Chapter Text
I'm scared you really mean it
That you're never coming back
See your bag right by the stairs
So I guess you already packed
No, I can't change your mind
But how could you just leave like that?
I'm not ready to let you go
So just give me one more night
Hold me like you're still mine
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
I know it's gonna hurt
Watching your footsteps strides
So love me for right now before you leave me
Of course he went straight to the workshop. Nerdanel sat on their bed, listening to the far away sounds of him packing the bare minimum of his tools into a bag. He took just the things he could not remake, devices that had taken them years to perfect together, that he used every day in his craft. She knew them by sound.
The door finally slammed and he mounted the stairs, the bag weighing heavily on his footsteps. She felt at the same time, numb, and absolutely on fire with rage.
Their sons had already told her they would be leaving with Feanor. Entreties had done nothing, and she hadn't even tried with her husband. This ill mood was a long time in coming, but it felt as if everything was plunged into darkness at once.
The door swung open gently, he knew she was in there. He let the bag rest on the floor and looked up, but did not meet her eyes. He knew what she would say as much as she knew that he would not listen. There was too much pain, too much pride and brokenness that he was not willing to face.
Nerdanel stood up slowly, daring him to look her in the face. He did not. She took three furious steps and pushed on his chest, almost slamming him into the door, closing it. He still looked away, and she took his chin in her hand and turned his head till their eyes met, and crushed their lips together in a kiss that burned in the way that the last light of the trees had. It left a bright spot in her visions that lingered even now. She laced her fingers through his hair, pulling his face to hers, then tore at his shirt, trying to get closer to him, to dig her fingers in and take hold. He swiftly took it off and reached for her with the same desperation. Neither of them apologetic, neither of them changed. But nothing about their love had either.
As they moved together in a way that had become as familiar as breathing, but still as exciting as the first time they touched, time seemed to pause to give them this chance. She held him as if she was trying to take in as much of him as possible, as if this had to last them the rest of the years of their lives. Memorized every part of him with hands and lips till he trembled in her arms. Was this union between them enough to stop him in his course? She didnt believe that. But for tonight she would hold him as long as she could.
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One year later she sat on the bed, staring at the door as if it would bring any of them back. Her sons would not return to her. She knew it in a way that created new places of emptiness in her heart. She hated it, and hated him, and yet every part of her still ached for him.
She looked at the tiny soft bundle in her lap, just starting to open her eyes for the first time, and knew that she would speak of her daughter's father with gentleness. Perhaps this child born of understanding, of love that reached past anger and evil, would help find a way to make things whole again. Perhaps there was compassion, even for the doomed.