Work Text:
Longing
Walking through the long corridor Myka Bering couldn't stop the nerves that were washing over her. Another roller coaster of a week ended with the world saved but such deep loss. She found she was restless, trying to blame it on Steve's death.
Myka had liked the young man. It was after she had tried to walk away from her job at the Warehouse that Steve was brought in to fill the gap she had left. He had been a skilled agent and a welcomed addition to the team of dysfunctional misfit toys. Upon her return he had remained a part of the team and they had quickly gelled. Now, sadly, he was gone. Killed in a battle with a selfishly ruthless man who had a vendetta against the Warehouse.
As thrown by Steve's death as Myka had been, deep down there was more to her feeling of uneasiness than his demise. Anyone that knew her well had to know why she was so scattered but none of them had brought it up to her. When she got the phone call, that sent her to a long corridor in a deep underground bunker, her feeling of uneasiness escalated for the very reason the others hadn't said a word.
It had been kind of Jane Lattimer to allow her access. It had been even kinder of Pete to ask his mom to allow it. Myka didn’t want to embarrass her partner by thanking him, even though she had heard him make the request. They had been working together for over three years and although words were never exchanged on the subject she knew for all Pete's bumbling he hadn't missed the depth of Myka's strong emotions on the subject at hand, not that she would have been able to easily explain them.
Myka was book smart which made her a great agent but her biggest weakness, her emotions, made it difficult to keep certain things in check. What began as empathy had clouded her instincts so poorly she nearly made a disastrous mistake. The fall out had rattled her faith in herself and it had been a long road back. Even though her confidence had returned, things were made more difficult by her evolving feelings. There was no denying them even if she hadn’t said the words, even to herself. As profound a struggle as she was having things had actually never been clearer and therefore more complicated.
Reaching the door she had been instructed to go to, Myka placed her hand on the cold metal nob and took a deep breath before turning it. She was going into the room the old Myka and knew she might be leaving it a new Myka.
As the door open, eyes met hers. HG Wells, the legendary writer, inventor, and Warehouse agent was sitting very stiffly in a chair that was pushed up to a small wooden table. Despite histories take on the prolific English author, the fact was the mind behind “The War of the Worlds” and “The Time Machine” was really a woman named Helena G. Wells.
She looked tired although Myka imagined having one’s mind reconnected with ones body might have that effect. She also looked incredible. The reaction she was having to being in the other woman’s presence was enough to reinforce what Myka already knew.
It was a relief to know Helena was really there even if perhaps only for a short time. She had helped saved the day but that might not have been enough to square things with the powers that be. Trying to destroy the world tended to make people upset and there was a strong chance the Regents would reinstate her punishment for crimes against humanity.
Papers Helena had been holding were placed back on the table as she smiled the smile that Myka couldn't deny moved her in ways she never thought possible.
"What brings you here?" Helena asked as she turned in her chair just enough to reveal that one of her arms was cuffed to the seat.
"I wanted to see you."
"A happy surprise but one I can't imagine was easy to accomplish."
"Pete managed to pull a few strings."
"Pete,” Helena’s smile intensified. “Remind me to thank him."
"He'll only get a big head over it."
Helena gave the tiniest of laughs. "I believe in giving credit where credit is due."
"So do I," Myka agreed while trying to hold eye contact but keep her emotions in check. "Nice bracelet."
Helena raised her arm as far as the chain on her right wrist would let her. "This old thing?"
"I'm sure it won't be for long."
"No, I suppose I have an orb to get back to."
"Artie is pleading your case."
Helena laughed again. "Have I found myself in a parallel universe?"
"I sure hope not." Myka replied more seriously than she had intended.
"Why is that?" Helena asked with the coy, cocky tone that always made Myka flustered.
Not having the words Myka made her way to an empty chair, moved it to the table, and sat down. "What's with all the paperwork?"
Helena nodded and turned her attention to the pages strewn about the table. "My statement about what transpired from the point at which I was returned to my body."
"Nothing about before? About the sacrifice you were willing to make before you were made whole."
"Nothing I did can possibly erase my earlier betrayal Myka."
"You were lost in your grief."
"My grief nearly destroyed everything."
"But it didn't.” Myka felt strange arguing the case for someone who nearly destroyed the world.
"Only because of you."
The words caught Myka in an unexpected but somehow obvious way. "You give me too much credit."
"You don't give yourself enough."
Myka unconsciously pulled her hair back but said nothing.
"I'm sorry." Helena said sincerely as she sat back some in her chair. "What I did, especially to you..."
"Don't." Myka took a very deep breath. "Don't ever apologize."
"After what I did I'm not sure I can ever stop apologizing."
"You made a big mistake and today you saved my life. The scale is balanced."
"My ability to crack the chess lock falls firmly on your shoulders."
"We make a great team." Myka noticed that Helena's eyes weren’t wavering from hers. Despite fear pushing at the back of her brain, Myka managed to remain steady. "So, Artie has to convince the Regents that you deserve a second chance because I can't lose you again."
"The team might be better off with me locked away."
"This isn't about the team, Helena. After what you were willing to do in the woods. Any fear I might have had of you falling victim to your past again melted away. You now know how much you matter to the people here. " Myka felt her brain, for maybe the first time in her life, disconnect and her emotions took over. "I sat in that chair, my life in your hands..." As Myka’s words trailed off the pair of them were locked together in a gaze that spoke volumes.
"It was a lucky guess." Helena humbly offers as either an escape or a deflection from her own thoughts.
"It was inspired."
"You could have died at my hand."
It’s Myka’s turn to smile. "You weren't going to let that happen."
"It was foolish of you to think so."
"Who better to figure out that by breaking the rules you could find the solution."
"You love rules."
It was time to raise the stakes. Myka made sure every word’s intention was clearly heard. "Not always. For instance, it's time to end this dance we've been doing."
The door to the room opened and Jane Latimer made her way inside. Myka was crushed under the weight of the interruption and Helena seemed dumbfounded. They really had either the worse luck or the worse timing.
They weren’t the only two thrown by events as Pete's mother looked sorry to have interrupted. "We need to speak with Ms. Wells."
All that time and Myka still hadn't said the words. It had been foolish and cowardly. Standing up from the chair she reached across and took Helena's free hand from where it was resting on the table. "We will finish this conversation."
"Good-bye Myka," Helen said with a soft smile that had a strong dose of melancholy.
A gentle squeeze and then Myka, like any good agent, did as she was told. While leaving the room she made sure to cast one last look in Helena's direction. The stoic side of the brunette had emerged and she seemingly didn’t care Myka was going. Having gotten to know the woman pretty well Myka was confident that wasn’t the case at all.
…
Worn out, Myka went directly from seeing Helena to the Inn. She was hoping to unwind from the terrible day but what she found instead wasn't very happy or relaxing. Leena greeted her with a cup of hot tea and the news that Claudia had locked herself in her room.
Despite stopping Walter Sykes there had been casualties, most notably Agent Steve Jinks. As hard as Myka was taking the loss Claudia was taking it far worse. Steve had become instant family to Claudia. With her brother seldom- reachable, Steve was a surrogate for a girl who had a complicated and troubled past. They had bonded almost instantly according to Pete and the devastation over his death was likely paralyzing to the agent in training.
Thanking Leena for the tea, Myka headed upstairs to check in on the young woman. Knocking on her bedroom door she got no response. "Claud, it's Myka."
Still nothing.
"I promise not to push. Just open up for a second."
Footsteps could be heard coming from the otherwise quiet room and Myka braced herself. The door to the bedroom opened and Claudia stood tear stained and exhausted. Myka knew the look very well as she had perfected it the year prior after Helena betrayed the team. Many a night spent in her parent’s bookstore ended feeling the exact same emotions.
"I'm fine." Claudia said defiantly from her place in the doorway of her bedroom.
"Okay," Myka replied softly and simply.
"Really, I'm fine."
"Okay."
Claudia’s face changed to frustration. "Okay, I'm not fine."
Myka nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm not sure I can." Claudia managed to blurt out and then her words were swallowed by a burst of grief that was so overwhelming Myka was having a hard time not being sucked into it as well.
Pulling Claudia to her, Myka embraced the young woman with every ounce of compassion she could muster. The pair stood in the doorway until they heard Pete's voice downstairs.
"I can't." Claudia whispered and Myka knew instantly the fear of vulnerability the young brunette was dealing with at the thought of Pete Lattimer witnessing her grief. It wasn’t that Pete, in this case, would have been insensitive, just the opposite, but he wasn’t the best when it came to dealing with emotions and the sight of Claudia so devastated was certain to send Pete over the edge. One of them enveloped in pain, while Myka teetered, was plenty for one night.
Without words Myka moved the pair of them into Claudia's darkened room. There was no argument from Claudia as she surrendered to the help. Closing the door behind them Myka stood as Claudia sunk down onto the foot of her bed.
"Steve." the younger woman whispered softly.
"I know, Claud." Myka said as she moved slowly towards her and then took a seat next to her.
The moment Myka sat, Claudia's arms were wrapped around her and she began crying uncontrollably. Reaching down Myka began to caress Claudia's hair while letting her cry herself out. Silent tears of her own fell but Myka managed to keep herself strong for the sake of the younger woman. Claudia needed for her to be the rock and so Myka played her part. She had an obligation to help the youngest Warehouse agent through her loss. There would be plenty of time for Myka to deal with her emotions about Jinx's death while alone in the darkness of her own bedroom. For now Claudia needed to be the center of the universe.
...
By the time Claudia had cried herself to sleep Myka was dead on her feet. Every bit of bottled up emotions Myka was feeling were threatening to burst loose as she quietly snuck out of Claudia's room and down to her own. The inn was silent which meant she could avoid any contact with the others. Myka was spent and the littlest question or conversation was liable to cause her to lose it. As sad as she was at least she was going to have the chance to mourn alone.
Opening her bedroom door the room was bathed in nothing but what little moonlight was coming in from outside. After closing the door behind her, Myka turned back into the room and caught sight of movement coming from her reading chair by the window.
"Don't move." Myka demanded as she reached for her Tesla gun.
"Sorry. I did not mean to startle you," came a soft, slow, British, accent.
"Helena? What are you doing here?"
"Visiting you."
Myka took her hand off her gun and relaxed, some. "How?"
"It's not important."
"It is if my bedroom door is about to get knocked down by Regents coming to take you away again in handcuffs."
"I can assure you that won't be the case." Helena said as she stood. "You sound tired."
"It's been a very long day."
"How is Claudia doing?"
"How do you think?"
Helena took one step closer. "I'm very sorry for your loss."
"We were talking about Claudia."
"And now I'm talking about you. It's very easy to see that you are as devastated by Agent Jinks' death as young Claudia must be."
"I'm fine."
"You are not," Helena said as she took another step closer. "Your emotions betray you."
"Just what I don't need them to do," Myka said out loud, her voice wavering. She was tired, and in pain, and now completely confused by the company before her. Now was not the time to be wearing her emotions on her sleeve.
"Your emotions make you a great agent and a remarkable woman, Myka."
"It's kind of you to think so." Myka said as she removed the jacket she had been wearing and tossed it onto the iron bench that was at the foot of her bed. She tried to redirect her pain into anger but was failing miserably. "Why are you here?"
"The dance you spoke of before. I needed to know how that conversation would have ended, if I fully grasped your intent. If you fully grasped it."
"Seriously?" Myka couldn't believe it. On what planet had her behavior sent a message that she didn't understand or that she wasn't prepared for whatever came next between them?
"I fear that my behavior might have sent you the wrong message.”
Myka’s whole body tensed. “Wrong message?”
“That what happened was all somehow meant to manipulate you. Believe me when I say that was never the case. It's just how I have always been around people I, enjoy."
It was official. Myka was offended. It wasn’t hard to tap into anger anymore. "Helena, I don't have the strength for your games."
"I don't mean for you to misunderstand. This is far from a game, Myka."
"You could have fooled me. Months of us sharing our past with one another, growing closer, while circling in ways that were more than professional kinship and you stand here apologizing. Acting like it was all some misunderstanding."
"Perhaps not a misunderstanding," Helena replied coyly. "But you do have your career to consider."
"A career I threw away."
"My doing."
Myka’s temper was reaching new heights she seldom allowed out. "My doing, Helena. Walking away from the Warehouse was a chance to gain perspective on something that took me completely by surprise, tipped my world upside down, and then was ripped away from me."
"That was also my doing. My betrayal is unforgivable."
"And yet I do. Wonder what that says about me?" Myka asked defiantly. Perhaps for the first time, Helena G. Wells was without words. "I've had enough wondering what this is between us."
The silence that followed gave Myka the courage to bridge the distance between them. Grabbing Helena around the waist Myka pulled her close and in the single boldest move Myka Bering had ever made she captured Helena's soft lips.
The kiss was explosive and almost instantly manicured fingers reached for the buttons of Myka's dress shirt and began to pull them free. Mirroring the motion Myka reached her hands up along Helena's shoulders and aided in the shedding of the woman's tan jacket. After some maneuvering it pooled on the floor at the pair’s feet and was quickly joined by Myka’s shoulder holster and shirt.
"Myka?" Helena said breaking the kiss.
Things weren’t about to be ruined with words. "Too much talking." Myka said and then moved in and reinstated the contact.
That was apparently all Helena needed as she spun the pair from where they stood down to Myka's king sized bed.
...
In nothing but a sheet, the pair held one another close. The stillness in the room proved a comfort after struggling for so long. Finally there was peace as all the doubt and insecurity, about what was circling between the pair from the moment they first worked a case together, was gone. Memories of the past lined up in perfect harmony with the person Myka was certain she loved. She was now alive in the best way possible.
Laying there in silence was bliss but the moment Helena stirred in Myka’s arms the excitement became fear. This was H.G. Wells and even with her demons exorcized she wasn't what you would call predictable. Myka thrived on order while Helena attracted chaos. It made their chemistry electric but it also made the future blurry, especially with the Regents, the authority on all things Warehouse, circling. Embracing she was in love with Helena G. Wells meant silently accepting that it could all be taken away in an instant.
"I have wanted to do that since the moment we first met." The soft sexy voice of the woman in Myka’s arms, said with a smile in her tone. She pulled her way up so they could face one another as they lay in the bed. Helena’s beautiful profile was a glow thanks to the soft moonlight coming directly into Myka’s bedroom window.
"But instead I recall it was Pete you were kissing when we first met."
"A means to an end,” Helena said as she proved who it was she wanted to be kissing by doing so again.
The feeling of Helena’s hand on her cheek and her lips pressing so perfectly was breaking Myka apart. The flirtation was intoxicating and allowed Myka to brush aside her doubts. When the kiss ended, Myka smiled. "Don't let him hear you say that."
"Pete would certainly understand."
"Only after imaging us like this for a very long time."
Helena laughed a big, sexy, infectious laugh and then turned quickly capturing Myka's lips a second time. Desire took over and Myka shifted her weight, turning to press the entire length of herself against Helena’s body. All thoughts of Pete instantly disappeared and all that was left was Helena G. Wells.
....
"Does stability scare you that much?" Myka said, as she crossed back to the bed, leaving her bathrobe behind on the floor. Climbing in, she was comforted by Helena pulling her close.
"Is it that surprising? Every ounce of stability I ever enjoyed was ripped away from me."
"So better to have the ground always shifting?"
"It has its merits." Helena shrugged as she ran her fingers softly down Myka’s arm.
Myka shivered at the touch. "Seems a safe path for someone like you."
Helena actually let out a tiny laugh at the blunt assessment.
"What's so funny?"
"How easy you read me."
"Have I found the one thing you are afraid of?" Myka asked sincerely.
"After losing my daughter? Yes. So, as you say, stability scares me."
The confession was quite honest for someone of Helena's guarded past and Myka respected it. As much loss as Myka had experienced in her life she could never imagine what kind of pain haunted someone after losing a child. "Just promises me, where ever this goes, I won't wake up and find you gone without a word."
"You, my darling, are talking to the great H.G. Wells. I am never without words."
Myka, in perhaps her third boldest moment that night, perhaps her third boldest moment ever, rolled herself onto the women she loved and stared into her eyes. This was something Myka needed Helena to understand; this was more than longing, or giving into passion, or sex, this mattered. "Promise me." They held the look between one another for quite a long moment. The intimacy was the single most intense moment of Myka’s life.
"I promise."
...
With only the aid of the moonlight coming in from outside, Helena stared at a sleeping Myka wishing things could be different. There was little choice in the matter because if she ever wanted to have a chance at something long term with the curly haired agent she needed to complete what was being asked of her.
The only other option would be to run. Considering her skills, Helena was easily equipped to hide but she knew Myka would never spend her life bouncing around. It was necessary to sacrifice the short term for a shot at the long term.
Having memorized the image before her, Helena slowly closed the bedroom door. Taking a deep breath to calm her emotions she quietly set out to move through the upstairs hallway and towards the staircase. When she reached the top step it creaked. She was reminded of sneaking from the home of a very beautiful, very devilish, very married woman in London during her original tenure as a Warehouse agent. The days of trying to maneuver around floorboards and noisy house staff were fun but lonely.
Helena didn’t remain lost in the past for very long as her instincts kicked in. She wasn't alone. A small figure at the bottom of the steps had turned towards the noise. Even with what little light there was, it registered who was looking up at her from below. Claudia was standing at the bottom of the stairs with her jacket on and a bag thrown over her shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" The young woman whispered as Helena quickly but quietly moved down the rest of the steps to face the music.
There was no easy way to answer the question so Helena avoided it by asking one of her own. "How are you holding up?"
"Just peachy. Thought I would run out for pizza and beer."
"Even in my day that was considered sarcasm."
"Observant of you. You didn't answer my question."
The young woman always impressed Helena. Claudia was stronger than she knew because even in the face of her recent tragedy, her protective nature had kicked in. Helena decided honestly might cause the younger woman to open up about how she was doing. "I was visiting Myka."
"Is that what they called it in your time?"
The humor mixed with the pain in Claudia's tired eyes gave Helena faith that all wasn’t lost. The question was met with a broad smile. "Yes, it was."
"About time. Look, I've got beer and pizza to find."
The silent support was sweet but hard to hear considering how much pain the youngest of the warehouse team was in. "Claudia, I'm not going to stop whatever it is you want to do but promise me you'll be careful. You are a special young woman and there are a great many people who would be pained if something happened to you."
Claudia nodded and, without another word, walked out the front door. Had there been any hope of comforting her or changing her mind Helena would have gone after her but having been in her shoes Helena knew it would prove a hopeless exercise. The pain was all too familiar and this was a journey Claudia had to take on her own.
...
Climbing into the backseat of the sedan, Helena wished she could have been more help to Claudia. The last thing she wanted to see was the young woman succumbing to what nearly destroyed everything in Helena's new life; after all grief was a terrible demon to shake.
Apparently her thoughts were easily readable as Jane Lattimer cleared her throat. "Claudia looked lost as she passed the car."
"She needs space. No one can help her just yet."
Jane smiled. “But you tried.”
“I merely suggested she be careful.” Helena informed her superior.
"It was kind of you to want to try."
"I've been where she is more times than I care to count."
"We all have."
There was something in the tone that gave Helena an idea. It was a long shot but if it worked it would be worth it. "Promise me you will do what you can to help her."
"I'm not sure that’s possible."
"She needs to be okay."
"You aren't exactly in a position to make requests of the Regents." The calm conversational nature of the exchange disappeared and Helena was back in the presence of someone who could make her life hell.
"I'm not asking anything of the Regents, I am asking you to look out for Claudia." It was perhaps bold to make such a pointed request of someone so powerful but considering Jane's son was also quite fond of the young woman Helena felt it was a well-calculated risk to ask such a favor.
"Claudia will be alright."
"Good."
"Have you and Agent Bering worked out whatever it was you needed to address?”
The question was precise and impersonal but Helena knew very well she hadn’t fooled Jane Lattimer when she asked for the chance to speak one last time with Myka. "Yes."
"So you are prepared to proceed?"
"Yes. Now what is it the Regents want from me?"
...
As the lights from a car pulling away from the inn slowly disappeared out of sight, Myka closed the curtains and returned to sit on the edge of the bed. Opening the folded sheet of paper she found on the nightstand she took a deep breath before reading what was left behind.
Myka -
They have somewhere I am needed. I demanded to see you first. Please believe me when I say I had no choice in this but I shall miss you, every moment, of every day.
You looked so lovely and peaceful I couldn't dare interrupt your slumber to bid you good-bye. I can see you, just now, rolling your beautiful eyes at me. Okay, perhaps I was afraid if I told you what was happening that I couldn't bring myself to leave. Perhaps I was afraid you would agree to run away with me and you see I would have selfishly let you. We both know that is not the path your life should take. You would only end up resenting me in the end.
I need to make amends and considering the crimes I have committed I am lucky they are giving me that chance. When I have done so, I promise I will return, perhaps ready to embrace stability.
Don't take this as a denial of your request but instead words you can hold onto until I am allowed the freedom to return. I cherish you Myka Bering. You rescued me.
With love, Helena
The darkness of the bedroom, only amplified the emptiness of the room and yet, Helena's version of honoring her promise, made Myka smile. Her words were simple and sweet and she spoke the truth. Had Helena told her what was going to happen next Myka would have suggested they run away and in short order the result would have been destructive to the pair. The Warehouse needed Myka where she was and Helena needed the chance to atone for her actions because she had yet to forgive herself for what she had done. There was no part of Myka that liked the forced separation but she understood why it was necessary.
Tucking the letter into her copy of ‘The Time Machine’, which she had hidden in her nightstand, Myka Bering smiled as she crawled back into bed. The now empty spot where she had last seen Helena had gone cold but the faint smell of her perfume lingered. Pulling a pillow close, Myka closed her eyes and let her mind escape back to how it felt to lay beside the woman she loved.
...