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Stepping back into her old life made Shiki realize just… how much she missed Eri. What she and Eri used to have, at least. Now, she thought of Eri and could only remember what brought her to wearing Eri’s appearance for two weeks.
Shiki was too embarrassed to think too hard about it, but there came a moment where she had to.
Eri’s words still hurt but not quite as much as they did, before. Now, there was that lacing pain of badly worded sentiment, but also the hope of what she overheard during the Game being true. Why would Eri lie when Shiki wasn’t around to hear it, anyway? But still… still, her fear held her back.
Shiki would look to the side and want to talk to someone and there would be no one there, and she knew it was her own fault, she knew it was her own fears sitting there, but it still felt like there was a whole canyon between where she was and where she used to be.
She wanted Eri to be near. She wanted to smile at Eri and laugh with her and hear her voice and she wanted Eri.
Not to be in Eri’s skin. Not again. Just… Eri.
It was embarrassing that it took her existing in Eri’s skin to realize just how much she actually wanted Eri.
Maybe that was why it felt so bad to have Eri tell her what she did.
Or maybe it was just Shiki’s own insecurities raising their ugly old head.
Still, she told herself, there was also nothing like realizing the entire world between her and Eri while wearing Eri’s face to put in perspective the rest of her life.
She would meet the others again first. Would find her own feet in this world that she almost left for real. Would try and find her budding confidence.
But she would also talk to Eri. Properly. Not just pretend nothing happened but actually talk to her. Try and put into words how much Eri hurt her. How much she had just wanted Eri’s support. How much she just wanted to make their dreams come true.
Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? Shiki had crafted her dreams around Eri, and she could not leave this emptiness between them if she wanted it to ever come true.
And her dreams were growing. Every single day since she came back to life, they became a bit more developed.
She wanted to be by Eri’s side. She wanted to design and sew with Eri. She wanted to open up a shop with Eri.
She wanted to hold Eri’s hand. Wanted to do Eri’s hair from the outside. Wanted to clothe Eri with her own creations and know it was understood in its intentions. Wanted to sit with Eri under the sakura tree and watch the blossoms year after year.
Wanted Eri’s head in her lap and her shoes by Shiki’s.
And for that, she had to take the first step through this canyon between them.
One day at a time.