"

"No, it seems only his mind was affected. I left Yongbokkie to look after him. Chan's on his way to get Minho."

"Seungmin's going to love that," Hyunjin says.

Seungmin and Minho always act as if they're rivals instead of two witches who have mutual friends and often team up to work on bigger spells together.

"I'd be happy if he threw a fit," Changbin says. "It would at least mean he remembers Minho."

Hyunjin doesn't say anything to that. Jeongin's stomach hurts. They take the last few streets in silence.

"He really didn't remember you?" Hyunjin asks Changbin as they stop in front of Seungmin's front door.

Changbin shakes his head. "Not a thing. He—" Jeongin sees him swallow. It looks painful. "He kept forgetting our names, even after we'd told him."

"Shit," Hyunjin says.

"Maybe he'll remember Hyunjin-hyung," Jeongin says, feeling magnanimous. "They've known each other the longest."

Changbin shakes his head again. "We'll see. All we know is he was asking for you. So let's get you in there."

He pushes the door open. For a moment, Jeongin is afraid to follow, frozen on the doorstep. Then he realizes that if Seungmin asked for him it means he's waiting for him, and he quickly makes his way past Changbin and Hyunjin and into the living room.

Seungmin and Felix are both on the couch. Seungmin is curled up with a blanket wrapped around him, his gaze empty as he stares at nothing. His hair's a bit unruly, almost like he got shocked, but he really does look physically unhurt otherwise. Something inside Jeongin settles, just a little.

"Hyung," Jeongin says, and Seungmin's head snaps up. "Are you okay?"

Seungmin's eyes are wide. He blinks at Jeongin slowly, then tilts his head.

"Hyung?" Jeongin repeats.

"J—Jeongin," Seungmin says.

"Oh, thank fuck," Changbin says.

"Yes," Felix says, and goes to touch Seungmin's arm before seemingly thinking better of it. "That's Jeongin. Do you remember him?"

"I—" Seungmin says, blinking. "You're Jeongin."

"I am."

"Seungminnie," Hyunjin says. "You remember me, right?"

Jeongin watches Seungmin look over at Hyunjin and frown. He looks unsure when he says, "Should I?"

Jeongin's stomach drops. It's not that he didn't believe Changbin, it's just...seeing it for himself is different. Seeing it hurts.

"We've known each other since we were kids," Hyunjin says. His voice is shaking. "Are you—you're not pulling my leg, are you?"

Seungmin leans back on the couch, hugging his knees closer to himself. He shakes his head, looking apologetic, before his gaze drifts back to Jeongin.

"Okay," Changbin says. He squeezes Hyunjin's arm before he steps past him and up to Jeongin. "Okay, let's see how much he remembers. Yongbokkie, can you and Hyunjinnie sit in the armchair?"

Felix gets up and hurries over to Hyunjin. He takes his hand and settles them down in the armchair, curled up together. Hyunjin's face looks pale. Felix is whispering to him, something Jeongin can't hear.

Changbin gives Jeongin a little push, so he goes and joins Seungmin on the couch. He reaches for Seungmin's arm, tentative. They're usually not very touchy. Jeongin's not the biggest fan of skinship and Seungmin respects that, mostly.

Sometimes—sometimes Jeongin wishes he didn't, but that's neither here nor there. It's just the way it is.

"Hyung," Jeongin says, relieved when Seungmin doesn't pull away from him. "How do you feel?"

Seungmin stares at him, his gaze roaming over Jeongin's face. "I know you."

"You do," Jeongin says. Seungmin knows him the best. Can read him like no one else can.

"Seungmin-ah," Changbin says. He sits down on Seungmin's coffee table. Seungmin would normally chew him out for that. "What do you remember about Jeongin? Anything specific?"

"I—" Seungmin says. "You're..."

Jeongin's never seen Seungmin be so unsure, about anything. He squeezes Seungmin's arm and hopes it helps.

"A fox," Seungmin says. "I remember...a fox."

"That's right," Changbin says. "Our Jeonginnie can turn into a fox, you're right."

Seungmin blinks rapidly, then nods. He looks relieved. Jeongin has to swallow against a lump in his throat.

"Anything else?" Changbin asks. "Like his birthday? Do you remember how old he is?"

It's laughable, Changbin asking this from Seungmin. Or at least it should be. Changbin's the one who can never remember their birthdays. He's the one who still keeps mixing up Jeongin and Felix's names.

Seungmin stares at Jeongin. It seems his breathing's gotten heavier. "You're—my dongsaeng."

"That's right, hyung," Jeongin says.

"Your birthday. It's—it's in the spring? No. No, it's winter. Is it winter?"

"It's in February," Jeongin says. His stomach aches. "You got it."

Seungmin looks doubtful.

"Yes, that's good," Changbin says. "That's still something, Seungminnie."

"How is that good?" Hyunjin asks from behind them. He sounds sulky. No, Jeongin thinks, reminding himself that he loves Hyunjin and he's not jealous of him, he sounds scared.

"Anything else?" Changbin asks. "Anything else you remember? About...about anything?"

Seungmin looks down. He reaches out slowly and touches the back of Jeongin's hand, fingertips barely brushing the skin. Jeongin holds his breath.

"Warm," Seungmin says. "And—and books. Green. I—" He looks back up at Jeongin. "Dimples."

Jeongin wants to cry. He smiles instead, helpless.

"There," Seungmin says. "Dimples."

"Good," Changbin says. "Yeah, that—that's good. That's good, Seungmin-ah."

Seungmin nods. For a moment he looks proud, before his face falls again. "I don't even remember your surname."

"That's okay," Jeongin says. His voice doesn't waver. "It's Yang. Yang Jeongin."

Seungmin shakes his head. "How could I have forgotten your name?"

Jeongin doesn't know what to do. "It's okay," he says again. It doesn't make Seungmin look any less upset.

There's shuffling from behind them and when Jeongin turns to look he sees Hyunjin has come to stand next to Changbin, hand on his shoulder. He seems to have pulled himself together. His expression is gentle now, and determined.

"Hi," Hyunjin says. "I'm Hyunjin. We've been best friends since middle school when you punched a kid that was making fun of me and almost broke your hand. Do you—do you remember that?"

Seungmin shakes his head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Hyunjin says quietly. "You don't have to be sorry. I just want you to know that we're all your friends. Okay? You don't have to be scared about getting anything wrong or forgetting our birthdays or anything. We're your friends and we care about you. We're just here to help."

"That's what I said," Felix says. He's smiling softly. "You're among friends, Seungminnie. We'll do anything to make sure you get better, okay?"

Seungmin shuts his eyes, brows drawn, looking pained.

Jeongin squeezes his arm again, hoping it will help, just a little. "Hyung, it's okay."

"We'll figure this out," Changbin says. "And it's good that you can remember Jeonginnie. That's a really good thing."

"It's good you're not confusing him with Yongbokkie," Hyunjin says, smiling just a little.

"Yah!" Changbin says, and tries to swat at Hyunjin, but he evades him easily.

Seungmin frowns. That, at least, is a familiar sight. He has an almost ever-present line between his brows. Sometimes Jeongin gets the urge to reach over and smooth it out.

"Yongbok?" Seungmin asks.

"Oh, that's my other name," Felix says. The smile on his face doesn't falter. "Felix Yongbok Lee."

"And the joke is that Changbin-hyung sometimes gets confused and calls Jeonginnie Yongbok," Hyunjin says. "Jeongin hates it."

"But you don't need to remember that," Changbin says quickly. "Don't worry about it."

"Right," Seungmin says. His brows are still furrowed. He looks overwhelmed.

Jeongin gets an idea. Something he can do, to help. "Seungmin-hyung," he says. "Do you want to go lie down and rest for a bit?"

Seungmin blinks at him, then nods slowly.

Jeongin jumps up and holds out his hand. Seungmin hesitates only for a moment before taking it and letting Jeongin pull him up.

He doesn't want to ask if Seungmin can still remember the layout of his house, so he just walks him to his bedroom. Seungmin looks very relieved at the sight of his bed.

Jeongin should have suggested it earlier. Seungmin must be exhausted. He doesn't like noise, doesn't like being crowded, doesn't like being fussed over. He likes being the center of attention only on his own terms.

"How do you feel?" Jeongin asks. "I mean, besides—like, does anything hurt?"

Seungmin shrugs. "Bit of a headache."

"Do you want to take anything for it?"

Seungmin shakes his head. "I—I think I'll sleep it off."

"Okay," Jeongin says. "I'll get you some water."

He grabs a bottle and sets it on Seungmin's bedside table. Seungmin has curled up on his bed, looking small and unsure.

Jeongin's stomach clenches. He doesn't know what else to do now. He's the maknae, he's never had to take care of his hyungs. Not like this.

He wants to, though. He wants to take care of Seungmin. He wants to be someone Seungmin can rely on.

He grabs the throw blanket from the end of the bed and spreads it over Seungmin, pulling it up to his shoulders. Seungmin is gazing up at him. His eyes are so big and round. Even now, he looks lovely in the late afternoon light that's softly filtering through the blinds.

"I'll be outside with the hyungs," Jeongin says. "Just shout if you need anything, okay?"

Seungmin nods. "Thank you, Jeongin-ah."

Jeongin's chest hurts. "Get some rest. We'll figure this out."

He doesn't know what he'll do if they don't.

*

Jeongin finds the others in the kitchen.

"How is he?" Felix asks as soon as he walks in.

Jeongin shrugs. "He said he had a headache, but he didn't want to take anything for it. He'll try to sleep it off. I told him to shout if he needs anything."

"Okay," Felix says. "Okay, that's good. Maybe the sleep will help?"

"It can't hurt," Hyunjin says. Then after a pause, "Right?"

Changbin shakes his head. "I don't know. Fuck, this is such a mess. It's good he can remember Jeongin, at least."

"Barely," Hyunjin says.

"You didn't see him, Jinnie," Changbin says, a deep frown on his face. "When we got here he could barely remember his own name."

No one says anything to that. Jeongin folds his arms across his chest, hugging himself.

The silence is interrupted by someone's phone buzzing.

"It's me," Felix says, pulling it out of his pocket. His brow furrows. "Channie texted. Minho's gone up north to his aunt's. There's no train back tonight, so Chan's going to go get him."

"Fuck," Changbin says. "Fuck."

Felix puts a hand on his arm. "It's okay, hyung."

"It's not," Changbin says. "We have no idea if he's getting worse the longer we wait. We have no idea how to help. What if his brain's just fucked up now? What if—"

He's cut off by Felix and Hyunjin hugging him, enveloping him from both sides. Jeongin watches as Changbin closes his eyes and tries to calm his breathing.

"He's asleep right now," Felix says, voice muffled against Changbin's shoulder. "He's resting. All we can do is wait and make sure he's comfortable in the meantime, okay?"

"Okay," Changbin says. "You're right."

"I'm always right," Felix sing-songs. Hyunjin huffs out a small laugh.

Jeongin hugs himself tighter. He hates that there's nothing else they can do. Hates that none of them know magic. What's the use of turning into a fox? Or a ferret? What good is that for? Felix isn't going to put on his seal skin and be able to fix Seungmin.

"Hey." Felix puts his hand on Jeongin's, and Jeongin realizes he's been digging his fingers into his arms. "It'll be okay."

Jeongin tries to relax his hands, raises his head, straightens his back. "I know," he lies. "I'm fine, hyung."

"Okay," Felix says, though his brow is still furrowed in concern.

There's rapid knocking on the front door.

"It's open," Hyunjin calls.

A moment later Jisung trips into the kitchen.

"Where is he?" he asks, panting. His hair is windswept, face red. "Is he okay?"

"He's asleep," Felix says. "Did you run here?"

Jisung nods. "Chan came by. I had a potion to supervise or I would have gotten here quicker, I'm sorry, but if this batch went bad, then—"

"It's okay," Changbin says. "There's nothing you could do anyway...right?"

Jisung shakes his head. "Not unless he needs a headache potion or something."

"He might, later," Jeongin says. "He said his head was hurting."

Jisung nods. "I can go pick one up. But yeah, hyung hasn't taught me anything about spells yet. We have to wait for him."

"How far does Minho's aunt live?" Changbin asks.

"Like a few hours by train?" Jisung says. "I'm not sure how long it takes to drive."

"So we're probably looking at about four hours, minimum," Changbin says. "Okay."

"I hope Channie-hyung will drive carefully," Felix says.

"He always does," Hyunjin says.

"He drives slower than my halmeoni," Changbin says. "He'll be fine, Yongbokkie."

"I called hyung and he's ready to go whenever Chan-hyung gets there, at least," Jisung says.

"Did he have any advice?" Hyunjin asks.

"Uh, he said, just don't make it worse," Jisung says, wincing. "I don't know what that means. But he didn't sound too concerned. I think we just have to wait."

Changbin sighs and drops down onto one of the kitchen chairs, putting his head in his hands.

"Sorry," Jisung says.

"It's not your fault," Felix says. "No need to apologize."

"I feel like it is," Jisung says. "Minho-hyung only went up to his aunt's to get some materials and, like, advice for a potion for me. Otherwise he'd still be here."

"It's just bad luck," Felix says. He steps close to Jisung and gathers him up in a hug, chin on Jisung's shoulder. "It's no one's fault."

"I wish we knew what happened," Hyunjin says. He's pulled up a chair next to Changbin and is leaning on the kitchen table, absentmindedly picking at his lips. "He's always so careful with his magic. I don't think he's ever gotten a spell wrong?"

"None," Changbin says. "At least not that we know of. And now—this."

"Does he really not remember anything?" Jisung asks, voice small.

"No," Felix says, still hugging Jisung. "He only remembers Jeongin, but not very well."

"Huh," Jisung says. "Why Jeongin?"

"Not sure," Changbin says. He runs his hands over his face and sits back in his chair. "But it's good he does. He was really upset when me and Chan-hyung and Yongbokkie first got here. Didn't want to let us in, didn't trust us at all. Chan asked him if there's anything he did remember and he just said, 'Jeongin'. He only started to calm down when I said I'd go and get him."

Jeongin realizes he's shivering, just slightly. He hopes it isn't noticeable.

"But isn't it weird that he can remember Jeongin and not, I don't know, Hyunjin? You two have known each other for ages," Jisung says, looking over at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin glances at Jeongin, then back at Jisung, and shrugs. "I don't think it's that weird."

"Really?" Jisung asks, looking confused and surprised. "I mean, no offense, Jeonginnie! I just—"

"It's fine," Jeongin says. "I know what you mean."

He can't pretend that he's not a little bit confused as well. It would make sense for Seungmin to remember Hyunjin instead.

Selfishly, he's glad Seungmin doesn't. He's glad it's him that Seungmin asked for.

"It's good that he knows Jeongin, at least," Felix says. "Like Changbin-hyung said, he was pretty freaked out. I got him sitting down while we waited, and I tried to talk to him, you know, ask him if there was anything he remembered. But he'd barely talk to me. It was awful."

"Shit," Jisung says. "That's so messed up."

"Yeah, he—"

"Did you hear that?" Hyunjin asks, interrupting.

They fall quiet. Jeongin listens, alert.

"Should we—" Changbin starts, but he's cut off by a shout.

Seungmin, calling Jeongin's name.

Jeongin rushes out of the kitchen, breaking into a run. He almost stumbles on the stairs, but he manages to stay standing, and then he's there, bursting into the bedroom.

Seungmin's sitting up on the bed, knees pulled to his chest, clutching the throw blanket. His eyes are wide and frightened.

"Hyung?" Jeongin hurries over to him, setting his hand on Seungmin's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Jeongin?" Seungmin asks, looking up at him. "You're Jeongin, right? You're Jeongin."

"Yes," Jeongin says. "Yes, it's me."

Seungmin nods. He's breathing quickly, almost panting. "And—and I'm—"

Jeongin feels his heart breaking again. "Seungmin. You're Seungmin. Kim Seungmin."

"Kim Seungmin," Seungmin whispers. "Seungmin. Yes. Yes." He squeezes his eyes closed. "Seungmin."

Jeongin sits carefully on the bed and drops his hand down to Seungmin's knee. He wishes he could help in any way.

"Sorry," Seungmin says after a long moment. "I woke up and I—I think I got confused."

"That's okay," Jeongin says. "Are you feeling better now?"

Seungmin uncurls slightly and nods. "I'm Seungmin," he says. "You're Jeongin. I remember you."

There's a quiet knock on the open door. Jeongin turns to see Changbin peeking in. "Everything okay?"

"I think so," Jeongin says, and looks back at Seungmin. "Hyung?"

"I'm fine," Seungmin mutters. He ducks his head down, his hair falling in front of his eyes. He seems almost shy around the others. Nervous. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Changbin says. "Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?"

Seungmin shakes his head immediately.

"Hyung, do you maybe want to eat something?" Jeongin asks. Seungmin usually has dinner around this time.

Seungmin shakes his head again. "'M not hungry. I—"

"Yes?" Jeongin asks.

"I might sleep some more," Seungmin says. He looks up at Jeongin. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course."

Seungmin looks relieved. Like he expected Jeongin to say no. Jeongin never says no, not really. Even when he does at first, he always gives in. Especially when it's Seungmin asking.

"Thank you," Seungmin says.

It's too much. "Aish, don't be like that." Jeongin pushes lightly at Seungmin's shoulder. "It's fine, hyung."

"Okay, you guys rest," Changbin says. "I'll wake you when Minho gets here."

"Thanks, hyung," Jeongin says. Changbin gives him a tight smile and closes the door behind himself.

"How's your head?" Jeongin asks after Seungmin lies back down. "Any better?"

Seungmin scrunches his nose. "It's the same. It's fine."

"Let me know if I can do something to help. Jisung said he can go get you a potion, for a headache."

"That's okay," Seungmin says, voice small. "Thank you."

He doesn't ask who Jisung is. He didn't ask who Minho was, either. Jeongin's stomach aches. Maybe he should ask Jisung to get him a potion for that.

"Do you want to lie down as well?" Seungmin asks. He starts shuffling to the side, as if making room.

"That's okay," Jeongin says, chest clenching tight. "I'm not tired. I'll just sit here."

"Okay," Seungmin says after a beat. "Thank you."

"Hyung, you have to stop thanking me." Jeongin shivers, exaggerated. "I'll break out in hives."

Seungmin squints up at him. "Do I usually not thank you?"

"For what?"

Seungmin blinks. "I don't know. I feel like I should thank you. For...being here."

Jeongin swallows hard. "Well, you don't. So stop it. Let's just rest, okay?"

Seungmin looks at him for a moment longer. Jeongin tries not to fidget. Seungmin's gaze is sometimes so intense Jeongin can feel it on his skin.

Eventually, Seungmin closes his eyes, and Jeongin almost lets out a breath of relief. It doesn't seem to take much time until Seungmin is asleep again. He must be so tired from trying to remember; from trying to hold everything in his head.

Jeongin can't think about the fact that Seungmin forgot his own name. He thinks he might scream. He watches Seungmin's chest rise and fall and feels the anxiety rise in him, feels it take over. What if Seungmin won't get his memories back? What if he gets worse? What if—what if the spell had taken more than just Seungmin's memory? What if it had taken Seungmin from Jeongin entirely?

Jeongin presses his hands to his eyes and takes a deep breath. He needs to stop thinking.

He knows how to do that. He pulls his knees up onto the bed, makes himself small, and shifts.

Everything is easier when he's a fox. Quieter. Calmer.

He curls up at Seungmin's feet, hides his nose in his tail, and settles down to wait. He has a purpose. He'll keep watch. He'll make sure Seungmin isn't alone.

It's the least he can do.

*

Jeongin is drifting, somewhere between asleep and awake, when there's a knock on the door.

Seungmin shifts under the covers, his feet almost hitting Jeongin. Jeongin stands up and shakes his head first, then his whole body. He should probably turn back. It's gotten dark in the room, the sun having set a while ago.

There's another knock. "Can we come in?" Jeongin is surprised Changbin is asking without just barging in.

"Jeongin?" Seungmin asks, voice tentative. The bedside lamp clicks on.

Jeongin looks over. Seungmin has pushed himself up to his elbows and is squinting at him.

Jeongin yips and turns back to his human form. "Hi, hyung," he says, feeling a bit shy. He doesn't often shift in front of people. He has shifted in front of Seungmin, but he's not sure if Seungmin remembers.

Seungmin blinks, his eyes wide. "Oh."

"Are you okay?" Jeongin asks.

Seungmin nods quickly. "Yeah."

Another knock on the door. "Iyen?"

"Oh," Jeongin says, sitting up straighter. "Come in!"

The door opens, and Changbin and Minho pile in. Jeongin sees Jisung and Hyunjin behind them, but luckily they don't all crowd into Seungmin's tiny bedroom.

"Kim Seungmin," Minho says, coming to stand in front of the bed. "Heard you got yourself into some trouble."

Seungmin blinks and tilts his head. "I guess."

"Wow," Minho says. "No comeback?"

Seungmin looks at Jeongin. He seems unsure again. Jeongin hates it.

"Minho-hyung's a witch, like you," Jeongin tells him. "He's gonna help us figure out how to get your memory back."

"Ah." Seungmin looks back at Minho and politely says, "Thank you."

Jeongin bites down on his lip. His heart is suddenly so full. His sweet hyung.

Minho's eyebrows go up. "Well," he says. "You really have lost your memory. You've forgotten how much you hate me."

"Seungmin-hyung doesn't hate you," Jeongin says.

Minho simply winks at him. Jeongin sighs. Seungmin looks confused.

"You don't hate him," Jeongin tells Seungmin. "You just argue sometimes."

At first, Jeongin thought Minho and Seungmin really didn't get along. Soon, he figured out that they just enjoy arguing. They're actually really similar—cold on the surface, warm inside. And Seungmin respects Minho, even if he'd never say so. Jeongin can see it.

"Well, let's get this party started," Minho says. "Could you stand up, Seungmin-ah?"

Seungmin gives Jeongin a quick, unreadable look, and stands. He looks nervous.

"This won't hurt," Minho says, with another awkward wink. He puts his hands on the sides of Seungmin's head, closes his eyes, and starts quietly muttering something.

Jeongin watches, his heart in his throat.

It takes a minute, maybe two. It feels like they're all holding their breath; Changbin leaning against the wall, Hyunjin and Jisung in the doorway. Jeongin's still on the bed. He wonders if he should get up, but he doesn't want to interrupt anything.

Finally, Minho lets go of Seungmin and steps back. "Well."

"Was that a spell?" Hyunjin asks.

Minho shakes his head. "Not exactly. Just trying to get a feel for what's going on in there."

"And how'd it go?" Changbin asks.

"It's a mess," Minho says bluntly.

Changbin winces. Someone sighs. Jeongin sees as Seungmin hunches, just slightly.

Jeongin shuffles forward on the bed and reaches out to take Seungmin's hand. He doesn't really do this, but he knows Seungmin finds holding hands comforting.

Seungmin twines their hands together and squeezes. Jeongin's stomach swoops pleasantly.

"Can anything be done?" Changbin asks.

Minho takes a deep breath, cricks his neck. "First, we need to figure out what kind of spell he was trying to cast."

Hyunjin squeezes himself into the room, coming to stand by Changbin. "He usually has his spells in his notebook. Right, Iyen?"

Jeongin nods. He never sees Seungmin cast without it.

"It's probably in his spell room," Changbin says. "You guys can stay here, if you want. We'll go look for it."

"Do you want to stay here, hyung?" Jeongin asks.

Seungmin shakes his head. "It's my house." He pauses. "Right?"

"Sure is," Changbin says as they all file out of the bedroom. "For two years now. I remember the day you moved in, I almost broke my back lugging your bed up the stairs."

"You're acting like Chan-hyung didn't do most of the work," Hyunjin says, scoffing.

Jeongin tunes out their playful arguing. Somehow, he's still holding Seungmin's hand, and he's finding it hard to focus on anything else.

Seungmin's spell room is nice and cozy, with several shelves for all his books and dried ingredients, and a desk where he does his research. Seungmin's not big on potions, but there's still a cauldron tucked away next to an armchair, just in case. Jeongin sometimes sits in that armchair and pretends to be on his phone, while he actually watches Seungmin work.

There's a table in the middle of the room where Seungmin usually prepares his spells. The notebook he uses for spells is lying on it, and there's some ingredients still left out. Minho snatches up the notebook and starts looking through it.

"It must be the last spell, right?" Jisung asks. "He wouldn't have fucked up an old spell."

Seungmin is looking around the room, brow furrowed. Jeongin thought he might want to go and look at his notebook as well, but Seungmin hasn't moved.

"How's your head?" Jeongin asks him quietly.

Seungmin shrugs. "Fine."

"Did sleeping help?"

Seungmin turns to him and nods.

"Good," Jeongin says. He can't help but add, "Let me know if you need anything, though."

Seungmin blinks and then he smiles, just a little. Jeongin's chest warms at the sight. "I will," Seungmin says. "Thank you."

"Aish, don't thank me," Jeongin says, looking away. He notices that Hyunjin is watching them, head tilted. His gaze goes to their joined hands. Jeongin fights against the urge to pull his hand away.

Felix slips into the room and whispers something to Hyunjin. Jeongin assumed that he'd left with Chan. Felix's eyes, too, stray towards Seungmin and Jeongin, and their hands. He looks up and makes eye contact with Jeongin. Jeongin feels himself flush.

"Sorry," Jeongin tells Seungmin quietly. He wriggles his fingers, pulling slightly. "Can I—"

"Oh, sure," Seungmin says, and lets go immediately. "Sorry."

"It's okay, I just wanted to check my phone," Jeongin says. His heart's beating annoyingly fast. He just hates the thought that he's being too obvious.

He pulls out his phone. He forgot to text his boss, but it should be fine; he'll do it tomorrow. He was supposed to go visit his parents this weekend, but he doubts that will happen now. He sends off a quick message to them, saying that he can't make it, and that he'll explain more later, but that he's fine.

He's slipping his phone back into his pocket when Minho slams the notebook shut and says, "It's not here."

"What do you mean, it's not here?" Hyunjin asks.

"It's really not the last spell he wrote down?" Jisung asks.

Minho shakes his head. "The last spell was something for dyeing your hair?"

"Oh," Felix says. He's blushing. "I asked him for that."

"Can't you just use hair dye?" Changbin asks, confused.

"It's too damaging," Felix says. "I was hoping for something that would bleach my hair without hurting it."

"Oh, that would be good," Hyunjin says.

"Right?"

"Can we focus?" Jeongin asks. "I doubt Seungmin-hyung gave himself amnesia with a spell to dye your hair. Right?"

"Hilarious as that might be," Minho says, "no, it's absolutely not this one."

"Would it be?" Seungmin asks. "Hilarious?"

Minho turns to him and the rest fall quiet. Jeongin wants to reach out and take his hand again, Hyunjin and Felix be damned, but Seungmin has folded his arms.

"I'm sorry," Minho says, after a moment. "I keep forgetting that you don't remember me. If you did, you'd know that was a joke, even though it's a bad one."

"Bad jokes are the only kind Minho-hyung knows," Changbin says, and ducks as Minho picks up a pen and goes to throw it.

The others laugh, the tension broken. Seungmin looks away. Jeongin shifts closer, presses his arm against Seungmin's. He feels it when Seungmin takes a deep breath.

Before he has the chance to check, again, how Seungmin is doing, Minho says, "There was nothing in that book that would use the ingredients he had left out. Is there anywhere else he might keep his spells?"

There's a round of shrugs.

"Maybe it's in his diary?" Jeongin asks. "I don't know if he'd use it for spells, but it's worth a shot, maybe?"

"He has a diary?" Changbin asks, looking at Seungmin.

"Yeah, he's kept one since he was a kid," Hyunjin says. "Right, Minnie?"

Seungmin blinks. "That sounds...right. But I don't actually remember."

"That's okay," Jeongin says. "Let's go see, I think it's in your bedroom. You once told me you write into it every night before going to sleep."

"Huh," Changbin says. "A diary."

"Seungmin has a lot of thoughts," Hyunjin says.

"Something Changbin-hyung can't relate to," Jisung says.

"Yah!" Changbin tries to grab Jisung, but he hides behind Minho, cackling.

They traipse back into Seungmin's bedroom. Felix peels off and heads back downstairs, wishing them good luck before he goes.

"So where does he keep his diary?"

"Bedside table?" Hyunjin guesses.

It's not on top of it, so Jeongin pulls the drawer open and spots it immediately: a lovely little notebook, dark green with intricate flowers and leaves on it. He takes it out and goes to open it.

"No," Seungmin says, snatching the diary from his hands.

Everyone freezes.

"Uh," Jisung says.

"Sorry," Seungmin says. He's looking at Jeongin, eyes big and regretful. "Sorry, I just. This is my diary. And I don't remember what might be in it, but— Sorry."

"No, it's okay," Jeongin says. "You're right, I shouldn't have. It's private. I just wasn't thinking."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin repeats.

"You don't have to be sorry," Jeongin says. "It's okay."

He really hadn't been thinking. The thought of someone else reading his own diary—if he had one—fills him with sudden dread. Of course it would be the same for Seungmin.

"Well, someone's going to have to look in it," Changbin says.

Seungmin shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"It's best if you do it, hyung," Jeongin says.

"I don't know," Seungmin says.

"Just look at the last few pages, maybe?" Hyunjin says. "It's most likely that it's there?"

He looks to Minho, who shrugs. "I don't claim to know how Kim Seungmin's mind works."

"Yes, but, just start there, Seungmin-ah," Hyunjin says, folding his arms. "You don't have to read too much. It must be weird, since you don't remember. Like it's going to tell you how to feel or how to think."

"Okay, we don't have to overthink it," Changbin says. "It's just a diary."

Hyunjin smacks his arm, while Jisung laughs.

"I just meant that it's not magic!" Changbin tries to defend himself.

Jeongin ignores them, watching as Seungmin carefully opens the diary. He's focused, mouth pursed, as it often is. His face is so familiar to Jeongin—it's strange they've only known each other since Jeongin moved here for college, and not their whole lives.

Seungmin frowns. One day, Jeongin really will lean in and press his thumb to that wrinkle between his brows.

"I think there's a page missing," Seungmin says. "It looks like it's been ripped out."

Jisung whistles. "Damn, what kind of spell was this? So secretive, Seungminnie."

Jeongin turns to glare at him, and Jisung raises his hands, eyes wide.

"Alright," Changbin says. "So now we're looking for a piece of paper."

"You don't have to sound so excited about it," Hyunjin says.

"I'm not!" Changbin says. "I mean, I'm— Whatever, it's good to at least know what we're looking for!"

"Do you think you might have thrown it away?" Jisung asks Seungmin, who's closed the diary and is carefully putting it away.

"No way," Hyunjin says.

"Hyung would never be so careless," Jeongin agrees.

There's a knock on the door and Chan peeks his head in. "Hey guys, I know it's late, but Lixie and I made dinner. I figured some of us would be hungry?"

"I'm starving," Jisung says. "Thanks, guys."

"Sure," Chan says. "How's it going? Lix said you were still looking for the spell?"

"Now we're looking for a missing page from a diary," Changbin says. "But we can do that after dinner. Or—what do you think, Jeongin?"

Jeongin blinks, unsure why he's been asked. He turns to Seungmin. "Hyung, do you want to eat? You must be hungry by now."

Seungmin looks like he's about to say something, but he's interrupted by the sound of his stomach growling. He goes pink in the face, and wraps his arms around his middle. He's so cute.

"Come on," Jeongin says, smiling. "Let's go eat."

*

Felix and Chan have prepared a feast.

"You didn't have everything in your fridge, so I went and got some stuff. Hope that's okay," Chan tells Seungmin.

Seungmin raises an eyebrow, then looks askance at Jeongin.

"He's always like this," Jeongin tells him. "Of course it's okay, Chan-hyung. Thank you for cooking for us."

"Oh, Lix helped a lot," Chan says with an easy grin.

Jeongin looks at Felix, and he shakes his head, smiling. Figures.

It takes only a bite of bulgogi for Jeongin to realize he's ravenous. He could barely think about food earlier, but now that Minho is here and they have at least some hope, it's easier. Seungmin seems more present, too, sitting at the table next to Jeongin. His kitchen is too small for a huge dinner table, so Hyunjin and Chan are eating at the counter. Jeongin's busy shoveling food into his mouth when he realizes that Seungmin is watching him, gaze intent.

Jeongin raises his eyebrows. "Hyung?"

Seungmin squints at him. "You—you always eat like this." He states it as a fact, not a question.

"Yeah, our Innie always inhales his food," Jisung says with his mouth full.

"You should eat slower," Seungmin says.

"I know," Jeongin says. "You always tell me that."

Seungmin nods at that. He looks pleased. Jeongin smiles.

It's a nice meal. A bit quieter than their usual group dinners, but Seungmin seems comfortable, which is all Jeongin can hope for at the moment. He's eating happily; he reached for the kimchi jjigae earlier and said, "Oh, this is my favorite", and Jeongin felt warm all over. He thinks Hyunjin wiped away a tear. Chan and Felix looked proud.

He's still in there, Jeongin's hyung. He's still Seungmin. They just need to get him to remember that.

"Okay," Minho says when they're wrapping up, and leans back in his chair. "If you were Kim Seungmin, where would you hide a secret spell you wouldn't want anyone to find?"

Everyone looks at Seungmin.

"Under the pillow?" Jisung guesses.

"Inside your favorite book," Hyunjin says.

"In the sock drawer?" Chan offers.

"Who has a sock drawer?" asks Changbin.

"Where else do you keep your socks?"

"What do you think, Seungminnie?" Felix asks, voice gentle.

Seungmin's frowning, clearly in thought. He stands up. His hands go slowly to his hoodie pockets.

"There's no way," Jisung says. Hyunjin shushes him.

Seungmin shakes his head, then sticks his right hand in his pants pocket instead. When he pulls it out he's holding a small piece of paper that seems to have been folded over and over again, small enough to almost disappear.

"Well," Changbin says. "At least you didn't put them in the wash."

Minho clears his throat and leans forward, holding out his hand.

Seungmin looks conflicted.

"Trust me," Minho says. "It's probably better if you don't read it."

Seungmin's mouth purses, but then he drags in a breath, shoulders straightening, and drops the paper into Minho's open palm. Minho nods at him, face serious, and unfolds it.

Hyunjin leans closer. Minho pushes him away. It feels as if everyone's holding their breath.

"Okay," Minho says eventually. "Well. That explains some things."

He folds the sheet again, and puts it in his jacket pocket.

"Can we ask what the spell was for?" Changbin asks.

"No," Minho says. His eyes flit over all of them. Jeongin isn't sure if it's his imagination, or if they linger on him. "Well, you can, but I won't tell you."

"Can you fix this?" Jeongin asks. "Can you help him?"

He doesn't care what Seungmin was trying to do. A part of him is curious, sure, but he doesn't care if he never finds out, as long as Seungmin will be okay.

"The spell backfired," Minho says. "I think I can see why. But it means it's harder to work on a counterspell. Funnily, it would be easier if he'd succeeded."

"But you can do it." Jisung doesn't pose it as a question.

Minho gives him a fond look, before turning to Seungmin. "I should be able to."

There's a collective sigh of relief. Still, Jeongin wishes that Minho sounded more certain.

"When will you know for sure?" he asks. "If you can do it?"

"I think it will take me a day or two to figure it out and put everything together," Minho says. "I'm sorry that it can't be quicker." He looks at both Jeongin and Seungmin at that.

"Two days isn't that bad," Changbin says. "I mean, in the grand scheme of things."

"Do you want to try going two days without your memories?" Jeongin asks.

Changbin winces. "I didn't—"

"I can get started tonight," Minho says.

"No, hyung, it's late," Jisung says immediately. "You must be exhausted."

"I'll be fine."

"No, we can't ask that of you." Chan looks at Seungmin, face apologetic. "Minho needs to rest. We all do."

Seungmin frowns. "Of course," he says. "If you're tired, you'll make mistakes."

Hyunjin laughs. Seungmin looks surprised, then pleased. Felix yawns, loud and sudden. He claps a hand to his mouth, looking embarrassed.

"We should get home," Changbin says. "It's long past your bedtime."

"I do have to get up pretty early tomorrow," Felix says apologetically.

"We should all go and get some rest." Chan stands up. "But someone needs to help me with the dishes."

"Oh, I'll do—" Felix starts.

"Not you," Chan says, smiling. "You did the cooking."

"So did you, hyung," Jeongin says, getting up as well. "I'll do it."

It's him and Hyunjin in the end; Seungmin offered to help, but he was yawning as well, so they told him to sit it out. Chan and Felix insist on at least helping with drying, while Changbin takes Chan's car to drop Minho and Jisung off.

"Can you get home without your car?" Seungmin asks Chan. "Or is Changbin-hyung coming back to pick you up?"

There's only a momentary pause, which happens whenever Seungmin asks something he should know. Jeongin is glad he is asking, at least. He'd rather that than have Seungmin feeling confused and left out.

"Oh, I live close," Chan says. "We all do. We'll just walk. Minho and Jisung are the only ones who live on the other side of town."

"Ah. Okay." Seungmin looks between Hyunjin, Chan and Felix. "Do you... do you all live together?"

"I live with Lixie," Hyunjin says, stacking the last of the dishes. "And Chan-hyung lives with Changbinnie."

Seungmin looks confused at that. "I'll tell you later," Jeongin mouths at him. He's not sure if Seungmin understands it—he's pretty bad at reading lips—but he blinks cutely in response.

"Do you want any of us to stay with you tonight, Minnie?" Felix asks.

"Oh," Seungmin says. He looks at Jeongin. "I—"

"I meant besides Jeonginnie," Felix says, as if it's a given that Jeongin is staying. Well, Jeongin supposes it is. He never once considered leaving. Not unless Seungmin wants him to.

"Oh," Seungmin says. His shoulders seem to relax. "No, I'm okay."

"You don't mind me staying, right?" Jeongin asks, needing to be sure.

"Someone should definitely stay with you," Chan says, looking worried.

"No, I don't mind," Seungmin says, shaking his head. "That's fine. Thank you."

"Hyuuung," Jeongin says. "What did I tell you?"

Seungmin smiles. Very slightly, but still. "You'll develop hives. Right. Sorry."

"You can't say sorry, either," Jeongin says. His chest feels warm.

It's been a really fucked up day. But Seungmin is still here, and he's smiling at Jeongin, and Jeongin has to believe that things will work out.

It's slightly awkward, when Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix are leaving: it's clear they all want to hug Seungmin, but are holding back. Instead, Felix pulls Jeongin into a quick hug. Jeongin lets himself lean into it for a moment.

"It'll be okay," Felix whispers. "I know it."

Jeongin nods, throat tight.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Chan says. "Both of you."

Seungmin nods. "Thank you."

"We will," Jeongin promises.

Hyunjin reaches out and squeezes Seungmin's arm. "Sleep well. Let Jeongin look after you."

Seungmin nods again, his mouth pressed together, face serious.

"Okay, let's all get some rest," Chan says, and herds Felix and Hyunjin out.

Seungmin seems to slump when the door closes after them.

"Are you okay?" Jeongin asks.

Seungmin takes a deep breath. "Just tired."

"Of course. Let's go to—let's go sleep."

He hasn't actually thought about where he will sleep. He can't just join Seungmin in his bed, but the idea of leaving Seungmin alone upstairs makes his stomach cramp with anxiety.

He follows Seungmin into the bedroom, nervous. "Uh, do you—should I sleep on the couch?"

Seungmin looks over at him, and tilts his head. He blinks slowly. "Why would you do that?"

"I just—" Jeongin shrugs. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not. I'm—" Seungmin is cut off by a yawn. It's cute. "I'm gonna brush my teeth before I fall asleep standing up."

Jeongin smiles. "You do that."

He sits on the bed, still unsure, but if Seungmin is fine with it...

Jeongin isn't sure if he's fine with it. But he does want to stay and watch over Seungmin.

He takes a deep breath, and then realizes he has the perfect answer. He pulls his knees up, squeezes his eyes closed, and shifts, then curls up at the foot of the bed and settles in.

The world looks different as a fox. Feels different. He doesn't usually think about it, much. The bed under him smells like Seungmin. The smell of Seungmin gets stronger, as he walks back into the bedroom and comes to a stop.

"Oh. Hi."

Jeongin yips quietly in response.

Seungmin smiles. Jeongin feels warm.

"It must be comfortable to sleep like that," Seungmin says. "I'm jealous."

Jeongin whuffs, watching as Seungmin gets into bed. He stretches out under the blanket, feet nudging Jeongin. "Oh, sorry."

Jeongin barks in reprimand.

Seungmin laughs, a puff of air. It's nice.

Jeongin closes his eyes. Sleep comes easily.

*

Jeongin wakes to the feeling of hands in his fur. The hand is familiar, as is the smell. Seungmin.

"Jeongin?"

Jeongin stirs slightly, and leans into the touch.

"Are you awake?"

Jeongin huffs. He doesn't want to be. He wants to stay in this dream forever.

"Iyennie?"

Fingers scratching down his back, comfortable. It's how it should be.

"Jeongin-ah? I'm sorry, but I think I've lost feeling in my feet."

Jeongin blinks his eyes open, confused, and then remembers abruptly where he is and what's happening. He jumps up, realizes he apparently settled himself on top of Seungmin's legs at some point in the night, and tumbles off the bed, in a blur of embarrassed fox.

"Fuck," Seungmin says. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you."

Jeongin shifts and quickly gets to his feet. Seungmin's staring at him, hair a mess, eyes concerned, hand still outstretched. He was petting Jeongin.

"I—" Jeongin says. "I'm gonna—bathroom."

He makes his escape, heart pounding. He can't believe this. He specifically shifted last night to avoid something like this happening. He's never lost himself like that. He thinks he might have been purring.

He splashes cold water on his flushed cheeks in the bathroom. He needs to get it together. He wishes he had a toothbrush. Wishes he had an extra pair of clothes. He could ask Seungmin. He should ask Seungmin. He's not going to.

He opens his phone and hesitates. Every group chat he's in has Seungmin in it. In the end, he just texts Felix directly, and asks if he can bring Jeongin a change of clothes from his apartment. Felix replies that he probably won't have time, but he's relegated the task to Hyunjin. It will have to do.

It's fine. He's fine. It's actually not a big deal. He just wasn't expecting to wake up like this. With Seungmin's hands on him.

Jeongin squeezes his eyes shut. He's fine. He just freaked out for a moment, too embarrassed to think straight, but he's fine now. He's going to go back out there, and he and Seungmin are going to have a nice day together, and Minho will figure out how to help Seungmin, and everything will go back to normal.

Jeongin takes a deep breath, opens the door and almost runs into Seungmin.

"Shit, sorry."

"It's okay," Seungmin says.

They stare at each other for a moment.

"I—" Jeongin says. "I'm gonna go see what we have for breakfast."

"Okay, I'll be right there."

"It's fine, no rush, take your time," Jeongin says, almost tripping over the words.

Seungmin blinks.

"Right, okay." Jeongin hurries off. He thinks he might be blushing again.

This is so stupid. He never acts like this. Seungmin must be wondering what's wrong with him.

Or maybe he's not. Seungmin remembers him, but there's still clearly a lot of gaps in his memory. He might think that Jeongin is always weird in the mornings.

The thought is sobering. Jeongin's been so worried about not being too obvious about his feelings—running away from Seungmin, being nervous about holding his hand in front of others—while Seungmin is just trying to make sense of his life. Jeongin needs to get it together. This isn't about him.

By the time Seungmin gets downstairs Jeongin has resolved to be normal and has pulled out some bowls and set the table.

"Do you want to make something, or should we just have the leftovers?" Jeongin asks.

"Leftovers," Seungmin says, and Jeongin turns to the fridge. "They were really good."

"Chan-hyung's pretty good at cooking," Jeongin says, pulling the dishes out. "I think only Minho-hyung is better than him."

"I don't cook much, do I?" Seungmin asks, settling down at the table.

Jeongin shakes his head. "Sometimes you do, but not very often."

"I'm probably not that good at it."

"No, you're fine," Jeongin protests immediately. "I think you're just not that interested in it?"

Seungmin hums thoughtfully. "You don't cook either?"

"No. Too lazy."

"I doubt that," Seungmin says.

"No, it's true. You just don't—" Remember.

Seungmin tilts his head. "We've known each other for a while, haven't we?"

"Actually, I think it's been about five years? I moved here for college."

Seungmin furrows his brows. "It...it feels longer than that."

"It feels longer than that for me too, hyung," Jeongin says easily.

"Oh." Seungmin takes a bite of kimchi jjigae, and chews thoughtfully. "Good."

Jeongin smiles.

It's nice, having breakfast together. They don't really do that. Sometimes, Seungmin gets tired of working on spells and comes to meet Jeongin during his lunch break, and there's their dinners with friends, but it's rare that it's just the two of them sitting at a table together.

"Do you need to leave?" Seungmin asks once Jeongin is done eating. He's still picking at his food. "Any plans today?"

"No," Jeongin says. "I texted my boss and let her know I won't be coming in. Changbin told me to say that, um, it's a family emergency. Anyway, she understood, it's fine."

"Oh." Seungmin's face has gone all pinched. "You didn't need to do that for me."

"Hyung," Jeongin sighs, put out. "You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

Seungmin blinks. "Oh. Yes."

"So there," Jeongin says. "I'm staying with you. You'll have to kick me out if you want to get rid of me."

Seungmin smiles. "Okay."

"But also..." Jeongin falters. "If you want to be alone, just tell me."

Seungmin shakes his head. "I don't. But I'll tell you, don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Jeongin says. It's something he truly doesn't worry about. Seungmin is honest, always, and if he wants something he'll tell you. "So, do you want to just hang out and do nothing? I think you usually do, like, research during the day or make spells for people, but I guess that's not really going to happen today. Or, actually... How much do you remember about being a witch, hyung?"

Seungmin tilts his head, thinking. "Not a lot," he says eventually. "I know I'm a witch. Like it's something that's a part of me. But if you told me to go and—and do magic, I don't think I could." He sighs. "It's weird. You'll tell me something about myself, and it sounds right, but— It's like all of the information is water and my brain is covered in oil. Everything keeps sliding off. Some things stick better than others, but..."

"I'm sorry, hyung," Jeongin says, throat tight. "That sounds really hard."

Seungmin shrugs. "I guess I don't have anyone to blame but myself."

"Hey, don't say that."

"Well, it's true. It's my own doing."

"It was an accident," Jeongin says. "Last year I fell and broke my wrist. You didn't tell me that it was my fault."

Even though Jeongin had been stupid and careless, while trying to help Seungmin forage for spell materials. He hadn't watched where he was going, slipped on a wet rock, and went down hard.

It had hurt a lot. Seungmin had fussed over him, tense and a bit gruff, but Jeongin knew it was just because he was worried. He'd still pulled Jeongin close when he'd started crying, overwhelmed from the pain and the shock of it, and let Jeongin rest his head on his shoulder. Jeongin remembers how Seungmin's hand had felt, gently rubbing his back.

When Jeongin stopped crying and started pouting instead, Seungmin carefully took his hand, said, "Come here, you big baby," and pressed his mouth to Jeongin's wrist, feather-light.

Seungmin and Minho had mended the bone that same day. It hasn't hurt since.

Sometimes Jeongin runs his fingers over the spot, aching.

"I don't remember that," Seungmin says, barely a whisper, staring at his plate.

Jeongin's chest hurts. "Well, just believe me then. And stop blaming yourself for this, okay?"

Seungmin doesn't respond.

"Please?" Jeongin tries.

Seungmin looks up at him. For once, there's something in his eyes that Jeongin can't read. But then he smiles, softly, and says, "Okay. I will."

Jeongin lets out a breath. They'll get through this. They will.

*

They spend the day not doing much.

They park themselves on Seungmin's couch. It's raining outside, which is a good excuse to not go anywhere. Inside, it's nice and cozy. Jeongin scrolls on his phone, plays games. Seungmin tries reading different books, but he can't seem to really concentrate. He ends up napping for a while instead, feet in Jeongin's lap. His socks are cute. Jeongin tries to keep very still, so as not to wake him.

Minho stops by with Jisung to check Seungmin's spell setup again, and Felix brings over some pastries from the bakery. Hyunjin says he's coming over just to see Seungmin, but he also brings Jeongin the clothes and toiletries, sneaking them to him behind Seungmin's back because Jeongin doesn't want Seungmin to feel guilty about not thinking of it himself. Late in the afternoon, Changbin and Chan drop by to see how they're doing, and bring over something for dinner.

Jeongin sees how every time someone comes by Seungmin tenses, just slightly. He doesn't relax fully until they leave. It's wrong. It's not usually like that. Seungmin loves his friends. It's awful to see.

And yet, there's some quiet part inside Jeongin that sings. He's not like that with you. He remembers you. He's comfortable with you.

After Chan and Changbin leave, Seungmin tilts his head and asks, "So what's the deal with your—our friends?"

"What do you mean?"

Seungmin shrugs. "Are they together, or..."

"Oh," Jeongin says. "You mean that." He pulls his legs up on the couch and watches Seungmin do the same. "Okay, so. Changbin likes Felix."

"Felix, who lives with Hyunjin?"

Jeongin nods. "And Hyunjin likes Changbin."

Seungmin makes a face at that.

Jeongin laughs. "What, is that so unlikely?"

"No, no," Seungmin says quickly. "Changbin's really hot. I just—that sounds messy."

"Changbin's hot?" Jeongin asks, mouth agape.

"Yeah? Obviously?"

Jeongin blinks. "I mean. Do you like Changbin?"

"No," Seungmin says, frowning. "Of course not. I'm just saying."

"Okay, well, unsay it!"

"I don't think I can," Seungmin says, grinning briefly. "So Changbin doesn't like Hyunjin?"

"I wouldn't say that. It's just...different? I'm not fully sure, but I do know for sure that Changbin's into Felix.

"So does Felix like Changbin back?"

"I think so," Jeongin says. "But I know he likes Chan. He's basically in love with him."

"And Chan...?" Seungmin asks, wincing.

"He's kind of obsessed with Hyunjin. And I think he likes Felix? But I think he and Changbin also had a thing at some point?"

"Oh my god," Seungmin says. "You're joking."

"I'm not."

"You're lying to me. You know I can't remember so you're making this up. There's no way."

"I wouldn't lie!" Jeongin says, heated now. "I'd never lie to you, hyung! They're all circling each other like vultures."

He doesn't mention the fact that he's pretty sure Hyunjin used to be in love with Seungmin before he met Changbin. He thinks Hyunjin has let that go. Jeongin doesn't know if Seungmin knew that, even before. It's selfish of him, but he doesn't want to talk about it with Seungmin.

Seungmin snorts, and lies his head against the back of the couch. "This is ridiculous. What about Jisung and Minho?"

"Oh, they're actually together. But they think we don't know that."

"What? How?"

"Well, they're being kind of secretive about it," Jeongin says. "Everyone can tell, of course, but we figured we'd wait for them to say something. See how long it takes them."

Seungmin hums. "Why do you think they're waiting?"

"I don't know. Maybe they're nervous. Maybe because they're the first official couple in our friend group they don't want to make it weird."

"They're—" Seungmin blinks. "Oh."

"What?"

"Oh, no, just. Yeah. That makes sense, I guess."

"You're actually the one who thought of that," Jeongin says. "When we were talking about them a few weeks ago, you said maybe they're just worried."

Seungmin nods. He looks distracted, brow furrowed.

"Do you...do you remember that?" Jeongin asks.

"No," Seungmin says curtly. He's not looking at Jeongin.

Jeongin watches him, chewing on his lip. He's almost tempted to ask if he did something wrong, but sometimes Seungmin gets annoyed at that.

"I'd tell you," he'd said, ages ago, when he was in a bad mood because of his parents, and Jeongin had thought that it was his fault. "Trust me, I'd always tell you. You don't have to worry."

So Jeongin tries not to worry. Seungmin is always good at speaking his mind, and Jeongin does trust him, so he leaves it be.

Eventually, Seungmin picks up another book, and Jeongin takes out his phone again. Jisung texted the group chat about ten minutes ago, saying that Minho thinks he's getting close. Changbin messaged back, asking if Minho told Jisung that, or if Jisung picked it up from Minho's muttering. Jisung replied to that with a sticker of a ferret sticking out his tongue.

what does Hyunjin have to do with this? Jeongin asks, just as Hyunjin sends, now why am i in it?

Jeongin snorts. He does love his friends.

He expects Seungmin to ask him what he's laughing about; Seungmin is always curious about stuff like that. A bit nosy. It's endearing.

Seungmin doesn't say anything, though. Jeongin puts his phone away and closes his eyes for a minute. He's not sleepy, as such. Just cozy. It's nice to be with Seungmin, even under these circumstances.

He's almost drifting off, when Seungmin says, "It's getting late."

Jeongin blinks, looking over. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Oh, no!" Seungmin turns to him, eyes wide. "Stay?"

"Of course," Jeongin agrees immediately.

"I actually wanted to ask..." Seungmin says, twisting his hands. "Would you be okay with sleeping in bed with me tonight, too? I can take the couch, if you want—"

"Hyung, I can take the couch. Don't be ridiculous."

"Okay," Seungmin says. "But you don't have to. If that's okay? And...you don't have to turn into a fox, if you don't want to? There's room for both of us."

Jeongin looks at Seungmin: his wide and hopeful eyes, his mouth pursed. He looks nervous, ready for rejection.

Sometimes Jeongin thinks that if Seungmin was a shifter, he'd be a dog. Friendly and loyal. Afraid to ask for more than he thinks he deserves.

How can Jeongin ever say no to him?

"Of course, hyung. It's okay."

*

Jeongin ends up taking a shower, grateful for the clothes Hyunjin dropped off.

Changbin once asked him if he couldn't just groom himself as a fox and save water. Jeongin had shifted and tried to bite his ankles in response, and Seungmin had laughed so hard he'd doubled over, wheezing.

Jeongin misses Seungmin's laugh. He needs Minho to figure this out.

Seungmin's already in bed once Jeongin is done. He has shifted over to one side and found an extra pillow for Jeongin.

Jeongin hesitates for a moment, before sliding into bed next to Seungmin. It's not awkward. It... Well, it doesn't have to be awkward.

Seungmin clears his throat. "I thought I'd read a bit. If that's okay?"

"I don't mind," Jeongin says. "I'll be on my phone, anyway. If that doesn't bother you?"

"It's okay. You don't have the sound on, so it's not annoying."

Jeongin smiles. "Duh. I know you hate that."

"Oh, right." After a moment, Seungmin adds, "I guess—I guess you also know what I like."

Jeongin tilts his head. "Sure? You're one of my best friends."

Seungmin hums in response. "I—I thought I knew. What I liked, I mean. I thought I remembered. But I'm not sure anymore."

"It's okay," Jeongin says, his stomach clenching. "Minho-hyung will figure it out. You'll get your memories back."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course." There's no other option. "It'll be okay."

Seungmin nods, after a moment, and goes back to his book. Jeongin goes back to scrolling.

He's starting to feel sleepy when he realizes that Seungmin isn't reading anymore; he hasn't turned a single page in ages. He thinks Seungmin's just fallen asleep sitting up, but when he glances at him, he catches Seungmin staring at him, deep frown on his face.

Before Jeongin can ask him what's wrong, Seungmin clears his throat and says, "Jeongin-ah. Do... do you know why you're the only person I can remember?"

Jeongin's stomach drops. "No, hyung," he says slowly. "Do you?"

Seungmin shakes his head. "I thought, maybe..."

"What did you think?" Jeongin prompts.

Seungmin glances at him, before looking away, eyes on the bedspread. "I thought that maybe we were...together."

Jeongin stares at him. He doesn't know what to say. What does he say?

"But then," Seungmin continues, "you said that out of our friend group...it was just Minho and Jisung."

"Yes." Jeongin's throat is dry. He swallows, and coughs a little. "It's just—it's just them."

"Right. So it's— It's not that?"

"No," Jeongin says. His chest is tight. He feels overwarm. "It's not that. We're not together."

Seungmin finally turns to look at him, and asks, "So we don't usually sleep like this?"

Jeongin has never been in Seungmin's bed. Sometimes they watch films together on Seungmin's couch and fall asleep there, but there's never any...cuddling.

Jeongin doesn't like skinship. He doesn't like the way the hyungs cling to him. (Even though he knows they'd stop if he really told them to.) Seungmin is the only one who respects that.

"No," Jeongin says. "We don't."

Seungmin's nose twitches, but he doesn't say anything. He looks away again. He's twisting his hands. Jeongin thinks that, if Seungmin wasn't trapped under two blankets right now, he'd probably get up and pace.

"Why did you think we were together?" Jeongin asks. He hates himself immediately for it, but he can't take it back. It's out there now.

And Seungmin looks over, blinks his big, beautiful eyes at him, and says, "It just feels right."

Jeongin tears his gaze away. There's a pain in his chest, spreading out, to his stomach, his limbs. What is he supposed to do?

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't," Jeongin says quickly. "It's fine. I'm fine. It's okay, hyung."

This isn't about him. It's not about him, it's about Seungmin.

Seungmin, who has lost his memory and can only remember Jeongin. Of course he would think there had to be a reason for that. Some explanation for why it's Jeongin, specifically, who he hasn't forgotten. It must be confusing, to realize there's not. It's just a fluke.

"I can still go sleep on the couch," Seungmin says.

Jeongin startles. "No," he says. "No, hyung, I'm fine, I swear. It's okay. Let's just go to sleep, okay? It's late."

Seungmin nods. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure," Jeongin says, and puts his phone away. He turns to the side, facing away from Seungmin. Not...not for any particular reason. He just prefers sleeping on that side.

He feels Seungmin move behind him, and then the light clicks off. It's not the widest bed, but they fit fine. It's fine. It's okay.

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says, quiet in the dark bedroom.

"Stop apologizing," Jeongin says, and closes his eyes. "It's okay. Just go to sleep, hyung."

He listens to Seungmin's breathing slowly even out. They're sharing a blanket. Seungmin's warm.

Jeongin could change into a fox again. Take up less space. Get some distance. It would be the polite thing to do. The right thing to do. Seungmin said he doesn't have to, but that was before he knew that they weren't— That they aren't.

Still, he stays human. It might be selfish. Jeongin doesn't care. Not tonight.

*

Minho shows up the next day at six in the morning, and announces that he's figured it out.

He's brought Jisung and Chan with him. "The others are still sleeping," Chan says, apologetic. Jisung looks half asleep as well, nodding off on Seungmin's couch.

Jeongin wishes he could be asleep, too. He woke up to the knocking at the front door, confused and fuzzy. He was still on his side, facing away from Seungmin, but Seungmin's knees were touching Jeongin's calves, and there was a warm weight on his waist. Seungmin's hand. He'd pulled it away the moment he must have realized Jeongin was awake.

Now they're in the kitchen, and Jeongin is trying not to look at Seungmin. Seungmin's words from yesterday are still echoing through his mind.

It just feels right.

"Alright, let's do this," Minho says. His hair's a mess, and he looks like he hasn't slept.

"Are you sure you've got it, hyung?" Jeongin can't help but ask.

Minho doesn't seem to take offense. "I can't guarantee it," he says, looking at Jeongin first, then Seungmin. "But I have a good feeling about this. And I'm certain that it won't make it worse. That's the best I can give you."

"That sounds reasonable," Seungmin says. Jeongin shoots him a glance and finds that Seungmin is already looking at him. "What do you think?"

"It's your brain, hyung," Jeongin says. "It's your decision."

Seungmin squints, just for a moment, and then turns back to Minho. "I want to try."

"Do we need to move to the spell room for this?" Chan asks.

"No," Minho says. "Maybe the living room. You want to be sitting down for this."

Jisung is gently woken by Minho and nudged over to the armchair so Seungmin can have the couch.

"In case you faint," Minho says.

"Is that likely?" Jeongin asks, worried.

Minho shrugs, and pulls out a small glass bottle. "First, you need this tonic."

Seungmin makes a face, but takes the bottle. He looks up at Minho, then at Jeongin again. He seems to visibly steel himself before he brings the bottle to his lips and drinks all of it. He scrunches his face up and sticks out his tongue.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Minho says.

"Do all tonics taste that bad?" Seungmin asks.

"Probably not," Minho says, taking the bottle from him and passing it on to Chan. "Because that was a potion."

Seungmin blinks. "Why—"

"You're wary about taking potions from me. How do you feel?"

Seungmin's hand goes to his stomach. "Odd."

"Good, it's working," Minho says. "Here comes the spell."

Jeongin watches Minho work, heart in his throat. Minho's spellwork is not like Seungmin's. Jeongin can't pick out exactly what sets it apart, but he can tell they have different techniques. Seungmin has tried teaching Jeongin the most basic spells, but even if he can recognize them he hasn't been able to use them.

This looks anything but basic. This looks very complicated. Jeongin can barely follow Minho's hands. He can tell when it ends, though, since there's a faint humming sound and Seungmin falls back against the couch, eyes closed.

Jeongin steps closer. "Hyung?"

"Give him a minute," Minho says, not unkindly.

Jeongin watches as Seungmin clenches and unclenches his hands, eyes squeezed shut, breathing labored. Is he in pain? Jeongin doesn't know what to do. He wants to help, but he doesn't want to make it worse.

Just as he's about to say fuck it and go to Seungmin's side, Seungmin takes one last deep gasp and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"Hyung?"

"I'm okay," Seungmin says. "I'm fine, I'm okay."

"Did it work?" Jisung asks.

Seungmin looks at Minho. "You couldn't have put some thyme in the potion to make it taste better?"

Minho huffs out a laugh.

"Seungmin-ah?" Chan asks. "Are you alright?"

"Channie-hyung," Seungmin says, looking over at him. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

Chan lets out a breath, hands going to his hair. Jeongin's knees feel weak. Jisung cheers and throws himself at Seungmin for a hug.

It worked.

Seungmin hugs Jisung back with minimal grumbling. Over the back of Jisung's head, his eyes find Jeongin's. Jeongin smiles, relief coursing through him. And something else, something just out of reach.

Chan sits down on the couch to pull Seungmin into a hug, and Seungmin looks away. Jeongin breathes in deep.

Finally, things can go back to normal.

*

Hyunjin, Felix, and Changbin show up within an hour. Hyunjin looks more asleep than awake, but he throws himself at Seungmin with surprising strength.

"You're not allowed to do that ever again," he says, voice muffled. Jeongin hears Seungmin mumble something in response.

No one can stay for long, since they all have jobs to get ready for, but there's a sense of relief in the air, smiles on everyone's faces.

"We should meet up tonight," Felix says. "At the bar, for dinner and a drink? We should celebrate."

"What are we celebrating, Minnie being an idiot?" Hyunjin asks. He's draped himself over Seungmin's shoulders.

"We're celebrating Minho-hyung, of course," Jisung says. "Since he's a genius."

"We can celebrate both," Changbin says. He cups Seungmin's cheek, grinning. Seungmin bats him away.

"We'll text later," Felix promises before he and Chan leave, both of them giving Seungmin one last hug before they go.

"Ugh, I should go and get ready for work, too," Hyunjin says. "Innie, are you coming too?"

Right. There's no reason for Jeongin to stay now.

"I'll go get my stuff," Jeongin says, and goes to pack up his clothes and toothbrush.

When he gets back downstairs, Hyunjin and Jisung are waiting by the door.

"I should say bye to Seungmin," Jeongin says.

"He's out back with Minho-hyung," Hyunjin says.

"Yeah, can you go tell him to hurry up, or we'll miss our next bus," Jisung says.

"I told you, I could borrow Seungmin's car and drive you," Hyunjin says.

"Uh, I'd rather get there in one piece."

"I drive very well!"

Jeongin leaves them bickering and heads to the door that leads out to Seungmin's back garden. He's about to push it open when he hears his name, and pauses, before hesitantly pressing his ear to the door.

"I don't care," Minho's saying. "You have to tell Jeongin. He deserves to know why you almost gave yourself permanent brain damage."

Seungmin's answer is muffled, but still audible. "It's not any of your business."

"The fuck it isn't," Minho says. "You got lucky this time. I'm not going to clean up your mess again."

"Hyung—"

"You were so close to losing your memories forever, Seungmin. Is that what you wanted?"

Jeongin's heart is beating loudly in his chest. He doesn't hear Seungmin's answer to that, if he says anything.

After a moment, Minho, sounding closer than before, says, "If you don't tell him, I will. That's a promise."

The door opens. Jeongin jumps back, cheeks already flushing. He's embarrassed. He's so confused.

Minho looks at him, and his face goes from irritated to warm and gentle. "Jeonginnie."

"Tell me what?" Jeongin asks.

Minho bites his lip. Jeongin looks away from him, towards Seungmin. Seungmin's standing in his garden with his arms crossed, face pale. He looks down, instead of looking at Jeongin.

Minho pats Jeongin awkwardly on the shoulder. "I'll tell Hyunjin not to wait for you."

And then he leaves. Jeongin steps out onto the back porch, and lets the door fall closed behind him.

"Tell me what, hyung?"

For a moment he thinks Seungmin won't tell him. He's still not looking at Jeongin. He seems tense, hugging himself tight, mouth in a displeased little pout.

Then Seungmin closes his eyes, sighs, and says, "Let's go talk about this inside."

"Okay," Jeongin says, voice coming out small. He doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all.

Seungmin walks past Jeongin, not even glancing at him. Jeongin follows him into the living room, his stomach clenching. Minho and the others have left already.

"Do you want to sit down?" Seungmin asks.

"I'm good," Jeongin says. He feels like he'd rather stay standing for this. Whatever this is. "What did Minho-hyung mean?"

Seungmin sighs. "I hoped— No, but he's right. You deserve to know."

Jeongin folds his arms. "Know what?"

Seungmin's quiet for a while. He's still not looking at Jeongin. He's not even pacing, like he usually does when he's agitated about something. He's just frozen, staring at the floor.

"Hyung."

"I wanted to thank you," Seungmin says. "For—for being here, for looking after me." He finally looks up. "It meant a lot to me."

"Hyung. Just tell me what's going on."

Seungmin nods jerkily. "Right." He pauses, then takes a deep breath, and says, "Do you remember when I told you once that love spells are really tricky?"

Jeongin's stomach twists. "You said you can't create love out of nothing. And it would be foolish to try, since more often than not people will fuck the spell up."

"Right," Seungmin says. "Anything to do with feelings is hard, but love—love is one of the hardest."

Jeongin is so confused. "Did you try to do a love spell, hyung?"

He can't picture Seungmin doing something like that. Seungmin's not that kind of person. And who would he want to force to love him? Every option that Jeongin can think of is worse than the last.

"Not exactly," Seungmin says. He takes a deep breath. "I tried to create a spell that would make you fall out of love. That would make you forget about your feelings towards—towards the person you're in love with."

Jeongin blinks. "Is that possible?"

"Theoretically."

"Were you making this spell for someone?" Jeongin asks, even though he doesn't know why Seungmin would try it on himself first. But then, how else would he know that it worked? Seungmin would never have someone else test out a new spell.

He's already getting ahead of himself, trying to figure out who would ask Seungmin to help them forget about the person they love. Some stranger from town? Or one of their friends?

"No," Seungmin says, pulling Jeongin out of his thoughts. "The spell was for me."

Jeongin gapes at him. "What?"

Seungmin looks down. He seems almost ashamed. Jeongin doesn't want that, but he also can't believe what he's hearing. Why would Seungmin do something like this?

"Hyung, what happened?"

"I messed it up," Seungmin says. "And the spell backfired. Instead of forgetting about my feelings, I forgot about...everything else."

Jeongin isn't following. "But you didn't," he says. "You remembered me."

Seungmin looks at him, something almost haunted in his eyes. "Yes," he says. "I did."

Jeongin frowns. "But—"

Wait. No. Seungmin can't mean—

"Are you saying..."

Seungmin nods, just once.

Jeongin stares at him, baffled. "You're in love with me?"

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says.

Jeongin's stomach cramps so violently he thinks he's going to be sick. "What the fuck, hyung?"

"Jeongin-ah, I'm so sor—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jeongin asks, voice raised. "You're in love with me? And you were so desperate to fall out of love with me that you cast a fucking spell?"

"I'm sor—"

"Stop saying that!"

Jeongin realizes he's shouting. His chest is heaving. He can't believe this. Seungmin, in love with him?

Seungmin, creating a spell so he could stop being in love with him. Putting himself at risk, worrying everyone, worrying Jeongin.

"It just feels right," he'd said yesterday.

"Jeongin—"

"I have to go," Jeongin says. He can't stay. He doesn't know what he'll do. He feels dizzy. He feels like he's going to throw up.

Seungmin doesn't try to stop him. His face is twisted up with regret and god knows what else, but he doesn't say anything, doesn't try to explain. Doesn't ask Jeongin to stay.

He wouldn't, but he still wishes Seungmin would ask.

Jeongin rushes through the house, distantly relieved that Hyunjin left with Minho and Jisung. He couldn't handle seeing any of his friends right now. He can't even think. He doesn't want to think, about anything.

He makes it home in a daze. He has the presence of mind to text his boss and tell her he's sick. Then he curls up in his bed, and lies there, shivering and trying his best not to cry. He doesn't really succeed.

*

The dinner and drinks are called off. Felix texts Jeongin around lunchtime and tells him that Seungmin said he's not feeling well.

Or rather:

Felix

hey

i guess

we're cancelling tonight

then

Jeongin

?

Felix

since

seungminnie isn't feeling well?

Like Jeongin is supposed to know already. Like it's obvious to Felix that Seungmin would have told Jeongin, which, to be fair to Felix, Seungmin would have. If things were still the way they were.

If Seungmin had never cast that stupid spell.

Jeongin grits his teeth and replies.

Jeongin

oh yeah

maybe another day

Felix

❤

Jeongin puts his phone away and goes back to wallowing. He hates wallowing. Hates that he's been reduced to it.

The weather outside is boring and gray. It doesn't match Jeongin's mood. He wants it to be raining, to be storming.

Chan once said that out of all of them, Jeongin is the most cheerful. Jeongin had glared at him in response and the others had laughed. He was right, though. Jeongin likes being optimistic. Even when things are hard he tries to find the bright spot. He doesn't want to be miserable, to bring people down. He tries to smile, no matter what.

He hates wallowing.

He makes himself eat something for dinner, at least, even though everything tastes like ash in his mouth. He's so annoyed at himself. He's furious at Seungmin.

And still, as he goes to bed that night, he can't help but wonder how Seungmin is doing. Is he feeling just as sick as Jeongin is? Does he feel guilty? Does he regret what he did? Is he thinking of Jeongin?

Jeongin doesn't usually sleep as a fox; that night at Seungmin's had been an exception. But tonight, he can't handle it. He shifts, and most of the noise inside his head immediately falls away.

Just the longing remains, and a slight ache, deep in his chest.

At least his brain is quiet. He curls up, covers his nose with his tail, and sleeps.

*

Jeongin drags himself to work the next day. Now it's raining, absolutely pouring it down. His shoes are soaked by the time he gets to the bookshop. It's miserable.

The whole day is miserable, but at least the rain means that a lot of people pop in to get away from the weather. Jeongin doesn't especially want to put on his customer service face, but at least it distracts him from feeling sorry for himself.

During his lunch break he wonders, again, how Seungmin is doing.

He could text him.

He's not going to, but he could. It's not like Seungmin is angry at him. He better not be. Jeongin pokes despondently at his noodles, stomach churning.

He's never been angry at Seungmin before. Not for any reason. He's probably been annoyed, but even that doesn't last long. He just likes Seungmin too much.

He doesn't feel good about being angry. It doesn't feel right. But whenever he thinks of Seungmin standing there, telling Jeongin to his face that he wanted to fall out of love with him, and then saying nothing but I'm sorry as Jeongin's heart was breaking, the anger surges up again.

It's awful. It's exhausting.

He abandons his lunch and goes back to work.

He's been ignoring the group chat since yesterday morning. Thankfully, no one's called him out on it. He wonders if they know what happened.

Minho knows. He knows about the spell. Jeongin imagines he must have at least told Jisung, but no one has said anything. Seungmin must have told someone, though. Hyunjin, or maybe Changbin. And still, no one has tried to talk to Jeongin.

He tells himself it's a relief, but it chafes just a little bit. Does no one want to check in with him?

He's just gotten home from work when Felix sends him a message.

Felix

did

something happen?

jinnie said

he's worried

because

seungmin seems sad

Jeongin frowns.

Jeongin

can't he just ask seungmin?

Felix

he tried

but

seungminnie didn't want to talk

do you know

what happened?

Jeongin groans. His stupid hyung.

This does give him an excuse, though, to speak with Hyunjin. He's been thinking about it since yesterday: if Hyunjin knew about Seungmin's feelings.

Jeongin

are you guys home?

Felix

yes!

come over?

*

"Hi," Felix says, smiling wide. "Have you eaten?"

Jeongin's stomach growls. "Yes."

Felix pouts. "I heard that. Eat with us, okay? Dinner's almost ready. Hyunjin's setting the table."

Jeongin wants to protest, but he did only eat half a lunch. Maybe this conversation will be easier after food.

"Yes?" Felix asks.

"Okay, fine," Jeongin grumbles.

Felix cheers and pulls him into a quick hug before pushing him into the kitchen. "Go on, sit down."

Hyunjin looks happy to see him, and ushers him into a seat.

They don't talk much while eating. Jeongin ignores the covert looks Hyunjin and Felix are exchanging, and spends the time gathering his thoughts. Once he's done, he sets his chopsticks down and turns to Hyunjin.

"Did you know that Seungmin-hyung's in love with me?"

Hyunjin inhales his food and starts coughing. Felix thumps him on the back, his eyes wide.

"Fuck, Iyen-ah," Hyunjin says once he's breathing normally again. "You couldn't have waited for me to finish?"

"Sorry," Jeongin says, wincing. "But did you?"

Hyunjin sighs and pushes his bowl to the side. "Yes. I knew."

"Wait, what?" Felix asks, looking between Jeongin and Hyunjin.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jeongin asks.

Hyunjin shrugs. "He made me promise not to."

"And that worked?"

"Yes!" Hyunjin says, indignant. "I can keep a secret, okay."

Jeongin stares at him. He can't believe Hyunjin knew. "Since when?"

"Um, since always?" Hyunjin says.

"No, I mean, how long have you known?"

"Oh," Hyunjin says. He rests his chin on his hands, eyes intent on Jeongin. "A little while. When did you figure it out? Did he tell you?"

"He was forced to tell me," Jeongin says, bitterly. "If he hadn't, Minho-hyung would have done it for him."

Hyunjin frowns. "What do you mean? Did Minho-hyung know?"

"The spell," Jeongin says. "Seungmin-hyung cast it because he wanted to fall out of love with me."

Hyunjin's eyes go wide. Felix gasps.

Jeongin sits back in his chair, arms crossed. Maybe for once he actually did eat too fast; his stomach feels unsettled, overfull.

"Wow," Hyunjin says. "Okay, I thought maybe it had something to do with you, like, from the way Minho-hyung was acting, but— Wow."

"What the fuck?" Felix whispers. It should be funny. Jeongin can't muster even a smile.

"How long have you known?" Jeongin asks Hyunjin again.

Hyunjin still looks shocked, but visibly rallies. "I found out a few months ago. I'd already suspected it, but I didn't know how deep his feelings were. Do you remember Changbin's birthday?"

"He got drunk that night," Jeongin says, recalling. It had been so out of character for Seungmin.

Hyunjin nods. "I found him hiding in the garden. That's when he told me."

Jeongin takes that in. Changbin's birthday. Seungmin had been acting fine, but Jeongin could tell something was wrong. Seungmin never drank that much. When Jeongin had asked him about it, he'd just smiled and gently directed him towards their friends.

Jeongin had gotten pretty drunk as well, but it had been a nice night overall. He remembers Hyunjin and Felix hanging off of him, since he always got cuddly when he drank, more tactile. Chan had taken him home.

He never found out why Seungmin had been upset. He was fine the next day, when Jeongin turned up at his place, and begged for something for his hangover. They'd had brunch together once Jeongin felt better. It had been nice.

"Do you...do you know how long...?"

"A while," Hyunjin says. "He said it'd been a while."

Jeongin hugs himself tighter. "I never knew."

"What would you have done?" Hyunjin asks. "If you knew?"

Jeongin stares at him. "I—"

"What Hyunjin's asking," Felix says, "is do you like him back?"

Jeongin flushes.

Hyunjin smiles fondly at Felix. "I think he understood that, angel."

Felix shrugs. "It's best to be clear about these things."

"I—" Jeongin tries again. "I do like him. I like him so much."

Hyunjin's face goes soft. Felix awws.

"Do you know why he never told me?" Jeongin asks.

It's the one thing Jeongin can't figure out. Well, it's one of the many things Jeongin can't figure out, but it's one of the most confusing ones.

Seungmin is so honest. He doesn't lie. He doesn't hide his feelings. If he likes something he won't shut up about it; if he dislikes something you'll certainly hear about it.

It doesn't make sense.

"He seemed pretty convinced that you'd never like him back," Hyunjin says, tilting his head. "He said you liked someone else."

Jeongin stares at him, baffled. "I don't. I never have."

Felix squeaks. When Jeongin looks over at him he's smiling. "That's really sweet," he says.

Jeongin sinks further into his chair. His face must be beet red. He can feel how warm his ears are. "I just don't understand," he says. "If he— If he loves me, why would he want to stop?"

His voice cracks at the end. He looks away, embarrassed. Hurt.

"What if," Hyunjin starts slowly. "What if you were in love with someone who—as far as you knew—didn't love you back? Wouldn't you wish that you could just stop feeling like that? Wouldn't you want to move on?"

"No," Jeongin says, resolute. "I wouldn't."

Even right now, when the thought of Seungmin hurts, he doesn't want to stop loving him. He can't imagine it. It's Seungmin.

"Maybe Seungmin felt differently," Hyunjin says. "Maybe it hurt too much."

"But to cast a spell?" Jeongin asks. "Instead of just talking to me?"

"No, that's fucked up," Hyunjin says immediately. "I mean, it's his choice, I guess. But he could have really hurt himself."

"He did hurt himself," Jeongin says. "We were lucky Minho-hyung could fix it. What if he couldn't? And all—all because of me." He feels a pressure behind his eyes, and covers his face with his hands.

"No, Innie," Felix says, and suddenly he's at his side, arm around his shoulders. "You know it's not your fault."

"Minho-hyung said," Jeongin says, halting, trying to swallow back the tears. "He said he could have given himself permanent brain damage."

"He's okay," Hyunjin says. He's pulled his chair over to Jeongin's other side, the both of them now enveloping Jeongin. "He's okay, Innie. Nothing bad happened. He's fine."

Jeongin squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe. Hyunjin is rubbing his back; Felix is massaging his shoulder. He's okay. Seungmin is okay.

"You've talked to him, right?" Jeongin asks. "How is he?"

"He seems sad," Hyunjin says. "But otherwise he's doing well. No headaches or anything. Changbin keeps sending him random trivia questions to see if his brain's still working." He snorts, shakes his head. "Chan-hyung wants him to do timed crosswords. This is all in the group chat."

"Oh," Jeongin says. "I've kind of been ignoring that."

"We noticed," Felix says. "We didn't really want to push."

"Thank you," Jeongin says, grateful.

"You know, we should start a chat with just us three," Felix says, and squeezes Jeongin tighter.

"I'd like that."

Hyunjin shuffles his chair a bit further back, and tilts his head at Jeongin, his face thoughtful. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I know why Seungmin didn't tell you," Hyunjin says. "But why did you never tell him how you feel?"

Jeongin shrugs one shoulder. "I didn't want to ruin things by confessing. I figured I'd know if he liked me like that. He's always so upfront."

Hyunjin hums. "That's true."

"But—I don't know. It didn't hurt, or anything. I wasn't too hung up over it. I thought I'd just wait. Maybe one day things would change and he'd—he'd see me."

"Oh, Jeonginnie," Felix says. He's basically wrapped himself around Jeongin by now, holding him tight. It's...nice. Jeongin will tolerate it. Just for today.

"You need to talk to him," Hyunjin says. "Tell him how you feel. Even if you can't forgive him for what he did, at least then you'll both know where you stand. Right?"

"That's good advice, Jinnie," Felix says. Hyunjin smiles, cheeks going pink.

It's definitely not bad advice. "I'll think about it," Jeongin promises.

They sit comfortably in silence until Felix sighs and says, "I should do the dishes. You guys relax."

Hyunjin jumps up immediately to help, Jeongin not far behind. Felix rolls his eyes, but he looks pleased.

As Jeongin's drying the bowls he can feel Hyunjin throwing glances his way.

"What?"

"Are you mad at me?" Hyunjin asks. "For not telling you?"

Jeongin shakes his head. "No. But I still can't believe you didn't. You love to meddle."

"I don't love to meddle," Hyunjin protests. "And I told you. I can keep a secret."

Jeongin snorts. "Okay."

"I really can," Hyunjin says, sounding maybe just a bit hurt. "Especially when it's important."

Now Jeongin feels bad. "Sorry, hyung. I know you can." He points a spoon at him. "But don't try to pretend that you don't live for meddling."

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but he's smiling just a bit. "I just have good ideas and people should listen to me. Right, Lixie?"

"Right," Felix agrees, and Hyunjin beams. Jeongin shakes his head, feeling fond of his annoying hyungs.

They ask him to stay for a movie night, but Jeongin declines. He's tired, and he just wants to go home and sit with his thoughts for a bit.

Felix stops him at the door, looking just a bit nervous. "Iyen-ah, can I tell you a secret?"

Jeongin blinks. "Sure, hyung."

Felix turns and looks back at the living room where Hyunjin is flitting around and watering their various houseplants.

"I agree with you," Felix says. He looks at Jeongin, something wistful yet determined in his expression. "I wouldn't want to fall out of love, either. I wouldn't want to make it go away. Even if it hurts."

Jeongin stares at him. He's not sure what to say. He appreciates Felix for being supportive and honest, but he can't even begin to parse through all of that. Maybe later, once he's fixed his own shit.

Luckily, Felix doesn't seem to expect a response. He pulls Jeongin into a quick hug and says, "Let us know how it goes, okay?"

"I will," Jeongin says. "Thank you. And—thank you, for telling me?"

Felix just waves him off. "Get home safe."

Jeongin considers taking a bus back to his apartment. They don't run that regularly this late in the evening, but the air is getting colder. In the end, he shifts, and runs the whole way home.

It helps, a little.

*

Jeongin's pretty sure that if he doesn't make the first move, Seungmin isn't going to. Still, he waits a few days, just to see. He goes to work, goes home, texts Felix and Hyunjin, doesn't look at the group chat. Doesn't talk to Seungmin.

Changbin texts him the morning after he went to see Felix and Hyunjin.

Changbin

hey, we got a bit worried about you not talking in the group chat but hyunjin and yongbok said you just need some time. something to do with seungmin? anyway just wanted to let you know that me and chan are here if you need to talk

Jeongin sends him back a thanks and a silly sticker. He doesn't think he'll take them up on it, but he appreciates it.

He wonders if Seungmin is talking to them. If Seungmin's told them what happened. There's not much point in dwelling on that, though: he is the one who needs to go and speak to Seungmin.

He thinks he might hold out for a full week, but then Hyunjin texts one night.

Hyunjin

have you talked to seungminnie yet?

Jeongin

no

Hyunjin

ok well let me know when you do

i want to chew him out for the spell thing but lixie said i should wait until you've spoken to him

Jeongin snorts.

Jeongin

thanks

have you talked to him?

how's he doing?

Hyunjin

he's being quiet

i tried to ask him again if something's wrong

he just blew me off

said he was fine

that i didn't have to worry about him

you know how he gets

he doesn't want to be a bother

Jeongin does know. He presses a hand to his forehead and sighs.

Fuck it. He'll go over tomorrow.

*

The next morning is nice and sunny, after several days of rain. Jeongin chooses to take it as a sign. He doesn't have work, so he trudges over to Seungmin's after breakfast. The air is chilly, but the sun is nice and warm.

He feels better, now that he's on his way. A bit nervous, but better. He's still upset at Seungmin, but he's missed him, a lot. He's going to see Seungmin, and Seungmin is going to explain everything, and they will figure it out.

Jeongin takes a deep breath and knocks. It takes Seungmin a moment to open the door. His eyes go wide when he sees Jeongin.

"Jeongin-ah?"

"Hyung," Jeongin says. "You look terrible." His hair's a mess, face paler than usual, dark circles under his eyes. "Are you sick?"

Seungmin shakes his head. "I'm fine. Just—haven't been sleeping well."

"Oh," Jeongin says. "I— Can I come in?"

"Of course," Seungmin says, stepping back. "I just didn't expect—" He shakes his head. "You're always welcome."

Jeongin follows Seungmin into the living room, feeling uneasy. Seungmin sits down on the couch, hands on his knees. He's not really looking at Jeongin. He seems really nervous. Even more nervous than Jeongin.

Jeongin wants to hold onto the anger—he has the right to be angry—but Seungmin just looks so...sad. Miserable. And Jeongin loves him.

"You should—you should sit," Seungmin says, indicating at the armchair. "If you want?"

Jeongin ignores the armchair, and sits down next to Seungmin instead. He hears Seungmin inhale sharply, watches his hands clench and relax.

"Hyung."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says. "I—"

"No," Jeongin says.

Seungmin stops. Blinks. Finally looks at Jeongin. "No?"

"I don't want you to apologize. I want you to explain. Hyung, why did you do this?"

Seungmin looks away. He's staring at his hands.

"You should have talked to me," Jeongin says. "I didn't even know how you felt about me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared," Seungmin says, voice quiet. "I was— I was afraid that I'd lose you."

"So instead you cast a spell?"

Seungmin sighs and tilts his head back, staring up at the ceiling. Jeongin's seen this trick before, when Seungmin's trying to get a hold of himself. When he's trying not to cry. Jeongin doesn't want Seungmin to cry.

"Hyung, please. Talk to me."

Seungmin leans back and presses his hands to his eyes. "Fuck." He's shaking his leg, knee bouncing up and down.

Jeongin's heart hurts. He puts his hand on Seungmin's knee. Seungmin's leg stops bouncing. "Hyung. It's just me. You can tell me anything."

"Right," Seungmin says. "Sorry, I know, I know you're right, I—"

"Hyung—"

"I'm in love with you."

Jeongin pauses. Holds his breath. Watches as Seungmin visibly swallows, throat bobbing.

"I've been in love with you for—for a long time. And lately—lately, it was getting harder to ignore."

"Why did you want to ignore it?"

Seungmin sighs and drops his hands. "I knew you didn't feel the same," he says, sounding defeated. "I didn't want to ruin our friendship by confessing. But I just—I couldn't hide it anymore. I was worried you'd figure it out. I was worried I'd make it weird or—or make you feel bad or guilty because you didn't feel the same. And then I'd lose you. And then— I thought, what if there was a spell to fix this?"

"You wanted to stop loving me," Jeongin says, chest hollow. He pulls his hand away from Seungmin's knee.

"I didn't," Seungmin says immediately. He sits forward and finally looks at Jeongin again. His eyes are red but dry. His face is so pale. "I really didn't, Jeongin-ah. I just didn't want to lose you. I couldn't bear that."

Jeongin stares at Seungmin; his beautiful eyes, his beloved face. He takes a deep breath and says, "Hyung, you're an idiot."

Seungmin blinks. "I guess I am."

"Yes!" Jeongin says. "You are! You're so stupid! You should have just talked to me!"

Seungmin shakes his head. "No, I couldn't risk it. I told you—"

"Oh, so you took the easy way out and tried to alter your memories? With a spell?"

"I—" Seungmin's face twists up. "Yes, that was stupid of me. It was cowardly. I know, I shouldn't have done it. I should have just...tried to get over you. But I'd been trying for so long. My only other plan was to move away, but— I really didn't want to. I know it was selfish of me."

Jeongin's stomach turns over at the thought of Seungmin leaving. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, aghast. "Moving away? Hyung, you don't get it! I like you, too! You wouldn't have ruined anything, if you'd just told me how you feel!"

Seungmin's mouth falls open. He looks so stupid. Jeongin feels like crying.

"You should have just talked to me," Jeongin repeats.

"I—" Seungmin says. "I. Sorry, can you—say that again?"

"I like you," Jeongin says. "I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings."

"Romantic— No. What? Don't joke, Iyen-ah."

"I'm not joking," Jeongin says, standing up in a huff. "I like you, Seungmin-hyung."

Seungmin blinks up at him. "I thought you liked Hyunjin."

Jeongin gapes. "Why would I like Hyunjin?"

"What's wrong with Hyunjin?" Seungmin asks, frowning.

"Nothing! But he's not you!"

"I—" Seungmin shakes his head. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I've liked you for ages."

"No."

"Yes," Jeongin says. "Don't argue with me!"

Seungmin looks like someone hit him over the head with a shovel. Like Jeongin hit him over the head with a shovel. "I—I had no idea."

Jeongin deflates, wraps his arms around himself. "I'm sorry. I should have told you, too."

Seungmin shakes his head. "No, don't apologize. I just—" He looks up at Jeongin, eyes pleading. "I don't understand."

Jeongin sighs and sits back down. "I've liked you for a while, too. But I figured if you felt the same, you'd tell me? You're always so...genuine and honest. I thought for sure you'd let me know if you had feelings for me."

Seungmin's face falls. "Jeongin-ah..."

"I could have confessed. But I think I was waiting. Or hoping, I guess."

"What were you waiting for?" Seungmin asks, voice rough.

"For you to fall for me," Jeongin says. "I thought...maybe one day you would. That's why I didn't want to rush to confess. I... I would have waited for a long time, hyung."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says. "I don't— I'm so sorry."

Jeongin shakes his head. "I don't blame you for not telling me. But the spell... Hyung, you have to know that, even if I didn't like you like that, you wouldn't have ruined our friendship. We would have figured it out. You're my best friend. You should have trusted that."

"I should have. I know, I just. I was afraid. Of—of losing you, and hurting you and—"

"So instead you hurt yourself?" Jeongin asks. "You risked your own mind? Because of me? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"No," Seungmin says, shaking his head, his eyes wide. "No, no, Innie, it's not your fault. It's all me. I—" He covers his face with his hands. "I'm sorry."

Jeongin's stomach clenches. "Hyung."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says, voice thick with sudden tears. "I was afraid of ruining everything. I wanted to just cut out this part of me that felt so selfish and greedy. I wanted to go back to just being your best friend without feeling guilty about it."

Jeongin shifts closer, and puts his hand on Seungmin's shoulder. "Hyung, don't say that. You're not selfish."

"I am," Seungmin says. "I really am."

"No. You're not selfish for loving me."

Seungmin shakes his head. "I wanted you to love me back. Isn't that selfish?"

"It's not. And I do."

"You do?" Seungmin asks, letting his hands drop and turning to Jeongin. His cheeks are wet, tears clinging to his lashes. "You said—you said you liked me."

"I do. And I love you. I'm in love with you, hyung."

Seungmin blinks, more tears escaping. "Maybe you shouldn't be."

"Oh my god! Hyung!"

"I fucked up," Seungmin says, face twisted up with misery. "And I hurt you."

Jeongin lifts his hand to Seungmin's face and starts gently brushing away the tears with his fingers. He should get a tissue. His poor hyung. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

Seungmin wraps his fingers gently around Jeongin's wrist. "Jeongin-ah."

"I forgive you. Okay? I forgive you, and I love you. And I'm not planning on stopping."

Seungmin rubs his thumb over Jeongin's wrist bone, making Jeongin shiver. "I'm really sorry," he says. "I don't want to stop loving you, either. I promise."

Jeongin looks at Seungmin, heart twisting. "And you never break a promise."

"Never," Seungmin says. He drags in a breath, and wipes roughly at his eyes with his free hand. "I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I'll never do something like that again." He tugs on Jeongin's hand, imploring. "Do you believe me?"

Jeongin smiles. Seungmin's eyes are red from crying. The tip of his nose is flushed as well. He's so beautiful.

Jeongin doesn't answer. He leans in and kisses Seungmin.

Seungmin gasps, his mouth opening, and Jeongin uses it to his advantage, pushing closer, deeper. He hasn't kissed that many people. It's a bit embarrassing, really, how little practice he has. But he's thought about kissing Seungmin for ages. He's wanted this, for ages.

And Seungmin is kissing him back.

Tentative, unsure, but his hand is on Jeongin's shoulder now, and he's tilting into the kiss, his lips soft against Jeongin's. Jeongin opens his eyes, because he wants to see. Seungmin's eyes are closed, his lashes fluttering.

He's lovely. He's lovely and he loves Jeongin. He's in love with Jeongin.

Jeongin shuts his eyes and slips his hand into Seungmin's hair, holding him in place. Seungmin whimpers. The sound sends heat flowing through Jeongin's body. He sets his other hand on Seungmin's thigh, wanting to touch, wanting to be closer. Soon.

They kiss until Jeongin is gasping for breath. He rests his forehead against Seungmin's, fingers still in Seungmin's hair. Seungmin is panting against his mouth.

"Fuck," Seungmin says. "Oh wow."

Jeongin snorts. He pulls back, just a little, to look at Seungmin. "Did that answer your question?"

Seungmin blinks at him, cheeks pink, eyes wide.

Then he smiles, eyes twinkling, and says, "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

Jeongin grins and leans in.

*

Eventually, Seungmin begs off to go wash his face. He's back before Jeongin has time to start to feel nervous, with water for both of them.

"You had breakfast, right?" he asks, after chugging half of his bottle. (Jeongin couldn't stop staring at Seungmin's throat as he was drinking, but it seems Seungmin didn't notice.)

"I did."

"Good," Seungmin says, and curls up on his side on the couch, his head in Jeongin's lap. Jeongin blinks. "Stay for lunch?"

"Sure," Jeongin says. He rests his hand on Seungmin's shoulder. "You okay?"

"Just tired," Seungmin says, fighting a yawn. Right, he said he hasn't been sleeping. "Is this okay? I can—"

Jeongin starts gently stroking Seungmin's hair. "It's okay. You can rest."

Seungmin exhales deeply. Jeongin watches as tension seems to steep out of his body. He's glad he can do this, for Seungmin.

They stay like that for a while. It's comfortable. Jeongin isn't sure if Seungmin is actually asleep, but it's still nice.

But it's also quiet, and Jeongin can't stop his brain from whirring.

"Hyung," he whispers.

"I'm awake," Seungmin says, voice quiet.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you remember what happened when you lost your memory?" Jeongin rubs at a strand of Seungmin's hair. "I mean...well, you know what I mean. Right?"

"I remember. It's weird to think about. It feels like it doesn't all fit into my brain right. But I do remember."

"I was just wondering...what did you think?" Jeongin asks. "Like, about me."

Seungmin reaches up and takes hold of Jeongin's hand. "I thought," he says, "that you were wonderful."

Jeongin fidgets. "Stop."

Seungmin shuffles around so that he's lying on his back, his head still in Jeongin's lap. Jeongin's chest feels warm.

"I knew I couldn't remember everything about you," Seungmin says, looking up at him. "And that really frustrated me. I didn't remember our first meeting or how long we'd even known each other or if you had the same haircut last year or not. But I knew I loved you. I wanted to know everything about you, but I could tell you were sad that I didn't remember. Everyone was sad."

"We were all worried about you," Jeongin says, fighting against a sudden lump in his throat.

"I know. I didn't like it, but I couldn't fix it. It was easier, when it was just the two of us. At least I remembered you. I felt like..." He pauses, takes a breath. "I felt like I was disappointing everyone. But it was easier, with you."

"Hyung," Jeongin says sadly, "you weren't disappointing anyone."

Seungmin shrugs. "Still. It felt better, with just you." He squeezes Jeongin's hand. "I felt safe with you."

Jeongin might cry. He's not going to, but he might.

"You thought we were dating," he says.

Seungmin huffs, and looks away. "It just made sense," he mutters.

Jeongin smiles. "Did it?"

"Yes. I was so confused when you said we weren't. I felt like I'd gotten it really wrong. But...you still stayed."

"Of course I did."

Seungmin looks at him. "You slept next to me." He takes a breath, then says, ears red, "I really liked that."

"I liked it, too," Jeongin whispers.

Seungmin smiles and closes his eyes. He looks pleased. "I like this, too. I like that we can just be like this."

Jeongin brushes the hair away from Seungmin's forehead, stomach swooping. "Me too."

Seungmin wiggles a little and turns his face towards Jeongin's stomach. He's so cute. Jeongin almost wants to take a picture. He reaches for his phone, but before he can open the camera he notices he has a new message.

Hyunjin

have you talked to seungmin yet?

Jeongin looks down at Seungmin, his eyes closed, his breathing steady.

Jeongin

tomorrow

Hyunjin

sigh

fiiiiine

let me know how it goes! i'm sure you guys will figure it out. i'm rooting for you

so is lixie <3

Jeongin

thanks

i'll let you know as soon as you can yell at him

Hyunjin

i'm not gonna YELL

... i might yell >:(

Jeongin snorts, and Seungmin makes an inquisitive noise.

"Just Hyunjin-hyung," Jeongin says, putting the phone away.

"What did he want?"

"Just checking up on me. I actually...I went and talked to him the other day. He said he knew how you felt about me. You told him on Changbin-hyung's birthday?"

Seungmin blinks his eyes open, and nods.

"You got pretty drunk that night," Jeongin says. "What happened?"

Seungmin sighs and, to Jeongin's disappointment, pushes himself to sit up. He settles himself next to Jeongin, legs crossed, face pensive. "It had just been a shitty day. And by the time I got to the party, you were pretty tipsy and you—"

"What?"

"It's stupid," Seungmin says. "Hyunjin and Felix were all over you and you looked...you looked so happy. You were all clinging to each other, and I couldn't remember the last time we'd even hugged."

Jeongin blinks. "You were jealous."

Seungmin nods. "I was. And then I felt guilty and annoyed at myself, because why couldn't I just be happy for you, you know? Anyway." He waves his hand. "I went and had a drink. Or a few. It didn't really help, honestly. Hyunjin found me sulking in the garden."

Jeongin shuffles closer and rests his head on Seungmin's shoulder, taking Seungmin's hand. "I'm sorry."

"What for? You did nothing wrong."

"You wanted to hug me," Jeongin says. "You wanted me to cling to you."

"I know you don't like skinship. Except...except when you're drunk, I guess?"

"It's not that I don't like it," Jeongin says. "I'm just...particular about it. And I don't want the hyungs to be all over me. But I like it when you touch me. Sometimes I got so annoyed at you, for respecting my boundaries. Or, well, you know what I mean."

Seungmin leans away slightly to look down at Jeongin. "Are you serious?"

Jeongin shrugs. "I'm actually...I'm kind of sensitive. It's annoying. That's usually why I pull away. But I don't mind it, if it's you, hyung."

Seungmin blinks. Then he pulls back, eyes intent on Jeongin's face. Jeongin sits up straighter, and waits, with bated breath, as Seungmin gently cups Jeongin's face, his thumb brushing over Jeongin's cheek. His other hand goes to Jeongin's waist. Jeongin sucks in a breath. Seungmin moves the hand to Jeongin's lower back, fingers dragging across the fabric of Jeongin's shirt. Jeongin shivers, his whole body shuddering.

"Oh," Seungmin says.

"Yeah," Jeongin says. He can feel his cheeks flushing.

"Right," Seungmin says. "That's good to know."

They lean in at the same time. Jeongin doesn't imagine he'll get tired of kissing Seungmin. At least not any time soon. Possibly ever.

And then Seungmin slips his hand under Jeongin's shirt and Jeongin gasps and practically climbs into Seungmin's lap. Fuck, Seungmin's hands are so nice.

"Your hands are so nice," he mumbles between kisses, because he thinks Seungmin deserves to know.

"Yours are nicer," Seungmin says, which is untrue but also makes Jeongin preen.

It seems wild that he came here this morning, afraid of the outcome. He was hoping to fix things, but somehow he never thought this far ahead. He didn't think about what fixing things would mean. He didn't think that he'd get to have this.

He might have lost this entirely—might have lost Seungmin, if things had gone just a bit more sideways.

But he didn't. He gets to have this. They get to have this. His chest feels warm with sudden happiness. It's silly, but he wishes everyone could feel like this.

"Oh," Jeongin says, pulling back mid-kiss. "I just remembered. Felix-hyung told me a secret, sort of. You have to promise not to tell."

Seungmin blinks. "Now?"

"Sorry," Jeongin says. "Yes? I mean, I'm not going anywhere—"

Seungmin smiles and presses a quick kiss to Jeongin's cheek. "Okay. Go ahead."

"He's in love with Hyunjin."

Seungmin's eyes go wide. "He told you that?"

"Well, not exactly. But it was definitely implied."

"Huh," Seungmin says, brow furrowing. "I'm gonna have to draw up a diagram."

Jeongin bursts out laughing.

"It's not funny," Seungmin says, though he's grinning as well.

"It's hilarious," Jeongin says. "They're all so stupid."

Seungmin snorts. "They're a bunch of idiots," he says, fond.

"Well, to be fair, you were pretty stupid too."

"What?" Seungmin asks, his face the picture of betrayal. "Why?"

"Hyung, you thought I liked Hyunjin-hyung."

"Oh," Seungmin says. "Yeah, I did."

"Why?" Jeongin asks, still confused about that.

"He really likes you," Seungmin says. "And you often act kind of weird around him."

"Oh," Jeongin says. "That's because I was jealous because I thought he was still in love with you. But I think he's moved on."

Seungmin blinks once before laughing. "What?"

Jeongin sighs. "Hyung, you're so blind."

"What?" Seungmin asks, frowning now. "Hyunjin has never... What?"

Jeongin rolls his eyes. "Next you're going to tell me you don't know that Jisung had a crush on you when you first met and that's why Minho didn't like you." Jeongin hadn't actually been here for that, but he'd heard about it from Changbin, Hyunjin and Jisung.

Seungmin looks shocked. No, scandalized.

"Oh, come on," Jeongin says.

"That's not true," Seungmin says. "That—what?"

"Did you really not know?"

"I— You're lying."

"When have I ever lied to you? Just ask Minho-hyung, if you don't believe me."

Seungmin shakes his head. "But— What?"

"Don't worry, they both got over it," Jeongin says. To Jeongin's relief. "But it's nice to know they have good taste, right?"

Seungmin frowns, the line between his brows prominent. Jeongin can't resist; he leans in and presses a kiss to it.

Seungmin's eyes go wide. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Jeongin says. "I've just always wanted to do that. Do you know that you're really cute?"

Seungmin looks down, blushing. "Shut up."

"I won't," Jeongin says happily. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're super hot as well."

Seungmin's mouth falls open. He shakes his head, like a puppy. Jeongin is so fond of him.

"I like it when you act cute," Jeongin tells him. "And I like it when you get annoyed at someone and you look all judgmental. It's kind of attractive."

"Oh my god, stop," Seungmin says, covering his eyes with his hand.

"I like you, hyung," Jeongin says, delighted. "And since you're silly and stupid and thought I didn't, then that means I have to make sure you know now."

"I know. Please, stop, you know I hate compliments."

"No, you don't. You just get shy about them. It's cute."

"Aaah," Seungmin says, squirming. Jeongin giggles.

"I like—" Jeongin takes a breath, and says, "I like how upfront you are. I never have to worry that I'm accidentally pissing you off, because you'd tell me if I was. I like that if I ever really hurt you, you'd let me know, so I could fix it."

Seungmin's expression goes soft. "You could never hurt me."

"I might. Even without meaning to. But you'd tell me."

"I would," Seungmin says. "I swear."

"Good," Jeongin says, looking right into Seungmin's eyes. "Because I really love you, hyung. And you better remember that."

"I will," Seungmin promises, and seals it with a kiss.