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Everything was quiet. Perhaps that was what had woken him up in the first place. After nearly two years of sharing his living quarters with Thorfinn, Einar was used to hearing him stir and talk in his sleep every night.
He looked around the shed. In the unexpectedly bright moonlight he could clearly see the spot where his friend usually slept. It was empty. He'd probably stepped out for a moment to clear his head after a bad dream or something. Nothing to worry about.
But why did he leave the door open? That old blanket they'd hanged in the doorway was very important for keeping the cold out! When Einar walked over to the door to fix it, he saw Thorfinn standing just a few paces away, barefoot and with his hair down, his eyes fixed on something in the distance.
Einar stepped outside and shivered. Nights were still chilly this early in the spring. He thought of going back inside to grab a blanket, but there were more urgent things to worry about.
"What the hell is that?!"
There was an eerie green glow in the sky above the wall of trees that marked the North end of the farm. He had never seen anything glow in this color before, let alone light up the sky like this.
"The Northern lights," Thorfinn kept his voice down, as though afraid that he might scare the glow away.
"Ah... " Einar walked closer to him. "Are they dangerous?"
Something that a warrior would know about when a farmer did not could very well be a threat.
"Not at all!" said Thorfinn, "Just a rare sight at these latitudes."
At this point Einar couldn't help laughing out loud and Thorfinn finally turned to look at him.
"At these latitudes!" Einar repeated, "You're talking like a sailor!"
"Sorry?" Thorfinn turned away, looking neither at his friend nor at the spectacle in the sky.
"No," said Einar, "If there's one thing about your past you don't need to apologize for, it's how much of the world you've seen."
Thorfinn sighed, his shoulders hunched, trying to make himself smaller than he already was.
"Yeah... But everywhere I went, I left a trail of death and destruction."
"Well... Now's not the time to talk about that." It would just give him nightmares again. "Tell me about those lights instead." Einar gestured towards the glow, which was now taking on a shape, like a sheet of thin fabric hanging on an invisible clothesline, billowing gently in the wind. "Do they usually look like this?"
Thorfinn looked up again.
"Further up North," he said, "they come in all sorts of colors. Red, yellow, even purple sometimes. And they can light up the entire sky. Of course, that only happens in places like Norway and some parts of Sweden. Any further South and they're just a sort of distant glow..."
"I wish I could see that some day. The whole sky glowing all sorts of colors..."
Even though the lights surely reminded Thorfinn of all the terrible things he had seen and done, he spoke of them so fondly, almost like he wished he could show him.
Far in the North, huh? Wait...
"You're not thinking about Norway, are you?"
It was obvious, now that he'd realized it. A place where winter lasted half a year and in the summer the sky hardly ever got dark. He'd heard a bit about such a place over the last two years or so.
Thorfinn turned to look at him. It was almost funny to see a man who could stand still, seemingly indifferent, when someone swung a sword at his head, startled by mere words.
"Do you miss your home?" Einar said as gently as he could.
"I- I barely remember it! And besides..." Thorfinn shook his head and stood there in silence for a while, struggling to put his thoughts into words. "After everything I've done... all the families I've killed and homes I've burned... I feel like it wouldn't be fair..."
"What? To miss your home? To remember it?"
Thorfinn nodded, but didn't say anything. Einar sighed. He hated this, but sometimes he had to be harsh with his best friend.
"There you go again," he said, "making it all about yourself! What about your family? Your sister lost a brother! Your mother lost a son! What did they ever do to deserve this?"
"But," Thorfinn's voice was quiet and a little shaky. "Feeling homesick won't change this, anyway. It's not like I can go home now." He shook his head. "I missed my chance long ago."
"Right. We're stuck here for now." There was no denying this. And who knew how long it would take them to earn their freedom? Even if the farmhands couldn't get away with sabotaging their work, floods and droughts and wild animals were still a problem. Still, giving up was just about the worst thing they could do in this situation. "But we won't be forever. Some day we're going to be free. You might be able to see them again then."
The lights in the sky flashed momentarily brighter, as if to emphasize the point he was making, then, slowly, began to fade back into a shapeless green blob. Thorfinn looked down, as if trying to face neither them nor Einar.
"You want me to leave?" he said quietly.
"No! That's not what I mean!" Einar protested, "I... I'm gonna miss you, if you ever do go away! But..." he paused for a moment. But what? How was he supposed to say it? What was he even trying to say? "I mean... Your family..."
"They probably think I died long ago."
There was something Einar could say, he was sure, if only he could remember what it was. Somehow, he was sure that someone somewhere was still waiting for Thorfinn.
"I mean, I'm not sure I'd believe it myself, if I hadn't lived it. That a child could survive all of that."
But there it was, a vague memory. Something about a little old man at the market. If only Einar could describe him or recall exactly what he'd said.
"They'll believe it when they see you," he said instead, "And I'm sure they'd be happy to know you're alive."
Einar himself could hardly imagine the joy he'd feel if it turned out that somehow his mother, father or sister is still out there somewhere, missing him.
Thorfinn looked up at the sky, which was once again dark, illuminated only by the moon and a few faint stars.
"Well," he said in lieu of an answer, "I guess the show is over."
"I'm sure they miss you," Einar insisted, "And it's okay if you miss them too!"
"Why does it matter?" Thorfinn was already heading back inside.
Why? Einar wasn't quite sure himself, but now that he'd brought it up, he couldn't just let it go.
"I'm not sure," he admitted, "Maybe it's because I miss my family too. I'm never going to see them again. I know this for sure. But it's different for you, and that's why you should -"
Thorfinn sighed heavily, finally ready to admit it.
"I don't think I'm ready to face them again."
"Well, there's still time," said Einar, "You don't need to make any decisions right now."
They entered their shed, carefully closing the makeshift door behind them. It was chilly inside now. Good thing the Old Master had let them have those worn out blankets that he swore he'd meant to throw away.
"Besides," Thorfinn added as they carefully made their way through the darkness, "It'd be weird to just sail away and leave you behind."
Einar opened his mouth to protest, but it made sense, didn't it? That he would feel closer to someone he shared some of his hardships with than to family he barely remembered.
"I'd miss you too," he said, "but we'll figure it out when the time comes. Good night."
He found his blanket, wrapped himself in it and nestled into the hay. He could hear his friend doing the same somewhere nearby.
He thought about it, as he drifted off to sleep. He'd been right to encourage Thorfinn to think about his faraway home, even if it meant he'd want to leave some day. Einar considered the possiblity of joining him. It could be nice to see the Northern lights lighting up the whole sky in brilliant colors, and to be welcomed into his best friend's home. But then what would happen to Arnheid, stuck here forever with no way out? He had to stay and watch over her. If he could bring her along, he'd gladly come even to the end of the world, but he couldn't, could he?
A solution popped into his head just as he was starting to fall asleep.
"I know!" he said, sitting bolt upright.
Somewhere in the darkness, Thorfinn stirred, still awake, but made no other sound.
"You could be a sailor!"
"Huh?"
"Like... on a merchant ship or something?" Einar clarified, a little less sure of himself now, "I mean... You know your way around a ship, don't you?"
Thorfinn had more sailing experience than anyone his age had any business having, and no matter where he'd learned it, it was a useful skill to have.
"I guess..."
"Well then, that's something you can do, once you're free."
"Hm..." Thorfinn was thinking, but not ready to respond.
"See, that way you could go and see your family some day," Einar explained, "And then you could come back here once in a while, bringing us foreign goods and news from the world."
"Hm..."
"Wouldn't that be great?"
"What about you?" The response arrived after a brief silence.
"Me?" Einar probably should have seen this question coming. He was making all these grand plans for his friend's future, but hardly thought about his own. "I'll... probably stay here as a farmhand. At least as long as Arnheid can't leave, I should probably stay nearby to keep her company. If I'm a free man, I might even be able to protect her."
"You're willing to do that for her?"
"It actually doesn't sound bad at all! Doing the same kind of work I do now, but getting paid for it? Sounds great!" Einar laughed, ignoring all potential conflict with the other men working on the farm. He'll worry about it when the time comes.
Now, at long last, it was Thorfinn's turn to laugh.
"The world would be a better place if more people thought like this," he said.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Was he making fun of him?
"You want such simple things," he explained, "To be free. To make a living. To make sure people you care about are okay."
Weren't those all perfectly normal things to want?
"Well, what about you?"
Another thoughtful silence.
"I don't know," Thorfinn said quietly, "I still don't know."
It didn't sound like the whole truth, but Einar decided to let it go for now.
Thorfinn let out another small awkward laugh.
"You know," he said, "I think I used to want to be a sailor. When I was little. Before I got into this whole mess. I used to listen to sailors' stories and dream about faraway places."
"Well, that's still an option," said Einar.
"Hm..."
"Make sure to come here sometimes. And then Arnheid and Pater and the Old Master and I, we'll all be happy to hear your stories."
"I guess," Thorfinn said slowly, as he buried himself deeper into the hay, "it would be nice. To have some stories I'm proud to tell."