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The room is pitch black, Seokjin’s sleepy arm flailing around aimlessly for what hopefully is his phone. The blinding rectangular light after a moment confirms that yes, he had grabbed his cell instead of Yoongi’s foot like last time.
4:14 is much too early to be walking blindly around their dorm, but Seokjin is hungry and has to pee. He shields his phone flashlight with his fingers as not to wake Yoongi and holds in his groan when he trips over a pillow (not that Yoongi would’ve woken up anyway). Thankfully, the bathroom is just down the hall, Seokjin’s feet carrying him there without his brain really catching up.
Maybe the biggest regret in his life is the sleep-induced decision of flipping the light switch that morning, which feels like the brightest light in the world. He hadn’t brought his glasses, but a blind man could see that Seokjin looks like hell. That doesn’t happen often, and to his credit at 4 A.M. anyone would look like hell.
He’s throwing away a tissue when he sees it, something peeking out from behind the Ryan-themed garbage can Namjoon had insisted on. Seokjin gets closer and curses his myopia until he’s a meter away and finally realizes what the thing is.
A condom. Used.
Seokjin is suddenly wide awake, springing back from the crime scene with inhuman speed. He wouldn’t touch it for a billion won (and he’d touch a lot of things for a billion won). Because there are only six people who the condom could belong to, and Seokjin really doesn’t want to find out who the culprit is.
He’s dreaming. He has to be dreaming. Seokjin splashes some near-freezing water on his face (which might take the new top spot at Seokjin’s biggest regret), and goes out to eat some leftover noodles. That will definitely snap him out of it. Needless to say, it’s hard to fall back asleep after that.
When he brushes his teeth in the morning, the trash is empty and the floor is clean.
Hoseok is eating cereal out of a deep bowl, splashing milk all over the table, when Namjoon trudges in. Between the seven of them, Hoseok and Jimin are usually the quickest to wake up, but today Hoseok is already showered and Jimin is nowhere to be seen. “You’re up early.”
The man laughs and almost knocks his bowl over. “So are you! How’d you sleep?”
“Alright,” Namjoon pulls a chair up and faintly registers the sound of Seokjin’s sluggish footsteps behind them, “Woke up for a bit at like four, though, ‘cause someone was eating. Was that you?” He throws the words over his shoulder at Seokjin, who—
—Looks terrible.
Namjoon has never said Seokjin looked terrible before—nobody ever said that—but this morning it’s like Seokjin has never slept in his life. He’s on edge, too, jumping at the question. “What, me? Yeah,” Seokjin laughs, but it sounds forced, “Just eating.” He grabs an apple from a bowl and takes a rather aggressive bite.
“Okay, then,” Namjoon shakes his head, hoping it’s not one of those days where Seokjin is in some bizarre mood. He pivots back to Hoseok, “Where’s Jimin? He’s usually up by now.”
Hoseok swallows a mouthful of cereal, then says, “Oh, he’s with Tae. They’re all snuggled up, it’s cute.”
“Not anymore,” Taehyung’s voice sounds from the doorway. It’s especially rough this morning, and it they had an event planned Namjoon would be worried. Seokjin hears it, too, and grabs a cup of tea for the boy.
And then Taehyung falls. Just flat on his face, arms outstretched, a loud slap in the middle of the tile punctuated by a soft, ‘Ouch.’ Like all the bones had disappeared from his legs for a second, like his hips had turned to noodles.
Seokjin sets the tea down to help him stand, steadying Taehyung’s back. He’s wearing a shirt that might be Jimin’s—it’s a bit tight on him and rides up when Taehyung braces the counter. “That was quite a fall. You okay?” Seokjin asks.
“Peachy as a peach,” Taehyung grins at him, but his smile can’t mask the fact that he’s stumbling along on weak legs, using anything near him as a crutch, “Too bad peaches can’t walk.”
Namjoon raises a brow, “Do you need help? Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“I’m just sore,” Taehyung says it in his scratchy voice, somewhere behind Namjoon is the gross sound of Hoseok choking on cereal. “We practiced pretty hard yesterday.”
That’s when Jimin appears, stretching dramatically before giving Taehyung a clingy back-hug. But Namjoon’s eyes catch on Seokjin, whose apple just slipped out of his hand, mouth hanging open like he just figured out Santa’s not real.
For a Thursday, the morning has been pretty bizarre. And Seokjin knows something. Namjoon’s determined to figure out what it is.
Getting Namjoon alone is easier than he thought. All Seokjin has to do it wait from Jungkook to get up and start some ridiculous game involving way too much yelling on Hoseok’s part.
“This feels like a business meeting,” Namjoon chuckles. They’re standing in Namjoon’s room, and Seokjin swears he could vomit because he’s just had the most disturbing realization of his life.
“Get serious, Namjoon,” he hates going into ‘mom-mode’, but really, there’s no choice. “This is an issue. A really, really big issue.”
Namjoon sits on his bed far too casually, like the world isn’t ending around them. “What is it? Don’t tell me Yoongi accidentally used your toothbrush again.”
“We’re not talking about that now,” Seokjin paces the room, his head spinning, “I’ll just tell you: long story short—” he takes a deep breath and lowers his voice in case it’s heard over Hoseok’s screams—“I think Taehyung and Jimin are—are having intercourse.”
There’s a pause, a moment of dead air that’s much too quiet, before Namjoon bursts out in laughter. “Are you serious? What, like they’re fucking?” Seokjin flinches at the vulgarity of it all, but nods anyway. “You’ve really lost your mind this time. That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week.”
“I’m dead serious.” Seokjin grips the man’s shoulders and puts on his most stern expression. “I went to the bathroom last night—you know, before I was eating—and I saw—” He forces himself to recount the memory—“There was a condom. On the floor. And this morning, someone emptied the trash and it was gone. You saw Taehyung fall over; that boy couldn’t walk straight. It wasn’t from dance practice.”
Namjoon gets this blank look on his face, quickly turning into one of shock. “So they’re actually together? I never saw it coming. No pun intended.”
That earns him a sharp slap to the arm. “This isn’t time for your weird perverted puns, Namjoon. Think about what this means. The fans, the future…what if they fight or something? What will happen then?”
“Woah, woah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Namjoon falls quiet again, and that’s his thinking face. Which means Namjoon’s either about to say something really stupid or actually kind of logical. “Okay, here’s what we gotta do. First, let’s not bring it up to Taehyung and Jimin. We’ll ask the other guys instead. Maybe they know something. And then we’ll talk with Tae and Jimin, tell them we support them—we do support them, right?”
“Of course.”
“Perfect. And if everything’s cool, we can discuss it with upper management and go from there. Sounds good?”
These are the days when Seokjin is really glad to have Namjoon as their leader. Because anyone else wouldn’t know how to handle this; Seokjin would hate even imagining Hoseok or Yoongi in this situation. So he says, “Deal.”
And then they hear Yoongi’s cry of, ‘Jung Hoseok, shut the fuck up or I’ll break your weird nose with my pillow!’ which is enough to end their impromptu meeting.
On the way out, Namjoon says, “You know, one in seven people are gay. I guess we really hit the jackpot, didn’t we?”
The day ends with five chairs assembled in a circle, arranged hastily by Namjoon right after Taehyung and Jimin left to get groceries (or more accurately, were kicked out by Seokjin with a long list of obscure things he’d never cook with). Seokjin calls, “Meeting in front of the TV!” and it only takes two minutes to pry Yoongi away from his laptop and get them all in chairs.
“You’re probably wondering why we’ve called you here today,” Namjoon begins. In saying that, it was not an invitation for three voices to insert guesses (‘We’re adopting a puppy?’ ‘We’re finally switching room-mates?’ ‘Jin-hyung is getting shipped away to a retirement home?’) “No, please pay attention. Recently, it has come to light that Taehyung and Jimin may possibly be in a relationship.” Three sets of eyes blink back at Namjoon until he clears his throat and says, “A sexual relationship.”
The reactions, under any other circumstance, would be comical. Jungkook’s eyes snap wide open, Yoongi sort of sinks down in his chair, and Hoseok jumps up and covers his mouth tightly. Seokjin cuts in, “We do have evidence, including some…sexual paraphernalia—”
“—A condom.”
“Shh, Namjoon, don’t say that in front of Jungkook. Anyway, nothing is set in stone, but we would appreciate it if any of you know anything about this, to please speak up. They’re out members and we really want what’s best for them.” Seokjin sits back after that, and they both wait for any sign of confirmation.
Then Hoseok speaks up. Or rather, blurts out a rushed, “I don’t think they’re together!” All heads whip around to face him, and Hoseok seems unusually tense and red-faced. “I mean, it doesn’t make sense, right? Like, I’m their room-mate and I’ve never noticed anything. And even if they were dating—”
“Wait a minute,” Yoongi cuts him off, “Who said anything about dating? Dating and sex are totally different.”
Hoseok suddenly goes very pale. “So?”
“So I think you know something we don’t.” With that, Yoongi reclines back in his chair and folds his arms, “Just saying.”
Jungkook pipes up then, a bit shyly, “Yeah, I don’t know. They’ve been really close lately. I’m with Yoongi-hyung on this one.”
“Alright,” Namjoon prepares himself to make the executive decision. “We’ll lie low for a while. Nobody mention this meeting to Taehyung or Jimin, please. But keep your eyes and ears open. And tell me if you find anything out. This could be detrimental to group activities and as your leader, I have to look after the group as a whole.” He never enjoys playing the ‘leader’ card, but sometimes it’s the only thing that gets the point across.
When the door comes swinging open, Jimin’s bright voice announcing, ‘We’re back and we have ice cream!’ and Taehyung’s ‘I met the cutest cat, you guys!’, Namjoon hops up and begins spreading the chair out again.
“Meeting adjourned.”
A week passes without anything special happening (and by ‘special’, Seokjin means, ‘reason-to-believe-Taehyung-and-Jimin-are-sleeping-together’). And then it’s like a volcano erupts. Because without any warning, Taehyung and Jimin are all over each other.
At lunch they feed each other. Jimin begins wearing Taehyung’s clothes, and Taehyung begins wearing Jimin’s cologne. Secret Agent 2 (Jungkook) has frantically reported numerous times that he’s seen bite-marks on Taehyung’s neck. The two begin sharing a bed and to Seokjin, the whole thing feels like a mess. Like the entire atmosphere of the dorm is thrown off.
But everyone’s obsessed with it. Namjoon starts winking at Seokjin whenever the supposed couple are together; Jungkook is constantly giving a play-by-play through text of everything the two are doing; Yoongi keeps a ‘hug tally’ on his phone—so far up to seven in a matter of two days.
So far, though, Hoseok is the most invested of all. Even though he denied it at first, he begins squealing like a crazed fan whenever the pair are together. Makes a conspiracy-like timeline documenting the ‘Journey of VMin’, as he calls it. He quickly becomes the ringleader of the entire ‘Uncover Taehyung and Jimin’s Secret Relationship’ operation. Hoseok acts like he’s trying to convince the others that this is real—that their friends are really together—and it works. Because every time Hoseok points something out, Seokjin becomes more and more positive that his theories are correct. And really, how did Seokjin not realize it sooner? Maybe Taehyung and Jimin have always been a thing, even since debut. He wouldn’t be surprised.
Nobody asks them about it. They keep everything between the five of them, watching their friends from afar. If Taehyung and Jimin are happy, why should anyone else care?
(Besides, it’s kind of fun to watch.)
Lazy days are a luxury, those off-days between fansigns and comeback preparation when all seven of them can wear pajamas past noon and watch stupid movies.
Currently, Jimin is sleeping, curled up in between Jungkook and Yoongi. When the boy had yawned and said, “I didn’t get much sleep last night,” Namjoon had nodded but Seokjin definitely saw his wink. Yoongi is actually watching the movie, Jungkook is on his phone, and Seokjin is paying more attention to his popcorn than anything else. And Taehyung and Hoseok—actually, they’re missing. But Namjoon lets it side; they’ve all seen the movie anyway, and lazy days should be spent without obligation.
Five minutes later there’s a loud crash coming from one of the bedrooms. Seokjin rolls his eyes and mutters, “I swear, sometimes they’re as bad as you, Namjoon.”
He stands up to go investigate, but from between Yoongi and Jungkook a tired voice exclaims, “Don’t.”
All four of them turn toward Jimin, Jungkook even glancing up from his phone. “Huh?”
“Don’t go in there,” Jimin slowly wakes up a bit more, his voice gaining urgency.
“Just go back to sleep,” Yoongi gets up from his seat as well, propping a pillow against Jimin in place of his arm. He jerks his head toward the bedroom, and for a moment the three oldest share a thought: We’re totally going in there.
Namjoon motions for Jungkook to hold Jimin still as they make their way closer to the door, pointedly ignoring Jimin’s warnings of, “I’m not joking, you guys don’t wanna go in there!”
Then Yoongi stops and stares dead in Jimin’s eyes like an interrogation officer. “Oh, yeah? Alright then, Jimin, please enlighten us: what will happen if we go in there? What are you gonna do?”
Jimin looks like he wants to explode. There might be sweat on his brow, and he’s wriggling to get out of Jungkook’s iron grip. After a moment, he just pouts and mutter something like, ‘I can’t believe you all thought I’d sleep with that idiot,’ before speaking up fully. “You know what, fine. Be my guest. I’ve endured this stupid thing for a month already and it’s driving me crazy. So go in there—I don’t care anymore!”
He sounds so done compared to the Jimin they’re used to, just 100% fed up with everything. It almost makes Namjoon back out and sit down again, but Yoongi’s already made up his mind. He paves the way for Namjoon and Seokjin, being the first one to reach the door, cupping his ear to it like in some spy movie. Namjoon follows suit, but he’s not sure what he expected; there’s a rustling sound and not much else, nothing interesting. He signals for the other two to be quiet and he grasps the door handle and pushes it open carefully.
It’s an out-of-body experience: Namjoon can suddenly see everything (and from where he’s standing, he has a very clear view). Immediately, he regrets opening the door at all, and for once in his life Namjoon wishes he’d listened to Jimin.
The scene plays out like the beginning of a low-budget, ultra-gay porno (not that Namjoon would know much about that): Hoseok is leaning over the mattress, Taehyung underneath him, and there is a distinct lack of shirts between them. One of Hoseok’s knees is slotted between Taehyung’s thighs, grinding down in some obscene way that Taehyung seems to enjoy too much, and Namjoon might have thought it were hot if it wasn’t two of his closest friends. Because Taehyung’s hands are currently undoing Hoseok’s belt and Hoseok’s mouth is sucking fervently at Taehyung’s collarbone, clutching the singer’s hips like he owns them.
Before Taehyung can slip a hand inside Hoseok’s pants, Seokjin just sort of gasps, the noise coming out more like a dying animal. And Namjoon has never seen Taehyung move like that, pushing Hoseok off of him with such force that the other man’s back knocks against the wall behind them.
As expected, Hoseok’s initial reaction is to scream. This time it’s impressively loud, and his arms try to cover up his bare chest like that’s more scandalous than finding your two friends making out with each other. Taehyung, on the other hand, simply sits up and helps Hoseok redo his belt, then falls back down on the mattress with a breathless, “Uh, surprise?”
All three of them are dead still—all five of them, actually, as Jungkook and Jimin had rushed over at Hoseok’s scream. Jimin breaks the silence with an unceremonious sigh of, ‘I told you not to go in there,’ followed by Seokjin’s firm, “Jung Hoseok. Kim Taehyung. Wrap this up. Put some shirts on. And we are having a meeting in two minutes.”
Yoongi gets the hint then, to shut the door, and they all march back to the TV set like it’s a funeral procession. Yoongi shakes his head. “I can’t believe Hoseok is getting some and I’m not.”
The pair appear quickly and fully-clothed, hand in hand, refusing to make eye contact with anything but the floor. They sit down and both men look excruciatingly guilty. Again, nobody speaks, but there’s a smug smile on Jungkook’s lips as if he were an eight-year-old who just heard a dirty joke. Namjoon coughs. “So. Explain.”
Taehyung takes a very deep breath. “Well, as you might have guessed, Hobi-hyung and I are together—”
That’s when Min Yoongi begins his mid-life crisis. “No, Taehyung, we did not fucking ‘guess.’ Seriously, what the fuck am I looking at. All five of us thought we had you all figured out, that you were fucking Jimin, blah blah blah, and lo and behold, Asshole Number One over here—” he jabs a hand at Hoseok, who flinches—“was double-crossing us the entire time! Hoseok, I literally asked you like two days ago if you were getting any ass and you flat-out lied to me. I know Taehyung doesn’t have much of an ass, but still. And you,” he target Jimin next, “You’re a dead man, you know that?” Jimin nods violently, out of fear more than anything else, “You knew the whole time that this little thing was going on, and instead of actually telling us, you decided it was a great time for one of your stupid pranks. Well nobody’s laughing, Jimin!”
Hoseok looks as though he wants to cry. His eyes are huge, lips pursed in a scared frown, hand squeezing Taehyung’s arm like a sphygmomanometer. Yoongi rolls his eyes and pushes Hoseok at the shoulder, voice becoming gentler, “Don’t get upset, you big baby. I’m only mad that you were messing with us. Really, I’m happy for you two. Just keep it in your pants.”
Taehyung blinks at that. “You mean it? You guys actually don’t mind?”
“We mind,” Namjoon says, “but in a good way. As long as you’re careful and don’t screw things up, all of us are on board with it.” He accepts Taehyung’s excited high-five and asks, “Now I’ve gotta know—how long were you sneaking around for?”
They all sit a bit straighter then, anxious to hear the answer. Hoseok thinks about it, then gives a tentative, “Since ‘Dope’ promotions, I think?”
Four jaws drop, because it seems like such a long time (And on the spectrum of not-knowing-your-bandmates-are-dating, and year and a half is a long time). Everyone is stunned excluding Jimin, who buries his face in his hands. “It was hell at the beginning. That’s why I share a bed with Jungkook sometimes—it’s ‘cause these losers are always sexiling me!” Jungkook looks like he could throw up at any second, but Jimin continues, “I’ve seen things Jungkook doesn’t even know exist.”
“Hey, hey,” Seokjin butts in, “Let’s keep it PG. But I have to say, you three really had me going for a while. I actually believed Jimin and Taehyung were together.”
“Me too,” Namjoon confesses, followed by Jungkook and a reluctant Yoongi.
Hoseok laughs, “Sorry about that. I guess it’s my fault; I know you said not to tell them about our little theory-assembly thing, but it was kinda fun to screw with you guys. Jimin was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We just roped him into it. You already figured out at least one of us was in a relationship, so it was only a matter of time before we got discovered anyway.”
A comfortable, peaceful silence falls over them, at least until Yoongi gets up and walks toward the kitchen, saying, “I’m still blaming Jimin.”
“Wait, that’s it?” Taehyung jumps up from his seat. “It was that easy?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon shrugs, “I mean, we already kind of came to terms with it, just with you and Jimin instead. Honestly, it’s kind of weird knowing that Hoseok was the one this whole time.”
They disperse after that, not officially adjourning but in a casual way, like nothing had changed. Technically, nothing had changed, not since ‘Dope’ promotions, apparently. Hoseok, who usually has a smile fixed on his face, seems remarkably happier than usual. And Taehyung looks like he just won the lottery.
After that, Namjoon sees their relationship everywhere. It installs itself into the very walls of the dorm, every floorboard. But it was always there, just more buried; Hoseok and Taehyung have finally dug everything up and dumped in the middle of everyone’s lives. This isn’t another prank, the proof hidden in each look and each touch the two share.
At first the transition is a bit awkward; they’d been so used to keeping track of Taehyung and Jimin that suddenly the four had nothing to obsess over. That is, until Yoongi begins another ‘hug tally’ for Taehyung and Hoseok instead, and Namjoon starts winking every time something remotely cute happens between the couple. Because it’s not some speculation anymore—there are no secrets left. Even Jimin joins in, finding out what it’s like to be on the opposite end of the rumor mill, sharing all the filthy stories Taehyung has told him and revealing things sure to make Hoseok blush. Soon it becomes so normal that Namjoon forgets he ever suspected Jimin was with Taehyung in the first place.
The only downside to the couple becoming more brazen is that some things leak into their professional lives. Like all the guilty faces Taehyung pulls each time a stylist douses a fresh bruise with high-coverage concealer. Or when Taehyung slaps Hoseok’s butt onstage, and Hoseok looks just a bit too excited about it.
But at the end of the day, Seokjin is glad he used the bathroom at 4 A.M. so long ago, even when it seemed so catastrophic at the time.
And if Yoongi complains about the PDA, he does so with a smile.