Work Text:
Stargazing was a fine hobby. There was an astronomy club at their university, and they often invited people to come see meteor showers or other cosmic events. But Myung Ha could never consider joining. Something about falling into the stratosphere as the world collapsed around you really put a person off admiring celestial bodies.
Sometimes, when he closed his eyes to sleep, he dreamt of the sky cracking open. Jupiter and Saturn converged in the sky, pressing down into Earth’s atmosphere while Myung Ha ran for his life. He never escaped. Gravity either sucked him into the sky, or else the ground vanished beneath him and sent him falling through endless stars.
He used to wake up screaming. Or crying. Often both.
It had been several years since he’d been granted a second chance, a second life. The nightmares of his old life, of the event that almost stole him from this new life, of all the nasty thoughts that used to haunt him were less common. But some nights were worse than others.
Some nights, Myung Ha still went to bed, mind running over everything he’d done wrong that day, words he misspoke, friends he hurt, people he’d let down, food he’d ordered wrong – anything and everything that his downward spiral could latch onto. He tried all his usual tricks to reorient himself, to remind himself that this was just his mind and his depression trying to trick him, but sometimes he failed. Those nights had the worst of the nightmares.
But he was living with Yeo Woon now. When he woke, terrified of the dark and of the universe closing in on him, he could turn and bury his face in Yeo Woon’s back, wrap himself around his boyfriend and breathe in the scent of him until the world resettled. Or Yeo Woon would stir and roll into him instead, wrapping his arms and legs over Myung Ha like a strange sloth and pinning Myung Ha to the bed. It should have felt like being trapped. Instead, it helped Myung Ha feel solid. Real. Held and cared for. Like a swaddled baby.
Realizing he was loved so unconditionally helped keep the majority of his self-hatred and self-doubt away. True, there was no such thing as “love cures all”, but there was definitely something to be said about love helping you work through the darkness in your own mind. Yeo Woon was his safety net, his safe place to be weak or strong or whatever he needed to be. It didn’t suddenly ‘fix’ Myung Ha, but it was beautiful and helpful all the same.
In the dark of their room, sitting on their bed, Myung Ha could see the night sky through the window. They had purposely left the curtains open before bed. The stars could be seen, hazy through the city's light pollution, and the moon right alongside them. Every so often, a shooting star streaked within his view. The astronomy club would be in full swing on the school roof, watching and recording the event.
And, strangely, Myung Ha did not feel the fear he’d expected. He did not worry about being sucked into the phenomenon or losing himself in the process. He just thought it was beautiful.
Sitting beside him on the bed, Yeo Woon leaned against his shoulder and hummed. “Everything alright?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Myung Ha said and smiled when he realized it was the truth. He leaned his head on Yeo Woon’s. “It’s pretty.”
Yeo Woon pouted, and Myung Ha could already hear his childish “prettier than me?” But then Yeo Woon surprised him by not saying that at all. Instead, he murmured, “Sometimes I dream I’m running in shallow water, surrounded by the stars. I know you’re somewhere ahead of me, but I can’t see you. Then a shooting star falls and I can see you where it lands. But I always wake up before I reach you.”
Myung Ha reached over to hold his boyfriend’s hand between them. “You’re wrong,” he said with a soft smile. “When you wake up, you’ve already reached me. I’m always right here. Just like you’re always here for me.”
With an agreeing hum, Yeo Woon nodded. “Don’t ever leave me again.”
“I promise. Never again.” Myung Ha turned and kissed Yeo Woon’s cheek, and then his lips.
Even when he felt like the world was cracking around him, Myung Ha knew in his heart that he would never make the same mistake he’d made in his past life. Because his whole universe was right here in front of him, and he wanted to live with Yeo Woon forever.