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The first thing Bull noticed when he was shocked out of sleep but still had his eyes closed was how loud it was. Well, not loud exactly but definitely a constant unfamiliar noise. There was a constant thrum of something. And a low hum.
He remained perfectly still and took in his surroundings, breathing deeply and evenly. First was the constant low noise. It was like purring but distant coupled with closer humming that sounded like slow twisting metal. Next was smell. It didn’t smell like wood anywhere. It was a strange mustiness coupled with something… perfumy? There were so many fumes, and fumes was the right word for it. Nothing smelled natural. Or sounded natural.
Feeling, though, there was something. He was in a bed, lying on his back, as usual, and there was a nice breeze coming through but there was also someone with him. He didn’t remember taking a partner for the night but he could definitely feel a solid body curled up and relaxed at his side with their arm thrown over him. He had one arm around his partner and the other was… holding their hand? Since when did he do things like that?
Must have been something they needed.
After deciding he’d taken in what he could and that his partner was still out cold Bull slowly opened his eye.
The sight that greeted him was beyond weird. He wasn’t just not in his room he was in a room that didn’t make any sense. The ceiling was completely white with random ass relief on it. Like someone threw plaster up there and didn’t even try to smooth it all out. They just swept it around. And there were several blades spinning on the ceiling. It made a nice breeze but fuck was it weird. Bull stared at it transfixed for a while. The dark spinning against the white background was as hypnotic as it was terrifying. Now that he thought about it even the breeze had felt weird and unnatural. So constant and blowing straight down instead of going where ever it pleased around his room from the mountains.
And the lights! There was a window to the side and he tried not to turn his head to much to look out of it. It was dark out but there was light outside. A constant orange glow, no flickering whatsoever. And humming!
What. The. Shit?
Now seemed as good a time as any to look at his partner. Maybe knowing who it was would jog his memory. His partner must have sensed his wakefulness because they breathed in deep and lifted their head to look up at him through groggy, accusing eyes.
“It’s too early for this, Amatus.”
Bull couldn’t agree more.
--
Things went slowly from there. When Bull didn’t respond Dorian tucked back into Bull to sleep some more but took his hand out of Bull’s to move it up, scratch a few circles on his chest, which if Bull was being honest felt good, before being still again.
Bull spent the time trying to sort out his thoughts and reading the situation he was in. He was in a strange room, with Dorian, naked and cuddled together, and acting like it’s all normal.
It was rather pleasant.
Not getting any new information that he could understand Bull sat in the silence for a while, deciding he let Dorian get some more rest. Too bad something on a side table, on his blind side, made a loud racket and startled him into jostling Dorian who hit his head on Bull’s horn. Dorian yelled a few obscenities rubbing his head and then cursed a few more under his breath when he had to reach across and silence the thing himself.
Instead of sitting back though, Dorian remained flopped across Bull just breathing for a bit. Bull wasn’t sure what to make of it and just sat still.
It was a strange and scary way to start the day but Bull did have to admire the view. Seeing Dorian’s bare back, up close and personal, sprawled over him and comfortable was a pleasing sight. And that ass. Bull figured it would be a fine piece of work under all the ‘skirts’ and leather but to see it. When Dorian didn’t move Bull debated on whether or not it would be alright to touch.
They seemed to have spent the night together, and Dorian didn’t seem startled or disturbed that it was Bull he woke up to, and he didn’t seem in a big hurry to get away as if their business with each other was done.
Bull slowly lifted his hand and gently rested it on the mage’s back. He felt more than heard the soft sigh from the other man at the touch and decided it was welcome. So he ran his hand up Dorian’s back and just… admired it for a while. It was lovely golden color, practically blemishless, perfect, and soft, but well-toned with muscles. A very masculine strength all the mage’s own lay under that pampered exterior. And Bull was fortunate to experience it… well if he could remember the night they supposedly spent together maybe. Damn.
Dorian eventually picked up his head and looked at Bull, eyes still groggy. “Good morning.”
“Morning.”
Dorian stretched and Bull had to admit it was a lovely, if strange, sight to see the normally prickly mage so relaxed around him. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“Hm?”
“Did you sleep well?” Dorian seemed to look at him with genuine concern.
“Yeah. Just fine.” Bull gave his signature one-eyed wink.
With a small smile Dorian got up and made his was across the room. Bull watched Dorian move around the strange room over to a door with a mirror on it and reached in rummaging through clothes taking off the weird underthings he was currently wearing to change them for a different pair. Then tossing the old ones into a basket of some kind. The silence really stretched out and eventually it seemed to bother Dorian that Bull wasn’t doing anything.
“Don’t you have work off today?” Dorian asked with a lilt in his voice indicating he expected the answer to be yes.
Work off? Bull wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean.
“Don’t think so. The Chargers and I are gonna run some drills probably.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me? How long have you known?”
Uuuuh. “Why would I have told you that?” Why would Dorian need to know? Or even care?
That seemed to be the wrong answer, the mage’s face turning into a pout. “Well then,” he huffed and returned to getting dressed.
Dorian continued his routine, both of them silent before asking, “Amatus, is there a reason you’re not… talking to me, right now?” When Bull didn’t answer he went on, “You don’t have to tell me what it is just… do you need a day to yourself? You can say yes, you know.”
AMATUS? Bull knew what that word meant for Tevinters. This was…well this was more than he bargained for taking the mage to bed. Would have been nice to have some memories of the night before to go with it. Damn. He didn’t usually drink that much.
Bull remained silent and just stared at him. Angry Dorian would be easier to deal with. Confrontation with the ‘Vint was way easier, more familiar. He’d just let the man bluster and storm off. He'd be sorry that he'd hurt the man so badly and some how missed all the signs that led to this buuuuut-
But Dorian’s anger quickly fell away into regret. “I’m sorry, Amatus. I didn’t mean to pry at something that’s…not my business. Fine. I’ll let you be.”
Bull expected Dorian to walk away but instead Dorian walked toward him. He placed a hand on his cheek, leant over, and kissed his horns. “I’ll see you later. Try to have a good day.”
With a small, lingering, and caressing touch that made Bull feel a bit flushed Dorian turned away and left the room, and judging from the sounds of the floors creaking, it was like a small maze out there. Bull watched him go a little stunned until he heard some sort of door slam bringing him back to the room he was in. Alone.
What the shit?
Something was definitely wrong here. Everything about them age’s behavior suggested that he and Bull have been doing this for a while but they’d only gotten together just last night. Right?
Maybe?
He couldn’t remember. As far as he knew, he went to bed alone the other night. In his own bed. How had he ended up in… this… place?
Bull stayed there for a bit trying to sort out what he’d just experienced and how he felt about it. He was definitely confused and distrusting of what was going on around him. There was just so much he didn’t know and if there was one thing he hated it was not knowing things. What he did know was that as strange as his environment was he was not in any obvious danger. Dorian’s behavior was odd but genuine. There was no illusion, no game, no ulterior motive. He really was… attached to Bull and concerned about his well-being. And has been for a while. He even trusted Bull. The strange thing was that Bull wanted… to be worthy of that trust. As sudden as all this was that trust could not have been freely given. It was hard earned and only now Dorian could speak his mind, ask Bull questions, and care enough to tell Bull he was allowed to say no or yesto Dorian.
That was… not something Bull had ever experienced before. He’d had plenty of partners, repeats, even bed partners that he seduced for information or for missions… this thing with Dorian-
No. Wait. There could be something else going on.
But what?
Bull knew what he needed to do. Get up and poke around the room for clues.
Bull sat up and brought his legs to the floor. In that position he noticed how soft and… spongey the bed was. He bounced a little and when he stood up he noticed the material return to its proper shape. A perfect edge. No sign of his bulk having been there at all. Huh. weird.
The ceiling was high enough for his horns (thankfully), he didn’t have to worry about the spinny thing hitting them.
Clothes would probably be a good start if he was going to go digging around the place. So Bull made his way over to the closet that Dorian pulled his things out of. It made sense that MAYBE he had some clothes in there. Assuming they shared this room.
Dorian didn’t seem upset that Bull might be staying in so there was a chance that they lived here together.
Oh shit.
Bull had… never done that before. Ever. His room was his room and other people’s rooms-
He needed to get a good handle on the situation.
Bull poked his head into the closet (it must be) and started groping through the various forms of cloth there. A lot of it looked too small and crazy to be his. Maybe he didn’t live here.
But then where did he live? Did Dorian expect him to be gone when he got back? Fuck.
A little more digging, just because and Bull found something huge.
Very huge. It was an awful lot of cloth even for the ‘Vint’s tastes. And dark too. Bull pulled it out.
It looked like some sort of formal wear, in his size to boot. Bull turned it around and held it up to himself to look in the mirror. It didn’t look bad, just… dour. He noticed a little bit of pink poking out the top and pulled on it to have a look. It was just a long strip of pink cloth that tapered at the ends. One end much wider than the other. A sash? A belt? Hmm. It was very fine material though.
Alright, so he had something here. But what about regular clothes?
Bull decided he would try the drawers. After putting the suit up he opened the first drawer and had to stop for a moment. Judging by the size and shape of clothes in there they were undergarments. Large undergarments. His undergarments.
Bull couldn’t help smiling and marveling at the um (cough) variety. There were a lot of solid white triangle ones (he decided against those. White stains easily) and a lot of patterned ones that looked like short pants. He shuffled through them and settled on wearing a solid pink triangular one. He was curious about the fit. It was…snug. And the smooth material (silk?) felt kinda nice down there.
He sorted out the garments then moved on to the next few drawers. Drawer two had shirts. Shirts with… words on them? He held one up for reading: “Leg Rests” with arrows pointing to the shoulders.
He laughed. It’d be easier to walk around with something like that on. And the collar was wide so he could get it over his horns. It would do.
Drawer three: trousers. Perfect. Plenty in his size here too. But…the material.
Now this was odd. Whatever the material for these trousers was it was… blue, heavy, and clearly sturdy. Way better than any of the trousers or clothes back home. Good for tough work. Bull liked them immediately. Getting them on though-
They clearly weren’t going to fit over his hips and he didn’t see a belt anywhere. There were loops around the waist part all the way around. Weird. He did notice the button fastener at the top and undid it but when he tried to pry the flaps apart there was… and obstruction. A bit of zig-zaggy metal that ran down the middle. He didn’t tug too hard, he didn’t want to rip the fabric, but it took a while for him to give the dangling piece of metal at the top a tug and get it open as far as possible.
Slipping the trousers on was odd. The material hugged but went on smoothly, and after fastening everything back the way it was, the trousers weren’t in any danger of falling off. Well maybe slightly, but he didn’t need any of the large belts from home to hold them up.
Now that he was properly dressed (hopefully), time for better clues.
He took a look around the room once more and notice a chest near the foot of the bed. If Bull’s clothes were stored in the room proper, then the chest must be for…
Hmmm. This should interesting.
Bull knelt down next to the odd box and gave it a look over. It was black with silver edging and very pristine looking but also… common? As in not made for nobles. It was very fine craftsmanship but didn’t have any flair to it to make it seem like something expensive. Hmm.
He gave the lock a look over and found the strangely shaped key hole at the bottom. Finding the key shouldn’t be too hard. One thing he knew: he had to be here and it had to be in reach. And there was no guilt in looking around in it if this was their shared room… for whatever reasons there may be for that.
While Bull poked around the room some more, turning over knick knacks and rifling through items he turned over the idea of what this place could possibly be about in his mind. There were so many weird materials here in strange colors, some of the items he was finding were clearly not something he would peg the ‘vint having picked out, which means, if they shared this space together, that he must have been the one to pick them out, which means this space had meant enough to him to invest in personal items that serve no purpose in the field and can’t be travel with. Not well anyway.
The more Bull thought about it the more worried and frustrated he became. If he and Dorian had invested in items and clothes and LOCKS for this place they must have been doing whatever it is they are doing for a while, at least that’s what the evidence and Dorian’s behavior seem to say, but if that was true then there were so many questions.
How long have they been doing this…whatever it is they’re doing? Where are they? And worst of all: Why can’t he remember?
Bull was somewhat frantic at this point looking for the key and turning over knick knacks that struck some sort of cord of interest in him reminding him of his attachment to this place he can’t remember and just suddenly coming to the conclusion that all the answers must be in that box.
“Bull? Are you alright?”
Bull dropped the dragon figure he was holding and it landed with a soft clink. It didn’t shatter but hitting the ground clearly chipped it. He watched Dorian as Dorian watched the item and stared at where it landed with some obvious shock before looking back up at Bull.
“I um…uh”
“Did I startle you?"he laughed. "Normally I can’t sneak up on you even when I try.” Dorian made his way over and picked up the knick knack, fingering the chipped area mournfully. Bull didn’t reply just continued to watch Dorian for any cues.
“Were you looking for something?” Dorian asked looking around the room at the rumple Bull had made. Bull couldn’t help chastising himself. He was carefully keeping everything the way he found it before his mental freak out. Ben-hassrath training to keep people from knowing you were there or from suspecting. But in his desperation to find the key he lost control.
Bull hadn’t lost control of anything in a long time. Was that his fault? Or Dorian’s doing? This whole thing was just … TOO WEIRD!
“I was … looking for the key.”
“You? You lost a key?” Dorian’s voice climbing into something more familiar to Bull. Flabbergasted horror.
Bull retreated back into nonchalance. “It happens.”
“Bull. You never forget anything. Maker’s balls, the hiding places were your idea.”
Bull didn’t have a ready response to that and was about to just shrug it off and play stupid when Dorian’s face fell into concern, almost sorrow again, while looking at Bull. Bull’s chest hurt to see it.
Bull continued to stare at Dorian and Dorian stared back. If Bull could look at himself from the outside, he would wonder why he’d let his mask fall. He wasn’t playing up the simple-minded mercenary act at all. He and Dorian were both staring at each other so… openly. Dorian’s stare was softer though.
“You really did have a bad night didn’t you?” Dorian dipped his head as he started pulling around at his collars, pulling out something.
Bull continued to watch. That was… not the reaction he’d expected. Where was all the bluster? Dorian was being… so gentle. Caring. For him.
People didn’t take care of him. Not like this.
Dorian finally pulled out some sort of necklace that made Bull’s heart stop.
A dragon’s tooth. Half of one.
Dorian was busy looking down and fiddling with it long enough for Bull to check himself and put his whirling thoughts to the side for a moment and act like nothing was wrong.
Even though everything was wrong. There was no way that was what he thought it was. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t have done something like that. The Qun would-
The click caught his attention and he watched Dorian’s half tooth split itself in half to open a chamber. Inside was an odd piece of metal.
Dorian took it out and placed it in his palm. “Try not to lose it,” he said playfully. Then Dorian placed a hand on his cheek to lift his chin. Bull didn’t realize he’d been staring at the key instead.
“We’ll look for your half together when I get home. And before whatever it is you have planned. Alright? I don’t want us to forget these little chores like we usually do just because we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.” All the while Dorian was saying this, his smile grew bigger and bigger until he was nearly laughing. Then he turned away almost shyly, and started rummaging around one of the side drawers. “Oddly enough, I forgot my own key to the Library. Seems we’re both having memory issues,” he said shaking the piece of metal for him to see.
He turned to leave, “Do whatever you need to, Amatus. I look forward to whatever you have planned tonight,” he winked.
With that Dorian was finally gone and Bull was left feeling worse than when this all started.
Everything about this was… bad. It had to be.
Bull looked down at the strange piece of metal in his hand with a touch of wonder before finally going over to the chest.
After some fiddling he felt the lock spring (spring? Since when do locks spring?) open and everything give way.
Bull looked into the box in shock, wonder, and a touch of heat. Ooooh, damn.
Inside were some lovely, well crafted, and well organized sex toys. Bull had to take a moment to be impressed. Some of this looked, well, better than what he had in his locker. He took only a moment to admire and puzzle at the material of the more familiar items (plugs, clamps, phalluses, rope) then spending more time on items he wasn’t even sure how they worked (there were a lot of leather bits in there like Dorian wears when in Skyhold. Maybe he knew what they were). He dug a little deeper, leaving no toy unturned when he reached the bottom and found… a book?
Oh man, did they have some sort of sex guide they were using. Bull didn’t need a sex guide thank you very much but maybe there were some interesting ideas in there to play with. Maybe something they’ve already tried?
Bull opened the book with a grin, again wondering at the material, it was so smooth but thin and-
This book had no words, just pictures, very detailed pictures of… THEM!
This was really crazy. This book was just…so weird. Not in a bad way. The pictures were…very inspiring, actually. But he material, the craftsmanship, the images. The details were perfect. What artist could have captured them like that? What were these pictures? Did someone make these up? For them? Did they commission them or-
Or are they memories?
Looking closer, the details were just that. Too perfect. They were so life like. They were real.
Real moments. Captured in some flexible, clear material.
What the hell magic is this? He’d never seen it before. Did Dorian make it? What was for? What else could it do? Could it be used I the field or-
Flipping through the images some more there was something poking out of the back. A little corner piece. Bull gave it a gentle tug and was impressed to learn that the images could come out of the clear stuff, but the image here gave him pause.
It was, Bull assumed, a post-coital image. Dorian was relaxed in sleep on Bull’s shoulder with Bull kissing his forehead. Bull rubbed his thumb over the surface, feeling so many things at once. Do I look like that? Look how nice that is. Look how the mage looks in his sleep; vulnerable, trusting, beautiful. And I look happy?
Something came apart behind the image. There was another one. This one Bull stared out for long time.
Its was an image of Dorian, Also in sleep, but this angle was taken from the side as if the view were lying in bed next to him and looked over. The lighting made it look like it was just after sunrise. It was soft and lovely, and so was Dorian.
And Dorian was unaware of it. This was an image taken without his knowing.
Bull must have had it done. Bull must have wanted it. Bull wanted. And took.
Bull sat in thought for a long time, briefly entertaining the idea of using something from the box tonight with Dorian, except-
Bull put the book of images away. Put everything back the way he found it, or at least organized it better than it was, and relocked the chest.
Bull tried to search the room again. The thought hurt but he wondered if, maybe, he was playing a long con on Dorian fr the Qun. It didn’t sound like him, getting this attached, especially to someone this… this good. This sweet. If he was going to play honeypot to screw someone over they needed to deserve it, they needed to be real rat bastards for him to go this far. Dorian wasn’t.
So what was Bull really doing here?
Searching the room didn’t reveal any hiding places for spy intel or drop offs. Not in this room at least. Bull tried not to think about the relief he felt at that but the sickness came back when he realized he hadn’t searched the rest of the place.
Nothing in the… “place” came off as hostile so far. So it seemed safe enough to venture out and around the house.
Bull exited the room into a short hall way. There were three doors. Sort of. There was a doorway to the left that lead to a sort of… tiled area, with counters and some small dinning furniture. It was also the source of some of the humming he heard earlier, he noticed. Coming from a big white thing with doors on it?
At the end of the hall was another doorway that lead into a room that looked like it had a sofa, from this distance. To the right and little down the hall was a door that was shut.
The left doorway being closest so he went through there first. He figured he’d check out the humming. He gave the handle on the top door a pull and was little shocked to feel a rush of coldness seep out. Opening it further revealed a bunch of brightly colored and decorated boxes in all sorts f shapes and sizes. On closer inspection he recognized some things as meat. Strangely packaged meat.
He gave one of the packages a poke. Frozen.
Alright, so this is where they store their food to handle themselves? That’s….that’s something.
He closed the door and reached for the bottom one. Why were there two doors on this thing? What would they keep separate?
He opened the door to find…. More food? Maybe. He recognized a bit of fruit and a pitcher of water and fruit juice. The rest was a little more difficult. There were some white boxy things and some glass box things too. He decided against touching either of them. But he hadn’t eaten yet. He took some of the fruit and the pitcher of water and closed the door and placed the pitcher and the strange looking table in the almost center of the room. Now he need to locate a cup. Should be easy.
From there Bull started pulling open door randomly. In her search he found plenty of plain, almost common dinner ware, some nice dinnerware, and MORE food. Also in various boxes and jars made of the same weird material as he found in that memory book. He finally located a large, sturdy (that material AGAIN?) cup. He filled it, put the pitcher back, grabbed the fruit and decided to wander around the rest of the place.
Just as Bull sat down to eat he heard a horrible racket come from a corner of the room. He nearly jumped out of his own skin. He found the source of the noise in corner on the counter near the other weird looking items all over the place. This one was small, lying flat, and making a sound like… music? It was also humming and jumping a little.
What the shit?
Whatever it was, it needed attention. And there wasn’t much else to do at the moment but wander around and hope it stops making noise. He walked over, slowly, to investigate. The little square thing was lit up with two dots (one green one red) and some lettering. The lettering said KREM De La CRÈME.
Ok. Now Bull was really weirded out. He picked up the square, forgoing caution, and looked a little closer and the little lettering. One dot said Answer above it. Before Bull could touch it the thing went black.
Bull’s heart stopped. What happened? What was he supposed to do? How’d this thing know Krem? Answer? Answer Krem? Krem was calling him with this thing? What?
Maybe this thing was like the crystals the boss was investigating to use against Calpernia? Maybe Krem was using it to get in contact. Ok, but how does he-
The screen lit up again. The layout and lettering were a little different this time.
1 Missed Call: Krem Slide to call back
‘Slide to call back’?
The little item was helpful enough to have lights running across the surface. Bright at one side then fading as it reached the other. Bull followed it with his finger and the screen went dark again. When it came back again the screen showed the name Krem De La CRÈME again but the lettering at the bottom said: Calling…
Good. Maybe. Hopefully. Damn magic crap.
The item started trilling, faintly. He could hear it at the top of the item but not clearly. He held it closer to his ear.
It stopped trilling.
“Chief! Where the hell are ya?”
“Krem? Is that really you?”
“Yeah? You called me, remember? What’s wrong? You alright? Why aren’t you at work with the rest of us?”
“I’m uh…. not sure. I’m… not feeling well. I just thought you should know.”
There was silence on the other side and frankly Bull felt pretty stupid talking to this little thing by his ear. The silence made it worse though.
“You couldn’t have told us that earlier? When did you get up?”
“Uh… a while ago. Listen-” Fuck it, Bull really wanted to see him, “could you come by Dorian’s place? I need to talk to you.”
“Dorian’s place? Did something happen between you two, Chief?”
Shit. If Krem thought that was weird then-
“You know what I mean. I just… need some help. I’m having some memory trouble and I’d like to see you in person to talk about it.”
“Ok, Chief. I’ll come by for lunch. You want me to pick something up or do you have something to eat there?”
‘Pick something up’? Bull didn’t want Krem to spend money on some quick kitchen scraps on the way here but he didn’t know anything about the food here sooo….hmmm
“Pick up whatever. I’ll pay you back.”
“Right, right. Suuuure you will. I’ll grab some burgers. Diet or no, it sounds like you need some comfort food. I’ll see you at lunch, Chief.”
The item went silent. “Krem?”
No response.
Bull pulled the item away from his ear. It was dark. He gave it a tap and the surface lit up again. An image of a dragon appeared. Nice.
Slide to unlock
‘Slide to unlock’?
Bull slide his finger across the surface and the surface changed, bringing up a lot of small colorful squares. There was an image behind the little squares that he saw for a second. It was an image of him and Dorian smiling together at…well, him.
That was…
Bull decided to focus on the squares. Each one had a strange name but he found the one he wanted.
Contacts
He tapped at the little square, by now this thing obviously responded to touch; heh, just like a bed partner; and he’d gotten the hang of it. A long list of names appeared, in alphabetical order, but the list tapered off. How did he see the rest of it? He tried tilting the item and moving it up and down (if anyone saw him he would insist he didn’t shake it) before his thumb slide a bit and the list moved. Ah. Of course.
He ‘scrolled’ through the list of names. The Chargers were among them, along with Dorian, some names he recognized as contacts from his The Iron Bull…um, persona.
But no code names that he recognized.
Hmm.
It was going to be a while for Krem to come for lunch. Bull spent the time poking around the rest of the place. He wandered into a short hall way from the food area, the kitchen, and opened a door onto a longer hallway full of doors with numbers and letter on them. He was in some kid of housing building, where he lived with Dorian. Alright. At least he knew where an exit was. More poking around and he found pictures of him and Dorian, him and the Chargers, him and Dorian AND the Chargers around the place and he had to stop to admire each image. They were lovely, they were happy. They were completely foreign. Their outfits were weird, some of the things were doing looked fun but he couldn’t quite make out what they were. There were plenty of pictures of a bar setting so at least that was the same.
No sign of any weapons though. Or what sort of work they do. Hmm.
Hours passed with Bull testing and deciding not to test devices around the place, examining this completely different life that he had no memory off and as he gave it more thought he decided was real.
But it wasn’t his.
Something was wrong with who and where he was. Hopefully Krem and Dorian could get him some answers. Things couldn’t be THAT different here.
Just as Bull’s stomach was starting to growl there was a lot of banging coming from the front door and Krem shouting, “Oi! Bull, you still alive in there? Hope you and Pavus have the placed clean I’m not eating off any freshly fucked surfaces.”
The smile that split Bull’s face was as surprising as it was welcome. Bull hadn’t felt that good all day, it was nice to hear such a friendly voice even such a weird place.
Bull got the door opened and gestured in, “Krem on in.”
“Ugh, that joke’s getting tired, Chief,” Krem responded in a warning sort of tone.
The ease of the banter, just seeing Krem, really put Bull at ease. Krem was dressed weird, kinda like Dorian this morning, but at least it was a familiar face that he knew all the ins and outs of… well, personality wise. Bull’s good mood shifted back to worn and weary very quickly. He had questions for Krem and there was no easy way to ask them.
They settled in at the table, Bull sitting with a little more oomf.
“So what’s wrong, Chief? Did something happen with Dorian?”
Bull took a long deep breath. “Sort of. Look, Krem, this is going to sound…odd but I need you to just go with it, alright?”
“Ok.” Krem said with a frown but with that wrinkle between his brows that said he was going to take whatever Bull had to say seriously, even if he didn’t understand it.
“Ok. So…. I’m …uh… not … oh fuck…”
“Just let it out, Chief. I’ve never seen you so hesitant before.” Krem paused for a bit, considering. “It’s not bedroom stuff, I assume. I hope. You’re not shy about that. So what is it?”
Bull panicked at the last second and had t ask something, just to confirm. “I think I’ having some… memory problems. How did we meet? Exactly. I lost my eye for you. Didn’t I?”
Bull felt bad about the guilt in Krem’s eyes. The eyes of someone remembering someone else’s sacrifice for them… and the pain of that sacrifice being forgotten like nothing. “Shit, Chief, how do you not remember that? Yeah, you did. You took a bullet for me, Dumbass.”
“A bullet?” What’s a bullet?
“Yeah, blew out the back side of your head. You should have died. It’s a miracle you can function as well as you do. You should have lost all the movement in your right side, but somehow you didn’t. The angle was just right, you lucky bastard.”
So a bullet is an arrow? A fast and heavy hitting one. So the weapons here are different too. Damn.
“So what do you remember? Do you know who you are?”
Bull took his time, considering. “I’m The Iron Bull. Captain of the mercenary band The Bull’s Chargers. I’m also a ben-hassrath spy. As I’m sure I’ve told you.”
“Mercenary?”
Krem’s surprised changed to a sort of exasperation. Good. That was a Krem Bull knew. “That’s not really a word you usually use for us, Chief.”
“Then what are…we?”
“Security. Body guards. Hired guns. I guess yeah it’s the same thing buuuut…”
Bull stared Krem down. Krem stared back.“It’s not like you.”
Bull huffed and leant back. This was not how he thought this was going to go and nothing was making any more sense to him. Time to tell the truth.
Well, half of it.
“I’ve… not felt like myself lately. And the thing is. I’m having some memory trouble.”
Krem’s eyes widened. “What kind of memory trouble?”
“As in, I can’t remember anything after…”
It was suddenly hard to say it.
“After Dorian and I…”, he made a vague gesture but it was obvious what he meant.
Krem’s eyes couldn’t get any wider. The shock was pretty damning and made Bull feel … well… shitty.
“Damn, Chief.”
“Yeah, I know.”
There was a long uncomfortable silence neither knowing what to say. Bull felt it was Krem’s turn to say or ask something and Krem was taking his time processing. Eventually, the younger man looked up and looked at Bull calculatingly.
“How much of Dorian do you remember?”
Bull took a deep breath. “We’ve met. We’ve traveled and fought together. He’s tried to start fights with me and I’ve told him we could sort things in bed. But I don’t remember us actually making it that far. Or anything after that.”
Krem scrubbed his palm over his face. “Daaaaaamn, Chief.”
That bad. “How much am I missing? What… where are we?”
Krem’s hands slammed down on the table and his face turned to frustrated pity. Whether for Bull or Dorian… “Bull, you’ve been together for three years. You’re are practically married at this point.”
Three years?
Shit. Shit shit shit shit fuck! How did THREE YEARS disappear like that? What was he doing for THREE YEARS? With Dorian?
Shit. Three years? He and Dorian had been together for three years. They were that serious about each other. Fuck, he even gave Dorian a necklace of the kadan. And he didn’t remember a damn bit of it.
Bull rubbed both of his hands over his face. “Fuuuuuuuck.”
Silence reigned as Bull sat there wracking his brain for some kind of answer to what was going on, partially hoping this wasn’t actually happening, while Krem sat there watching him in companionable silence.
“Did you hit your head recently. Chief? Anything at all? Knocking it in a door way or on the headboard a few thousand times?”
“No, Krem. I went to sleep alone last night. And when I woke up, Dorian was there.”
“Well, Chief, you want me advice?”
Bull looked at him expectantly, if a little frustrated.
Krem lowered his voice, “Talk to Dorian about it.”
That idea set Bull on edge. He couldn’t really think of anything more he DIDN’T want to do. “Why can’t you tell me about it?”
Krem spoke slowly and calmly, “I will, if that’s what you really want. But I’m not the one you’ve forgotten. I can tell what I know of you two from the outside but the truth is between you two. He’s the one you’re in a relationship with, so he’s the one you need to talk to.”
Relationship. There’s a word Bull never truly thought would apply to him. Not in this context. It’s crazy.
Krem’s face turned kind with a touch of regret. “He’s takes good care of you, Chief. You can trust him. He’ll help you through this. We all will.”
“Then why does it feel like you’re pulling away.”
“I’m not. I just know that this is about Dorian. And that’s who this all needs to start with. I know you don’t remember much good but… it’s there. And you need to see it again.”
--
Lunch from there was Krem updating Bull on what they’ve been doing for the past few years. It was nice to know that some things were similar, but also different. The tactics The Charger’s were using with “guns” and “computers” sounded a bit like Seheron mixed with some of the Orlesian Game crap. That was a combination he was glad not to think too hard about.
Krem eventually had to go back to “work” and that left Bull alone in the “apartment” (as Bull learned from Krem). Bull basically decided to go back to the bedroom and just … wait for Dorian.
He looked through the chest again half-heartedly. It was weird to find something so intimate a turn on and a turn off at the same time. Normally. Bull liked things for intimate. Or…well. Hmph. He’d never really thought about what that meant before. He liked rope because it was more “intimate” in his own words but this.
He shook his head and tried not to think about it. It was too much to handle on his own. He needed Dorian but it would have to wait. He decided to spend some time meditating to pass the time.
Meditating turned into sleeping at some point and he was startled awake, again, by the sound of the front door opening and some bit of metal loudly falling on a flat surface.
“Bull?”
“In here.”
Bull watched the doorway and felt a little guilty. He could hear the quick pace of Dorian’s steps, eager, and then the slowing down as he got closer to the door. Building suspense. As much for himself as for Bull, probably. That must be nice touch in a partner.
His partner. Dorian.
Damn!
Dorian slowly peaked his head around followed by his body with a flourish, ever the showman. But then he stopped suddenly and his grin dropped at seeing Bull, sitting on the bed fully clothed. He was clearly expecting something and ooh how Bull had thought about it. The thought occurred to him to plan something for Dorian to come back to. A distraction to avoid talking to him, to see him without Dorian knowing he was seeing him for the first time. But he knew that that sort of thing, even with a long standing partner, was borderline non-consent. It wouldn’t be fair to Dorian and frankly, Bull wanted some answers.
The sooner the better.
“We need to talk.”
“We need to talk. Sounds serious. Should I be concerned about latent confessions of infidelity and preparing my voice for some angry screaming, with make up sex?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“I was joking, Bull. You’re really are serious. Alright. What’s wrong?”
Bull took in a deep breath and looked Dorian straight in the eyes. “I… um…. I don’t know how to say this.”
“Try it in Common. That usually works for me.”
Bull huffed a small laugh. For some reason that was charming. “Ok. So the thing is…. I don’t…. I don’t remember… us.”
“Us? You don’t remember your own existence?”
“No, I mean I don’t…”
Dorian’s face slackened as he finally caught Bull’s meaning and then crumpled as he tried to keep his upset in control. “Ah, you mean…”
“Yeah.”
“So you don’t… know who I am?”
He was trying so hard to hide how much that hurt and Bull felt worse that he didn’t really know how to help it. “No, I remember you. You’re Dorian Pavus. A spoiled Tevinter altus that came south to build his own life. Sort of. What I don’t remember is…. Us.”
“Oh! Well, alright then.” That spark of hope gave Bull some small relief but he could see the mage clenching his hands, not sure what to do next.
“Well… what do you want to know then?”
“Let’s start with how we…started. How did we get here?”
Dorian crossed his arms and took a moment to look at the ground in thought. “Well, that’s difficult to say. These things sort of…creep up on you after all. Or so Varric’s stories say. But I suppose it all might have started with your damn “conquering” comment?”
Bull grinned at the image that idea brought up. “Oh yeah? What did I say?”
Dorian turned his face up but there was a tell-tale blush to his cheek at the memory.
“I believe it all started with a comment about my “stink eye” as you so called it. Then I made a comment about you being a beast of burden with no thought save “conquest” and things sort of… went from there.”
Dorian’s face couldn’t have gotten any redder. Bull finally did laugh out loud at that. That sounded like him and it was nice to know that Dorian was into that sort of thing. He had suspected that about Dorian but to hear it confirmed. Ooh, it felt good.
“Yes yes. I’m sure it all very amusing,” Dorian chided as he tried to hide his grin, and his face had practically turned scarlet.
“Oho oh ho ho, oh yeah. It is. So, then what happened?”
The talked for a while. Bull would ask questions and Dorian would answer and with each new piece of the story Bull noticed he was paying less attention to the details of the time spent between and more on the little things about Dorian he had never seen.
It was touching to see all the emotions only suspected on full display, albeit with some needed prodding. Dorian would try to hold his emotions in check but his trust would come through and allow his to show his true colors in front of the qunari.
Bull liked it. He liked it a lot.
It was frightening how much he liked it, and how easy it was.
Bull couldn’t think of a time he had spent hours with a bed partner without touching them. He knew he had no experience just talking with them. It was so new, so foreign, so…. So what he needed.
He had stopped paying attention to Dorian’s words but he finally reached out and brought Dorian close. The mage came to him so smoothly, so easily, stopping his sentence and shifting mood with ease to look at Bull with such gentleness and … happiness. His head tilted to one side, one side of his mouth quirked up in a real smile, not the fake even one he has seen him use on Orlesian dignitaries.
Dorian’s eyes drifted closed and Bull’s followed suit.
The rest so obvious and yet so new. Their lips met gently, just a rubbing of lips together before slowly opening to build into something more. Nothing frantic or experimental just a moving of mouths against each other, tongues brushing briefly before starting over.
Dorian lent his weight against Bull and Bull let gravity do the rest. Without breaking contact, they fell back against the bed. And suddenly Bull couldn’t help the weightiness of his limbs. All that fretting and confusing today had taken its toll. Even with the erm… nap he had taken, fatigue was setting in.
It was as much an annoyance as a convenience. He hadn’t meant for things to get much further with Dorian until he really understood what was going on between them and this was as good an excuse as any.
Dorian must have sensed his tiredness, he pulled back from the kiss, hands on his chest, simply looking down at Bull. “Tired, Amatus?”
Bull sighed, “Yeah.”
Dorian smiled a small smile. “Then let’s get you to bed and we can talk more tomorrow. Maybe the fade will return something to you?”
Bull didn’t care for that idea. “Qunari don’t dream.”
“But they remember.”
Bull couldn’t argue that.
--
Bull woke without opening his eyes and took in his surroundings with his senses. He could hear the wind coming from the mountains and feel it as it circled the room, a chilling draft. The bed beneath him was comfortable but of a lower quality, roughish material. The room smelled of mustiness and wood with a touch of ale from the tavern below.
Bull opened his eyes to see his ceiling with the hole in it and the dark wood and stone of his room in Skyhold.
He was back.
--
It had been a few weeks since Bull’s strange “dream”, he decided to call it. As time went on bits and pieces of it faded away save for a few lines and vague feelings. He was content to forget the whole thing ever happened except for the few times in the court yard, when he was standing around watching his Chargers spar with Cullen’s recruits, he would spot Dorian passing through, looking over all the chaos with a face that said he thought it crude and barbaric but with a steadiness that belied his deep interest.
It wasn’t until he and Dorian were called out on a mission with the Inquisitor that an opportunity presented itself and a piece of the dream came back with a force that almost felt like an arrow to the head. Bull didn’t even hesitate as he caught Dorian starting at him with the same look he had given the sparring matches in the court yard.
“Quite the stink eye you got going, Dorian.”